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AFF username: xleennaa

Story Title: Reminiscence

Story URL: Reminiscence

Genre: Romance & Angst

Current Length (No. of Chapters): One

Main Characters: Jonghyun & MiYoung (OC)

Rated?(yes/no): No

Here you go!

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♪Opening    

●Title-3.5/5

Pretty good. It gives a feel to the readers already of what kind of storyline they are getting themselves into, since the title already gives a sense of the atmosphere and mood of the story out. You stated that it’s a one shot as well to make it clear to the readers to avoid confusion, and I like when readers do that since I hate when I’m looking for one shots to read and I don’t know which one is which lol! But the title isn’t any special and it’s one-worded, which makes it even more simple. Nothing against you here though!! XD

●Poster+Background- 5/5

Wahh! I love it!! It really delivers that sense of ‘reminiscence’ (LOL) and angst through the specific colours and designed used in both the poster and background since they are kind of identical~ But I’m not saying that’s a problem! At least you have a background made especially for your background which I admire a lot. Well it obviously indicated the main characters in the story which caused no confusion, and your catchphrase there is really nice too~ :DD In my opinion it could have been a little bigger in size but no way I’m bringing down the marks for that~XD

●Description+Foreword- 7.5/10

The description is simple, and yet deep and complicated in a way. It successfully captures the readers’ attention (well mine anyway~:)) by the way it makes the readers imagine and such. Your foreword is pretty awesome since it quoted some lines that were said by the characters and gives a glimpse of the (probz?) past of the storyline. It further emphasises on the female character’s curiousity and frustration as to why that promise is broken. The emotions are very well portrayed but pictures could have been in use. It’s my opinion really but I always think fanfics that include pictures of the characters attract readers more. That’s just me though.XD

>>Total: 16/20<<

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♪Contents

●Creativity/ Originality- 8/10

It’s unique, in a way, but not entirely. I love the way though where you had flashback from the past in between scenes in the present, it’s not utterly refreshing but not many fanfics do it throughout the whole story, and here you handle it exceptionally brilliant~^_^ I loved too how you focused on a particular scene to avoid skippy scenes here and there! ^^ The story had a pretty awesome start to apprehend the reader’s interest from the beginning, and the story itself did an excellent job in portraying that originality~^^ You want cookies? :DD

●Plot- 17/20

The story plot is full of regret + remorse which is also very well represented throughout the whole story. It’s not messy anywhere and I love how you can make the readers move to tears~ (Although I didn’t, which is weird considering I’m not cold-blooded lol~XD) But again, characters dying and facing death and reminiscence is often seen in stories nowadays so no surprise welcomed me in this story, but I’m not saying it didn’t sweep me off my feet! Your writing style especially gives off opportunities to readers to comprehend the story better and are able to picture the particular scenes in their head~ ^^

●Chapter Titles(if applied)- 2.5/5

Well, I can't really say much to be hones here since your title of the chapter imitated the actual title of your one shot story, no amazement here, but it succeeded though in further emphasising the point you’re trying to deliver here~ but again, no shocker or anything~ Creativity can maybe also be shown here.J

●Flow- 9/10

LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED it. I seriously love how you were able to make the previous flashback scenes resemble the present scenes continuously during the course of the entire story. Every flashback printed a reflection of the past of the present, it aided in helping to put accent of the emotions of the main characters and I adored it!! The flow is perfect, honestly, except one little part: "I promise that I'll come back in ten years, but...will we still be together that long afterwards? Would our feelings for each other still be like now?" He looked at me as what I said registered into his mind.”- where did Jonghyun go? And for ten years? Or do you mean by coming back to the time capsule after 10 years with MiYoung? It’s just a tiny bit confusing here~

 >>Total: 36.5/45<<

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♪Expression

●Characterisation -11.5/15

Well it’s obvious on who are the main characters here in the story (thanks to the poster and D+F lol~^^). Although some other minor characters were lightly touched in the story, you didn’t really go further or bothered to describe them in the D+F, I’m not going to into them either lol~XD

1) Jonghyun: I was going to say no actual presentation of his characteristics was involved in the story but when I looked back some evidences helped to debate against it: "Yah, no looking!" He moaned. "Why not?" I pouted, whilst staring into his eyes. "Because...it's for you to find out in the future."  He cheekily smiled. I sighed and nodded my head.”- Here a playful and naïve side was shown; “Along with some little scraps of paper, which I believe were the funny notes we use to pass to each other in class. "You kept those?" I asked in disbelief as he nodded once again, reaching into his bag for more things.”- Here I could see his dedicated puppy love for MiYoung in the past; “I promise to love you forever, I promise I will be there when you need a hand to hold,  I promise I will hold you forever. Should you need me, I’ll be there cross my heart, I promise you can count on me until the end of time.”  He said, holding onto my hand.”- And here we can see his loyalty and determination to love MiYoung forever and ever, which is totally sweeeeet~:D

Jonghyun’s character was very well described, as different sides of him was shown through different stages of the story.

2) MiYoung: at first I was like, ‘oh no not another MiYoung..’ lol! But I guess it doesn’t really matter~^^ Same with Jonghyun, the story presented a young, childlike MiYoung in the flashback scenes as she was having fun with Jonghyun: “Hey I gave you that!" He reached into the box and picked up my necklace. I laughed and placed it back in the box."Ten years later." He started to fake cry and I could only laugh at how cute and silly he was.”; and later she was slightly matured and knew how to reminiscence the past: “She took a deep breath before placing all the contents back into the capsule, all except from the necklace Jonghyun gave her for her 18th birthday. Sometimes it's just better to leave some things behind and move on, but she just wanted something that she could remember Jonghyun by."

But in a way, I felt like the way you described Jonghyun is kind of better than the way you described MiYoung. I can’t really get my hands on it, but it just seems that way. Maybe you concentrated on too much the overflowing emotions of Miyoung instead of giving her a few character traits? More details can be added on in this field but one shot is a one shot, I understand the hardship of trying to put everything in there.:DD

●Writing Style: 9/10

I love details. (Well who doesn’t..XD) And I absolutely admire the way you described details in the story, outstanding the actions especially. For Eg)”Jonghyun...." I sobbed and carried on hugging him as tightly as I could whilst burying my face into his neck, letting the tears run freely down my cheeks.”—intense images were sent to the readers from lines like that, and also, you’re great at capturing emotions: “I would never be able to hear his sweet talks, his jokes, his laughs and his beautiful singing.I would never be able to hug him like I am doing now.I would never be able to see him, and at that moment, the only thing I could say to him was 'I love you'”- these are greatly portrayed in the story.~:DD Although some further details or descriptions could be added on several nouns in the story, the story itself did not failed to create such amazing images~:D  

I love how you put in some meaningful sentences at the end of the story, which invigorated the point you’re trying to get through in the story. It was sad, and I love how readers can enjoy a great story while at the same time learning something that’s significant. And the song too lol~ How can I not love SHINee’s ‘Life’~:DD It suited the story a 100% ^.^

●Mechanics(Grammar, Spelling etc)- 10/10

Eh… It’s either I wasn’t concentrating on picking out errors as I was going through the story, or it’s that it HAS NO MISTAKES in this area. And I believe it’s the 2^nd option here~:DD Yayyyss you’re the first one to get a 10 in this category!!! :DD

>>Total: 30.5/35<<

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+Bonus- 3.5/5

I’m not the type of girl who digs fanfics that contain elements of angst and regret, but somehow this story bought me new light and I was able to get into the plot very easily. It’s nice to get away from the usual happy and bubbly stories I read most of the time..XD

☆Total: 88%☆

A

    Well what can I say~ We all know your story deserves an A! It was absolutey brilliant and was written dazzingly~^^ It’s a flipping great  story  and dang how I WISH IT WAS LONGER!!! :DD Like what everyone says, it was sad and yet beautiful~and once again, sorry for the weird fonts..=.=