Title: For Him, Love or Lust
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): 2Seung/Topri, Baeri
Length: 845
Warnings: mentions and violence, but not in detail at all

Remixee author: ariellm13
Title of work you remixed: For Him
Link to work you remixed: http://ariellm13.livejournal.com/9530.html

 

Seungri thought he loved Seunghyun, or maybe he just admired him and respected him in great abundance. Seungri tied Seunghyun's shoes for him. He loved Seunghyun's deep, velvet-like voice. He would do anything to make sure the eldest was his usual quiet, demure, happy, big-kid self

He thought that night was beautiful-the dark, alluring night where Seunghyun touched him in his dorm room. Seungri was only seventeen, but as he lay below the elder and screamed in pain, he thought he knew what love was. Something  physical, deep into the body. As Seunghyun drawled out low moans in that equally low voice, Seungri really did think it was because Seunghyun loved him.

Seungri awoke the next morning and Seunghyun was gone. No, this wasn't love-Seunghyun would have stayed with him if it was. It was merely lust. Seunghyun used the maknae simply for personal ual pleasure. The eldest, most respected hyung wasn't there to comfort him or explain, quiet as always. Lacking  something. Just an empty bed, mattress and sheets. Seungri silently sobbed into his pillow, hiccups and wincing as he realized his body was in pain. His back ached, his skin burned, his lips were numb.

Youngbae knew, and it wasn't just because Seunghyun shared a room with him at their first dorm.  A week had passed since the incident and Youngbae grew tired of waiting around for a confession from Seunghyun that obviously wasn't going to happen.

"Seungri isn't talking to us. He hasn't been sleeping well because he keeps waking up crying in the middle of the night. He's barely eating half of what we feed him. He can't focus on anything, haven't you noticed? You did that to him. Don't you think you should be punished for that?"

Seungri quietly listened to the confrontation as he pressed an ear to the wall of his room, right by his door. The walls were surprisingly thin. He held his breath.

"I wanted and he was willing," replied Seunghyun matter-of-factly in his low voice.

Seungri felt a slam against the wall, a hard thump. He jolted backwards, eyes wide, finally awake from his melancholic, depressed mental state. Everything  fast-forwarded and Seungri was back, aware.

"I hope you rot in hell!"

There was an odd, sickly sound of bones hitting flesh in a frantic, non-repetitive rhythm.

The images came rushing back to Seungri at this moment. Seunghyun's smile, Seunghyun's dimples, Seunghyun's slightly crooked bottom teeth. Seunghyun's dark eyes rolling back, Seunghyun's hungry stare, Seunghyun's brow furrowed in concentration and damp with sweat.

In between those mental images, Seungri saw Youngbae too. Youngbae's flipped-crescent eye smile, Youngbae's upturned full lips, Youngbae's protective, cautious stare.

This was wrong, terribly wrong. Youngbae was just outside the door, punching Seunghyun in the hallway. Seungri had to do something.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you?" demanded Youngbae.

Seungri squatted and pulled himself up off the floor as fast as he could. He turned the handle of his room's door, swung it outwards, and was able to firmly grasp Youngbae's forearm just in time. Youngbae jerked his arm backwards against Seungri's hold out of reflex, then quickly turned his attention to the young man who had refrained him. Seungri sighed and let out his voice, something he hadn't really done in a week. His throat felt scratchy and dry.

"You're better than that, hyung. You're so much better. Please stop."

"Seungri-"

"Please. For me?"

Youngbae wanted to argue and defend himself, but he thought better of it. Seungri felt Youngbae's tightened arm muscles loosen in his hold, so he let go.

Seunghyun was rubbing at the scratches and fresh bruises on his chin, cheeks, and above his eyebrows. Seungri looked downat the elder on the floor and had to immediately look away. There was a little bit of blood.

Seungri knew he was going to have to make a decision. He was going to have to forgive and sort out his thoughts about love.

What kind of love was healthy? Was it okay to continue to love Seunghyun even as he was disappointed in him, being used? Was it okay to love Youngbae, even as being too kind was ultimately his downfall?

Seungri wondered if he preferred lust over love. He wondered which was less damaging.

Perhaps he'd never know the answer, even as he grew older, even with a broken heart and aching body.

After all, Seungri started to sleep around once he was on his own in Japan at the age of twenty-one. He played around with lust, fondled it, d it. It definitely seemed less painful than love at this point,so perhaps Seunghyun was right all along.

Seungri's feelings of lust and love have always traced back to a bruised, bleeding Seunghyun and a violent, tense Youngbae.

He's long forgiven his hyungs, but the scars are still there.

(mod's note: I didn't realize until just now that this submission was not a minimum of 1000 words. This was my fault for not warning the remixer know about this mistake, so I'd like to apologize to both the original author and the remixer.)