The Feeling of Confusion
'The moment we stop being friends'After changing into my PE uniform, I shut my locker close. When I turned around I gasped finding Seo Joon, Sora and Ji Hye stood in front of me.
“Good luck later. Hope you run well,” Seo Joon smiled meaningfully.
“Oh—ahh ne,” I replied with an awkward laugh.
The three girls then smirked and went out of the room.
I followed them out after a moment and just as I stepped outside the locker room, “Ya Fatty-ah what did those three tell you?”
Why do people keep on appearing out of no where today? I thought sighing. “Nothing in particular just bid me good luck, wae?”
“Aniyo,” Hongki said looking suspicious.
I looked at him unconvinced.
“Never mind that,” he paused and looked at me head-to-toe. His expression changed all of a sudden, like he was kind of embarrassed or something.
“Is there something wrong with my clothes?” I asked noticing.
“A-aniyo!!!” he said defensively as he started to walk. “Let’s get going before we run late for PE class.”
I narrowed my eyes figuring out what might be wrong when I heard him muttered, “Why do PE uniforms of girls in Korea have to be that short? Are they out of clothe or something?”
~~
I let out a ton of air from my lungs as I stood at the starting point of the track. Seriously my stomach felt like butterflies were eating it or rather caterpillars were eating it. This is just for PE but why the hell am I this nervous? Oh yeah, maybe it’s because of the fact that I’m not very confident with my running skills, it’s just that neither my bodily balance nor my respiratory track can be trusted in this kind of situation.
I looked at the crowd of my classmates at side of the track when my eyes instantly landed on Hongki. He looked back at me for a moment and smiled with his eyes then mouthed, ‘fighting’.
For some reason, that made me froze. How could he do this to me? Isn’t it enough that I felt my knees quiver because of this freaking 100 meter sprint, why make me feel even weaker with his stare and all? Aish! Chincha!
Without a warning the whistle blew signaling us to start. Being caught by surprise, I was the last one to start the race but luckily someone has worst running skills than mine. I laughed evilly inside.
In the mid of the race, without a warning my foot caught up with rock and tripped. It wasn’t just a simple trip tough. Since I lack control of balance within my body, in a second I was falling down. The impact of my right knee and my palms on the ground was as painful as getting stubbed even though I haven’t experienced it yet, I felt like dying in that very second. But as if an angel come down from the skies to fetch me what happened next made my heart skip two or three bits.
Hongki with his worried eyes gently pick me up from the ground. He then carried me the bridal way and marched away from the speechless crowd.
~~
Hongki settled me on the infirmary bed without talking as he went to get a first aid kit.
We were silent as he cleaned my wounds. Occasionally, I would whimper and for some reason it made us uneasy.
Because of the burning silence, I decided to put out the fire. It took me all my courage to open my mouth, “I-I’m sorry Hongki-ah… for making you do all this things.”
He blew away the pain from my wounds and said, “What are you talking about? This doesn’t bother me at all and it’s my fault anyway.”
“Eh? It’s not your fault. It’s because of this weak body of mine.”
“Aniyo. Don’t blame yourself okay? I should’ve known that something like this would happen after what those girls told you,” he appeared to be anxious, worried, guilty or a mixture of those.
“What do you mean? I don’t get you at all,” I asked feeling worried too.
“Never mind that I was just talking to myself. Oh well, it’s finished. I’ll be watching so don’t worry anymore instead take a rest for a bit,” he said as he helped me lie down.
“Gomawo,” I looked up at him with a sincere smile.
I wasn’t sure but I thought I saw him blush as he went to stand by the window.
As I closed my eyes, Hongki’s worried face earlier flashed inside my mind. It made my heart pound hard against my chest. In a second, that made me feel confused. How can a friend make me feel this way? How come whenever I see his face, his smile something inside me goes wrong? Do I just see him as a friend? Or more that that? .......................Do I like him? the thought made me shiver. What am I thinking? He’s just a friend, a childhood friend. I sighed and decided not to think anymore. I’m just tired I better get some sleep or else I’ll go mad.
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