Based on a real story

Luhan didn’t necessarily have a crush on Kai, the well-known actor, but damn that man was hot. Every time he was in a new movie or drama you could be sure of Luhan watching it as soon it was out.

His boyfriend sometimes got jealous, but as Luhan patiently tried to tell him; thinking an actor was ridiculously attractive and loving someone were not the same thing.

And Kai had been in his life longer than Sehun anyways. Luhan and Sehun had just known each other for a year, dated for a couple of months, but Kai had been Luhan’s favourite actor since he was 18 and saw the then 16 year old boy star in his first drama (Angel’s history, commonly referred to as AH! by fans).

Of course Sehun didn’t want to watch those movies and dramas with him, so Luhan often ended up going alone. Others would maybe find him pitiful when going to the movies by himself, but Luhan were glad that he could have his alone time with Kai (together with rest of the crowd of course, but Luhan ignored them. They weren’t Kai and therefore not deserving any of his attention).

Some (his boyfriend, friends, family, colleagues and everyone that ever had a conversation with him) would maybe call him obsessed, but it was just admiration! So what that he used all his money on buying everything related to Kai (movies, dramas and everything he’d ever promoted), it was his money and he could use them as he wanted!

Nobody understood him. Fanboy life was hard.

Right now he was first in the line to watch the premiere of the new 3D-movie: Two moon machines, starring Kai, the hottest actor there was. There were even rumours of plenty scenes featuring Kai without a shirt on, so of course Luhan had to see it for himself as fast as possible.

(Who cared that Sehun’s hamster died yesterday. He had more important issues to attend.)

The movie was even better than expected. Luhan didn’t really get much of the plot, as he was busy ogling Kai’s wonderful abs. The 3D made him feel closer to Kai than he ever had before.

Especially one scene almost gave Luhan a heart attack.

Kai looked down, his bare upper body glistening with sweat. The camera zoomed in on his face, and Kai looked up, staring intensely into the camera. “I will protect you!” he said, his voice oozing of confidence and .

(Boom, pregnant!)

About a month later, Luhan woke up feeling nauseous. He felt completely fine apart from that, so he concluded that he was probably just hungry.

Looking to his right, he discovered Sehun had already woken up. Too bad, he’d planned to wake him up and make him make Luhan breakfast in bed.

Reluctantly Luhan rose from the bed and walked to the kitchen. The kitchen door was as far as he came, because as soon as he saw Sehun by the stove frying some eggs he ran to the bathroom and puked soundly.

For some reason the smell had been repulsive. Luhan yelled at Sehun for using bad eggs, his boyfriend yelled back that there had to be Luhan there was something wrong with.

As soon as he’d said that, Luhan realized he felt completely well again already. He kept blaming the eggs, and they didn’t speak anymore before going to their respective jobs.

“And I keep feeling sick in one moment, and completely fine the next. And I feel bloated and have to pee all the time!” Luhan complained to Jongdae, his coworker. “Ew, too much information,” was his only answer.

Right, Luhan forgot he was an insensitive bastard. “But that’s no even the worst,” Luhan continued, lowering his voice to an almost whisper: “I have even gained weight lately.”

Suddenly Jongdae started laughing. “What?!” Luhan shouted out, annoyed be his inconsiderate colleague. “It almost sounds like you’re pregnant,” Jongdae snickered.

Realization dawned on Luhan. It all made sense. He was for a second relived, after worrying if he had some sort of rare deadly disease for a week pregnancy seemed like a walk in the park.

But that meant he and Sehun would be parents. They were way too young for that! Especially Sehun who was only 20!

Jongdae had silently watched as various emotions had flown over Luhan’s face. At first, he hadn’t believed that his coworker could believe something so stupid. Then it took a turn over to hilarious.

But when he saw terror flicker in Luhan’s eyes, Jongdae couldn’t stop himself from stating the obvious. “You do realize you’re both guys right?”

Luhan, however, was too lost in a thought that just hit him to notice what the other man was saying. A thought so terrifying, he didn’t know what to do.

Sehun ALWAYS wore a while they were having . “Oh my god, Sehun isn’t the father!” Luhan cried out.

Jongdae tried as best as he could to keep a straight face when asking who the father was then. “I have no idea,” Luhan answered, looking deeply distressed.

Just then Jongdae realized this reminded him of a funny story he read on the internet not long ago. Figuring out he should be a good friend and cheer Luhan up, making him laugh seemed like the best idea.

“Hey Luhan, did I tell you the story about the woman who got pregnant from watching a 3D ?” he started, but before he could continue Luhan leapt up as if he’d just received an electrical shock.

“OH MY GOD, HOW AM I GONNA TELL SEHUN THIS?!?!?! OHGOD … OHGOD …OHGOD …” Luhan shouted before running out of the office. Jongdae just sighed before going back to watching fun cat videos on YouTube.

Oh Sehun was not happy. Being dragged out of an important meeting to meet a hysterical looking Luhan was not his recipe for a good day. And now Luhan had made him sit down on a dirty bench; “because what I am about to tell you will probably shock you veryveryvery much.”

The last time Luhan dragged him out of work to tell him something important it’d just been about how he’d just met someone who looked exactly like a baozi. So you could say Sehun felt irritated but relaxed, and not at all prepared for what was to come.

Luhan exhaled soundly. “Sehun, my love, I have something to tell you, and you most promise not to freak out, because I love you and you love me, and we will come through this together.”

Sehun grunted, and Luhan took that as him agreeing and encouraging him to continue.

“I’m pregnant.” Sehun’s mouth fell open. “And Kai, the famous actor, is the father.” Sehun’s mouth closed with a bang.

There was an awkward silence, where Luhan waited for Sehun to respond to his extraordinary news. And then …

“Luhan, I have lived with you obsessing with Kai for over a year now; you have missed our anniversaries, my mother’s birthday, my birthday, plenty of our dates and my hamsters’ funeral, and still I have stayed with you …” Sehun said in a strained voice. “And now, you come here telling me you’re pregnant with his child? What do you take me for?!”

Luhan honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. He had the feeling Sehun had misunderstood something vital, but before he could open his mouth to explain, Sehun put a hand over his mouth.

“I don’t want to hear it. It’s over Luhan. You didn’t even attend my hamsters’ funeral. I really can’t forgive stuff like that, so you cheating on me with your idol were just the droplet that tipped the can over. Don’t ever call me again.”

After going through something like that, there was really just one thing Luhan could do.

Soon he found himself in the reception of the management Kai, the celebrated actor, was signed under. He purposely walked straight to the guy sitting behind a reception desk. “Is this the office for Kai, the renowned actor?”

The man behind the desk looked up and smiled a well-practiced smile. “Yes, what can I do to help you sir?”

“I need to talk to him,” Luhan hastily explained. The man behind the desk continued smiling; “Well, do you have an appointment?”

“No,” Luhan said, “but I’m pregnant with his child.” The smile fell off the receptionist’s face. “But … you’re a guy!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, but it’s still Kai’s fault for making me pregnant and making my boyfriend breaking up with me,” Luhan looked down on the nameplate on the other man’s chest. “… Baekhyun, so I really have to speak with him,” Luhan tried to explain.

The smile, now looking a bit more strained than before, were back. “Just a moment,” Baekhyun said, before moving a couple meters away and lifting up a phone. Luhan strained his ears to hear what he was saying.

“Uh, hey Kai … yeah, sorry, I know but … yeah but … there is a situation. Um, there is this person who claims bearing your child … Well, yeah I normally know how to deal with it, but it’s a bit different this time. Uhm, well, because it’s a guy.” There was a long silence.

“What do you mean is he hot I didn’t … well I wouldn’t … but I …” the receptionist sighed, before looking back at Luhan. Luhan tried his best to not look like he was listening to the other’s conversation. “Yeah, I guess he’s good looking,” he said, and Luhan felt pretty smug. .”... If you’re into the whole thing.”

“Hey!” Luhan shouted, forgetting his whole strategy about pretending not to listen. Baekhyun just ignored him though, but then suddenly looked quite scandalized. “You’re coming down to handle it yourself? You sure? He looks like a possible crazy fan.”

“Hey!” Luhan cried even louder, forgetting that he actually was a crazy, obsessed fan. But by now the receptionist had put the phone down again, and looked Luhan up and down with a sceptical look.

“Well, at least you don’t look like someone who could harm others. Hell, you don’t even look like someone who could even defend himself,” he said, sounding partly approving. Luhan hadn’t decided if he should take that as approval or an insult, but before he could reach a conclusion something moved in his peripheral vision.

Turning around, he was met with a blending sight. Kai, the god who walks the earth, was walking towards him. Luhan could do nothing but stare as the man filling all his awake and sleeping, dry and wet dreams for over 3 years walked towards him.

“Hi Baekhyun, I assume this is him?” the voice of an angel asked. “Yeah, it is … he wasn’t looking quite so smitten before though. You want me to call security?” Baekhyun answered.

Kai looked Luhan over. “Nah, it’s ok. I can handle this one myself,” he said with a wink in Luhan’s direction. If Luhan wasn’t already pregnant he was sure he would have gotten impregnated by that wink.

And then he remembered why he was here in the first place. “Kai, you bastard, I demand you take full responsibility for making me pregnant and the abrupt breakup with the love of my life!”

Kai just smiled. “Ok, but do you want to go out to lunch with me first? I was actually heading out when I got the call from Baekhyun.”

“I, um, I …” Luhan spluttered. Free lunch. Free lunch with Kai. Free lunch with Kai, the legendary actor. “Ok.”

Soon he and Kai were settled in a private room in one of the best restaurants in town. Luhan was eating the best meal of his life, while at the same time telling Kai the whole story.

“… and that’s how I knew you had to be the father.” He concluded. “I see,” was Kai’s only answer. They both continued eating comfortably.

After some time Kai once again looked up at Luhan. “You didn’t by any chance actually take a pregnancy test during all this?” Luhan just blinked. And blinked some more. And reddened.

A little while later they were inside the bathroom of Kai’s apartment, which of course was ridiculously big and in most expensive neighbourhood. Kai was looking on the stick in Luhan’s hand. Luhan was looking at the stick in his hand. “So … what do we do now?” Luhan finally asked.

“The manual states that you have to pee on it,” Kai answered. “So what the are you doing in here then?” Luhan asked. “I hoped for a chance to get a look at your ,” Kai admitted with a wolfish grin.

“Get the out.”

“So … not pregnant then,” Kai stated, holding the 4^th test in his hand. It showed a minus sign just like the three before him had. Luhan sighed. He was relieved, but he felt like a very big idiot right now.

And even though Sehun had broken up with him, he’d actually started to somehow look forward to having a child. 

Kai seemed to actually understand how Luhan felt. “If you would like to, I would be glad to try making you pregnant again and again until we succeed.” Or maybe he just wanted to get laid.

“You don’t have a pet hamster do you?” Luhan asked anxiously.

Even though Kai looked taken aback, he’d already learned to expect anything from Luhan, so he simply answered no and hoped for the best.

“Then you got yourself a deal,” Luhan answered before jumping the most y actor of this century.

AN: This is based on a real (or really, fake) story who were all over the internet a year ago or so (?). It was about this man who came home after being away as a soldier (or something), to find his white girlfriend having given birth to a black baby, and she claimed she’d become pregnant by watching a 3D . Lol, perfect inspiration for some crack. 

Crack is also perfect for my incapability to finish fics and constant writer blocks.