Title: The Perfect Secretary

By: tillynilly

Alarms went off in my head (in a bad way) when I spotted two particular things:

1) It’s another ‘Secretary and Boss’ story

2) The word ‘perfect’

Just how perfect can Tiffany be in here? Will she be like one of those 'Hey, I’m a straight A student, I’m rich, I’m pretty and everyone worship my perfection but somehow, my current crush is the only one in this world who is unaffected by my beauty and brains, so that’s why I’m now sitting pretty on my pink fluffy bed and painting my nails and b*tching about it to my equally gorgeous friends (but not as pretty as me of course *winks).’.

To be honest, I found myself praying hard before reading your story, hoping that it wouldn't turn out to be one of those unbelievably roll-eye-worthy characters in an already so saturated secretary-boss 'market'.

And to my relief, it was anything but that, so kudos to you.

I really admire Tiffany’s character in your story, but I’ll elaborate more about that in the ‘Character Design/Depth’ section later on. 

Title

As mentioned previously, the stereotypical view of ‘secretary-boss’ stories are already etched in most readers’ minds, so people who see that magic word will naturally shun such stories, unless they’re diehard fans of such a story topic. Also, when I first saw the title, it didn’t have the ‘pulling’ effect on me, and because of the stated factors, I would have to unfortunately take points off for this section.

Poster

I can only score you for ‘appropriateness’ of the poster since you stated in your request form that you kind of stole took it from somewhere and did some tweaking to it.

The poster does successfully depict the mood for the entire series because of the sepia-like colour. The way Tiffany looked at Hyukjae with a ‘longing’ vibe while he just played it cool helps the readers create a certain image of what’s to come and after reading the introduction, I must say this poster is very appropriate for your series.

Intro

It is only until people who decide to give your story a go will then be able to appreciate the fact that you have worked hard (and reaped the fruits of your labour) to make this already so ‘cliché’ topic into something your own.

Because your introduction doesn’t show how you have tried to differentiate your ‘secretary-boss’ story from others, most people (like me) will give your story a pass because we will just label your work as another ‘one of those kind’ story. 

And because of this, I will have to dock points.

That aside, your introduction clears up my stereotypical view of the title ‘The Perfect Secretary’, because it shows that Tiffany is strict with herself when it comes to her job, so the word ‘perfect’ here is about being professional in the work place.

Part 1: Intro

Title: 3/5

Poster: 3/5

Description/Foreword: 3/5

Content

Despite a very simple plot which mostly revolves around her resolve on not falling for her attractive and easy going boss, what makes this story such a page turner is her inner turmoil. I’m a self confessed sadist, so I found great joy in reading her consistently fight with herself on how wrong it is to start a relationship with her boss while she is still at the end of the day, his secretary, and then a split second later, she switches side and starts fangirling about how awesome Hyukjae is. Usually, fickle-minded characters can be annoying to read but you have done it tastefully and adopted this characteristic effectively for this emotionally messed-up secretary.

Organisation

Highlights and events in the story are engaging and developed though the use of very raw and relatable emotions (mostly from Tiffany) and in a sensible and judicious order. The transition from one scene to another is smooth and coherency in language helps to effectively facilitate this. You introduce, develop and close events well, which enables the readers to enjoy and comprehend this story easily.

Vocabulary, Language and Structure

I am well aware of your capabilities as a writer (though the level of language and personal writing style used in the series) so I will not tell you off for a certain few occasions whereby you made grammatical mistakes or had omissions of certain words which led to awkward sentence structures. Those can be easily corrected by proofreading, but I will have to unfortunately penalize you for such carelessness.

Your story mechanics (spelling, punctuation, capitalization, indentation for new speakers, etc.) are near perfect, so well done.

Overall, you did well in this section.

Audience engagement/effect on readers + Originality

You have successfully sustained the reader’s interest mainly because I’m sure a proportion of people who read your story are holding onto the hope that by the end of the story, some ‘hyukfany’ action will happen and this particular group of shippers started to get excited after the revelation that Hyukjae and Hyoyeon broke up.

While most authors would make the character in Hyukjae’s shoes totally lose interest in their ex-love and fall for whoever wants them next, you wrote it in a way that he might or might not end up with Tiffany. Also, you seem to be ‘teasing’ the readers with the break up, the invite by Hyukjae who wanted to go for a drink with her (and might lead to some sort of messy drunk activity) and the ty scene which turned out to be her daydreaming in the end. All these factors helped in sustaining the readers’ interest until the end of the series and to be honest, it also made the ‘unhappy’ ending slightly more acceptable for readers because of the ‘fanreaderservice’.

As mentioned earlier, despite the cliché topic you have chosen to work on, you have succeeded in making this exciting though awesome and well thought through characterization and vividly described emotions from Tiffany’s side.  

I wouldn’t say it’s entirely a shame that this story failed to bring the hyukfany couple to realisation because it seemed more real that a person such as Hyukjae, who is also ‘perfect’ in his own way, would still pine over his break up and wouldn’t just give up on Hyoyeon that easily, and partly due to the fact that she had ended their relationship in such a petty and abrupt manner.

You have done well in this section because you pulled off writing the emotions, characters and way they react to certain situations at such a high level of realism that it made this story such an amazingly believable and enjoyable read.

Character Design/Depth

I am all about characterization when I read stories, because this is the part where writers can turn a seriously boring story topic into something fun and unique. Writers are given the freedom to design their own ‘humans’ but most of them usually overlook this and instead, concentrate on wanting to come up with some crazily ‘creative’ plot. But come on, let’s be honest here, we writers are really running out of plots that are supposedly ‘not written before’. 

Tiffany should seriously get a bonus or pay raise for all the things she has done for Boss-Hyukjae. She is extremely disciplined and takes her job (too) seriously. Apart from being ‘Employee of the Year’, she is also an amazing friend, even going to the extend of patching things up between Hyukjae and Hyoyeon instead of taking advantage of her boss’ recent change in relationship status: singledom.

Her fantasizing made her all the more realistic because despite rejecting Hyukjae’s offer to drink and eagerness to ‘run’ away from him during workhours, it's normal for humans to be susceptible to their hormones.

She is a character worth admiring- strong, reliable, responsible and iron willed. Don’t all bosses wish for a whole office of ‘Tiffanies’ so they can achieve high work productivity and near-zero office rendezvous.

Tiffany really is, ‘The Perfect Secretary’.

Hyukjae plays his role well as the easy going and likable boss with his own quirks. His ‘weaknesses’ make his character as real as Tiffany- being forgetful and all.

It is clear to us readers that you had really put in good thought and planning into your characters and I have to commend you for that. Great job!

Other comment(s):

Is that really necessary?

Part 2: Story

Content: 7.5/10

Organisation: 8.5/10

Vocabulary, Language & Structure: 27/30

Audience engagement: 8/10

Originality: 7.5/10

Character Design/Depth: 13.5/15

PM me if you have any queries about the review.