A tear unknowingly fell down my eye. It was followed by another and another until there were no longer teardrops but an overflowing fountain, giving me a sickening feeling as I hear the irritating machine beeping beside me.

If only I wasn’t selfish, things wouldn’t turn out like this. I would still be hurt no matter what but if I didn’t wish, the pain should have been easier. The pain would be killing me but then, that would have been better because this pain right now is slowly killing me- it’s torturing, suffocating. I’m being broken, trampled, shattered, crushed, and pounded. It really hurts- it’s as if I was beaten up in a high tower, been thrown down after and got hit by a truck and the worst part is I’m still alive.

I didn’t know that wishing for him to stay with me would be a death wish.

I only have one more month to live…

One more month…

Just one…

I keep on repeating and repeating that in my head until I bumped into someone here at the busy streets of Seoul.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking.” I said as I slightly bowed without looking at the person.

The guy laughed, his laughter sounding like an absurdly sweet melody to my ears.

“My own best friend doesn’t recognize me, what a pity.”

“Baekhyun!” My eyes rounded as I stared at him.

Baekhyun chuckles and shoves his hands inside the pocket of his jacket, considering that it is really cold. “You seem to be lost in your own world. Would you mind sharing your thoughts to Byun Baekhyun for a treat in that café over there?”

I just simply couldn’t say no since it’s a treat which means it’s free. And besides, I can never bring myself to say no to Baekhyun. Every time, he always makes me say yes even if I’m dying to say no.

So, that’s how we ended up here inside the café, with a cup of coffee and a cake for each of us, all thanks to Baekhyun.

“I’ve known you ever since we were little and I’m not stupid not to know that something is bothering you. By just the way your eyes don’t look like how they used to, I know that something is up.” Baekhyun quietly says as he took a sip of his coffee. He placed the cup back to the table and gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Why?”

“What do you mean?” I looked down, playing with my fingers under the table. Baekhyun couldn’t possibly know that I have a heart disease and that I’m going to die sooner. Ever since I’ve found out about it a year ago, I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell Baekhyun.

“You’ve been acting quite different lately. It’s as if something is bothering you.” Baekhyun stared right into my eyes and no matter how hard I tried to look away, I couldn’t. “I have the spare key of your apartment a few blocks away from my house so I decided to give myself a little tour. Guess what I’ve found inside your drawers. I saw your medications. Why, Soojin? Why didn’t you tell me?”

I let a few seconds pass before answering. “I don’t see the point of me telling you that I’m sick. It wouldn’t change things. I wouldn’t live longer. What’s the point?”

“I’m your best friend!” Baekhyun protested. “You should have told me. I can help you. I can do something- anything!”

“You would do anything?” I whispered in a hoarse voice.

“Yes.” Baekhyun said in a hushed voice.

“I only have one more month to live.” I started to say as I stared down at the piece of untouched cake on the table. “I had my check up today and the doctor said that I have only one more month to live- two if I would be lucky. I have no family anymore and you know that. You’re the only one I have. I know this is selfish but…” I looked up to stare at those beautiful eyes. “Can you stay with me?”

“I’ve always been with you, Soojin.” Baekhyun says softly, smiling.

“It’s not that.” I shook my head a little. “I will die sooner so I might as well as say this. I’ve always been in love with you.”

“Soojin…” Baekhyun whispers in shock.

“You don’t have to return my feelings. I know that you wouldn’t.” A lonely sigh escaped my lips. “But, I’m dying and I only have a month to live, two tops. This shall be my last wish. This… this is really selfish but… I wish for you to stay with me until I die. It would only be a short time… Please… Please leave your girlfriend for this short while that I would still be alive and be with me. You don’t have to love me but can you at least pretend that you do?” I looked at Baekhyun with pleading eyes, begging him and I don’t care if I look pitiful by this very moment while he was gaping at me. “Please stay with me.”

Baekhyun pauses for a while before slowly nodding his head. “If that’s what you want, then I would stay.”

“You’re crying again.” Kai stated as he placed the tray he was holding by the bedside table and sat on my bed. He gave me a small smile and shakes his head as he wiped my tears using his handkerchief. “Don’t cry. I’ve got these chocolates from home and I have no one to share this with so I decided to bring you some.”

Kai- he’s one of my nurses here in the hospital who happens to be really nice to me. He doesn’t complain when I tell him about the tragic one-sided love I have for Baekhyun. If you’re going to ask if there’s something going on between Kai and me, then I’d definitely say nothing is going on. Besides, Kai has a girlfriend whom he loves very much and I’m still not over with Baekhyun even though the pain is killing me.

“Thank you.” I returned Kai’s small smile and sat up. Kai got a piece of the chocolate-covered almond and held it up to my mouth. I tasted it and made a face. “Why is it bittersweet?”

“Is it?” Kai asked back and took a piece and tasted it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was. Here, have some water.” He said as he gave me a bottle of water which I gratefully drank to remove the bitter taste off my tongue. “Life is like a bittersweet chocolate. Even though you don’t want the bitter part, you cannot remove it. Sometimes, there would be an after taste.”

“You never fail to amaze me with your wise words.” I smiled as I shook my head a little. “It’s a good thing that I wouldn’t have to experience tasting a bittersweet chocolate soon since the time I must rest is coming near.”

“Don’t say that.” Kai scowls at me.

“What?” I stared at him. “You’re a nurse. You should know better. You know that I’m going to die soon. I’m okay with it. Besides, I already died that night… that night when he left me…”

I stared at the scene before me with wide teary eyes. My brain couldn’t process what’s currently going on. I’m here, staring at the corpse of Baekhyun’s dead girlfriend while he’s crying beside her.

The scene in front of me is so horrible but then, I couldn’t bring myself not to watch it because I’m inside this scene and I desperately want to run away but the director wouldn’t say cut.

“You killed Jessica!” Baekhyun shouted at me and glared with those red eyes, puffy from crying.

“Baekhyun…” I whispered in an inaudible voice. I wanted to defend myself- to say that it wasn’t my intention, that it wasn’t what I expected it to turn out to be. I wanted to say that I didn’t kill Jessica but my voice seemed to be stuck within my throat, suffocating me.

“Don’t say anything.” Baekhyun said in a deadpan voice. “I stayed by your side. I left my girlfriend just to be with you in this time being. I pretended to love you. I stayed just like how you wished and I was planning to stay until that time comes. Why did you have to kill the girl I love?”

“I…” I wanted to speak, to say more and defend myself but nothing came out but muffled sobs and tears streamed down my face.

“Forget it, Soojin.” Baekhyun says coldly. “From now on, you’re dead to me. I wouldn’t remember you. If you would die, you’ll die alone. I wouldn’t be there for you anymore.”

With that, I watched his retreating figure come farther and farther from me.

I didn’t run. I didn’t follow him. I did nothing but collapse on my knees and cry.

Then, everything went black.

The moment I woke up, I’m in a hospital bed, feeling pain that I never thought I would feel.

I’ve always been hurt that the one I love doesn’t love me back but right now, I couldn’t even comprehend how much hurt I am feeling by seeing him turn his back on me- seeing him leaving me alone to die slowly.

“Soojin, what can I ever do to you?” Kai sighs as he hug me, patting my shoulder to calm me down from crying as I haven’t realized that I told him the story that I never wanted to be in all over again. “When you’re stuck in the past, the wounds from it would just keep cutting you over and over again.”

“Can you act like your age?” I laughed a little but the laughter faded sooner.

“I’m older than you.” I could picture out Kai rolling his eyes even though I couldn’t see him since he’s hugging me. “Plus, I’m acting like my age. It just so happens that my words are wise.”

“If you say so…” I slowly said, both of us breaking the hug. “I know that your words are wise.”

“Why don’t you follow me then?”

I looked down. “I know that I shouldn’t be stuck in my past since it will only cause me an even more heartbreaking heartbreak but then, I couldn’t run away. I couldn’t run away even though I desperately want to run.” The tears I’ve been holding started to flow once again. “I don’t want to be hurt anymore but loving Baekhyun… loving Baekhyun is something I can’t let go of even though it’s the epitome of pain.”

“Soojin…” Kai whispered.

I just continued to cry until I realized that I’m already running out of breath and I could hear Kai’s faint shouts before I closed my eyes.

The time has come.

It doesn’t matter anymore since I was already dead when Baekhyun left me. I died because I wished for him to stay.

I died that night so dying now would be meaningless.

Baekhyun’s POV

“Soojin… She pushed me to die…”

I kicked an empty can lying on the sidewalk as I remembered the last words Jessica said to me while running out of breath and I clenched my fists tightly until my knuckles turned white. This is the same exact place where my girlfriend was hit.

“Watch where you are kicking this can.”

I stopped my tracks and stared at the boy rubbing his head while holding up the can I kicked.

My eyes rounded and I sat beside him on the dirty sidewalk. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He waved his hand in dismissal.

“Why are you here anyways?” I hesitantly asked.

“I’m a beggar.” He bluntly stated as he rolled his eyes.

I stared at the luggage beside him and looked at him from head to toe. “Beggars these days sure are rich with those expensive branded clothes and luggage that surely contain expensive clothes too.”

“Well, technically, I’m a rich heir of a company but I ran away. It’s a cliché story, really.” He started telling his story as he looked up at the dark afternoon sky. “I’m Oh Sehun, by the way. I started sleeping here in the sidewalk about two weeks ago, I guess? On my first night, I’ve witnessed someone get hit by a truck. It’s a pity.”

That caught me on full attention. Two weeks ago was the time Jessica died. “It’s a pity, isn’t it? The girl was pushed in front of the truck by her boyfriend’s best friend.”

“Where did you get that?” Sehun asked; his gaze still fixed on the clouds. “I’m here and I witnessed everything. The girl, who died, Jessica as I heard from their conversation, was shouting at the Soojin girl. I’ve heard enough to summarize the whole story. Soojin asked Jessica’s boyfriend stay with her before she dies. Jessica told her that she doesn’t care and Soojin should stay away from the guy which I haven’t heard the name of. Jessica was about to push Soojin in front of the truck but I stopped her. She let go of the girl, ran away, and got hit by the truck. I guess what goes around comes around. She tried to kill the girl but ended up being killed instead.”

I stared at Sehun in utter shock. I did not just hear that.

Sehun finally removes his gaze from the sky and stared at me. “Did I talk too much?”

“The guy… it’s me…” I said quietly and I saw Sehun’s eyes widen as I stood up. “I need to go.” I said and ran away as fast as I could without turning back.

Soojin, I’m so sorry.

Yet again, I’m here in the hospital, crying over a dead body. Two weeks ago, I was crying because of my dead girlfriend. Now, I’m crying because of my dead best friend.

I watched the doctors take Soojin away from me and when they were gone, I wandered around to find a place to sit at. When I did, I began crying again, letting my tears wash away my sadness but letting my tears out isn’t enough to let everything go away.

“You must be Byun Baekhyun.” I heard someone say and felt him take a seat beside me. I glanced at him and he gave me a small smile. “I’m Kai. I’m one of Soojin’s nurses.”

“Why do you know me?” I hiccupped.

“Let’s just say that Soojin told me about you.”

“I’m a bad guy, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.” Kai slowly nodded and I lowered my head. He then placed a box of chocolates on my lap. “You can have it.” He spoke in a low voice that sends a feeling of sadness and walk away.

I don’t feel like eating at a time like this but something I don’t know of keeps me wanting to open the box so I did and found a picture of Soojin and I lying above the chocolate-covered almonds.

I stared at the picture as I feel the liquid continuing to flow from my eyes. Then, I turned to look at the back where something was written.

This is me and my best friend, Byun Baekhyun.

I don’t deserve to be your best friend.

Baekhyun is really nice and kind to me. I’m really glad that I met him.

No, Baekhyun is a bad guy.

I can always trust him because he always wants the best for me.

I always trusted you too but that night when I needed to trust you the most, I didn’t. I’m sorry.

Between our endless talks, laughter, and everything, I don’t how it happened but I fell in love with him.

You shouldn’t have.

I love Baekhyun very much.

I don’t deserve that love.

I hope that even just a best friend, he will always be by my side.

I hate myself for leaving your side when you needed me most.

I hate myself. I didn’t bother hearing your side before deciding to leave you. I didn’t ask for an explanation but simply walked away. I was too blinded by a lie that I blocked everything coming from you. I didn’t trust you when I should have. I left you when you wanted me to stay. I didn’t fulfil your wish when it’s the last thing you wanted. I didn’t get to say sorry to you before you went away. I didn’t know that it wasn’t your fault- I didn’t know any of the truth but I chose to blame you. I chose to blame you when I shouldn’t have.

All of these things are my fault. It’s my fault for not being able to convince Jessica that I would return back to her once everything is over. It’s my fault that I believed her lie. It’s my fault that I didn’t stay with you and you suffered more than you should have.

It’s my fault that I’m also very miserable right now.

If only I could turn back to the past, I would convince Jessica that I would return back to her. If I could return back to the past, I will stay with you and sing you songs to ease the pain.

If I could travel back in time, I would make things right but then, I couldn’t.

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration, tears streaming down my face and I found my eyes travelling to the lid of the box where a sticky note lies, probably posted by the guy named Kai.

You wouldn’t be here if you don’t know the truth so I suppose that you already know that it isn’t Soojin’s fault. It all comes back to you, huh?

A movie wouldn’t be complete without its dark sides.

As the result of what you’ve done, it’s time for yours.

I know- I regret it. What else can I do now?

With my tears still streaming down my face and my hand running through my hair, I decided to take a piece of the chocolate-coated almond.

It’s bittersweet.

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The End!

Thanks for reading. I hope you will support my other fics. ^_______^