Love is painful. all the love is painful. 

Repeating like a fool. That’s what I always do.

But pain is beautiful. It’s same as you.

Hope turns into disappointment. Wish turns into despair. 

As love deepened, pain deepened more. Illusion or expectation that this time, it’ll be different.

eventually, how many years have passed, there is no “forever”.

eventually, We’re not meant to be, become alone again.

barely, barely, barely, I thought I finally found my love.

eventually, eventually, It’s ended again like this. 

My mind is not changed from the very first but my mind is now full of wounds cuz of you. 

Cuz of your cold voice, I’m changing, I’m getting cold as well.

It’s hard to get back, between you and me, we are drifting farther and farther apart from each other. It’s hard to go around each other. 

So I gave parting to you as a gift and turned my back. I’m falling without you

-GDRAGON-IN THE END-

GD stares across the studio room, absentmindedly. Thinking whether his decision was right or wrong. He’s weighing the pros and cons of his action that eventually leads to his final answer. I had to do this. He thought, confirming. He picks up his phone and decided to give you a call. “hello, err hi?” he says stammering. Showing it’s a very long time since he ever talk to you. “I have something to talk to you. Can you meet me at lunch, yeah at the usual. Ok, see you then, bye.” She sounds so happy and excited, should she will be very surprised at the news. Do I really need to do this? GD sits back at the chair, doubting himself. Suddenly, the door opens and Daesung comes inside flashing his brilliant smile. “Hyung, do you want to have lunch together?.” He asks still smiling. “No, it’s ok. I have to go somewhere.” Gd said and started to dashed outside and headed to the lift passing Daesung,who stares him with confusing eyes.

He sits at the corner of a cafe, watching the traffic through the glass window. His mind roams, catching every memory that both of you shared. The first met, the first date, the first kiss and every moment together, happy ones and sad ones. Everything started to flood into his mind, flashing like a piece of film. Every argument that we had, every teardrop that I cause you, all this while, will be over. He fixes his sitting as soon as he saw you coming hurriedly with sparkle eyes and beautiful smiles. "She really put an effort before coming here.She looks so beautiful and that smile..I really gonna miss those beautiful smiles.” He thought while waiving his hand towards you.

“I think we should break up. It’s getting a while and I think we grew tired of each other, before things worsen I think we should part our ways.” He said suddenly, as soon as you sat down. I had to finish this quickly before I will waver after hearing your voice. “S-sure, I think we should. We’re seldom met and yeah, I feel the same way. We should just end this.” You said stammering. he looks at your shocked face. “I’ve hurt you, I had cause you pain.” He thought silently while keeping a straight face, afraid that you gonna see what’s really going through his mind right now. “I just need to tell you that, so I’m better off now. A lot of work to do. Well,then.” He walked through the open door and stops just outside the cafe. Turning around and take a last look at you, who still at the chair, motionless. “All your pain will be gone, I swear this is the last time I ever hurt you.” He says and walks pass several people that going inside.

He headed home with a bunch of alcohol in his arms. “All I wanna do now are being drunk. I just want to forget everything. Everything that just happens today, your beautiful face, your sparkling eyes, your warm smile...everything...just everything that related to you because after this, you’re no longer mine.” He enters his room silently and locked the door, afraid s will catch a glimpse on him and start to worry. He sits on the floor resting his back against the bed and starts to open the can. He takes a sip and his mind wander to the time when he first started thinking the possibility of the break up. He remembers how he always late for your date and sometimes cancel it in last minutes. Giving all kinds of excuses, hectic schedule, tiredness and even unexpected occasion. “I really was being unfair to you.” He thought, blaming himself. “You deserves someone better, someone who willing to be devoted to you, someone who willing to spend a lot of times together, someone whom you can share your happiness and sorrow, someone who you can rely on, someone that’s not me, someone who I never be. When I decided to be with you, I wanted you to share half of happiness not to be someone who shares half of my misery. You suffered enough, from insults that came from someone who barely know us and from me, who’s sometimes absent from your life.” Sometimes, when he called you, he can feel a distance feeling, a cold responds. “I know you must have never put a high hope every time I wanted to meet you, afraid to be disappointed again when I missed our date.” He let out a long sigh. He finishes his third can and starts to open his forth. He drank all of it and lay unconsciously, drunk beside his bed.

Several days passes ever since he met you. GD sits on the chair in his studio, placing his head down on the table. I really miss you. He thought as he remembers you. “This is really painful it’s really hard to forget you, to let you go. All the words in this world can never describe how painful, how torturous my heart feels right now. It’s like my heart had broken into pieces and I just lost the final piece. I never ever be whole again. All the  pain that I imagine when I thought about breaking up when writing songs are nothing compare to the pain that I feel now, with separation that still fresh in my mind. I feel so empty,so......” The door opens, cutting his trail of thought. “jiyong, what are you still doing here? Its late, you should go home now. Don’t you feel afraid, sitting here all by yourself? Well, you never knew what’s waiting for you in the dark.” TOP says giggling, try to joke a little after seeing his gloomy face. “ I know what’s waiting for me in the dark. It’s you who try to scare me up.” He says laughing a quiet laugh, try to sounds okay but failed.  “Are you okay? You seem a little pale. You’re skipping your meals, aren’t you? I rarely see you at lunch or dinner for days.” “I’m fine, let’s go grab some meal before we go home ok, I’m starving. It’s like I can eat a whole cow right now.” He says, clearing all TOP’s worries and dragged him outside. “That is all I can do, stop him from worrying although I don’t feel like eating right now. I don’t even remember when the last time I had a proper meal.” He frowns by the thought but quickly smile as he saw TOP throws a glance at him.

After going through pretty rough weeks, GD let out a long sigh, standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom. I looked messed up. He though. Grabbing the shaver, he suddenly made up his mind. “I can’t go on like this, I have to move on, and I have to stop all this drunkenness. I can live without you like how I live years before I even met you.” He says confidently, convincing himself.  “I have tonnes of work to do and in this state I can’t even lift a finger.” He dressed up himself and headed to work. Keeping him busy so that he doesn’t have time to remember anything. The memory that he wanted to erase, he shoves it in the closet and never opens it again.

He grab a late lunch at the cafeteria, Seungri came closer to him and grab his shoulder. “hyung, so you were eating again? I thought I’m gonna see your dead body rotten at the studio anytime soon. The studio gonna be hunted with your ghost roaming around.” He says laughing hard. “yah, is this how you speak in front of your hyung?”GD says sternly wanted to scare him a little. “ aww..hyung,why are you like this, you know I was just kidding.” Seungri says playfully. And then he continues “Hyung, what are you gonna do tonight, spending time in your studio again. You should really go outside. It’s winter now.” “That’s more a reason to stay indoors, it’s freezing outside. Besides, a kid like you who should be there playing with the snow, not me.” Gd said holding a tray of meal and headed to an empty table. “Hyung, let’s go to the club tonight, it’s been a while since we hang out. You’ve been very busy right now, with all the preparation of the album, concerts, you really need to take a break or you're gonna collapse soon.” “fine, I’ll go with you, besides you really need a chaperone anyway, prevent you from doing something reckless.” GD said annoys the maknae some more.

They arrive at the club, full of young people dancing and chatting all over the place. Seungri brought along several friends with him. "None of them seems familiar with me. Except the young girl in red dress, maybe I’ve seen her somewhere. I don’t know and I don’t even care."He walks to the club but from far he recognises a face, a beautiful face that seems to glow among the crowd. That’s her, drinking with her friend at the bar. As soon as she about to turn her head towards him, he grabs the lady just besides him encircling his arms around her. The lady doesn’t seem to mind at all. She smile brilliantly and he smile back, faintly. He looks at you for a brief seconds and turn away. Don’t want to be weak in front of her.

GD stares blankly ignoring Seungri and his friends chatting and joking just besides him. The lady in red sits beside him and his arms still on her shoulder being afraid you’re gonna catch a glimpse of him again and he was right. He realises you turn your head slightly to his direction, and started to speak slowly with the girl that you just ignored seconds ago. “I just wanted to show you that I’m living well without you,” he thought. After a while, his smiles on his face faded as he saw a bunch of guys coming closer to you and offer you to dance. He stared at you furiously. What’s wrong with the guys; dare to mess up with my girl, and what’s wrong with you anyway, being too excited with a stranger. He talks to himself and suddenly realise, you’re no longer his girl. Not anymore. As soon as the song ended, he saw you left them. “Maybe I’m not your boyfriend anymore, but I still care about you,” he thought while he follows you to the lavatory.

“Omo, you startled me. What are you doing here? Step aside.” You said as soon as you saw him standing against the wall. “What are you doing here? What with the guys?” he said furiously. “answer me. You’re being ridiculous.” He asked again demanding an answer after you just stood there, silently. “What do you care, I’m not your girlfriend anymore. Just back off.” You said angrily and pushed him onto the wall. He felt his back hurt a bit but your piercing words hurt him even more. A straight stab into his heart. His heart bleeds again, invisibly. “she’s right, I’m nobody to her, just a mere stranger,” he said silently as he watch you left the club hurriedly. He saw your smiles in the dim light, and thought “It’s better that way, just keep on smiling like that. I want you to smile and be happy. Even if I’m not the one who be by your side and cause your laughter and smiles across you face. Just be happy wherever you are.” He stares at you until you dissapear among the crowds.

“It’s better to see you being happy with someone else, rather than see you being unhappy with me”

Lyrics credit to www.americankpop.com