My hands are shaking. They are shaking so much that I can’t depend on them to hold my crutches. I smile, but even my smile is as uncertain as my body. Jonghyun sees this and grabs my side to keep me from falling while he steely looks Kangho in the eye. “Can I help you?”

“Ah, well, no, just … is she okay?” Kangho secures the bag of apples in his arms and tentatively approaches me. He looks at me from bottom up, and with a shy smile, says, “You’re looking better.”

“Mina?” Jonghyun says my name and questions me with his eyes. I shake my head, and he momentarily lets me go. I regain my balance and nod at the plastic bags in Jonghyun’s hand.

“I think we should get her somewhere,” Kangho recommends. “There’s a coffee shop nearby. We can take her there so she can sit down and rest.”

“We?” Jonghyun asks, but Kangho simply lays a hand over my own.

“Let me check this out, and I’ll help you, okay?” He says to me. I watch him pay for his apples, and then he beckons for us to follow him. Jonghyun closely walks beside me, making sure that if I need to fall, he’ll be there to catch me. We reach Kangho, who leads the way out of the supermarket and to the café, which is only a few steps away. Once inside, I find the closest table and sit down. Jonghyun takes my crutches and props them against the chair before he sits down. Kangho leaves his plastic bag of groceries on the table, and then he walks to the counter to order something.

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun asks me. “Who is he?”

I watch Kangho order a drink from a pretty employee behind the counter. She rings up his order happily, but she must have messed up, because Kangho starts to count the fee with bewildered eyes.

“Hey, Mina? Are you okay?”

As she makes his drink, Kangho amiably converses with her. I have to smile at this. He’s still the same, no matter where he is or how much time has passed. I watch him accept the drink from the girl when it’s finished, and then say what I think is a compliment, because she smiles in that bashful way girls do when they’re around Kangho. He returns to the table with a warm drink in his hands, but instead of drinking it, he gives it to me.

“Moccha with skim milk and two shots of peppermint. Just the way you like it. Right?”

I reach for the drink, but Jonghyun intercepts by grabbing my hand. “She ate ice cream a while ago.” He looks at me for permission. “Right?”

Kangho stares at our interlocked hands. I pull away and grab the cup in order to distract myself from both the emotions that I’m feeling and the emotions that I’m seeing. I blow at the cup and, with a careful sip, taste the drink.

I haven’t had this since I broke up with Kangho.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kangho apologizes. “I’m Kangho,” he says, introducing himself to Jonghyun.

“Jonghyun,” Jonghyun replies tersely. “How do you guys know each other?”

Kangho glances at me nervously. “We … ah … I’m a friend of hers from back home. Before she moved here.” A friend? I suppose that’s what he was. “Actually, Mina, I’m here to visit my cousins … I didn’t think I’d see you.”

I didn’t think I’d see you, either. We stopped contacting each other after the break-up. What are the chances that we would meet again, under a circumstance such as this?

“You know, even after you moved, I still have this,” he says, and pulls out a notepad and pen from his pocket. “I got so used to keeping it that even when I went out, I still had it. So … if you have anything to say, here,” he says, and pushes the notepad and pen to me. He smiles. My heart clenches.

“Did you guys know each other well?” Jonghyun demands. I’ve never seen him this conflicted about something. Kangho is very friendly, but Jonghyun doesn’t seem to notice that.

“I guess you could say that,” Kangho replies. “Mina … where are you staying? Was it with your aunt? Do you think I could pass by sometime?”

Why is he doing this? Why is he acting like he didn’t hurt me? Am I supposed to act like he didn’t break me? Am I supposed to act like we were only friends, too? I don’t want to forget that. I don’t want to brush it off. That was important to me. I can’t pretend like it never happened.

“She’s usually with me,” Jonghyun answers. “We hang out every day.” That’s true, but I worry Kangho will misunderstand, given the context.

“Ah.” Kangho stares at me with a wistful light in his eyes. “You must be happy.”

Those four words tear my heart in a way I never imagined those words could. The fact that he can sit there, assuming that I’m okay and happy now, wrecks me. Hearing him congratulate me is supposed to make me feel better. But instead, I feel like I don’t have the right to be happy.

I forgot that, for a moment, I was the reason for my own unhappiness. Nobody should ever tell me to be happy. I’m not worth their concern. And happiness … it wouldn’t want me.

I take the pen and notepad and write down Kangho is my ex-boyfriend. I’m not going to hide it from Jonghyun. I’m not going to hide this part of my past. If I hide him, it’s as if he was worth it; and I can’t think like that anymore. In truth, Kangho still means very much to me. But hiding him would be running away. I’m sick of running away, and I’m sick of thinking that happiness is attainable. I refuse to fool anyone, and I refuse to fool myself.

Jonghyun reads the note. I watch his expression change from strict to surprise to confusion to acceptance. I expected a different response, but his guard is up, and now I can no longer interpret his tone as he says, “You must know Mina well.”

Although Kangho saw the note, he doesn’t seem angry because of it. “I suppose.”

“And how were you guys? What caused you to break up?”

I flash Jonghyun a glare, but he doesn’t notice. Kangho coughs uncomfortably and shoots a smile at me. “Is the coffee good, Mina?”

That story, I write, is for a different time.

Jonghyun takes the note and crumples it up. He clenches his jaw and tosses the folded paper to the trashcan, where it perfectly lands. I observe the lady at the counter, who is staring at us while writing something. She scribbles madly; so possessed is she by a vengeful spirit of a journalist that she doesn’t realize the strong atmosphere she’s emitting. She isn’t the only one caught up in her world. Jonghyun and Kangho are so immersed in battling each other with unspoken words that the hairs on my arm feel tense.

“So how did you meet?” Kangho asks.

“It just turned out that way,” Jonghyun replies, folding his hands. “What about you guys?”

Kangho grins. I didn’t know he could still smile like that. “I saw Mina a lot because I was a part-time worker where her mom worked. I got invited for a friendly work dinner, and I met her there.” He directly faces me. “That’s how I found out what kind of coffee she liked.”

Jonghyun clears his throat, regaining Kangho’s attention. “She likes music, as well.”

“What’s that?”

“She likes, uh, music that involves guitars.”

“Yeah?” Kangho nods. “She did like ballads.”

“She likes going outside a lot, too. We never get to do it often because of our schedules.”

“Ah,” Kangho comments. “That’s too bad. I guess you haven’t gone to the park in a while, Mina. We used to do that a lot, remember?” He glances at my leg. “It’s too bad … “ stopping himself, he shakes his head. “We’ll go again when that’s all fixed.”

“Are you here for a long time?” Jonghyun asks. I’m curious, as well.

“It depends,” Kangho replies. He doesn’t follow that with a more detailed reply, leaving Jonghyun unsatisfied. I, too, am not content with his answer. I want to know how much longer he will be here, and how many more times I will have to run into him. I want to prepare myself for whenever we might meet.

“Where can I see you, Mina?” Kangho asks me. “Can I stop by your house?”

I’m not usually there, I answer. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone I know understand my sign language and to have him repeat it to me. Miffed, Jonghyun watches the exchange.

Where are you usually? Kangho asks.

At the deaf-mute facility about thirty minutes from here. You know the one?

I do. You go there? I thought you hated things like that.

I shake my head, and then glance at Jonghyun. Not anymore.

“Mina has been teaching me sign language,” Jonghyun says. “I’ve learned a few things.”

“Really?” Kangho murmurs uninterestedly. “That must be nice. Well, I have to get going,” he says and stands up. Grabbing the bag of apples on the table, he gives us a salute. “I’ve got to get these home. Family is planning to make something with it. I’ll see you all. Nice meeting you, Jonghyun. Mina?” For a second, he stops the world with the kindness of his lips. “Enjoy your coffee.” He turns around and waves goodbye to the lady behind the counter. “See ya, Anne! Nice meeting you! I’ll definitely be coming back for more of your coffee.” With one last look at our table, he exits the café. Jonghyun and I don’t move at all but instead stare at his empty chair. Then, as if by an invisible hand, Jonghyun stirs awake.

“Coffee, huh?” He leans his chin into the palm of his hand. “I didn’t know you liked that. I guess I’ll have to get that for you next time.” With a sigh, he stands up. “I should take you home. It’s getting late.” He helps me to my crutches, and with a sensitive crane in the slope of his neck, he closely sticks beside me.