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AFF username: Cuddle

Story Title: Idols in Love

Story URL: Idols in Love

Genre: Romance

No. of Chapters: 41 (Completed)

Main Characters: 2PM, OC

Level of Strictness: 3 - Average

Rated?(yes/no): No

 *Option: B

Here you go!

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♪Opening

●Title- 3/5

❀ Not effective enough; Did not trigger or prick my curiosity

❀ The word 'love' should be capitalized; Entire title should be 'Idols in Love'

❀ Covered the basics of the story, it's reflective~ ^_^

●Poster/Background- /5

❀ It won't be marked since you have none~ :)

●Description & Foreword- 3/10

❀ Your introduction of the group 'Sentimental' & Bubbles should be in 'Description', not 'Foreword'

❀ Needs to expand more; Don't generalize too much or else readers won't be interested

❀ Relationships? Characters? Don't rely on readers' imagination. The story is yours right? Let them follow your lead

>>Total: 6/15<<

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♪Contents

●Creativity/Originality- 6/10

❀ I adore the love triangle, and the love at first sight idea. These kind of ideas reoccur in nearly every story I read but as long as they are well written, I don't see a problem.

❀ Having idols fall in love, being attacked by anti-fans etc are not exactly original either. You find these kind of plot lines nearly everywhere.

❀ I wouldn't say you exactly had a BRILLIANT start. It was confusing and I'm not sure the way you experss your thoughts is comprehensible enough.

●Plot- 11.5/20

❀ I'm totally confused as to what kind of storyline your characters are following

❀ Stop including details in brackets! Such info should be covered in the D+F right? Or just elaborate further with more words. Using brackets make me feel like you're unprepared.. T_T

❀ The story lacks background - BG helps readers to get a better insight~

❀ Story Format: sometimes you write like a standard novel, but in later chapters you explained events like diary entries (chp32) Stick to one please~:D

●Chapter Titles- 2.5/5

❀ Most are normal at the max, the rest relate the story but are dull and unexciting

❀ If you decide to put in chapter titles, stick with it throughout

❀ Do not put emoticons, it shows unprofessionism. (Chapter 39- ~.~)

●Flow- 5.8/10

❀ It flow well enough, events connect with each other early chapters

❀ Don't skip significant events; How did Junho and Bubbles start Dating? Why did Wooyoung suddenly marry Bubbles?

❀ Ridiculous time spans? 1 year / 8 years are too long.

>>Total: 25.8/45<<

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♪Expression

●Characterization- 10/15:

❀ Wooyoung and junho are too similar; Lack of individualities

❀ Stop trying to make Bubbles perfect; it's unreaslitic becuase perfection doesn't exist in reality

❀ Include other members too! (should have included brief intros before commencing the plot)

●Writing Style- 6.8/10

❀ POVs change too quickly; Confusing and possibly misleading

❀ No settings? It feels like you’re telling a story instead of me reading the story

❀ Chapter lengths change too drastically from time to time (chp34 LONG), chp37(short)

●Mechanics- 7/10

❀ There are notable mistakes throughout; Be sure to edit chapter before posting! ^^

❀ Watch out for missing words that make sentences complete. E.g. That, if, etc.

❀ Overall you didn't make A LOT of mistakes even thought there are a lot of chapters~ Well Done!

>>Total: 24.8/35<<

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●Bonus- 2.8/5

It's not a story where I just cannot put down. In fact I did bored once in a while and I didn't finish it in one sitting. I adore 2PM but the plot overall does not appeal to me... MIANHAE! O_O

>>>TOTAL: 61%<<<

(out of 95 marks)

C3

I did all I can help on trying to insert useful advices in every aspect of the story. Do consider rewriting it though! I'm sure if you take in account my comments here you'll improve! ^_^ AJA AJA Fighting! <3

Anyway people~ this is a sample of the 'Option B' review~ It's done in summarized bullet point~ ^_^