Title: Unfiltered Pleasures

Rating: NC-17

Pairing(s): GRi, (past/present?) GTOP. TOBae. A secret (Santa) pairing. And, Seunghyun in this fic refers to TOP.
Length: 3916 words

Summary: The heart is full of ashes and smoke of memories.

Warnings: (might contain) themes of betrayal.

Notes: An elaborate exploration of the original fic (or my elaborate take on it). I'm quite worried that I am making it too easy for people to guess this was mine but hey, too late to change my mind now. I just hope I did the original justice and also… be prepared for a surprise. Oh and Merry Christmas!



Remixee author: ishipkyuwithanybody 

Title of work you remixed: Baby and Smoke

Link to work you remixed: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/287504/1/

Unfiltered Pleasures

Silhouettes of horses bounded across the walls, gallivanting in an endless, comforting spin as his eyes followed their progress. He had the fire-blown, rotating glass lamp Seunghyun had gifted him for his birthday since Seungri's soft snores drifted across the darkness of their room. He was certain that the boy would not wake up now because he had laced the mug of warm milk with Zolpidem he had found in the pantry, where there was an inexhaustible supply of prescription drugs. Tiny round pills in translucent orange bottles that guaranteed sleep, promised exuberance and held so much within its taut, soluble plastic skin that he had sometimes come to depend upon when the smoking fails. Except right now, a lighted cigarette would be a god-sent. That was how desperate he was, having to pray to a God he never really thinks about. He wished he had the courage to garner enough strength to declare that he loves Seungri enough to quit, but even as he continued gazing at the lamp, mesmerized by the perpetual, oscillating dance of frozen equestrian shadows, he decided that he would probably perish in a flurry of withdrawal shakes that would, soon enough, bring a return to the pantry for something stronger than a stick fuming precariously from between his lips

He loves Seungri truly, but his desire for a cigarette was simply another parallel dimension of need. One that transcends a physical requirement or a mental fulfillment

"The year is almost over. You should consider quitting as a New Year's resolution." Seungri had intoned when Taeyang had rallied everybody to help contribute in decorating the Christmas tree he and Daesung had decided to put up right after the last tour. It was the first time in many years that everybody agreed on celebrating the holidays together at the dorm. GD had flashed a grimace of a smile, the one that curled halfway like a seesaw on his lips, gaze averted, pretending to be absorbed in hanging one of Seunghyun's excess bearbricks. Taeyang and Seunghyun were whispering in the kitchen corner where Daesung was trying out an eggnog recipe he had downloaded from the internet. Seunghyun had happily announced his relationship with Taeyang almost a year ago, surprising even the normally staid Daesung and Seungri had offered his best wishes. Only GD had stood aside with nary a smile on his lips even as he offered his congratulations, envy flooding him with a suddenness that both surprised and puzzled him. Now watching them, he stopped in the middle of what he was doing and excused himself, making his way to the balcony where he had proceeded to light a stick before Seungri had interrupted him, aggravating the flu that had plagued him since their return from the cold climates of the West.

He almost kicked down the door leading to the rooftop; the inevitable scene for all of the perpetual smoking that fanfic writers had written him or Seunghyun, or even both in, whilst discussing over something profound or minding. The truth was far from it

They forgot to mention the mess left behind by birds that flew past, dry and crusty pastes on the concrete slabs painted black by the passing winds and dust which marked the years. How musky it smells up here, like a roofless attic filled with all the things that had turned useless by wear and tear; a chair with one missing metal leg courtesy of Seungri's habit of rocking back while sitting at the dinner table or one of the wooden benches from the food canteen at the old YG building that he had decided to salvage only to be ordered by Taeyang, the mother hen, to get rid of because it clashed with the furnitures he had already picked out for the living room. Plus the wooden legs were creaky and it swayed when too many people sat on it. And so it had come to pass, right beside that chair missing a limb, next to the fugly olive green, woolen armchair Seunghyun had insisted on keeping from their old dorm which all of them were unanimously death on, because it was something only wrinkled old men waiting to die would sit upon. Seunghyun might have great taste in a lot of things but he was also, overtly sentimental, a fact known to many but yet something that often went unnoticed. GD was actually not surprised to find him already there as he sauntered in, not quite old and wrinkled yet but getting there slowly, spewing spools of smoke that covered his stony face like a cloud.

"You're up early." He commented, legs crossed, elbows on the armrests as GD settled on the bench, hands clasped together tightly to stifle the impending shivers that threatened to overwhelm his body. He had lost a lot of weight since the tour began in earnest

"Try, not sleeping a wink at all." GD retorted, snatching the still lengthy stick he was slicing thickly through the air towards his waiting lips. The rapper sat up slightly, surprised by the quiver he had discerned from GD's tapered fingers. His piercing gaze settled awhile longer on the exquisite profile of the younger man before he settled back with a long, drawled out sigh, fingers reaching for the crumpled pack, he had found in the dustbin by the entrance of the rooftop.

"Can you believe that someone actually threw a full pack-." He stopped short when he sighted GD's pointed look of resignation in his direction. "Oh." He exhaled when it dawned upon him who that someone was. He took one slightly crooked stick out and lighted it quietly before handing the pack over to GD, who gazed at it almost gratefully, regretful that he had even discarded it to begin with.

"This place is getting hard to keep a secret." GD declared, his lower lips puckered to release curls of beribboned smoke that was immediately carried away by a gusty wind

"I thought it never was." Seunghyun retorted. "Taeyang always know where to find me." He finally professed and GD could already guess that he was blushing slightly at the mention of the boy's name, as if Taeyang was someone he had just been acquainted with and was finding absolutely attractive. For some reason, GD was completely unnerved by this.

"Yeah, you and Taeyang. What's the ing deal with that?" GD could not help the bitterness that marred his voice as he inhaled half an inch worth of burnt nicotine into his lungs. The business end glowed a menacing red as if in full agreement to this sudden outburst

"I never asked you that when you decided to make your relationship with Seungri official." Seunghyun countered almost indignantly, still gazing out into the night although his eyes, dark as the onyx ring encrusting his finger, narrowed with a hurt GD had wanted so badly to see four years ago. The stillness that greeted their respective outbursts plagued the air with heaviness, reminiscent of the  smoke from past memories. All that was left were remnants of crushed stubs pooled below the chairs. Seunghyun could even name the beautiful moment each cigarette had been witnessed to. The first time he had emerged from the rooftop only to find GD there, squatting against the freshly painted walls, a smile curled around his fresh pink lips with two cigarettes jutting from his lips as if he had expected company. His company. Seunghyun recalled running his hands through the partially shaven hair, as he pinned the scrawny body against his slightly heavy build, his lips tasting the menthol from the Slims they often shared after the intense Haru Haru shoot. They had even decided to end their relationship here, finishing off two packs like a line of steamed trains at full speed as they weigh their dreams against the price of love. How stupid and naive they had been, Seunghyun thought

"I'm sorry." GD finally whispered, the reluctance in his voice filled with a pain Seunghyun could utterly feel even as the wind sift through the dead ash trail on the dark floor of the rooftops, unlocking even more memories in its wake. He had fallen for Seungri the way a blind man would have slipped on a banana peel and fell; hard and with a recklessness he could not afford. He could never have survived without being worshipped so closely and while his relationship with Seunghyun had been filled with a mutual passion and the knowledge of being on par with each other, the one he had with Seungri was often marred by the boy's silent admiration for him, as if GD was a star too far to hold even when they were lying side by side breathing in the same air. Seungri made him feel needed and being needed was important for someone like GD.

It was here too, the night after their collaboration album launch, that they had staggered half drunk from the strawberries and gold champagne, their tongues fighting for conquest, GD's fingers raking the fluff of his snow white hair just as his hand discovered the emboldened ridge that strained with heat against leather so tight, it almost felt as if he was touching GD's burning skin. Seunghyun could have blamed the amount of alcohol they had imbibed or the high of having launch an album with unprecedented success. Yet an abysmal part of him was very much aware that there was no denying the attraction that had remained even though GD was two years into his relationship with Seungri the night it happened or that he had found it hard to even think of the possibility of ever being in love again. Not until Taeyang, at least

It was here that Taeyang had found him as well, a year ago on such a night, his mohawk looking listless without the gel holding it up, the fissures of his eyes filled with the clarity of pain

"Let me have a go." He says, fingers reaching for the stick puffing between Seunghyun's lips busily. Seunghyun languidly slapped his hand away, losing none of the rhythm that seem to constantly vibrate in his body and one he has practically set most of his life to; impossibly low key and improbably slow. He knew exactly what was bothering Taeyang because he himself was struggling with holding it in. The pool of half lighted stubs dotting the ground from the almost depleted pack was sure proof of it; the double whammy of Daesung's car crash and GD's alleged weed puffing. It seem almost surreal for them to think that they would surely remain invincible from where they were standing. Olympia was not high enough apparently and even Zeus made the mistake of succumbing to his lust. "For real, hyung. Give me a stick." Taeyang threatened. For once, it did not work on Seunghyun, who had spent most of the six years steering clear of him because he knew that Taeyang had always seen the eldest as a bad influence over his best friend.

"No." He intones, voice reaching the depths of the unknown, where everything seem to be engraved upon a tablet of commandments. Taeyang looked as if he would flip, literally. His energy levels set at the opposing, extreme end of Seunghyun's persona; almost always ready to burst into a bustling, spontaneous nucleus of fireworks with no single direction. Seunghyun always thought he was the one who seem more like a junkie than any of them with his constant shuffling and jiving, fiddling like a corner street hustler, high on dance and moves. "This is not the place for you. Get out." Seunghyun continues much to Taeyang's disbelief. How easy for Seunghyun to dismiss him as if he was an errant child. It sparked an anger that was swift and unsurprisingly aggressive

"Why do you dislike me so much?!" He goes, grabbing the lighted cigarette and flicking it over the ledge, hands balled into fists

"I don't but you seem to think so. You are not thinking straight right now. Go back to your room and sleep it off." Seunghyun advised, rolling a stick between his fingers with an expertise borne from experience, the bearbrick Zippo GD had given him years back, when his toy collection had only garnered a meagre shelf, making its unprecedented appearance, a flicker of chrome and black pearl finishings, a blue flame and then it was gone. Taeyang made a lunge for him and Seunghyun, despite his lanky, awkward frame sidesteps him. An arm shot past, pinning Taeyang against his formidable chest, surprising him into a silence and suddenly they were simply too close for comfort. Seunghyun's body, tapered and slim, streamlined against his shorter, muscular frame felt absolutely welcoming.  The silence became thick with their foggy breaths. The churn of smoke and acrid burn from Seunghyun's lonely cigarette, the only obstacle between them and the existence of that poignant moment. Seunghyun inhaled as much as he could, flicked the cigarette asunder and with a speed no one knew he possessed, claimed those supple lips that had pursed with desirable petulance

A moan pierced the fresh night air as Seunghyun exhaled slowly against Taeyang's parted lips. A sound that sounded foreign and yet pleasing to Seunghyun's ears. It was the first time that Taeyang truly savored the meaning of a kiss. The ones he had before, with other girls, were nothing more than a whimsical touch of the flesh. This, however, was truly potent with substance. It was bitter with the aftertaste of ash, molten sweet like the treacle of charred honey and utterly full-bodied. It was like being engulfed within a time machine made of smoke, only instead of bringing him to the past or the future, it only suggested a possibility that he had almost always thought, practically impossible

"Hyung." He begged, when Seunghyun finally released him.

"." Seunghyun exhaled the residual smoke that had threatened to choke him, his voice raspy and filled with regret. "What are you doing here?" Seunghyun was whispering now, forehead resting lightly against the top of Taeyang's ungoverned mohawk. "Go back to your room." It was his turn to beg

"Too late. I smoked and I loved it." Taeyang confessed, hands snaking around Seunghyun's supple back, tugging at the sweater almost possessively, his face arched upwards in Seunghyun's direction. There was no stopping them then. Seunghyun realized that love finds you no matter how hard you try to avoid it. As much as he loved GD and the chemistry that they possessed, his relationship with Taeyang, turbulent, passionate and utterly ungoverned as it was, is something that both were driven to frustration trying to figure out and yet something that neither could live without, either way

"I love him." Seunghyun surmised, the smile that arched across those lips GD missed from time to time, was sweetly romantic and filled with disbelief. It made GD's heart skipped a beat and as Seunghyun stood up to call it a night, or morning, judging by the way the sun was edging its golden line over the horizon, one of GD's hand found his chest, the one he had been so busy pumping so that there was nothing but hardened muscles. GD easily pushed him back into the chair. "G-" He gazed uncomfortably up towards the jawline he used to caress with his tongue as GD slid his legs across the familiar territory of his lap. One of GD's fingers pushed against the lips that could barely call his name.

"Shut the up. Just stay like this. With me." GD whispered adamantly, an arm snaking around his neck, still puffing away at a stick that seem anchored against his lips so precariously

"I feel like Santa-ing-Claus. " Seunghyun admitted, jerking his knee upward so that GD bounced slightly on his legs. "How much weight have you put on? You are definitely heavier." He groaned, almost jokingly. GD swatted him lightly on the chest, found the pecs that were not there four years ago and his fingers laced upwards towards the cropped ends of his black hair. The eyes that now gazed into Seunghyun's dark orbs were obsidian and opaque with a darkness that suddenly frightened the older man

"All I want for Christmas is you." GD stated coolly in an almost singsong voice, blowing a spool of smoke, white and light like snow across the chiseled features that seem filled with uncertainty now

"No. GD, get off me." Seunghyun objected even as GD snuggled closer until there was no denying the bump that sat awkwardly against the underside of his thighs. The smoke seem inviting as it curled up Seunghyun's nose and wrestled with his conscience before triumphantly making its way across the territory that marked his desire for GD. The one that he had long thought was dead and gone. Even as GD's lips settled against his almost hungrily, a part of Seunghyun truly wished that he had enough courage to quit smoking.

Downstairs at the dorm….

Taeyang stood staring out of the window wall, liking the reflection of the Christmas tree he had painstakingly chosen. It seem to shroud him in a glow of brightness. The green of the firs, bedecked with silver tinsel and tiny, fluttering multicolored lights were complemented by tiny clumps of snowy cotton dusted in powdered foam, all pinnacled into a golden star glory that had guided the three wise men to the babe sleeping in the manger. Christmas was upon him and he greedily gazed at the beautifully wrapped presents underneath becoming like a child all of a sudden wondering what was in store behind them. The tree was decorated with their history. Silver laces from his custom Nike Air, the pair he had bought with his first paycheck. The one that had too many zeroes. A few Chrome Hearts bracelets GD decided to hang on a whimsy. Taeyang had urged him to keep it before the staff party they wanted to throw on Christmas Eve. Daesung had placed laminated picture cards of their photos ranging from their debut to stills from their latest album, hanging from golden strings, which he had one of the minders make for him. Seungri had uploaded tiny stuffed panda keychains he had been given throughout their tour, adding a touch of childishness to an already overburdened tree. Seunghyun's bearbricks made a loving smile appear on his lips and for a moment, he wished he could taste those lips he truly loved, nicotine taste and all. It had distinctive character and was probably the prettiest tree he had ever seen.

"Is he here?" Seungri's voice, still stuffed with unfulfilled slumber filtered from the bedroom he shared with GD

"Too early. Plus I'm pretty sure he'll come by our place a little later since we are farther from the North Pole." Taeyang commented, eyes scanning the skies just in case. Seungri rubbed his eyes, smiling at Taeyang's almost child-like deference to Santa Claus and decided not to rephrase his question, walking out to admire the tree that shone so brilliantly despite the still-dark, wintry dawn outside the window

"This Christmas feels rather special." Seungri says after a momentary silence filled with awe at the sight of the magnificent tree

"Christmas is meant to be special. Always." Taeyang whispers back, moving away from the window to join the maknae, taking in the pale, tired face. "Are you feeling better? You still look under the weather." He stated, a special edition, tiny, cobalt-blue bearbrick with a pirate's eyepatch tenderly

"A little bit better." Seungri answered touching a link of golden heart shapes too heavy to be anything but real

"Come and try some of Daesung's eggnog. I just heated it up. It's going to make you feel a whole lot of better." Taeyang suggested, walking to the kitchen, fingers combing through the shock of glistening curls still damp from the showers. He was the only person Seungri knew who was crazy enough to shower under cold water. Seungri followed him, observing as he poured a scoopful of the hearty drink from the ladle into the mug marked with a circle of gingerbread men. Seungri sipped it slowly. It truly was warm and definitely made him feel much better. The rum, warm and hearty, hitting the right spots as it travelled down his throat. "They are probably upstairs, smoking away." Taeyang finally answered Seungri's first question

"It must be hard to quit." Seungri reflected, gazing into the spiced concoction and letting the mug warm his cold hands. It was comforting, to be here in the kitchen and listening to Taeyang's voice. As much as he enjoyed being around his lover, things could become extremely overwhelming sometimes.

"Probably." Taeyang leaned against the kitchen counter beside him. "Maybe someday they might but not now." He added, looking up and then chuckling slightly. Seungri cocked a brow in his direction, wondering what had tickled his fancy. The curls that framed his jawline, seem to have a life of its own as he nudged his chin upwards. Seungri followed his gaze. It was a row of mistletoes, the plastic kind sold cheaply at trinket stores, one of the noonas had bought for them to decorate the dorm. His eyes found Taeyang's gaze

"Hyung…" Seungri states half-heartedly, although suddenly the idea of kissing Taeyang seemed to be like an excellent idea right at the very moment. It made him wonder what it would be like to inhale a breath free from the carbon smell of smoke

"I'm joking." Taeyang says the smile that made his eyes disappear suddenly looking extremely attractive and welcoming. Seungri placed the mug down slowly onto the counter and turned towards him, suddenly looking solemn.

"I was hoping you were not." He confessed, his gaze sharp and filled with an intensity Taeyang had last seen when he bade him farewell at the bus station almost six years ago. The smile disappeared and his eyes found those pale lips already pursed invitingly at him. Taeyang could barely consider the words that he was about to say before Seungri caught them with his lips. There was no denying the galvanizing softness of this kiss. It was completely unexpected and yet filled with a rightful loveliness that Taeyang could not deny. Where Seunghyun's kisses leave him breathless and constricted with baser desires, Seungri's lips offered bliss and a freedom he never thought existed. He parted his mouth allowing Seungri's tongue access to his mouth, the sweet heady aftertaste of rum and egg filling him even as Seungri pinned himself against the formidable build, tight with rippling muscles in all the right places

"I…this…it's-" Taeyang stutters to find the words that he had somehow forgotten as Seungri's breath brushed against his mouth, a resonant caress that made him hunker for more

"There's a lot of mistletoe up there, hyung." Seungri intercepted and that sealed whatever it was that had hung in the air filled with a winter that had not yet completely wrapped itself around the country. They kissed again, urgently this time as if this was something they sorely needed despite the fact that it was wrong. So rightfully wrong

"There's more in my room." Taeyang breathed huskily as Seungri's fingers gracefully ran across his back, light and gentle. Of course, there was and Seungri willingly followed him, hoping for the first time, that GD and Seunghyun would take all the time in the world to smoke

The End.