I remember when he would lace his hand with mine. I remember how he would hold me in his arms. I remember how he could take the pain away. I remember how he would make my wet face dry up. I remember the smiles we shared. 

 

Now I know his hands are ice cold. Now I know he will never be near me again. Now I know he is the cause of my pain. Now I know my face will remain stained with tears. Now I know that I will never smile at those memories. 

 

He is gone. Forever. Taken from me. Taken from the world. 

 

I stopped standing outside in the downpour. I went inside to my bathroom and lit candles. The room was brightened slightly by them but my mood made it seem darker. I started to run the bath water as hot as it could go. 

 

My body dragged itself around until I fell onto the floor, weakened from eating next to nothing for the past few days. I had already lost 20 pounds from starving my body. I want to die.

 

The world meant nothing to me without him. The bath water was about to spill over. I made my body get up and turn the water off just to drain a few inches of it. The water felt cold to my skin. When I pulled my arm out from the water though, it was red. Shouldn't that mean it was too hot? Why could I feel nothing? 

 

I pulled my razor from the shelf before sinking my body into the water. I was disgusting. Whatever I had become in such a short time would scare anyone. My body had lost too much weight in such a short time. I had bruises everywhere on my body. I couldn't feel anything. I had begun to cut and scar my body.

 

The art I sliced on my body before looked almost like tick marks in a jail cell. The only place left for me to destroy was my left arm. I took the razor and began to carve my world into it. 

 

The tub was already filled with blood from my previous cuts being opened. Now it was turning a deeper red from what was being carved onto my arm like a pumpkin on halloween. 

 

Once the art was in full display, the razor fell into the pool of blood. I smiled at the name I left. The memories flowed and started to dissapear.

 

My body stopped responding to me then. I heard banging on my door. Screaming. I couldn't move though. I couldn't speak back. The door broke down. More screaming. I heard my name through a paniced and desperate voice. What was happening? Was it finally my time? 

 

I could hear my mother calling someone. They had picked up and she frantically spoke into the phone, giving our address and telling them to hurry. I felt dead already. My eyes were frozen open, seeing nothing until I was pulled away from the blood bath I created. My eyes closed with a final word coming from my mouth, "민호. "