“Till when can we hide the truth about Yongguk from Jongup?” I heard my mother’s soft voice from the other side of the room, I felt curious when I heard hyung’s name. What truth about Hyung? I asked myself as I placed my ear softly on the door to hear them clearly. I pursed my lips into a thin line as the anticipation and nervousness grow inside me. “I don’t really know … he’ll be really surprised to know that his hyung is not really his hyung.” I heard my father’s deep and scary voice. What … Hyung is not my hyung?? The confusion continued to grow inside me. “Yes … he will be really devastated to know that we’re not really Yongguk’s parents.” My mouth opened widely, with my hand covering it, I took small steps away from the doors. I lost my balance which made small noises. “Oh no.” I gasped as I crawl back towards my own room when I heard Umma and Appa’s noises.

I quickly shut the door closed and saw Yongguk hyung on the other bed still sleeping. I slowly walked towards him and blinked. “Hyung .. you’re not my real hyung?” I whispered with a tilted head. I bit my own lips as I fix the blankets that were shrugged off by my hyung’s messy actions when sleeping. After tucking my hyung’s blankets back, I tiptoed towards my own bed. Slipped my left foot in the sheets first before the second one, I tucked myself.

“Hyung is not my hyung…” I mumbled again, I should be feeling a bit angry since Umma and Appa and Yongguk hyung kept this secret from me, I should feel betrayed right? But no … happiness covered my heart and a smile formed on my face. “Hyung is not my hyung … “ I whispered again before falling back to sleep.

ȣ

I was woken up by a loud tugging of my sheet with the alarm clock noise for the background. I turned and pulled the sheets more but the force suddenly became stronger. “Hyung give me more minutes …” I muttered knowing who was the one tugging my sheets. “No, stand up … Umma had already prepared the breakfast and Appa had already went to work, and it’s already 8:30 Guppie … stand up.” Guppie, I heard my hyung called me, I like it whenever he calls me Guppie … I feel so special.

With that motivated me, I slowly shot up from my sleep. I stretched my arms away and too wide that I almost hit my hyung’s face. “Aissh, be careful, we all know how strong you are … you muscle freak.” He said before he punched my arm. I winced slightly before smiling. “Aissh hyung you’re too rough.” I said before rubbing my arms. I turned to him and smiled. “Hyung hug!” I demanded, I like hyung’s hugs so much that people might see us as a couple since I always cling closer to him. “No, get up and fix yourself, I’m waiting down stairs arasso? And no more sleeping.” He said before ruffling my bed hair and walking away. I sighed, my shoulders deflated and I kicked the sheets away. “Hyung … you’re not my brother … so I guess this is normal now right?” I whispered in the air while staring at the moving curtains due to the wind coming from the open windows.

ȣ

A few more minutes and I’m already walking towards the kitchen, I can smell Umma’s pancakes from afar. I smiled and ran towards it. “Pancakes!!” I punched the air above with much force. “Pancakes~~” After shouting, I sang. I settled myself near my hyung, I smiled at him then smiled at my Umma. “Ah you’re finally here, Yongguk I’ll leave everything to you, I have to go to the grocery.” I heard my mother said, I turned to her and she had already packed her things and her purse on his arms. “Yes Umma.” Hyung said with a pancake dangling in his mouth.

With that, the house really became silent. Hyung was watching in the TV while I am finishing my pancakes. I was about to take my last piece when I heard Yongguk hyung shouted my name. “Daehyun will come here a bit later, we have something to tell you~” I heard my Yongguk hyung said, for some reason I felt nervous about it, about how happy his voice was. I just hummed in response and finished my plate of pancakes.

ȣ

Now I’m staring at both of my hyungs, side by side, smiling, small glances at each other, the other one was shaking while my Yongguk hyung was smiling with his gums exposed again. “Ahh .. what’s going on here hyungs?” I asked both of them, I felt my heart beat in a very quick manner. I’m getting nervous at the every tick of the clock, every breathe we make, every gust of wind. “We’re already together!” Yongguk hyung shouted as he grabbed my friend’s hand before kissing it.

I was surprised with what hyung said. I bit my harshly as I force my frown inside my heart. Then all of a sudden flashes and images of hyung’s actions flashed before me. Now everything makes sense…

-Flashback-

“Guppie, where’s Daehyun?”

“Why hyung?”

“Ahh nothing nothing.”

“Guppie, when is Daehyun’s birthday?”

“June 28 hyung … wae?”

“Ahh nothing.”

“Guppie … what if Hyung has a boyfriend?”

“Ehh hyung … y-you have one?”

“I said ‘What if’ .. what do you think?”

“Uhmm … I don’t know hyung.”

“Ohh ..”

-end of flashback-

I felt betrayed with what hyung just announced. Betrayed since once again someone hid something behind me, betrayed since I didn’t expect hyung to do that, and also I felt I was betrayed by my own heart, because ever since that day where Hyung became really interested to Daehyun hyung, my mind kept on shouting that there’s something between them, yet my heart always founds a way to lie and make me believe that nothing was happening.

Should I cry or run? I don’t know myself, but before I can think anymore, I found myself smiling. “Congrats hyung and Daehyun hyung!” I don’t know why but … my lips moved on its own saying those lies. “I wish that you and hyung will forever be happy!” Please stop … Don’t lie … don’t lie. I felt myself tearing into two, the pain was too much, and I know I can’t hide my tears anymore so …

I pushed myself between them, hugged them together with my arms and placed my chin on each other’s shoulders so that they can’t see my face. “I’m so happy that you two became together …” I said a lie … with a smile.

Hyung no matter what our relationship with each other, be it siblings or complete strangers .. can’t I really have you? Just mine and not someone’s else? Is this …. Our unchangeable story? Our fixed love song? Our inevitable fate?