[eminem voice] guess who's back. well not really back but... i wrote a thing that nots amazing but... i've been itching to write but my heads been like empty...? so um... yeah written very quickly and i guess this is a kind of sequel to my fic 'lull and storm'? i hope you can enjoy this? and i also hope my writing improves because i've been trying to improve and i'm always trying to improve - whatever. thanks. (also, this is in lapslock cuz i'm lazy.)

it doesn’t come to him like an epiphany; a sudden rush of realisation that unhinges his heart and sends it plummeting to the ground, his mouth dry and skin cold. no. it’s not that. rather, it comes to him slowly; it haunts him, lingering on the edges of his thoughts, fleeting when he tries to focus on it. just a whisper, a reminder. and when a seed is planted, it grows, and byunghun doesn’t know how to uproot it and throw it away.

this — whatever this is — it’s a mistake. an idea that seemed good for all it’s worth but just turned out bad.

chanhee doesn’t care for him. he doesn’t think about byunghun’s feelings or state of mind. he knows that chanhee strings along girls with text messages and doesn’t really try to hide it. (it’s like he wants byunghun to know he’s playing second fiddle.) he knows when he says he can’t meet up with byunghun, that he’s seeing a girl or maybe even a group of them, who knows. was there ever point where chanhee really, truly cared? was byunghun nothing more than a passing fancy? a change in pace from those glittery, sweet and bright eyed girls that are always around him, lingering in the corners. something new and different until chanhee got bored and worked out what he really wanted?

byunghun could look after himself, he had done for years, he didn’t need anyone else. but when chanhee had missed his stupid jock archery club to see off scum (which he didn’t need to do, byunghun made it very clear he could handle the situation), he thought something was different. he thought chanhee was different than all those the education system had molded and brainwashed. the way he looked at him, deep and imploring, wanting to look deep into his tapestry and work him about, and know him.

this was just a mistake. byunghun was wrong. chanhee wasn’t different.

their ‘dates’ got fewer and fewer, they got more empty, rushed and pointless.

byunghun didn’t need him in the first place and he didn’t need him now. the next chanhee texts him, calls him, drags him around a corner in a corridor at school, he’s going to tell him to do one. he won’t be taken in by those big, puppy eyes and that designer aftershave.

and when he does, he might’ve been seeing things when there was a flicker behind dark eyelashes of hurt, but it’s gone. and he stands tall, hands in his pockets, he dismisses byunghun with a poker face, not giving away anything.

maybe this was the mistake. it’s too late now though. byunghun knows he’ll just go running to a girl anyway.

when byunghun leaves school that day, the sunset painting the world in a warm orange glow, byunghun lets out a deep breath at the gates. he can breath again.