People are looking so wipe your tears and lift your chin up

I said I’m sorry. Should I get on my knees?

Taemin was currently yelling at his girlfriend because she was giving him the cold shoulder since he did not turn up for their date the night before. She just kept quiet with glassy eyes, willing her tears to not drop.

“What do you want me to do?!! I bought you the teddy bear didn’t I? And I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me??”

Your love.. but she kept quiet and shook her head.

“I had schedules. I’m busy. I thought you understood that. I didn’t turn up for onedate and you treat me like this?!!”

Eight.. But again, she bit her tongue from retorting.

Her hands reached for the teddy bear Taemin had thrown on the ground in his fit. “I’m sorry.. Thank you for the bear..”

Taemin looked at her straight in the eyes then, falling into trap that she was okay.Again. He sighed heavily and shook his head. She lifted the bear’s right arm and tap Taemin’s right cheek, muttering an I’m sorry. With a sigh, Taemin finally smiled. To him, his girlfriend was childish – always getting hurt over little things. But little did he know that she was waiting for him to come to her as he had promised to in the rain, at night, for two bloody hours. No. Lee Taemin did not know that. He never did.

What would I become if you cry at my common mistake of words

I don’t think I can comfort you with ‘I love you’ anymore

It was a month later that Taemin decided to bring her out to Lotte World. It had been awhile since they had their date outside the confines of her apartment, or their dorm, or any building that could shield them from the media and his screaming fans. It was also an accident as to how they bumped into Yunho of DBSK there.

“Oh. Who is this, Taemin-ah?” Yunho asked inquisitively.

Taemin looked at her once before blurting out, “Key’s friend. I was just taking her for a tour around Seoul.”

She only bowed politely to Yunho with a smile that betrayed her aching heart. Taemin mouthed an apology and she just shook her head lightly with a reassuring smile. What did I expect? He’s an idol after all.. And she was a nobody.

Everyday sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

I let out a deep sigh and always reflect on my actions

Baby U U U U U

I want to do good, but I can’t

When Taemin grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the photobooth, she laughed although her heart was hurting. Taemin did many funny poses while she just smiled sweetly. Her favourite photo was of Taemin hugging her from behind with a soft look in his eyes. Taemin took the photo of her kissing his cheek and gave her the rest. She just smiled.

Because I only learned bad words, bad actions, and don’t know your heart

something always gets twisted twisted

Because I’m still immature, a deep love is hard

I, who thought ‘What’s love, just keep pushing forward’ was stupid..

Two weeks later, she was invited to the SHINee dorm since they had just finished their promotions in Japan. Taemin greeted her at the door and pulled her in for a hug before cuddling up to her on the couch for 10 minutes. His attention was then elsewhere as she caressed his hair deftly with a blank look on her face.

Minho came back from the sitcom recording he was casted in and Taemin jumped off of her lap. Key who had made himself comfortable beside her shook his head and rolled his eyes at his dongsaeng. Jinki was sleeping in his room while Jonghyun was out at the gym.

She could only give Key a sad smile as Taemin left her alone while trotting off screaming an excited “I’ll beat you, hyung!” to Minho. She then proceeded to prepare some snacks for the boys, knowing full well that they would be hungry once they have finished beating the crap out of each other in the game. Key sighed heavily but she only patted him on his back lightly. An hour later, Taemin finally emerged from the room with a happy laugh. She knew then he had beaten Minho.

“Ta-” she started but Taemin cut her off with his eyesmile.

“We’re going out to eat! Minho hyung promised to buy me pizza if he lost.” Taemin announced while putting on his shoes. Following in his wake was a grumbling Minho. He sure hated losing.

She caught the glance Key gave her and saw how he tried to tell Taemin that she had prepared not only snacks, but lunch for them as well. “But Taem-”

“Bye hyung!”

And their departure was followed by the sound of the door closing.

I’m sorry, I’ll do better (Better, I’ll do better Hey~ yeah)

I’m sorry, don’t be mad

I did wrong

She felt tears constricting and she had to close her eyes to calm herself. She was ignored again. And Taemin left her behind. Again. When she opened her eyes, she averted Key’s piercing stare and quickly made a beeline for her things as she prepared herself to leave. Just as she reached the door, a warm voice stopped her.

“You should join us for lunch. There’s more than enough.. Plus, you prepared them..”

She turned and her eyes were greeted by Jinki’s warm ones. She looked at Key who stood at the table, noticing how hard he was gripping the chair and how his jaw was clenched tight. Her eyes then landed on the table which was full with Taemin’s favourite dishes and a few of Key’s and Jinki’s. She felt a stab in her heart but when she looked back up at the two men, she smiled and just shook her head before turning and left the house.

Twinkling, twinkling a land of stars

In my eyes, you are a queen

Your charms, that I knew about

after this night was almost over

In the edge of your locked heart,

I slightly light a fire

Your sweet voice

Long, straight hair like Jasmine

“Who is she to you, Taemin?” Jinki asked the magnae when he returned to their dorm.

“She’s my princess. My girl. All mine~” was what Taemin answered with a smile but when he looked at Jinki, he wiggled his fingers and warned the leader, “She’s mine, hyung..”

Key saw the possessiveness in Taemin’s eyes. He watched as his “son’s” smile took a dangerous twist when Jinki asked about his girlfriend.

“What do you like about her?” Key decided to ask, just to see if Taemin really was in love with her.

“Her voice. Her hair. Her everything. She’s annoying sometimes.. but she’s mine.”

“What would you do if she leaves you one day? Because I don’t see you treating her like a princess though you said she’s yours..” Jinki challenged.

Taemin just grinned and answered confidently, “She won’t, hyung. She loves me.”

He left his two older band members in the living room as he headed to his bedroom.

“Don’t be too confident, Tae.. You’ll never know..” Key said in a low voice, but Jinki heard him. They shared a look and then shrugged.

For a young person like me, the word ‘love’

is too awkward to say often

She felt her heart clench. She was stupid. She was such a fool to believe that Lee Taemin could love her like she did him. She was an idiot to believe Lee Taemin would care for her as much as she did for him. But then again, Taemin only said the words I love you twice; the first time on the night he confessed and the second one was on her birthday. She did not need words so much but she needed to know he loved her through his actions – which were not helping at all as time passed by. Her tears fell again and again and she laughed brokenly as she realized that Taemin was never there whenever she cried and Taemin was always the reason she cried so much.

She tried to call Taemin. It had been two weeks since they last met. SHINee went to Japan again but she knew they had returned to Korea 2 days ago. Still, she had not heard from Taemin. She sighed as she hit the call button for the umpteenth time that day. Little did she know that the person she was trying to reach had purposely set his phone to silent mode as he went out with Sulli, Key and Nicole.

She looked down in her hands and stared at the offer letter she got from a prestigious university in the United States.

God, please let this be the right decision for me. With one last glance at her now empty apartment, she left the place with a heavy and broken heart.

‘I’m sorry, I’ll do better’

And at most, I tell you words that obviously have no feelings

Taemin skipped happily towards his girlfriend’s apartment. The last time he saw her was about three weeks ago. Come to think of it, he never sent any text messages to her within that time as well. His Key hyung had told him many times to at least send a text saying he was okay but of course he had ignored the elder’s advice. He was confident that she would always be there, waiting for him. He remembered the numerous missed calls he received from her on that day when he went out to have fun. He smiled. She must have missed him a lot.

Taemin took out the spare key he was given to her apartment and with a smile, he unlocked the door. However, his happiness was short lived as he opened the apartment door. It was bare and cold. Too cold. He called out her name but there wasn’t any answer. Taemin’s breath started to become shorter as he felt panic setting in his heart. His legs automatically moved towards the living room. He was greeted by a piece of paper, a necklace, and an unforgettable sight.

“Live happily, Lee Taemin.

Mianhae~”

Taemin had never really known fear until he read that message. He dropped his bag. He dropped the white teddy bear he bought for her. A tear escaped his left eye. Another fell from his right, another one fell and followed by another and soon his pretty face was drenched in tears as he looked at the arranged rows of teddy bears and other childish items he had given her throughout the months they were together. When he remembered that he bought the teddy bears to ask for her forgiveness every time he did not come to their dates or arrived more than 2 hours late, he fell to his knees. There were more than 15 teddy bears of all sizes. Taemin sobbed as he remembered how she would always greet him with a smile no matter what he did or how late he was. Only then did Taemin realize how much of a child he was. No wonder his hyungs and their fans always called him Tae-baby.

His shaking fingers lifted the necklace on the floor and he cried harder as he saw that the pendant was actually the straw he had written their names on during their first date. It was simple. Too simple but she cherished it. And he? He threw away everything. He left her. He ing left her behind every single time. He dragged his feet towards the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, everywhere in the house, trying to find a trace of her.

But everything was gone. 

She was gone.