Emotions, something that only living beings experience.

What am I then? I’m not exactly considered to be living and yet I have feelings. Even if I can’t show it through the yarn that is stitched across my soft fabricated skin, I still have them and one day I hope that he will notice me for my true self and not what I appear to be…

*~*~*~*~*~*

The sound of his alarm clock buzzed violently as the digits flashed in a continuous motion. His arm flung up to end the noise and I was pushed aside from his embrace. It wasn’t even dawn yet but because of his career, he had given up most of his sleep. Some days I just wish that he would get a day to pay off his sleep debt. He grabbed me by the waist and held me up to his sleepy face, which in all honestly was the most charming. His bed hair made his face completely childish but his husky morning voice proved that he was definitely not a child.

He let out a sigh, “Dani, I guess it’s time for me to go.” He whispered and carefully placed me neatly back on the side of his bed. With a swift motion he tidied his sheets and left the room.

Come back soon, Joon. I thought to myself as his figure disappeared from sight.

I wanted to support him as much as could but what could an inanimate object do? That’s right, nothing. The only thing that I would ever be capable of was to observe. To listen to him when he needs the company and be his comfort when he sleeps. That was all, and to me, it was not enough to satisfy my yearning wish to talk. The ability to speak to him and tell him all the bottled emotions I had felt for so long, ever since the day I was given as a gift to him.

However, one day, something miraculous happened. A blue butterfly flew in gracefully from the open window and had landed on the tip of my nose. That wasn’t the surprising bit though, the butterfly connected with me. He understood my thoughts as I could understand his.

“Young lady, what are you doing in the body of a stuffed bear?”

“What do you mean? I was created like this.” I answered. 

“No. I’m pretty sure I saw you lying soundly in a white room out looking a large window.”

Since, there were many identical to me, I was sure that he must’ve been talking about another bear. He shook his head and stared deep into my eyes.

“I can see that you are not a bear young lady. Your spirit tells me that you are living, a human.”

If my plastic eyes could widen, that’s what I would’ve done. A human? Me? I was curious to hear the remaining details and patiently listened to his explanation.

“You see, you were originally in the form of a human… but one day something terrible happened. You fell off a balcony. Luckily there was a bear on the floor and it cushioned your head from the blow to the ground. Even though you did not die, your spirit must’ve left your body from the shock and entered the body of that bear. The body you are currently in.”

“How do you know all this and how do you know me, the human me?”

The blue butterfly rested next to me and continued to tell me his thoughts, “I used to be a caterpillar. A group of boys were bullying me and you were the one who told them to stop and said that one day I would turn into something beautiful. But after that accident, you lost all your memories, your emotions and feelings however didn’t change. You may think that you only started liking your owner since you were given to him, but you are wrong. You two are acquainted.”

His last thoughts entered my head like it was an earthquake that shook the very cotton stuffing inside me. Joon and I were acquainted? I have no memory of this. Well, he did say that I lost my memory but still, it was unbelievable.

“What happened to my human body then?”

“Your human body has been immobile in a building I believe you humans call a hospital. I was curious to find out more about my saviour and accidentally overheard a conversation concerning your health. You, young lady are in a coma.”

Everything seemed so surreal. The man I’ve loved all this time was someone I knew. Futhermore, I was human so that must’ve meant I’ve spoken to him. That very thought made me feel warm inside but how was it possible? How do I return back to my original body? The butterfly read my mind and exchanged his thoughts with me.

“I want to help you. Ever since you saved me, I’ve wanted to repay the debt I owe you. I have some pollen of a rare flower. I was told by some of my friends that it is magical. It has the ability to grant life to anything. Although you are technically living, even in the body of a bear you are motionless. This pollen will allow you to change that.”

I was amazed. Does that mean I’ll be able to interact with Joon? This was just like a dream come true. But before that happened, I wanted to know more about myself. Just who am I exactly? I wanted to see what I looked like. Did I look like the female Joon always talked about? Long, wavy chestnut hair, milky skin, deer like eyes and most of all, a contagious smile. He always said how he wanted to see that beautiful smile again, how he missed her so much. I doubt that I was as beautiful as she was. I would be thankful if he had thought of me as a friend when I was still in my original state. Thinking about that made me sad, here I am having a one sided love and he was infatuated with another girl. The butterfly quickly asked if I wanted to try out this pollen and I thought what have I got to lose, and quickly agreed.

He placed the pollen over me and soon I felt warmth spreading through my whole teddy bear body. Life was starting its game and I was one of the players. Although it had no rules, no restrictions on how the game was played, I was scared. The butterfly encircled me and urged me to try moving.

I lifted my paw and a gasp escaped from my stitched mouth.

It worked! The pollen really worked!

The noise that I had just created, that was my voice right? I could make sounds and turn those sounds into words that others would be able to understand–right?

I tried again but it only resulted to monosyllable sounds that even I couldn’t recognize. My voice sounded sweet like honey but it was not yet mature, causing me to sound like a little child.

The butterfly gave me an encouraging look.

I actually didn’t mind not being able to speak properly. There were only three words in the English vocabulary that I needed to learn and one of them had so much meaning behind it that I felt shy just imaging myself saying it. The butterfly had understood my feelings and started to teach me the words I have anticipated to be able to say since I first set eyes on Joon. The very words that would have the power to express the feelings I felt towrads him. 

Author's Note:

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haha imagine if you really were you're bias' teddy bear and you secretly had feelings and fell in love with him. Don't you think it would be cute?