I started to arrange all my things and pack them up in my bags. It’s hard to imagine that I’m giving up the person whom I dearly loved, but never loves me back. I was known to be called “Him Yoona” or strong Yoona, but every time he declines me, I could never prevent myself from bursting out tears and feel weak. But at this moment, him Yoona will be back and I assure him that he will regret this. Now I’m done packing up my things, I must go and leave this place where I use to see him every morning ignoring me. Well, this is goodbye.

As I went outside my door, I saw him. It’s him; Lee Donghae, the person who causes my burden. We stared at each other for a short moment because I told myself that it’s already over. He must saw me carrying out bags as I walked out on the aisle. As I walked, I can feel that my heart is telling me to cry but my eyes are too tired to burst again for nothing. I was about to turn to my left and head straight to the lobby and tell Mrs. Goo that I’ll be leaving the dorm I stayed in for many years but then I heard him calling my name.

 No Yoona, you’re just hallucinating, he’ll never call you for he hates you.

 Those where the things that was running through my mind as my heart starts to beat very fast but I was wrong. He was really calling out for me.

“Yoona!  Yoona wait!” Donghae exclaimed as he suddenly grabbed my right arm.

I stopped and faced him. “What?” I stated nervously.

“Why are you carrying those bags?”

“Lee Donghae, I’m leaving.” I said firmly.

“Uh– uh—let me help you carry these out.”

He immediately grabbed the bags I’m carrying and walked before me.

 “Uh– uh—let me help you carry these out.” Those were the words that hurt me again for many times. I thought he was telling me not to leave because he can’t let me go, instead, he volunteered himself to send me away faster. As much as possible, I don’t really want to cry for I’m too tired to. But for many times, I cried once more. I can conclude now that everything you thought was wrong and is opposite to what will happen.

Never expect something for it will just hurt you a lot.

I remember that I’ve already decided myself to give up this stupid love I’m feeling for Donghae, and so I hurriedly wiped out my tears and continued walking towards the lobby. I stopped at the spot where Mrs. Goo sits as Donghae placed my bags at the corner of the lobby desk.

“Um, Mrs. Goo, I’m leaving the dorm.” I said hesitantly.

“But why? I remember when you told me ages ago that you’re never going to leave this second home of yours?” Mrs. Goo complained.

“I thought so Mrs. Goo.” I said and left out a deep sigh.

“Is there something wrong? I’ve noticed you these past days that you look so poignant.”

“There’s nothing you should worry about Mrs. Goo. I’m just clearing things out. After all of these, who knows? I might come back.” I said as I showed out the bright side of my thoughts.

“Alright, if there’s nothing I can do then you can leave now. Just be safe alright?”

I nodded and thanked her for the last time. I grabbed my pouch and headed through the entrance door of the dorm. I was in my deep thoughts when Donghae broke the silence. “I’ll go get a cab for you.”

He does really want me to leave.

But I don’t care anymore. If I do, I will be hurt again and I won’t let my heart be again. As soon as the cab arrived in front of me, I instantly put my things and entered the car.

“So, is this goodbye?” Donghae asked.

“I don’t know and if I do, you wouldn’t care, right?” I said almost sounding pissed out.

“Ohh. If that’s the case, then, just be safe wherever you are staying in, alright?”

“How come you sound like you care for me?” I said grimly.

I know I sounded too harsh but if we analyze the situation, I am the one who is more treated as nothing than what I am currently doing now to him.

“I’ll miss you, Im Yoon Ah. Come back one day for me when you’re ready to–”

“To be what? To be hurt all over again? I’ve had enough pain from you from the past. I don’t want to be hurt again in the future. And don’t tell me you’re gonna miss me because ever since we met, I’ve never been a part of your life and will never be.” Those were the words I left out to Donghae.

I closed the door of the cab and instructed the driver to leave. I could see it through Donghae’s eyes that he cares for me. He really does care for me, but only for this instance, because I’m leaving. My eyes couldn’t help but to pour out tears but I assure that this will be the last tears I’ll be shedding because I’m longing for Donghae’s love that I know I wouldn’t feel.

When will I be loved?

 I’ve tried everything I can for him to feel my presence but nothing happened. I guess this was a good thing for me. I guess I can’t be loved by now and I hope one day, I’ll receive the love I’m longing for Lee Donghae—the person I’ve poured out all my love and I guess I haven’t offered to and don’t deserve to receive my love.

Good bye, Lee Donghae.