Walking is what I did; walking silently in the middle of the loud noises of Seoul, walking to our favorite place. I was nervous; extremely, that is . For the past year, I have been leaving notes in my best friend's locker at school. I would always sneak quietly while the halls were empty and discreetly place the note inside of his locker. Just recently, I had revealed my identity to him. I was happy that I had finally gotten such a weight off of my chest. He knew now, and there was nothing to hide. There was no more awkwardness. But, what has been killing me, what has been eating me alive for the past few days, is that I don't know how he feels. I don't know his feelings. We can't make any progress whatsoever if it stays that way. So, just earlier today, I left a note in his locker telling him to meet me at our favorite place, telling him to confess—that is, if he has anything to confess.

        I slowly made my way to our favorite place, a park in the middle of Seoul. We always used to go there when we were younger, and it hasn't changed. We still come here every so often to reminisce on the older days, to remember when we were younger. We've spent so much time in this park, just the mere mention of it's name brings back so many memories. The times that Kevin and I played in the fountain on hot summer days, the times that we would eat our ice cream cones on the benches and talk about our future, as if we even had a clue. I smiled just thinking of these memories. Kevin always made me so happy when we were together in the past. Thinking of it brought back the happiness of our past. These memories shortly after turned my mood into a bitter, gloomy one. I wondered to myself, what if I ruined our friendship? What if my confession was too sudden, or even worse, Kevin doesn't like me back, and he rejects me? Would we ever have moments like that  again? If these events happen, will we ever be the same?

       I reached my destination after walking as slowly as possible. I could've gotten here faster, but my fear and anticipation kept me from doing so. I hesitantly dragged my feet across the ground, keeping my gaze onto my feet, not wanting to look up. Right now, it is 6:45 pm. I'm a little early, but my answer is worth the wait. Although I greatly dread being rejected, it's better to know that he doesn't like me rather than spending all of my time on  a wasted effort.

     Sitting is what I did; I found our favorite bench that we always used when we came here, and sat on the cold metal. The park was quiet, that was what we loved about it. You would think that it's location would attract  a lot of visitors, but that was the exact opposite of what it was really like. This park was the exact polar opposite of the streets on the outside, that were constantly roaring with activity. I crossed my legs to make myself a little more comfortable and started to twiddle my thumbs. I had only been here for a  minute now, but my impatience was slowly starting to eat me. I decided to play with my phone to pass the time, pressing random buttons to relieve my anxiousness.

...6:50...

...6:51...

...6:52...

        The time was getting closer to when we were supposed to meet, and my heart beat started to accelerate in both fear and excitement. I was afraid of the answer that he would give when he came here. There was a fifty-percent chance that he liked me, but just thinking of that other fifty-percent that he didn't  made me worry even more. My heart beat quickened every time I thought of the topic of rejection, which was almost about every other second. It fastened to a rate to where I thought I was going to have a heart attack over the situation, and die right there before even getting my answer. I tried to calm myself and make myself think of better things, but, what was there to think of at the time? How was I supposed to change my train of thought at such a time?

...6:55...

...6:56...

...6:57...

        The amount of time I needed to wait until our designated meeting time just kept on decreasing, and my mind just kept on racing. I was starting to get a headache from how much I was thinking, I really just needed to stop. But I couldn't, the same questions kept intruding my thoughts. I knew I was thinking too much, but somehow, I couldn't get myself to stop.

...7:00...

        It was time for us to finally meet. I slowly rose myself up from my seat on the bench, in effort to see if my awaited guest was coming. However, when I did so, I saw nothing. As I looked into the distance, I saw people walking while laughing and socializing, couples holding hands, and children playing. All of these heart-warming things that on a  normal day, I would smile at seeing. But, today I slightly frowned as I only saw these things. I had waited what for me, seemed like an eternity, only to see that he wasn't even there. I started to wonder, what if he stood me up? Or what if he forgot? Or didn't even get the note in the first place?

      I mentally slapped myself for even thinking these things. Why in the world would my best friend forget about me? Even if he didn't like me, wouldn't he still show up and the turn me down nicely? I should know him better by now, he would never do such a thing. I also shouldn't expect him to show at the exact time given. He is a guy after all, I can't expect him to be here exactly on time.

...7:10...

...7:15...

...7:20...

       Waiting is what I did; sitting on the park bench in silence, my body now curled up into a fetal position. I sat by myself in the park, people starting to leave, and the sun slowly starting to descend from the sky. I sat with my face buried into my knees, looking up occasionally to see if he actually came. So much time has passed now,  I wonder where he is and why he hasn't come yet. My normal self would have gotten up and left by this point, leaving this park as I carried myself home before it got any darker. However, my eager and stubborn self stayed on the park bench as the temperature decreased, and my body got colder, still waiting for the same person after twenty minutes. I am starting to get worried now, why isn't he here yet? I know, absolutely that he wouldn't forget about me. If he had something else to do, he would have contacted me and let me know. Where in the world is he?

...7:30...

...7:40...

...7:50...

       By this time, I was tired of waiting. I wanted to go, I wanted to leave this place, but part of me was telling me to stay. Part of me was saying that I still have a chance, that he will come. Even though Kevin isn't the best person when it comes to getting to places on time, he would never be this late. By this time, only a small sliver of the sun remained in the sky to light the area. The park was open 24/7, but even so, by now, it had been emptied of all people. I sat there alone on the bench, in the near dark, waiting for him.

...7:55...

...8:00...

...8:05...

         The sun had completely set from the sky and the cold wind brushed against my skin. I closed my eyes and buried my face into my knees, hoping, wishing that he would come. That I would see the smile that never failed to bring me happiness, that I would be able to embrace him and cuddle into his warmth. I wished with every bone in my body that I would be able to see him, that he would tell me that he loved me, and that we would be happy together. Now, more than ever, I wanted him. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him. It wasn't like the want that I had when I was with him before. The desire to be noticed by him, to be seen as something other that his best friend. Before, I wanted to be seen. Now however, in the darkness of the night while sitting on this cold metal bench alone, I want him. I want his killer eye smile, his charming personality, his contagious laughter. I want to be with him, and to just sit and laugh with him like always. I miss him so much in the five hours that I haven't seen him, and the one hour that I have been sitting here. As I pull my sleeves over my hands to keep warm, I want him to tell me that he loves me.

...8:10...

...8:20...

...8:30...

       Standing is what I did; finally after sitting in one position for so long, wondering and worrying, I rose myself up from my cold seat on the bench. I slowly stretched out my cramped muscles and looking around one more time, I grabbed my bag and left our favorite place. I hesitantly dragged my feet across the ground, hoping that he would show before I step foot out of the infamous park. I slowly trudged my way to the entrance of the park; again, searching for that one person, only to never find him.

      As I left the park, tears started to form in my eyes. All of the hope that I had earlier is now gone. It vanished into the darkness of this cold night just like my figure that was slowly moving in the direction of my home. Fresh tears slid down the surface of my face as I continued to walk. I've heard my answer loud and clear. Not only did he not like me, he disliked me so much that he didn't even bother showing. It hurt. My head hurt from thinking so much, my eyes stung from the tears that kept falling, my heart hurt. I wanted to give up, to let my legs give out from beneath me and to just lay there on the cold sidewalk. I didn't want to move on. What was the point of going on if my own best friend hated me? How am I supposed to face him now? With a smile? A fake, ugly facade? To tell him I'm happy, when on the inside, I am hurting? More salty tears slid down my face as I thought of the outcomes of my future.

     Running is what I did; as I suddenly caught a glimpse of bright, flickering lights in the distance. I ran to the scene ahead of me, but stopped dead in my tracks when I found out the situation. It was a car accident, involving a pedestrian. I slowly inched closer to the scene, catching glimpses of the accident. As I got closer, I got a view of the body of the pedestrian. It was extremely familiar, too familiar for my comfort.

      No, I tried to convince myself. No, this can't be happening, this can't be real. I wanted it to be a nightmare, a horrid dream that I would soon wake up from. Sadly, I knew all too much that this was a cruel reality. I quickly ran up to the body and crouched next to it. I felt all around, his hands, his arms, his face. All of it was cold, just like the chilly breeze that blew. I didn't even look for a pulse. I knew that I would never find one. I didn't need even more of a justification. He was dead. I would have never pictured myself in this situation; crouching on the ground next to my best friend's corpse. But it's happening, at the most unexpected time.

     I wanted to show some sort of emotion. However, I couldn't bring myself to. Despite the blood, scars, and bruises that covered his body, he looked peaceful. He looked relaxed, laying silently in his place on the ground. He had a large bouquet of flowers placed neatly in his hands, as if he were already in a casket. From the looks of it, he already had the flowers in his hands before he got hit. I wondered why he would have such a large item with him. What were these for? I looked through the bouquet for a clue, for anything. I soon found a small card, with something the knocked the air out of me on it.

'To Han Eunyeon'

       Crying is what I did; as I opened the card and read the three words scrawled onto the paper in his sloppy handwriting...

'I love you'