Chapter One:

I felt my heart thumping loudly, the sound audible through my ears, the rapid motion and beating against my chest, following with a squeak coming out of my mouth the second Luhan leaned forward, bending over me, his hands sliding down and hanging in the air—unconsciously.

Taking one of his arms and placing it over my shoulder, half dragging and half carrying, I managed to find a bench for him to lie down. It was the first time our bodies were this close, and to tell the truth, it wasn’t how I imagined it would be. Luhan reeks of alcohol, his face a shade of pink and hot. Having seen him stumble on the street was just bad luck looming over me, having to take care of what’s left of him this late in the night. It has already passed his curfew of getting home. There’s no imagining what his dad will think about his son’s current state.  

This wasn’t the first time he drunk or was strolling around the streets late at night. It had happened for a few months actually, since the start of the semester. I don’t have the details, but rumors say that he has gotten a girlfriend, and ever since then, he always stuck out at night to hang with her and her friends, precarious of what the effect may do. This took a toll on our close friendship, mostly on my side. Luhan never told me anything, never talked about himself, while he changed day by day increasingly. The way he sleeps during class, never taking his face off of the desk until the bell rings for a break disturbs my heart to pay attention. He wanders off alone to places after class, and sometimes, he just skips half of the day to who knows where. Getting information from Chanyeol means that half of the school must have known Luhan’s state. The typical, good boy gone bad. And oh, coming in package with smoking, drinking, skipping classes, skipping home, and a total personality reinvention. I’m not sure if he’s Luhan anymore, or more like—I’m not even sure if I knew him anymore.

“You’ve always wanted to beat me, right? Now you can.” Luhan said, his hands waving in the air, signaling me to shut up, clearly not wanting to talk about totally guessing the whole entire exam paper, “God, what are you? My mother?” I left him to sink deep into his own world, a world maybe he doesn’t know where he has gotten himself into, because I sure don’t.

“Will do.” I muttered, turning my back against him and started gathering up my books for the next class. The heavy heart that I carried all the way to music didn’t reduce, no matter how much I tried. My mind would just run back to him, my eyes would glance at him from the peripheral, and the tugging anxiousness just consumes up my energy to think about anything else. I love music class, yet I’m lacking in concentration, because of my love for something else—or someone to be precise.

A flurry of chilliness whirls, messing Luhan’s hair, and then leaving in a hurry, making Luhan’s bangs fall over his closed eyes. I watch him lie on the park bench, peaceful and calm. I smile a little as I put my hand to my forehead, shaking my head and wondering how and why on earth, this boy, can be so cute. Tentatively, I lifted up his head while I sat down, then resting the back of his head on my lap.

It hasn’t snowed yet, but the warm and homey breeze is turning into an unpleasantly cold wind, stinging and poking at you each time it strikes. It’s like Luhan somehow. Drifting and floating along with the season, changing when the atmosphere does, not having a sense of direction, and just going with everything that has to come. They just come and go, affecting you for only a little amount of time. You can’t hold onto it, as when the time comes, they’ll be leaving again.

Luhan, why can’t you realize that I care? That I’m on your side?