I wrote this for Shawol_haven's 19th challenge on LiveJournal, but I figured I could post it here too. ^^

If any of you guys have a LiveJournal, I'd really like it if you voted for my entry. But you don't have to if you don't want to. :> Voting begins Friday Saturday. (I feel totally embarrassed about the date mess up. ;___; )

The prompt: "We're frightened of what makes us different" - Anne Rice

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Kibum had always been different, but he was my friend. When other people bullied him, I was the one who wiped his tears and soothed the hurtful words away.  I suppose there was a bit of pity in the way I treated him, because no one else showed him any. Not even his parents, the poor guy. His parents were forever making comments about how Kibum was never good enough.

I was just an ordinary guy. I blended very easily into the boring grey background while Kibum was a vivid splash of yellow. Or green maybe, because he told me once that he hated the color yellow. I wouldn't have it any other way, though. I was happy being the boring ordinary guy everyone turned to for advice when their girlfriend broke up with them, or when they felt they needed approval on an outfit.

But I don't think Kibum could've been any less dissatisfied with who I was. He was always trying to get me to try on tighter pants, or wear eyeliner, or even say more than 3 words at a time. It made me roll my eyes in exasperation. Couldn't he see how happy I was being me? No, I guess not. I was a little quiet after all.

But then Jonghyun entered the picture, and everything went to hell.

~

Kibum was always hanging out with the new guy Jonghyun. I was happy that Kibum had found a new friend, even if it made me a little sad he wasn't spending much time with me. It was about damn time, I told him. He only smiled in reply. He'd been a lot quieter than usual, which forced me to say more. The silences between us were awkward, because Kibum usually always had something to say.

Then the day came where I didn't hear a single word from him. Nothing. I only caught glimpses of him at school, and his face was radiant. It made me curious as to why he stopped talking to me. I was his best (and only) friend, so why hadn't he shared that happiness with me? I found out why completely by accident.

I was wandering around the school looking for a place to eat lunch (because lately my friends from the soccer team had been kinda ignoring me) when I heard giggles coming from an empty classroom. I was about to ask if the occupants minded if I ate lunch in there when I noticed Jonghyun and Kibum were the occupants. I smiled and opened my mouth to say hello when they kissed right in front of me.

I was instantly disgusted by the sight in front of me. So that's why Kibum had been ignoring me lately.  He'd gotten himself a boyfriend. I should've expected it, really. After all, he always was a bit different. Flamboyant, especially compared to boring, ordinary me. And the signs were so obvious.

I tried to bury the betrayal and pain I felt. Betrayal, I could understand. Kibum could've at least told me he was gay. But the pain didn't make sense. Why should I be hurt by Kibum and Jonghyun being together? I liked girls, and I was very sure of that. In fact, my girlfriend Yuri was always texting me cute little messages reminding me to meet her at her house after school so we could study together. It's too bad she went to a different school, because then we could've been that cutesy couple feeding each other our lunch.

I walked away, entirely forgetting about my lunch. My appetite had been ruined anyway.

~

Kibum tried talking to me a couple of days later. He sent me a text asking to hang out that was promptly deleted. I didn't have any gay friends, and I didn't plan on starting. Not even if it was Kibum, who'd been there for me since kindergarten. Nope. There was just no way. I ignored the guilt I felt and went to Yuri's house to study. She was a good enough distraction.

Every time Kibum sent me a text or a call after that, I deleted it. I didn't even bother to look at the subsequent messages. I didn't have to, to know that Kibum was probably angry and upset right now. He was probably crying on Jonghyun's shoulder, and asking him out loud why I wouldn't answer. The scene made me angrier than it should've.

I was mostly a loner now. My friends from the soccer team weren't really friends at all, as it turned out. They only talked to me for the sake of being polite. Not that I wasn't expecting it, but it was more than a little disappointing. Yuri was a comfort, but not much since she didn't go to my school.

The day after I ignored all his calls, Kibum cornered me in school. He looked really upset, and I briefly wondered why before he grabbed my hand. I jerked back, a disgusted expression instantly appearing on my face. He looked even more distressed by my actions and I couldn't help feeling guilty. I stood with my fists clenched at my sides.

    "Why didn't you tell me, Kibum-hyung?" I asked him quietly, and the venom in my voice made him flinch. "Why?" He started twisting his hands and looking everywhere but my face.

    "Because I knew this would happen. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, Minho. But I could really use a friend right now, because I caught Jonghyun-hyung cheating on me with my brother Taemin a couple of days ago, and it hurts so much," Kibum started crying, and it was just habit for me to wipe the tears out of his eyes. But I stopped as soon as I realized what I was doing. I was intensely conflicted. Seeing Kibum weak and vulnerable like this brought out my 'knight in shining armor' instinct, while his homouality brought out my feelings of extreme disgust.

    "I--I'm sorry, Kibum-hyung. Find someone else," I muttered before walking away as quickly as I could.

~

My feelings didn't stop being conflicted. I saw Kibum getting bullied every day, and it had gotten worse since people found out about him and Jonghyun. I wanted so badly to comfort him. But then, my mind automatically thought about all the time he'd spent with Jonghyun hugging and kissing and I'd be disgusted.

I was wandering the halls looking for a place to eat lunch when I heard the jeers. They were coming from one hall over and I was curious as to what was happening. What I saw when I rounded the corner sickened me to the point that I actually felt my gag reflex act up. Kibum was slumped against the wall while the soccer team kicked him and punched him. He had blood dripping from cuts across his arms and face.

Before I was actually aware of it, I was in front of Kibum throwing punches and kicks towards my teammates. They stopped and stared at me, mystified. I'm sure they didn't understand why I was sticking up for the gay kid. I didn't even consider him a friend anymore, but the thought that Kibum was getting hurt just made my blood boil. I shot them a glare before taking Kibum towards the nurse's office.

I watched while the nurse quietly bandaged his wounds. The whole time, Kibum looked at me with unshed tears in his eyes. It pained me to see how dead his eyes were. They lacked any spark of the Kibum I used to know. It made me feel even guiltier than I already did. When the nurse finally left, there was only an awkward silence between us.

But it was louder than any yelling Kibum could've done. It was full of questions I truthfully had no answer to. I didn't know why I'd stepped in to save him, when it had already happened (and left him in a worse state than he was in now) plenty of times before. I didn't care when his lips were suddenly on mine. I pushed him away and stared with wide eyes. And then I left as quickly as I possibly could.

My disgust and pain made too much sense now. It wasn't so much disgust with homouality, though it was a factor. It was disgust that Kibum had found someone else. I had been jealous, I realized. Jealous of Jonghyun. And I had no idea what to do, or how to really feel.

~

Kibum tried to talk to me several times, after that. I assumed it was for an apology. But I didn't want to hear an apology for something I secretly liked. So I avoided him. I needed to really sort things out before I could talk to him, anyway. Yuri would be so disappointed. I felt bad, but... I realized she had always been more of a friend than a real girlfriend. I didn't even really enjoy when she kissed me. It was just... meh.

She cried. But I could tell she was relieved. I wondered why vaguely, but that's it. I didn't ask, because I didn't really care. I was relieved, too.

I was disgusted with homouality, but I figured if I had Kibum's help that I would gradually come to terms with it. After I broke up with Yuri, I looked for Kibum the next day at school. I searched everywhere, but I couldn't find him. The only place I hadn't checked was the roof, and that was because I knew Kibum was afraid of heights. He hated the rooftop.

I walked up the stairs anyway and opened the door. I had the breath knocked out of me when I saw Kibum laying there. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was asleep. But I knew better. The bruises covering him were worse than I'd ever seen. I ran over to him, finally realizing how much he really meant to me. I checked his pulse, which was thankfully still going. He wasn't dead, just unconscious.

    "Kibum-hyung, wake up," I shook his shoulder gently, hoping he wasn't in too much pain. When he groaned and opened his eyes, he started crying when he realized it was me. He hugged me and I (very hesitantly) hugged him back. "It's going to be okay." I firmly believed that statement too. It was going to take some work, obviously. A lot of work. But I missed Kibum, and I wanted him in my life. And as naive as it might be, I believed that was all I needed.

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So there it is. Considering I wrote this at like... 3am my time, I'm quite proud of how this turned out.

It's a nice big chunk of angst for ya there. 8D Hope you enjoy.

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Til next time, loves. ^o~ ☺ ♥ ♫