REN POV

2 years,3 months,1 weeks and 3 damn days of happiness.Thit is it.
You two were like the perfect couple in the world,but out of a sudden,something changed.You never found out what ...or who.
He was your friend,your lover,your support in bads and goods...your everything.Now what is he for you?
...
Nothing.A stranger.Now he is just another person you are forced to see everyday,he is just a member of NU'EST,just like you are.
You see him each and every single day,in dorm,in practice room,at interviews,press conferences.Just everywhere.
But since he broke up with you,not even one word for him left your mouth.
No 'hi',no 'goodnight',nothing.Just silence....So that was the 56th day from broke-up,and still counting.

He never said why.He just took your hand and started to cry,no reason apparently.
'I'am sorry.I love you from the bottom of my heart,but i don't want to be with you anymore.I hope one day you will forgive me.'He left.And never came back in the dorm you used to share together.
In that moment ,you felt like somebody stab your heart hundread times in a row.The pain overwhelmed you and each and every cell in your body tightened.Then nothing.
Next day you woke up in hospital,surrounded by the other boys.Not Baekho though.The doctor said you suffered a cerebral comotion due to physical exhaustion.You stayed in hospital for one more week.


You were alive,but mentally dead.And it was better like this.No more pain,no more sorrow,no more tears.Perfect.


Today is another typical day in practice room.You had rehearsal for third album ,which name you dont remember.
It was lunch break,but like usually,didnt ate.You stared out on the window,mind blank.
Sudenlly,you felt a hand on your shoulder.It was JR.
'Hey,Ren,came and eat something.You are starving yourself,cant you see?You are are all skin and bones.You wanna die or what?!'
'Dont worry for me.I'am a tough guy.I will not die so easy.' i said and started laughing.
'You are insane!I swear i will feed you with force if you dont come with me NOW!'
I could see the anger and concern in his voice,but i dont care.
'I'am staying here.Just go and eat with the others.Go!'
He looked at me in disbelief and gave up,going back to the table.
I was not feeding myself properly for weeks.But i didnt felt hungry,ill or so.I was fine.
I stood up from the cold floor,heading to bathroom.
When i came back from toilet,he was there,washing his hands.It was just one sink,so i needed to wait for my turn.
I just ignored him,looking at my finger nails.
Then i heard his voice.For the first time in almost 2 months i heard him speaking with me.
'Why don't you eat?'
Silence.
'Ren,why dont you eat?!'
He was angry now.Let him be.
'For 's sake,answer me Minki!Don't pretend you dont see me!' he yelled and for some unknown reason,he started to sheed tears.Again.
Finally i looked at him and spoke.
'Mind your own bussines Dongho.I'am not your problem anymore.'
'What?!...problem..?problem?!..That's what you think you are for me?!A in' problem?!...'
'No,excuse me.Not even a problem.A nothing.A zero.' i said with coldest voice i managed to get out.
I continued to wash my hands,him standing there,motionless.
He leaned against the wall and slipped down,crying quietly.
'You are not a zero for me Minki.You never were a zero for me.You were my world...'
'So?I don't care anymore.Can't you see?I'am lifeless.I have no feelings nor a heart to love with.I barely eat,just enough to keep me alive.I want to sing.That's all i have left.'
He was shaking from crying now,maybe guilty was burning him inside.
'I don't blame you,don't worry.Moreover,i forgave you long time ago.' i said,feeling my eyes stinging.Tears were there.But i will not let them out.Never!
I turned around,wanting to go,but he caught my hand,making me stop in place.
'Please dont go.Please...' he said with shaky voice.
I felt myself frozing.
'I said i forgave you already!What do you want more?!'
My voice sounded broken in thousands of pieces,just like my heart was.
'I...i never meant to hurt you. Please believe me!..I loved you Minki...I loved you so much!' he said and next moment i felt his arms sneaking around my waist,him backhugging me.
'...i still love you..' he said quietly.
That was it.The first tear rolled down my cheek and fell on the floor.My vision was blury.
'Let me go Baekho.I mean it.'
'I will...i just hope one day you will find a person who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.And i'am sorry it wasnt me...' he said finaly letting me go.
I stepped out without a word,trying to supress my continously flowing tears.


2 weeks later,he withdrawed from NU'EST,invoking personal reasons.
Few days after his departure,we'd been announced he died.He had a rare form of leukemia.Then i realised he just wanted me to have a normal life with a healthy person...he had been so unselfish...


He never said goodbye.And i hated him for that.But deep down in my heart,i knew i will always love him.


.....