I wake up from my sleep again, but it's hard to open my eyes. The happy moments, the laughter from my dreams are erased by the reality in my head again.
At the moment I open my eyes again, I'm all alone. It's been a long time I can't sleep well. 'Your expression while looking at me, and the familiar tone of your voice... I can't forget her. Without her, can I survive?' I'm wondering and then the flashback of the most painful memories replay in my mind.
I was walking happily with a bouquet of roses in my hand, then I stopped at the front of park front gate, I fixed my collar and hair and then I stepped into the park.
Quickly, I headed to the bench which was the first place I confessed my love to her. As soon as I reached the place, I saw her sitting on the bench waiting for me, I smiled...
"Hey!" I shouted, she heard me and looked at me; and then I hurriedly reached her. "Hi my love... sorry late, this is for you..." I smiled widely and gave her the flowers, she took it and gave me a faint smile, I sensed something wasn't right with her expression and the look she gave me,
"Hey... what happened babe?" I asked as I sat next to her,
"Erm," She began with a sound of hesitation there, "Kai, I think we need to talk," she said,
"Sure" I felt it, something doesn't felt right, "Why? is there anything wrong?" I asked her again,
"Let's break up." She said.
My heart broke into million pieces when those sentences came out from her lips. "W-what?" I was hoping it's just a joke, I really hope it was... but,
"Yes Kai, I want to break up" she repeated it again but I still can't believe it, I looked down and I've became speechless...
"I really want to break up... can you just let me go?" she asked me,
I looked at her small face, "Why are you doing this? Something went wrong?" my tears were forming but I was able to hide them. She looked away and seemed like she felt guilty about something , I held her shoulders using both of my hand and pulled her facing me
"Answer me!!" I raised up my voice, and then she seemed like she's going to cry, I can see her eyes turned crystal clear,
"I- We can't be together... and I can't lie anymore!" She started to raise up her voice too,
"Lie? What do you mean?" I was confused,
"Kai, I don't love you anymore... I love someone else now..." I was really shocked to hear that, but I still pretended to be calm while actually my empty heart was nearly overflowing with tears,
"But... what--" I became really speechless,
"Remember fortnight ago, you were on a trip to London," She began, "I've met a guy at a cafe, at first we're just friend but after time passed, we're in love, I fall in love with him and he loves me too... We're together now..." She said,
I can't believe it, "Hyeri, please... don't do this, don't say we should break up or that you'll leave me or ask me to let you go... How can I let you go? I don't want to..." I begged her, it doesn't feel real, and I chose to not believe it, no, I couldn't believe it.
"But I think you should let me go. You won't be happy with me, so forget me and live on, Kai..." she stood up, I grabbed her hand,
"But how if I can't erase you?! You're the reason I'm alive!" The tears I hid deep inside me came out,
"I know you can erase me. And I think I should return all these..." she left the gifts beside me, the gifts that I gave her, a ring and also the flowers, I froze watching her doing that. By then, my heart was completely gone and I lost my mind, that I was unable to adapt the situation. 'What should I do?' I questioned myself,
"Goodbye Kai, I hope you'll be better after this..." She gave a faint smile and bid goodbye. Then she walked away leaving me all alone while I was just watching her walking away from my life... forever. Then, my tears fell one by one. Suddenly it started to rain but I still sat there like a statue.
I close my eyes as sadness climbs up my throat again. Every time, every moment, every second of my life, I keep on thinking about her and those hurtful words of farewell that I really hated so much. Everyday my heart hurts so much, I feel like I'm going to die.
I remember that I went home after 6 hours sitting there. I left the ring and the flowers on the bench. Three weeks already passed, but I'm still thinking about her.
I wake up and turn into a sitting position on my bed. "Hyeri-ah!! What should I do now? I still feel that way. You've gotten farther away leaving only regrets..." I shout her name out although I know she won't hear it. I mess my hair, look around my room. I still can see her traces in this room, I try to erase it but I can't. It's like she used an eternal paint.
I get off from my bed, and take a glance at my watch. It shows 11 : 30 AM now. I head to the bathroom and wash my face roughly and look at the mirror. But in the reflection, I see Hyeri. With a smile on her face, behind me, on the mirror.
"Hyeri!" I smile and turn around. Unfortunately, there's no one there. 'I must have gone crazy,' I thought as I rubs my face, deppresed. I'm going crazy without her. I shake my head and slowly headed to my cabinet.
I take my black jacket hanging at the cabinet's door, I put it on me then take a look at the mirror. I can see I'm getting thinner and my hair is a mess also my eye-bags are getting worse then I notice a picture of me and her in a frame.
I lift it up and take a closer look, 'It's really a happy time...' I smile faintly then I feel anger in my heart, I become mad looking at the picture, I hate looking at her smiling in the picture. I can imagine she's smiling although she knows that I'm in pain right now. Then I take a look at the other side my room's wall, there are a tons of picture hanging on the wall. The sweet, happy, fun memories with her were dedicated in lot of pictures and I pinned all of it on my wall.
I smile looking at those pictures. My tears are forming but I just swallow the tears. Enough scanning through the pictures. I leave my house and walk around without any directions in the snowy day. Without realizing, now I stand across from her house.
I keep standing there and gazing at her house. Then, a car shows up and park it right in front of her house. A guy steps out from the car, and heads straight toward her house's front door. He rings the house's bell and then, the door opens. Hyeri steps out from her house with a wide smile and holds that guy's hand. She closes her house's door and starts walking towards the guy's car. Both of them are happy. She's laughing and I can see how bright her smile is. She doesn't even notice I'm standing there, across from her house. I sigh. They get into the car then drive away and leaves me alone there.
"Hyeri... you seems very happy with him, I'm glad to see that. Even you already threw me out of your life but you're still in my life. It's okay but if you come back I might run to you..." I stand there, watching her drifting away while my tears kept falling again along with the snow.
"How much do I have to cry for our memories to be spread apart in the rain?
I guess that won't happen; 'cause you might come back, I miss you..." - Kai
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