There he was, surrounded by his friends, smiling brightly, making jokes with his friends. I watched from my locker as one of his friend something and he just laughed and ruffled his friend’s hair before he walked into class.

Who was he?

He was my school’s body student president. He was the smartest in the top class in his year, the most popular among the kingkas, the student body president, and also the nicest person ever. Jiho was always the joker, always the one who brightened our day by his bubbly attitude, and he had very good persuasive skills. He was also very confident but not in a cocky, arrogant way, and he was always full of poise and style.

Woo Jiho, that was his name. Even his name was perfect, just like he was, down to that brilliant smile of his.

And I, Park Shin Ah, have had a crush on him for three years now. Yeah, I know, that’s really long. But the thing is, three years ago he wasn’t popular or the student body president. He was just a mere student, like me; neither popular nor a loser. But somehow, he became popular overnight and was suddenly everyone’s favorite. He got elected to be president and soon everyone knew him. And with his charming smile, smiling eyes, fit body figure, and y platinum blonde hair, it’s not hard to tell that all the girls are falling for him. Even more that he’s a sweet talker.

And it’ll never be me.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that he doesn’t know of my existence or that I run away and hide every time I see him, nor am I the girl who was forever friendzoned — heck, I’m not even his friend. But he does know who I am. He would, since his best friend Kyung is my big brother.

But that’s all I am to Jiho.

His best friend’s kid sister.

He transferred to my school and became fast friends with my brother. I didn’t like him like that at first but eventually I did. I still remembered the first time when I realized I was falling for him.

One day my brother and I were walking home when my poor clumsy brother tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face — in front of the bullies in school.

They laughed and ridiculed him, especially since he wore really geeky glasses. He tried to fight back but they laughed harder and insulted him even more. I didn’t like how they were treating my brother and I was about to shout at them when suddenly Jiho appeared and began talking to them.

He told them off for making fun of my brother instead of helping him out. Because he was such a good persuader, he managed to use reverse psychology on them and made them feel bad. One of them didn’t fall for his trick, however, and wanted to beat him up, but his other friends stopped him and soon they apologized to my brother, helped him up — and stopped bullying people.

That was how good Jiho was. I guess that was also why he got elected as the president — his speech was very good too. He was so convincing and so sincere in his words that people tend to believe him.

He was . . . perfect.

Ever since that day, I knew I’d fallen for him. He was so sweet, so charming, and when he speaks and makes promises, he sees to make sure it happens. Like the time when my brother needed me to go to the grocery store to help my mom buy something, but it was too far even to walk, Jiho, who had been over the house with the others, told me he’d fetch me there after the game he was playing with B-Bomb.

Then he purposely lost to him even though he was winning, so that he could fetch me. It was awkward in the car because I didn’t know what to say. But luckily Jiho talked to me and told me stories so I didn’t have to talk much.

 But he never looked at me that way.

Why would he?

 

It was a cool Friday afternoon and everyone had gone home except for me and my friend, U-Kwon (who, no surprises, was a good friend of Jiho too), because we wanted to stay back to work on our dancing. We liked to dance and we tried to stay back after school to dance. That day we danced until our feet burned and we sweated more than usual.

Around five we called it quits and I collapsed on the floor in exhaustion as U-Kwon came over to me and handed me my bottle. I took it from him gratefully. “So, are you guys coming over to my house later?” I asked him once I was able to catch my breath, wiping my sweat away with my facial towel. I twisted my bottle cap opened and took a big sip, feeling the water hit my hot throat. Ahhh . . . so refreshing.

He nodded, taking off his shirt, his sweat glistening his abs. The first time he did that in front of me I blushed like crazy because he was really fit, but eventually I got used to it. “Zico hyung is coming too,” he said with a sly smile, wiping his sweat off, and I blushed. Zico was the nickname his close friends called him. And U-Kwon knew of my crush on him but I trusted him enough not to tell Jiho about it.

I stood up and slung my towel over my shoulders. “I need to go back to my locker to grab my bag,” I told him since he was walking me home. “I didn’t want to bring it into practice.”

He nodded and the two of us walked to my locker, chatting effortlessly about how we could improve in the dance. When we stopped at my locker, I opened my locker to get my bag while he rummaged through his bag for something.

He pulled out what seemed to be a black notebook. He frowned. “What’s Zico hyung’s book doing in my bag?” he wondered aloud.

I turned to him and he held it up. I shrugged, slinging my bag over my shoulder. “Well, you two have the same bag. Maybe he thought it was his and shoved it inside yours?” I looked down. “Oh, hey, your shoes are untied.”

U-Kwon looked down. “Ah.” He bent down to tie his shoes. When he straightened up, he checked the time and his eyes went wide. “Oh, crap! I forgot I had to go see my grandma. Will you be okay alone?”

I shot him a withering look. “It’s not like I’ve walked home myself before,” I pointed out.

He shrugged and messed my hair up on purpose, knowing I didn’t like it. “I’ll see you later, Shin Ah,” he replied. “Annyeong.” He took off.

I looked down and realized he’d left Jiho’s notebook. “Hey, you left —!”

He was already gone.

Sighing, I bent over and picked it up. I stared at it, wondering what I should do with it. Well, he’s coming over to my house later. I guess I’ll just ask my brother to give it to him or something since I doubt I’d have much courage to give him to him myself. Shrugging, I put the book in my bag and walked home.

 

When I got home, I didn’t see my brother’s shoes which meant he wasn’t home from wherever he and his friends were hanging around yet. Shrugging, I made a beeline toward the living room to go outside to the backyard, walking over to the tree house my dad and Kyung had made for me.

I dumped my bag in the basket that was tied to a rope and pulled on the rope, watching the basket go up, up, and up, until it reached the deck of the tree house and tied the rope around a branch securely before I climbed up the steps. I clambered onto the deck and took my bag out from the basket and went inside the tree house.

My tree house was like my own mini room. At the far end on the left was a mattress, with a pillow and blanket, just in case I get sleepy and wanted to take a nap. At the end of the mattress was a purple bean bag. If I turned my head exactly to the wall on my left, you’d see a window and posters of Infinite and Big Bang on the wall. One my right was a study table, with another window that showed my brother’s room (sometimes I’d spy on Jiho whenever they were over and were inside his room). Then if I look right ahead, there were bookshelves of books for me to read.

I threw my bag on the floor and Jiho’s notebook fell out. I stared at it for awhile, as though I was hypnotized. I walked over to it and picked it up. The front and back cover were fully black, except for the silver comb binding.

My fingers itched to flip through the pages. It couldn’t hurt, right? I mean, it could be filled with all the schedules and information about the student body and such. But what if it was his journal? Now that idea was a bit tempting and I felt this tingling feeling on my fingers. I could find out more about him, looking into his inner thoughts.

What if he wrote about me?

My heart beat accelerated and now I was even more tempted to read it. I looked at the notebook once more. It seemed to be taunting me, calling me to read it.

Read it! It cruelly called out to me, pushing me over the edge. What if he wrote that he secretly likes you?

I walked to my bean bag and settled down in it before I opened the notebook to the first page. I chuckled when I saw that it was his profile, like he was still in primary school. I ran my hand over the page. It was smooth but a bit chalky with the pencil markings.

 

Name: Woo Jiho

Nickname: Zico

Likes: Black, red, rocky road ice cream, sports, girls

Dislikes: Fat and ugly people

 

I frowned at the dislike section. I didn’t think he would be that mean. I thought he was friends with everyone, fat or ugly, skinny or pretty. This sounded so stereotyped of him.

But yet I still flipped to the next page. I saw that it was indeed his journal. I hesitated a bit. Maybe I should respect his privacy and not read it, however tempted I was to. I started to close the book and put it away.

Until I saw my name.

 

March 4

Today I was hanging around in school during break with Taeil and P.O when suddenly I saw Shin Ah and her friends coming out to go to their next class.

Seriously, how can anyone stand being so fat like her? How does she do it? Doesn’t she feel disgusted that her uniform was so tight that it shows her fats, that it makes her obese? Does she own a mirror? Because someone needs to show her how fat she is. God, and her face! She has face problems, really. I mean, so what if I was mean? It was true. She is fat. And ugly. And I hate fat and ugly people.

So disgusting.

Ugh.

 

I stopped reading.

Zico did write about me, after all. Just . . . not in a good way.

I frowned, my heart stinging a bit to read what he wrote. So I have a bit of a tummy, but that doesn’t mean I’m fat. I actually thought I was okay. I didn’t think I was pretty or beautiful but I knew that I wasn’t fat or ugly either.

Could this really be the Jiho I thought I knew?

I continued to read even though I know that I probably shouldn’t.

 

The way she tied her hair made her look like a small girl. How dumb. How old does she think she is?

She was such an eyesore I had to turn away otherwise I’d puke out all my lunch. I mean, if she wants people to see her, at least make an effort to look pretty.

Unless she wants people to notice her ugliness.

Freak.

 

I flipped to the next few pages and it was filled with the words “Shin Ah” followed by the words “fat” and “ugly”. Each page cut through my heart like knives yet I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from the book. I kept on reading even though each word made me feel smaller than I was already feeling, making me feel like nauseated, like I was going to throw up.

Then I stumbled onto a page with the words in big letter.

 

SHIN AH IS FAT AND UGLY AND SHE NEEDS TO SHOOT HERSELF OR ELSE I WILL DO IT FOR BEING SO UGLY

 

I threw the book down, not being able to read anymore. My heart was seared with pain, this aching feeling of realizing that your crush for three years thought you were fat and ugly and hated you all this while.

Tears soon fell from my eyes and I brought my knees to my chest and cried, my shoulders quaking, my knees wet from my tears.

I didn’t think he’d be like this. He put on a really good show, making it looked as if he was friends with the fat and ugly people in school. How wrong I was about Jiho!

I felt this empty, hollow feeling overwhelming me and I wanted to go up to Jiho to demand what his problem was but at the same time I wanted to hide and run away so that I don’t give him any more reasons to make me look even more pathetic in front of him.

Why does he say such cruel words like that?

Why me?

“Hey, dongsaengie,” I heard my brother’s cheerful voice called from the doorway. “I brought you snacks to — omo, why are you crying?!”

Soon I felt my brother’s arms enveloping themselves around me. “Dongsaengie, what’s wrong?” he asked me. He grasped my chin and made me look into those warm, worried eyes. “Who made you cry? What happened?”

I couldn’t trust myself to speak in fear I would cry again so I pointed to the notebook that laid on the floor. My brother followed my gaze and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he picked it up. He read through the page that was left opened.

His face expression turned sour. He turned to the front page and saw the profile and his face darkened even more. “Woo Jiho as in my best friend Woo Jiho?” he asked quietly, his voice shaking a bit with anger.

I nodded, looking away. I felt so ashamed of myself.

My brother hugged me again and kissed my forehead. “You are not fat,” he said in a low and firm voice. “Okay? Do not believe anything he wrote in there. You are not fat. Even with that small tummy, it’s not enough to be considered fat. If you’re fat, how is it possible that I have to scare B-Bomb, Taeil and P.O away because they kept making comments on how pretty you are and how they wanted to date you? No, no, nobody, not even my best friend, can call my sister fat when she clearly isn’t.”

He stood up and I covered my face again. I heard him rummaging in his bag and set something down. “I brought snacks,” he said. “I’ll go deal with Jiho.”

“Don’t hurt him,” I whispered.

But my brother was already gone.

I looked up to see a container of cookies and I smiled slightly. Cookies always did make me feel better. But suddenly I didn’t feel like eating them anymore, not after what I read about Jiho saying I was fat.

I heard voices below. I could hear my brother screaming and yelling. Then I could hear someone else’s voice in protest.

Jiho’s.

A sharp pain stabbed my heart and I started to cry all over again.

“Shin Ah.”

I looked up and gasped when I saw Jiho — my crush Jiho, the same one who called me fat — standing in front of me. I cowered away as he came near. I kept an eye on him, wondering what he was going to do. It was obvious my brother sent him up to apologize to me.

He had a look of sorrow, of regret in his eyes . . . and also anger.

“You don’t understand, Shin Ah,” he whispered, squatting down in front of me. He looked at me with a deep frown on his face. “U-Kwon hyung gave you the wrong book.”

I frowned. Huh?

He held out a similar book like his notebook that laid on the floor. “Please, read this one,” he urged, looking worriedly at me. His eyebrows pulled together, his lips in a small pout. It was the look he always have whenever he felt bad about something.

I eyed him suspiciously.

“Please,” he pleaded. He sounded desperate.

I took the notebook and read the page that he had opened up for me, on the first page after his profile.

 

March 20

Today I was at Kyung’s house playing video games with B-Bomb when his mom called him and asked him to ask Shin Ah to go to the grocery store to get something for her.

I tried to pay attention to the game because I wanted to beat B-Bomb but the thought of Shin Ah sent my heart racing like a cheetah running toward its prey and I nearly lost my focus.

Even more when that beautiful thing appeared in front of me. I thought maybe if she saw I was winning, she might notice me.

But she looked right at her brother instead. She never once turned her eyes toward me. Kyung asked her to go the grocery store to get what their mother wanted. But it was only then they realized that his car was out of gas.

Since I came with a car, I thought this could be my chance to finally really talk to Shin Ah. So I offered to drive her. Finally she looked at me — and she looked a bit scared, too. I wonder why. Was I that intimidating? Do I scare her?

But she nodded since there was no other way. On the ride there, she was quiet. It felt awkward. I tried to ease the tension between us by talking, but she just smiled prettily and nodded. Does she not like me? Maybe she was shy. When I asked her brother about her, trying not to make it obvious that I like her, he told me that she was actually very shy.

So now I have a new mission.

To make her talk to me.

 

That was the end of the entry. I frowned.

“Flip to the next page,” Jiho murmured, who never once took his eyes off me as I was reading his journal. He came over to sit next to me.

I felt my body stiffening at the thought of my crush sitting right next to me. I could even feel the heat radiating off from his body. But I tried to pay attention and I flipped to the next page.

 

March 24

My mission has been failing. I tried to catch her attention between classes but she always had her head down. I even tried stalking her home but I was scared she might think I was a creep and stopped.

But how can I talk to her?

And it’s getting worse now that Taeil, P.O and B-Bomb have been telling Kyung that they think she’s hot. I think she’s hot too, and that she’s pretty and that I have a huge crush on her, but from how he had thrown his shoes at them for liking his little sister, I don’t think I can tell him just yet.

But, damn, why is Shin Ah so pretty?

I remembered the last Shin Ah.

That Shin Ah was fat. But this Shin Ah . . . she was pretty . . . and not only that, she was nice, sweet and cute. That Shin Ah was fat and rude and she was also selfish. They are the complete opposites, yet they have the same name.

It must be fate.

And I fell for Kyung’s little sister.

 

And the next page.

 

March 26

I bumped into her. I bumped into Shin Ah.

She just smiled shyly, bowed and apologized. Before I could even say anything she was already walking away. I could only stare at her. Damn, she was even pretty from the back.

Why do I have to fall for a girl I can’t ever get?

Shin Ah is just so . . . different . . . from all the other girls. She didn’t squeal or giggle whenever she was with me like the other girls did. She didn’t call me ‘Oppa’ like how the others did. She didn’t try to get me to go out with her. And I don’t get anything from her on Valentine’s Day. I tried to give her something on March 14, but she wasn’t in school and I didn’t want to be a and ask Kyung to give it to his sister.

I don’t know. . . .

I loved the way her hair shone radiantly in the sunlight, how her smile could make my heart skip a beat, and how I can’t seem to get tired of her laugh whenever she and her friends would exchange jokes. I loved how she was always so willing to help others, how polite she was to everyone, how she didn’t judge people.

In fact, she was the reason why I stopped making fun of fat and ugly people. She changed me for the better. Shin Ah changed my life . . . if only she knew that.

 

April 5

I finally told Kyung that I have a crush on his sister. He didn’t freak out. In fact, he smiled and told me that I should pursue Shin Ah.

I was surprised.

I thought that he would throw his shoes at me.

But at the same time I was happy that he accepted me and was willing to let me date his sister. He told me that he wanted someone like me to be with his sister anyway.

The only problem is . . . how am I going to confess to her? Kyung told me she didn’t like the typical bouquet of roses and an ‘I like you’ note.

But of course, he had a brilliant plan.

 

“Next page,” Jiho murmured.

My heart racing fast, my head pounding as the blood rushed into my head, my eyes not believing I had just read that Jiho had indirectly confessed to me that he liked me too, I turned the page.

 

Shin Ah,

I hope I didn’t creep you out with entries about you here but I really like you.

Will you go out with me?

 

I looked at him and he smiled softly.

“That Shin Ah in this notebook,” he said in a quiet voice, picking up the one on the floor, “was actually written four years ago before I moved to your school. That time, I would make fun of people and really detested fat and ugly people. I was considered a bully. But then I came to school and I saw you. You were so pretty and quiet and I saw that you hated bullies. I did not want you to hate me, so I changed . . . just because I wanted you to accept me. When I found out that you were the sister of my best friend, I couldn’t believe my luck.”

“But . . .”

He looked at me seriously, pointing to the notebook in my hands, the one where he confessed his feelings for me. “As you read, your brother had an idea to get me to confess to you, right?” he asked me.

I nodded.

“This was the plan: since U-Kwon hyung had dance practice with you after school today, he was supposed to give you the right notebook, and you were supposed to read the entries of me being stalkerish and writing of how much I like you,” Jiho confessed.

I frowned. No wonder . . .

“But he gave you the one from four years ago,” Jiho went on. “He must have picked it up by mistake since the both of them are exactly alike except with the different entries. You were supposed to read the one I gave you. When I found the right notebook in my room, I knew that I had to quickly come to make things right. I didn’t want you to read the first one in case you thought it was you, since she also had the same name as you. Because you are not fat and I knew you were sensitive. I did not want you to think that I thought you are fat because I think you are beautiful.”

“Wait . . .” I frowned, confused, trying to put the pieces together. “You like me?”

He nodded. “I’ve always had,” he whispered, looking a bit scared. “I tried to tell you sooner, but I was so busy with the student body and I was afraid your brother might not like the fact that someone else also likes his sister, and I was even more afraid that you didn’t like me because you didn’t squeal or whatever those girls do in school. In fact, I thought you were avoiding me.”

I blushed. “I . . . I did avoid you, but not for reasons that you thought,” I told him, looking down. “I . . . I actually had a crush on you for three years.”

He blinked. “Really?”

I dared to look back up to him and smiled. “And . . . I guess I was a little creeped out by what you wrote . . . but not altogether surprised.”

He grinned. “Because if I read your journal, it would be the same?”

I gave an embarrassed laugh. “Y – Yeah . . .”

He drew in a shaky breath. “So . . .”

“So . . .” I echoed. I couldn’t think straight and I wanted to jump and dance around, squealing and giggling like crazy. I was so happy and so relieved!

He likes me. My crush likes me back. And I thought it was impossible, but all this time he liked me too!

Woo Jiho likes me too!

“Shin Ah,” Jiho said, taking my hand into his. His hands were soft and smooth as he rubbed his thumb over my hand. “Will you go out with me?”

I smiled and threw my arms around him and he lost his balance, falling behind with me on him. “Yes!” I cried out, hugging him tightly.

He laughed as he looked up to me. I looked at him. We smiled at each other.

“I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow night, then?” he murmured, cupping my face, his minty breath on my face.

I nodded and rolled off him, letting him sit up.

“It’s a date, then,” he beamed.

“So . . . just to make things clear . . . you don’t think I’m fat?” I asked him, just to make sure.

“What fat?” he asked back, grinning. “No, I don’t.” I could tell that he was being sincere. He glanced around. “Cool hang out; do you have a pen?”

I handed him a pen and he took his notebook up on his lap before he scribbled something on a fresh new page. Then he held it out for me to see. I smiled as he put his arms around me, and I snuggled in his arms and we both ate the cookies my brother had brought up.

I was smiling, as I replayed what he had written on the page:

 

April 7

She said yes!