The Truth
I Just Thought You Should Know
I grabbed a pen out of my bag and sat on my bed with a blank sheet of paper. I squinted because the sun shone directly in my face. I should've closed the curtain before I sat down. I was too lazy to get back up so I just left it alone. I tried to remember what I had been doing since I lost my train of thought. I saw the pen in my hand and remembered that I was supposed to be writing. I was supposed to be writing another letter to him. I put the pen to the paper and the first few words just flowed out.
Are you excited? The day has finally come and you should be happy! I know I am.
I smiled at the words on the paper. I really was happy. I examined the words and realized that they were more legible than usual.
In a few days, we will have been together for a year. That's a big deal, don't you agree? I'm surprised you didn't get tired of me months ago.
I eyed the last sentence I wrote uneasily before crossing it out. I knew how upset and defensive he would get if I kept that sentence in there and the point of this letter was not to anger him. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
I love you. I know I say it everyday, but it's because I never want you to forget. I also want to apologize.
My phone vibrated and I glanced at the screen. Speak of the devil, it was a text from my lover. I picked up the phone and read the message. You want to know how I'm doing? I'll tell you.
I'm sorry I'm such a bastard. If I hadn't been so selfish, you could've been happier with someone else and I could've moved on. Sadly, we jumped in it too fast and you led me on. Now you're stuck with me.
I turned away from the letter to look at a picture of us. I was laughing at how embarrassed he'd gotten when I kissed him in front of everyone. He had dropped his head to stare at the ground, trying to block out teasing from the others. Seungri might not have been the best photographer, but he was great at capturing moments like these.
To tell you the truth, hyung, I want this relationship to end. I want us to be over so that I won't fall any deeper into this hell pit called love. Maybe then the both of us could find someone who truly makes us happy. Then we could stop putting on these acts for each other.
Now don't make a mistake! The time that I've been with you has been the happiest of my life. Never have I woken up so many days looking forward to living my life. My happiness and safety depended solely on you. I should've known that happiness could only last so long.
Another text. Can I come over? I really want to see you! I shrugged and told him sure. By the time he gets here, this letter should be finished. There was a voice in the back of my head telling me this was a mistake.
Thank you for lying to me, though. It was the nicest thing you could've done. The only thing that kept me here. I can only blame myself for being so dependent on one person. That's a mistake no one should make. Sadly, I already did.
I growled when my phone signaled I had a text. Great! I'll see you soon! I threw my phone and, surprisingly, it didn't break on impact. I could see a long crack going across the screen though.
But I can fix this. I have a plan that's bound to fail but is worth a shot. Maybe we just need a break. It'd hurt too much to be separated from you for too long though. I'll just distance myself from you. Simple little stuff like not sitting in your lap, not holding your hand, and not staying up at all hours texting you. You may not be asking for it, but I'm giving you some breathing room.
It might be too late and impossible for me to fall out of you, but I refuse to fall farther in love with you. I think that by doing this I'm trying to prevent myself from getting hurt. Whether that is the reason or not, this is goodbye. You'll never have the Jiyong that was here before this day.
I heard the doorbell and finished writing that last sentence. Then, I signed my name on the bottom and folded up the paper. He used his spare key to get into the house since I was apparently taking too long. I smiled and happily greeted my lover with a peck on the lips before leading him into my living room. Choi Seunghyun would not see this letter until after I was dead.
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