New dorm buddy?

Making them straight again!

Minjung' POV

This seatmate of mine seem to be familiar.. Hmm.. His voice.. Where did I heard it?. Oh! Yes the rude guy that bump me and had this horror-ed face!*Is that even a word?* Anywayth.. Oh my god whats wrong with my tongue?! Anyways.. Why is he friendly to me all of the sudden? After the incident he became.. Tamed? No no.. Hmm.. Soften? Yeah soften.. Aiish! Guys are complicated!! So I ignored him the most time and only respond anything related to study other than that.. Silence took over~ I dont even know or wanted to know his name.

Riiiiiinnnggg~

Oh mai god! Atlast lunch!! I went over Minhyun and ask,"Bro. Wanna eat together?" he was about to protest but, nu-uh! He can't resist my aegyo! He finally surrender and we walk together towards the cafeteria.

Myungsoo's POV

He'd been ignoring me the whole time. But he responded if the topic is about study.

Riiiiinngg~

Aaahhh! Finally! Away from "PRISON"!! I looked at my seatmate.. Hey i didn't catch his name! I was about to ask him his name but, walked away and went to my other classmate which i dont know him. But the two of them looked like they are very close. I must know him too! He may know her(minjung). But when turned around to looked at my seatmate, he looked exactly the same!! OOHH EMMM GEE! Don't tell me that 'she' is a guy!! Or they are triplet! Yes! They are triplet! But that is just maybe.. Arghh! I don't care!! I must get close with them in order to know something. Right?! ^____^ Author-nim~~ can you make the story shorter so that i can get to know them faster?*Myungsoo.. NO! I had my story line done and no! You will have to do own your own to get close with them! XP* woah! Author-nim is creepy~~ but how m'i going to get close to them?! Aishh!

Minhyun's POV

Oh my god! Her aegyo! Who wouldn't resist it? Its very rare to see too. So, we were talking some random stuffs while walking towards the cafeteria. Then one question pop up in my mind."Hey, minjung. Since the both of us are here, i think its the best for us to just dorm here. Don't you think so?" "Minhyun-ah, then who would keep an eye of our house?" " We can just ask our neighbour to keep an eye of our house right? The name is.." "Mr Song.. Yeah but isn't he like a bussiness man that, well, doesn't go home that often?" "Yeah. But he got his son.. Song Hyunji right?" "Haven't see him in a while. Wonder what has he been doing.." so we walk towards a random table and eat lunch

After school~

No one's Pov

Minjung started to pack her beg and planned to visit the general office for further knowledge of dorming in school. She went with minhyun and hoping to get the same dorm with minhyun. She will be gladly to dorm with her brother. For the reason of not blowing her cover. Unfortunately they need to dorm with other guys. Minhyun needs to be with one of his classmate Choi Chisoo while minjung have to dorm with..

"Kim minjung. You will be dorming with Nam Woohyun. Your sunbae. "Sunbae? I thought we are the sunbae." she give the teacher what-are-you-talking-about face. "Well. In this school's system. We have a class which are higher rank then you and it is rare to have a big amount of guys in that class." she explained

Minjung's POV

"Well. In this school's system. We have a class which are higher rank then you and it is rare to have a big amount of guys in that class." what? Why? "Why?" "Simple! Only the smartest students are accepted." "and how is that?" "They will have gone through a special exam which you guys will be taking it this end of year. The students are normally wanted to continue for their parent's company and they will learn a higher level than University of Seoul." so there are such things in this school. Cool. No! Great! Now I can a higher ranking to work. If you understand what I mean. I smiled and bow. Walking out of the door with minhyun beside me. He looked like he wanted to ask something. Should i ask him? Without me asking him, he had started. "Hyung. I know you're going to take that opportunity to work right? Well, I don't want to stop you from doing what you wanted the most, but seriously, I heard it’s really hard to get in. I'm worried about you. I'm just afraid that you will stress out.'' Awwww~ My sweet little brother cared for me. "Bro. You know me. You can always cheer me up any time right?" "Yeah.. Anyway, good luck with woohyun sunbae ok? I need to go to the library for awhile" with that he left me, alone.
Hmm..I wonder what this Woohyun looks like. I went home and packed my things. Did i mentioned that my house is near?

I was walking around the corridor and I passed by Minhyun's room. Hmm.. I think i should just help him a bit. Then I remembered. Oh! I think I should remind Mr Song about the house.

At the Song's residents

I'm standing in front of the gate like some freak. I ring the bell and Hyunji came out with a jacket and he put on his hood covering his whole hair.

Hyunji's POV

Oh my god! My neighbour! What is he doing here?! I looked around my house and saw my Adidas jacket. I quickly put it on and its hood covering my hair. Hoping him not to see my hair. I went out and let out a fake cough. Pretending to be sick. Great plan right? "Minhyun-sshi,*coughs* can i help you?" "Oh! I'm Minjung." "Eh?! You're a guy. And minjung-sshi is a girl. She chuckledand continued "I looked like my brother that much?" "Yeah. I'm kinda*cough* confused by you two. So what’s your purpose of *cough* visiting me?" "It's just that the both of us are going to be away for this and next year too. I was thinking if you could look after the house if you don't mind." I was thinking if i could because I'm going to school too. But i could just scan through their house right? "I'll try." giving her a warm smile. I went back inside and quickly took of my jacket. "Ouhh! It's soo hot!" Well tomorrow is going to be big day for me. Bye life of a guy and hi life of a lady! Hope I can survive in that school. Minjung's POV

Well that's settled. Now I just have to go to school and meet Woohyun sunbae. Hope he's nice.

------------------------------------------------

So how? I'm soooooooooooo sorry for not updating early! My sister is getting married! Finally! That room is mine! Muahhahahaaa!! But!  When my mother said i have to sleep with my second sister i was like (*0*) wtf?! Are kidding me?! But in the end i lose~ ㅠ.ㅠ and I’ll promise after my sister's wedding I’ll be update sooner! ^^


Well i got you guy's comments and i appreciate for one of the comments to point out my mistakes~^^ thank you! And did i mention that english is not my first language? Haha! I'm sorry if there's any mistakes.. And if the story line is boring, please comment~~^^ Annyeong~~

 

 

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Rini6189 #1
Chapter 4: Minjung was being cool to shrug off Myungsoo when he tried to approach her to get to know her. Since she doesn't know him well, she's bound to be hostile towards him. It seems that she doesn't want anything to do with him. She's only concerned about her brother. That's one reason why she decided to enroll in the same school as him. This way, it'd be convenient for her to keep an eye on him. He is the only family that she has left. So, she takes it upon herself to look after him more. Knowing Myungsoo, he'd definitely come up with a different approach for getting close to her. If things are sped up, there'd be no point to the story. For a story to progress, it needs to go through developmental stages.

Hyunji is one strange character. For someone who's not used to having long hair, it does feel hot to him. It makes the head feel warm when it's covered by a sheet of hair. It'd be interesting to see more of him.
Rini6189 #2
Chapter 4: "Soften" is a verb. Since you're using it as an adjective, it should be "soft." "Hurt" is already in past tense on its own, so conjugating it is not necessary.

Some mistakes:

Where did I heard it?
Correction: hear

I was about to ask his name but, walked away and went to my other classmate which i don't know him.
Correction: I was about to ask for his name, but he walked away and went to my other classmate whom I don't know.
* It sounds awkward with a subject missing after the conjunction (but) when there's supposed to be a comma before it.

Now I can a higher ranking to work.
Correction: Now I can have a higher ranking for work.

I went back inside and quickly took of my jacket.
Correction: off

No problem! No. You didn't mention that English isn't your first language. Though, that possibility did occur to me. Reading more English books can help you to improve your grammar. It's best to write the dialogue (the characters' speech) separately from the actual paragraphs. It looks messy with everything clumped together, which is hard on the eyes. I don't find it boring so far. It is important to create some scenes for the main characters so that we can get to know them from different angles and see different sides of them.
Rini6189 #3
Chapter 3: Minjung is being overprotective to watch over Minhyun at all times. Since their parents aren't around, she must feel the need to look out for him a lot. At first impression, he seems cold-looking. Myungsoo's priceless facial expression at seeing Minjung shows that he feels a sense of familiarity as though he's seen someone similar on the school campus. It must be the peers' first time to see twins because of the way that they reacted when they noticed the resemblance between the two siblings. For her statement about her track record to be confirmed, she'd have to be able to prove it to them. She doesn't seem to give any indication of remember him as the guy that had bumped into her. Since she did walk off in a hurry after he'd apologized, she must've not taken a good look at him. That was unexpected coming from Myungsoo. He's being like a total fanboy in his mind thinking of Minhyun's sister. Later, he might be in for a shock when he finds out that Minjung isn't who he really thinks "he" is. Using people comes with a price because someone's bound to get hurt in the end.

The verb "raise" should be used instead of "rise" to refer to the motion of putting one's hand up in the air. In this one phrase, the verb should be "beat," not "bet." It doesn't sound right to use the phrase "capture his heart." That means Myungsoo is planning to make Minjung, who he thinks is a guy, fall for him. "Use him" or "get close to him" sounds accurate. It depends on how you intend to phrase it.

"Fraternal twins" is the correct term to refer to Minjung and Minhyun. Identical twins are two people of the same gender. Twins that are fraternal can be two of the same gender or of opposite genders, and they usually tend to not look exactly identical to each other. This is besides the point of the story, but I thought to point this out.
Rini6189 #4
Chapter 2: Hyunji seems to be majorly infatuated with Myungsoo. Calling it love doesn't sound accurate since the feeling that he describes is just an attraction--regarding his appearance. Love is something that runs deep. He doesn't really know the guy and hasn't interacted with him. There's no closeness between them. Since he is a straight guy, it's unlikely that Myungsoo would fall for him. Plus, he already has his eye on one particular girl. His plan would backfire if Myungsoo manages to discover his true identity at some point.

Rumors tend to be false, so it's best to not believe them. As friends, they should know him better than that. The queenka must be desperate come suddenly come up to him like that. She seemed to be interested in him while he clearly isn't. What he's been trying to tell them all along is the truth. However, they don't seem to be convinced because of how the situation looks to them when they witnessed that sight of Suzy embracing him. Her beauty must've gotten them fooled. Myungsoo's got a point about looks being deceiving. Appearance is not what truly defines one's character.

It sounds like Myungsoo is talking about Minjung. She's the character that we know who has a twin.
Rini6189 #5
Chapter 1: This is a little surprising in comparison to what I read about Minjung's character in the foreword. It turns out that her being a lesbian is just a cover to keep guys from approaching her when they're interested in her as a girl. She really is taking her role as the elder sister seriously by supporting and taking care of her younger twin brother. Going through such hardship after the loss of their parents has influenced her to become a strong, independent person. Minhyun must feel like he's being treated like a child in the way that she speaks to him, and it's as though he isn't being respected like an adult or a person who can be mature. That seems to be why he always gets upset afterwards whenever they quarrel. She needs to be considerate of his feelings and try to understand him.

After reading the foreword, I get the idea that the two main characters mentioned will be starting off the story. It is important that the OCs be bring into focus to give the story its beginning. The title of this fic does direct the readers' attention towards them.
Rini6189 #6
This seems to be an interesting plot. I haven't seen a storyline like this one, so it must be original. It looks like they'd be going through a lot of change their characters' development for their ual preferences to be converted.
remilovesyou #7
Chapter 3: I have a feeling that this story is going to make me cry later
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