Because it’s Still You

Myungsoo & Jiyeon

The room is dark, the atmosphere is cold and no lights are open, just a little amount of light coming from the rounded moon. He stares at it, Myungsoo does. It was like a way to find his real self, a way to understand his empty heart.

Click!

A clicking sound by the door startled him but he pretends to be unaffected, eyes still placed on the rounded object.

“Myungsoo?” A very thin yet lovely voice surrounds the whole room. The voice unexpectedly eases his troubles, removes his doubts but the weird thing is hearing that voice didn’t trigger any feeling, any love, just a feeling of being safe, nothing more.

Myungsoo didn’t want any company for this time of night, all he wanted is to be alone in his apartment with no one to bother or even talk to him, that was his plan originally but she came, Jiyeon came.

“Myungsoo? Are you there?” With her spare key, she got the chance to open his apartment door without any permission from him. It’s been days since the guy talked to her, of course, they bumped each other in school but only gestures and simple nods were given to her, not even considered as talking.

Myungsoo became cold, too cold even towards his own girlfriend. Unknown reason, unclear situation, Jiyeon is too tired to do all the pursuing, all the talking and in the end none of it gets a worth-it outcome.

“So you’re here.” Her voice shows a sound of disappointment, sadness but with worries. She turns on the lamp shade to see him clearly.

“I told you I don’t want anybody here, so please just leave and we’ll talk tomorrow.” Same line, same expression yet every time Jiyeon hears it, it always crushes her heart into pieces repeatedly.

“You said that yesterday, and on the other day and on the other day.” With her patient and understanding personality, Jiyeon endures the pain and pretends to be alright just for the sake of knowing the real reason behind his cold shoulders.

“If that’s the case, can’t you understand what I’m trying to say?!” Myungsoo’s voice rises up, eyes burning with anger.

“Myungsoo, I know that there’s something wrong so please just tell me, I’m your girlfriend and I don’t want to see you like this.” She responds with the same loud voice to point out her words. This guy sure is a dense and heartless for not appreciating her efforts and worries.

“If you don’t want to see me like this, then just leave.” A painful sentence escapes once again from his lips, words that stab her heart for a million times. How could he be so cruel?

“If that’s what you want.” Jiyeon finally gives up, eyes still on him. “Just remember, I’m also getting tired, Myungsoo.” Her words hint something, a reminder for something meaningful, perhaps for a goodbye. Her words catch his attention, as he finally looks back at her. He felt afraid all of a sudden, afraid to be alone, afraid to live without her and he just can’t understand himself, what kind of feeling is this?

“Goodbye, see you tomorrow at school.” Jiyeon moves closer, planting a long and deep kiss on his lips. He is taken aback but he has to admit that he misses her kiss, a lot.

If only he has the courage to hold her back, to stop her from leaving, to kiss her until they’re tired of it, he already did, but something, someone keeps on replacing his thoughts about Jiyeon. In the end, he just let her leave again without doing anything.

At school, Myungsoo is there by the bleachers on the soccer field, alone. Days have already passed but still he can’t sort out his thoughts, to make any decision for himself and those days, there’s a Jiyeon to count on in but every time she’s there for him, he keeps pushing her away, away from everything, and even away from his heart.

Because of that one incident, everything changed, he changed.

Myungsoo was walking back to his classroom when he passed by the gym. He heard footsteps and sounds of bouncing balls from inside. He got curious so he stole a peek by the door as he saw a student, a girl, a classmate.

“Myungsoo?” The girl student noticed him by the door as she called him.

“O-oh.” He didn’t know what to say, if he will say sorry for peeking or to just run away.

“Would you like to help?” Before Myungsoo can make up any of his excuses, the girl asked for his help in cleaning up the equipment and putting it back by the storage room.

“I w-would love to, S-suzy…” Without any choice, he agreed, stuttering his words as he walked up towards the girl.

Suzy is her name, a neighbour, a classmate. Though they were not that close, he got to talk to her at least once a day. Suzy is a quiet, smart and considerate girl, that’s why everybody likes her, adores her and he’s just like everybody else. Not in the sense of liking a girl but a sense of liking a friend and since he’s already taken. Only one woman should occupy his mind.

It was his first time and her first time to spend a moment like this, like laughing, joking and teasing one another. For him, it unexpectedly warmed his heart. When they finished their cleaning work, they both decided to sit by the bleachers to rest before leaving.

They were both smiling and laughing until Suzy broke her shell.

“Myungsoo, I like you.”

The least unexpected line that will ever leave her lips finally did. As if the time stopped, he stayed his gaze straight before he gathered his courage to look at her.

“S-suzy, what a-are y-you sa…saying?” His words never failed to show his nervousness, to show that his mind can’t process the whole situation.

“I like you for a long time, Myungsoo.”

Why does hearing her saying his name suddenly felt special? Myungsoo liked it, hearing her say his name but he just won’t admit it.

“Suzy, I have a gi-girlfriend.” That was he said before Suzy closed the distance between their lips.

She kissed him on his lips.

His lids wanted to be close, wanted to feel every feeling in this moment but it felt so wrong, definitely wrong. He has a girlfriend, the woman he wanted to be with until they get old, the woman who he pursued for a very long time, the woman who he truly loves.

Myungsoo finally came to his senses, pushing her away lightly. He distanced himself before talking.

“Su-suzy, this is a mistake, this is wrong.” His mind gone in tumbling mode, heart disoriented. How could she confuse him like this?

“Myungsoo, I love you.” This time, the moment became deeper as she said the three magical words. It was his first time hearing those words from somebody who is not even close to him, just a classmate.

“I’m sorry.” He decided to run away, to leave this suffocating place, to leave this woman broken hearted. It’s the best for the two of them, for Jiyeon as well. Myungsoo walked out the gym but one thing was clear at that time, there were butterflies in his stomach.

“I was looking for you.” A feminine and familiar voice wakens him from his thoughts.

“Su-suzy?” The girl in his thoughts finally became the reality, the girl that made him like this. Suzy smiles before taking a sit beside him. Her smile is calm and her face still glows but the pain and heartache are too obvious in her expression.

“I just want to say sorry for what happened last time. I didn’t want anything bad to happen between the two of you.” She explains as well as apologizing for his harsh actions. Maybe Suzy heard the rumors that Myungsoo and Jiyeon are in the peak of their relationship and anytime they can fall from it.

“I’m really sorry for the kiss.”

Hearing the word kiss, he momentarily stopped. Myungsoo didn’t say any word since she started talking and he feels that being quiet is better.  He started to think of it, did he regret the kiss? Or he liked it?

“I’m sorry but please can we still be friends?”

The word friend is unexpectedly hard for him to accept. He feels something more than that, more than a friend. Maybe all this time, he really has feelings for Suzy.

“Myungsoo!”

Before he can finally speak, a woman, standing just a meter away from them called him.

“Ji-jiyeon?” Myungsoo stands up, hands fidgeting at the side. As if he’s doing something dishonest (well, her really does), his words stuttered. He feels tangled between these two women that both have a place in his heart but the thing that he can’t understand is who has the biggest part in it?

“I should leave.” Suzy decided to leave the two, afraid to cause any commotion. It’s the safest and wisest thing to do. She shouldn’t ruin any relationship.

“Can you walk me home?” After Suzy left, Jiyeon didn’t move an inch as she started talking. Walk me home means to talk something between them, their situation and Myungsoo knows that this moment is coming.

“Sure.”

“Is it because of her?” Jiyeon was the first one to break the silence and awkwardness between them. The sun is finally setting and the orange color of the sky added a comfortable feeling between them. She wants to talk, to sort things out.

“Jiyeon…” Myungsoo can’t deny something that’s true, as he called out her name, not sure about his response. He doesn’t want to lose her, to lose anyone.

“I heard about the kiss.”

The most painful sentence that came from her lips, the heartbreaking reality. She wants to cry in front of him, to slap his face as hard as she can, to curse him with cruel words, to hate him but she can’t get herself to hate him, to hate the guy she loves.

For all this time, she’s been here only to love him, only him but why is it so easy for him to look at another woman?

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, eyes directed towards the ground. He’s in pain too for hurting an innocent girl like her. His feelings are overflowing that it blinds the truth, his true feelings. He truly loves her but now maybe the right thing to say is he truly loved her.

“Can we just end this?” Out of a sudden, she stops and faces him. The question that shattered their hearts into pieces and the question that they didn’t expect to come too soon.

“I think this will be better, at least let us pretend that I was the one who wanted to break this relationship.” Jiyeon holds her tears from falling. This is too much, too much pain.

“If I will be the one to end this, maybe the pain won’t last for a long time.” She lied. No matter who breaks this relationship, it will still hurt her deeply and she’s sure that this will last for a long time or even forever because the amount of love you will give is the amount of pain you will receive.   

Jiyeon loves this guy too much that she wants him to be happy even without her.

“Jiyeon…” All he can manage to say is her name until she closes the gap between their lips. This will be their last kiss and it feels so special. Her lips and his lips fit together as if it’s a puzzle piece but why won’t their heart fit?

They both closed their eyes, remembering their memories, cherishing this moment. The way they used to laugh all night came back to their minds, the moment when they just lie on his bed and think about their future, they both suddenly remember that beautiful memory. They never expected that this relationship that they thought to be the perfect one will come to end, that one of them will fall out of love.

A bittersweet goodbye

“Thank you for everything.” Jiyeon mutters, tears already falling from her eyes.

“Just remember, I really love you, Myungsoo.”

It was her last words before she walks away from him, from this heartbreaking moment, from his life. Myungsoo didn’t have a chance to speak or even stop her as he watches her slowly vanishing from the long road. Is this what he really wants? To watch her walk away?

It feels so empty and his heart feel so heavy yet so light that her heart that used to be in his heart is finally gone. The cold wind brushes on his skin that makes him shiver. The sun that is already gone in the sky and the woman that he used to be with, in this road is also gone. Everything’s gone, and he’s alone.

This time, he cries, bowing his head down. It suddenly occurred to him, the pain, the heartache and his love for her. He misses her already, he miss her smile, her annoying yet cute laugh, her glistening eyes, her long brown hair, everything about her, he misses her a lot.

Myungsoo knows that this is wrong, this is the wrong thing to do, to stand up in the middle of the road without stopping her, for letting her leave just like that. In a matter of minutes, the rain started pouring down. Droplets of water block his view, drenched him. The rain burns his skin but he decided to stay under it, to realize something important.

If he goes back, he chose Suzy and if he walk straight forward, he chose Jiyeon.

This decision will change his life.

He started walking, step by step, not going the opposite direction but going to where Jiyeon went. His walk became a run. He runs as fast as he can, as if everything is timed. This is the moment when he finally realizes the most important thing in his heart, that she’s the most important person in his life.

Everyone said that realization comes in the end.

Upon arriving outside Jiyeon’s apartment, he didn’t waste any time as he knocks endlessly.

“Jiyeon!”

Just a minute, the door swings open, revealing a petite woman, eyes reddened because of too much crying.

“M-myungsoo?” She can’t believe her eyes right now because right in front of her is her ex-boyfriend, the guy she pretended to dump just 20 minutes ago, the guy who made her cry like this, the guy who she wants to be back on her side and the guy who she loves.

“I don’t want to end everything just like that.” Myungsoo says between his breaths.

“I want you back.”

Hearing those touching words makes her cry once again. And before she can say something she pulls him for a hug, out from the rain. Her hug becomes tight as she keeps on crying. This moment slowly eases the pain in their hearts. And being with the person you love is the most rewarding moment in our lives.

Myungsoo breaks their hug, as he travels his hand on her face. Then he slowly moves closer to her, lips planting a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m sorry for being a jerk and for hurting you.”

This time he kisses the tip of her nose.

“Thank you for being there and for loving a person like me.

Jiyeon stares at him intently, still with tears on her cheeks. This moment is too sweet and too special that she can’t stop crying. And for the last time, finally and once again his lips touch her lips. Her soft and sweet lips feels so good, this kiss feels so right.

“I love you, Jiyeon.”

“Because after all this time, it’s still you… and forever it will be you.”

A/N: Finally! I hope everyone will like it though the plot is so simple, I just heard the song let me be the one then this story came in my mind. The truth is, this story should end with bad ending but I think I wrote many stories with sad endings and this time I want it to be a sweet one. This is for monarko17 since he requested it, I hope you will like it! Haha. Thank you and feel free to comment and subscribe because I might write another story about them, though I'm not really a fan of those two and not even shipping this OTP.