Author's note: posting this because I am missing Heechul and Hankyung these days!! /sobbing. I hope you guys enjoy!! ^^

There it is; the letter written in blue ink with the familiar handwriting I have grown to detest, creased from all the times I crumpled and unwrinkled it, sneering at me. The first time I saw it disguised in an envelope with a simple Kim Heechul printed on the front resting on my pillow, I knew it would be bad. But, despite everything, or maybe because of all that has happened, I opened it.

Heechul,

You’ve been my strength for so long now, and I want you to know that I could not have lasted as long as I did without you. You’ve been such a good friend, the best friend, and I am sorry that I couldn’t do anything for you.

We’ve been together for a long time, haven’t we? We’ve worked together perfecting our dance routines late into the night, drank our troubles away, pulled pranks on the other members, and eventually we both grew as artists and human beings; especially you, Heechul. Again, I want to apologize for all of my shortcomings, and perhaps as my last selfish request of you, I need to write to you, to say all of the things I cannot say in person, and in the end, I want you to understand why I am doing this.

I am leaving because I can’t take this anymore both physically and mentally. I wish somehow it could be different; that this isn’t the only way for me to achieve happiness, but I’ve thought it over for a long time and I realized that this is how it must be. For that, I am sorry. For meeting you and the other members, I am not sorry. You’ve taught me so much, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that was can still be friends; I hope that you can still rely on my, and I you. Even though I will not be there, know that I am a phone call away. Thank you for everything, Heechul.

With love and thanks,

Hangeng

Lies. You didn’t have to leave, Hankyung, you could have stayed here with me, with super junior, and somehow it would have gotten better. Without you, I can’t breathe; I can’t see; all I can do is regret. It’s not your fault; it’s mine. I should have done something, talked to the managers, anybody, and maybe you wouldn’t have had to leave. But I didn’t. I know that you would tell me that there’s nothing I could have done, but you and I both know that’s not true. Some friend I am. I never helped you, or even showed you that I cared. I shouldn’t have grown attached in the first place, but it’s too late. I still depend on you. I’ve tried calling, but you never answer. Liar. You left and now you won’t answer my calls? Liar. The only connection I have to you now is this tattered letter.

I can’t stand rereading your letter, but I read it anyway. Maybe I enjoy tearing open this festering wound you inflicted, or maybe I still haven’t accepted that you are gone. But after I crumple your letter for the hundredth time, I will smile and go off to my radio show because I am Kim Heechul and Kim Heechul does not feel sorrow. And surely, when I return to the dorm later tonight, I will trudge to my room wearily and smooth out your letter for the hundredth time just so I can see your familiar messy handwriting before slipping into another dreamless sleep alone.