It was embarrassing when my mother came in the door giggling like some 17 year old with... dear ing God, pleasepleaseplease tell me that wasn't Onew, one of my friends. However, when he turned towards me, I shut my eyes in silent frustration. My mother knew no bounds when it came to .

I could tell she and Onew were both drunk, and it upset me, though not visibly. I had learned to hide a lot of my inner workings and true feelings over the years. When you lived with someone like my mother, it was almost a necessity.

It's not like my mother wasn't a good person. That's about as far from the truth as possible. My mom was a good person who had a huge heart. Sometimes, it led to her getting taken advantage of, but that's not the issue. She was a good person, but that's not saying she didn't have flaws. And if I did say so myself, they were pretty ing big.

    "Key, I didn't know you were still up," she slurred. I smiled, though it was strained.

    "Yes, Mom, I'm still awake. I'm awake this late almost every night," I patiently explained. This wasn't anything new to me. She didn't say anything more, and merely led Onew back to her room. Thank heavens my stepdad wasn't home. He was off at some out-of-state funeral for a relative.

The next morning, after I'd already made coffee, I heard my mom get up and start shuffling around. Onew must have left sometime earlier, because she came out of her bedroom alone. I tried not to wince when I thought about how awkward things were going to be come Monday at school.

The whole day, I was holed up in my room, bored out of my insanely active mind. I tried to avoid my mom as much as possible, since she was pretty grumpy after waking up with a hangover. I tried calling Jonghyun, my best friend, to come hang out and do something, but he was busy with work. I didn't really have all that many other close friends, so I sighed and fell asleep. God, my weekend so hard.

~

Monday at school, I couldn't help it. I avoided Onew like a plague, even though I knew he was looking for me. You people have no idea how awkward it is to talk to someone you heard your mother ing not 3 days ago.

    "Key! Finally, I caught up to you," Onew grabbed my wrist and I smiled awkwardly. I oozed awkwardness. It was a flaw on my part, I assumed.

    "It seems you did. Look, don't apologize. It happens more often than you think," I muttered bitterly. But it was quickly covered up with a mask. "I'll see you around, alright Onew?" I gently removed my wrist from his grasp and walked away.

It was the last class of the day, and I was bored out of my mind. I wanted to go home already and hang out with Jonghyun, or something. My house was just not somewhere I wanted to be.

    "Class, I know we don't usually introduce students like this, but this is Taemin Lee, and he's not from this country. I'd like to try to make him feel as welcome as possible by observing Korean culture, and making him introduce himself," she gestured to the new kid. My eyes widened and I felt my cheeks heat up.

The kid was obviously nervous and unsure of himself, but he was smiling anyway. But that wasn't what I noticed first. God, the boy was gorgeous. He had slightly feminine features, but I certainly didn't mind. To me, it made him all the more desirable. But, of course, all the good ones are straight, right? I'd learned that from trying to go after Onew a few years back. I was so busy with my thoughts that I didn't notice the boy chose a spot next to me.

    "Hello," he said quietly, smiling a little. I jumped, startled out of my thoughts by his voice. I heard snickers behind me, but I ignored them in favor of smiling back.

    "I'm Kibum, but most people call me Key," I offered him a hand to shake, which he took. He spoke flawless English, which confounded me.

    "I'm sorry if this is a rude question, but... how is your English so good?" he chuckled a little.

    "It's perfectly fine, I don't mind answering. I've been in language school since my elementary days," he explained, and though I had no clue what a language school was, I had an idea. We didn't bother to pay attention to the teacher the rest of class, but she didn't seem to care anyway.

I was usually one of the first ones out of the door when the bell rang, but today I waited for Taemin. He was kind of slow, though, so I tried not to show my impatience too much. I was rewarded with a bright smile, which instantly melted the impatience away.

    "Thanks for waiting, Key," I nodded in response, but when I opened my mouth to reply, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I groaned when I saw Onew on the screen. I answered it grumpily, mouthing "sorry" to Taemin.

    "Hello?" I answered in a none-too-happy voice. Onew chuckled on the end of the line.

    "Is that any way to treat the person who wants to take you out to eat as a way of apology?" my eyes sparkled. It was a rare occasion when I got to go out to eat because I'm... well, poor.

    "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. It's just that I met the new kid Taemin recently, and he's a fascinating person to talk to," I glanced over to Taemin with a slight blush on my cheeks. He beamed at me, apparently pleased with the compliment.

    "Ohh, you stud," I could practically see Onew smirking. "Well then, I won't keep you anymore. I'll come pick you up at around 6. See ya later." I was blushing heavily, irritated with the sing-song voice he ended the call with. I heard Taemin giggling, and I raised an eyebrow.

    "What's so funny?" I asked defensively. He unsuccessfully stifled his laughter and smiled.

    "You are," he said simply, and laughed harder when I pouted. We walked to the buses which I was dismayed to find had already left. I groaned and banged my head against a nearby pole. I hated doing this because he always made me feel indebted to him, but I called the one person I knew would pick me up. My brother, Minho.

    "Uhmmm, I know this is really awkward and unusual, but do you think your brother would mind giving me a ride as well?" he asked with a blush on his cheeks. Inside, I was fanboy-ing over how adorable he was, but outwardly nodded.

    "Sure. Where do you live?" when he gave me the address I wondered how I had missed him this morning on the bus, because he lived on the same road.

    "Oh yeah, my brother definitely won't mind dropping you off, since we live on the same road," I said, trying to appear cool and not let my excitement show through. Taemin showed no such restraint.

    "Really? That's so awesome! Maybe I can come over to your house sometime," I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but I guessed I could always hide in my room.

    "Err... sure," I relented. Taemin smiled big, and I couldn't bring myself to care that my mom was probly going to flirt with Taemin. I wouldn't let her take him away from me, like most of my other really good friends.

~

    "So he's gorgeous, hm?" Onew looked every part a therapist with his glasses on his nose and his hands folded together. I tried hard to keep from laughing. At least he knew I was gay and didn't hate me for it. Not even Jonghyun knew. Which, believe me, I felt guilty for not telling him but I had a feeling I'd lose him as a friend when I told him.  And I wasn't ready to lose him as a friend. Not in the least.

    "Yeah, he is. But he's probly, unfortunately, straight," I complained. Onew's smile disappeared.

    "I wouldn't be so sure of that, Key. Things aren't always what they seem to be," the cryptic message awakened my curiosity. I bugged him to tell me what that meant, but he never did. He just changed the subject and I let the matter drop, since Onew was usually honest. If he didn't want to tell me, it was something serious.

~

The next few weeks passed in an absolute bore. Nothing of interest happened, except when me and Taemin would hang out on the weekends. I had to split my weekends between Onew, Jonghyun, and Taemin. I was actually pretty happy with the way things turned out, because I spent hardly any time at my own house, which was the way I liked it.

It was weird, though. I got the feeling that Onew deeply regretted sleeping with my mom. Not that I cared about his preferences, one way or the other, but Jesus.  She could've had the decency to stay away from my friends, at least. But noooo. Of course not.

Anyway, Onew was being nicer to me than usual, and to be completely honest, it made me uneasy. It kinda made me feel like he was building up to something, and my intuition told me I probably wouldn't like the outcome.

Taemin, on the other hand, was an enigma. We would come over to my house, and successfully avoid my mom most of the time. But he never let me come over to his house. I wondered why. I did a lot of the talking while he just listened. I knew next to nothing about him, except that he was from South Korea and that he spoke damn good English.

Finally, I got fed up of not knowing anything about him while he knew my whole ing life story. You know, minus the parts where my mom is a liar and an adulterer. I somehow think that might put a serious damper on him coming to my house.

    "Taemin, tell me about yourself. I mean, I don't know anything about you and you know practically my whole life story," I blushed. "I just think it's fair to even it up some, is all," I defended when he looked at me with wide eyes.

    "You actually want to know about me?" he asked in a quiet, humble voice. I was surprised.

    "Of course. I've always wanted to know about you," I smiled, still blushing. "You're an interesting person, Taemin. And you're my friend." 'Besides all that, I like you as more than a friend.' I added mentally. Taemin blushed at the compliment.

    "You think I'm interesting?" he sounded like he was about to cry, so I hugged him.

    "Yeah, I do Taemin. I'd love to get to know you, if you don't mind," I murmured against his shoulder, embarrassed that we were having such a chick flick kind of moment.

    "No, Key. I don't mind you getting to know about me at all," he said in a dreamy tone. I didn't understand his reaction at all. But I figured I'd know why in due time.

~

Me and Onew were out and about, just cruising and looking for something to do when we spotted the only bookstore my town had. My eyes were glued to the store front, and without a word Onew pulled into the parking lot, raising his eyebrow when I practically sprinted all the way to the door.

I loved to read. I often got teased in school in earlier years for being girly (later it was being gay), so books became somewhat of an escape from reality for me. I could spend hours in a bookstore and not even buy anything.

We browsed the sections together, with me wishing that Onew would go off by himself for a little while, though it didn't seem likely. But he did, and I rushed to the section of the store. It was my guilty pleasure, reading . No one knew that I liked reading , and I planned on taking that to my grave.

But as soon as I rounded the corner to the section, I saw Onew coming towards the same section. What the ? I thought he was straight. I was utterfly confused. I stepped out from the shelf and came to stand next to Onew with an amused expression on my face and raised eyebrows.

    "I didn't know you like , Onew," I said in a low voice. He jumped and put a hand to his chest.

    "Jesus, Key, you scared the out of me," he heaved a sigh. "Well, I guess since you've found me here, it's as good a time as any to tell you. I'm gay, and before you ask, no, I didn't enjoy having with your mom. I was so drunk I could barely remember my own name that night." Onew turned towards Key. "I know you like Taemin, Key. But... can you give me a chance? Because I like you." Key closed his eyes. He'd had a feeling this might happen. He felt bad for Onew, he really did, but Taemin was finally starting to open up to him.

    "I can't, Onew. I'm sorry. Taemin... I think he actually needs me, and I want to be there for him in any way I can," Onew tensed up when Key hugged him. "I really am sorry."

    "It's okay, Key. I expected this kind of reaction. It'll take time to get over, but I'm pretty sure I'll live," Key couldn't help chuckling along with Onew.

    "Onew... are this gonna be one of those weird awkward times now?"

    "No," Onew said firmly. "The time after your mom was enough, thanks." My eyes widened. , I had forgotten all about the time I was supposed to spend with Taemin today. He was going to walk to my house... And I'm pretty sure my mom was going to be home all day.

    "Onew, I need you to take me home right now," his eyebrows shot up in askance.

    "My mother is alone with Taemin," Onew immediately understood and we headed for the exit.

~

When I got back and opened the door, I almost turned and left again. Taemin and my mom were on the couch, both of them mostly and . Instead, I just quietly made my way down the hall to my bedroom, completely forgetting that I had made a vow to fight for Taemin. I should be used to this, right? My mom sleeping with the guys I find attractive. But nope. The pain and humilation never gets old. I fell asleep, crying silently and hiding my face in the pillow.

All the next week at school, I avoided Taemin like the plague. I even switched seats with a girl in my last class so I wouldn't have to sit next to Taemin. I spent all my time with Onew, who was understanding and kind about the whole thing. He never pushed me to talk to Taemin. He knew it wouldn't do any good anyway. So instead, he did things to try to cheer me up, such as buying me and taking me out to eat ice cream.

But one day, Taemin finally managed to corner me. I couldn't look in his eyes because I knew I'd see a world of hurt. I couldn't deal with that.

    "Why have you been avoiding me, Key? Is it something I said? Or did?" I laughed humorlessly at that.

    "No. Nothing you did, really. It was probably my mom who tricked you into ing her, am I right? I came in while you were on the couch. But I think you knew that already because of how long I've been ignoring you," Taemin turned pale, and said nothing. It hurt a lot worse than walking in and seeing them. I harshly ripped my arms out of his grip and walked off angrily. He didn't even say sorry. If not for breaking my heart, then for not having the decency to do it in the bedroom. For Christ's sake.

Weeks passed after that. Taemin didn't bother to speak to me anymore, and every time we saw each other in the hall, he just bowed his head and walked away like a kicked dog. It broke my heart, but I was still nursing my own heart wounds. Onew had found himself a lovely boyfriend by the name of Jonghyun.

And yeah, he just so happened to be my best friend (who mentioned angrily that he'd been feeling kind of neglected for a while. I apologized profusely before explaining my situation to him, which had him also apologizing for being a jerk.). I couldn't be mad at him for not telling me, though, since I'd done the same thing.

I was so angry at my mom that I spent some time over at Onew's house to cool off. Thank God his mom was an understanding kind of woman. Because mine sure wasn't.

    "Why'd you spend so many nights over at your friend's house? Didn't you know we were worried about you?" she scolded me. How could she pretend everything was okay? I didn't understand it. And suddenly, I didn't care about keeping her secrets anymore. I knew I was going to hurt my stepdad, but I couldn't take it anymore.

    "Because I'm gay, and you ed all of my crushes. Taemin... I loved him, Mom. But coming in while you two were at it like jackrabbits on the couch was a bit much, even with all that I've seen. I was angry and hurt. So there. That's why I spent so much time over at Onew's house," my mom slapped me.

    "You're lying," she hissed. Her eyes were desperate, and I couldn't help shaking my head.

I held my cheek and glared down at her. "I see how it is." I went to my room and grabbed all of my clothes. I packed my suitcase full of the important things and called Onew to see if he had a spare room. "I can't do this anymore, Onew." I was close to tears, and he could tell. He started trying to cheer me up, and told me he was already at my door. That cheered me up immensely.

I stopped before I left, and looked at my stepdad sympathetically. He was looking at my mom in disbelief, like he couldn't believe she could ever betray him like that. I didn't blame him.

    "I'm really sorry," I told him before I opened the door and walked into Onew's arms.

~

Taemin walked up to my table during lunch, looking determined. I simply looked at him, interested in hearing what he had to say.

    "I'm sorry," he started. "I really am. You were right. Your mom did kind of trick me into having ," Taemin closed his eyes. "Just so you know, Key... there's not a day that goes by where I don't feel ashamed of myself. I just.. I really miss you." I blinked, unimpressed.

    "It's a little late for that, don't you think? Well, I suppose it's better late than never," I sighed, feeling particularly apathetic. "I think I may be in love with you, Taemin." His eyes widened in surprise. "I don't know, though. I've never really been in love before." It's astounding how much I didn't feel after saying those words. It almost scared me.

    "Key... I- I don't... I mean, I can't...," I laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. But it hurt. It hurt so ing much.

    "Then, I'm sorry, Taemin, but we can't be friends anymore. I just... I don't handle rejection well at all," Taemin looked crestfallen. I can't say I blamed him, because I was being selfish and I knew it. "I really am sorry, Taemin." I got up and threw my paper tray in the trash before walking off.

Love .

~

School was over halfway through. I was miserable, but I must have hid it pretty well because Jongyhun and Onew never said anything to me. They didn't even bother to cheer me up anymore. Of course, that could be because they were constantly wrapped up in each other. I didn't matter to them anymore, and that added to the hurt even further. Because, yes, I was still carrying around all that emotional baggage from the thing with Taemin.

I avoided him at all costs, because seeing him drove the hurt deeper and deeper. I wanted to be able to forget him and move on, but I was having an extremely difficult time. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and bumped into someone harshly. I landed hard on my and winced at the pain.

    ", I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I saw a hand stuck in my face and looked up to see a god-like creature in front of me. He must be new, I thought. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

    "I am now, gorgeous," I winked and was surprised to see him wink back.

    "Back at you," I was further surprised, and I blushed. Maybe moving on would be easier than I thought.

~

Dongwoon, as I found out the god-like creature's name was, was a perfect gentleman. Onew and Jonghyun were delighted and took to him right away. Dongwoon took me to dinner frequently, and didn't even bat an eyelash when I told him my "sob-story".

In fact, he held me and told me it was okay to cry. I did, but not because I was sad over my mother's hostility. I cried because he was so perfect, and how could someone like me ever deserve him?

I began to see Taemin around more often. I even started saying hello to him. He seemed tired and sad, despite me talking to him again. I couldn't figure out why. But then again, wrapped in my own cocoon of happiness, I didn't understand anyone's sadness.

Taemin finally came up to my lunch table, nervously one day. He eyed Dongwoon, and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Oh no...

    "Key, I just want to tell you that I love you. I didn't mean to react that way when you confessed. But I panicked. I'm sorry," he said, in front of Dongwoon. I was surprised by his boldness. Dongwoon's arm was securely around my shoulders, aware that Taemin had hurt me in the past. I was grateful for his support. Because I wasn't sure if I could've gotten through without it.

    "Taemin, I think you know you're a little late with that confession. And even if Dongwoon wasn't in the equation, I'm not sure I'd be willing to accept you. You've hurt me unintentionally 2 times too many... I just don't want that to happen again," I said, taking a deep breath, trying to keep from crying. Dongwoon wrapped me in his arms.

    "Taemin, I think you should leave," Dongwoon suggested gently. Taemin looked saddened, but did as he asked. I didn't see him for a while after that. But when I finally did spot him, I found him sitting and laughing next to... my brother? What the.. I didn't even know he went to this school. Since when had he started going here? Oh well. I guess the main thing is that Taemin is happy now.

I guess things really do work themselves out, whether I believe in that logic or not. I'm happy for Taemin, I really am. But I can't help sometimes regretting that I never gave Taemin a chance. It's everyone's dream when their crush likes them back, after all, right? At least, that's what I always thought.

In the end, I don't guess it matters. Dongwoon is perfect for me, even if I have a pretty ed up perception of relationships and marriage. And Minho, now that I think about it, is perfect for someone like Taemin.

Maybe love doesn't . I don't know. All I know is that I'm happy, and that's all that matters. For now, at least.
______________________________________________

Uhm... Well... Yeah. ._. I don't have anything to say about this one. Well, actually, this is a pretty personal oneshot. The only exceptions? I haven't met my "Dongwoon" yet, and I'm not a boy. Oh, and I haven't told my stepdad about my mom.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this. :)

~~

Til next time, fair readers. ^o~ ♥♥