Sometimes you wonder if you're fading. If maybe everything really is drawing to a close, and this forced separation, this... break up, is just the next stage. If maybe you were fading from a while ago, when things started falling apart, and you're only noticing now.

            It wouldn't bother you too much if it was just dimming for a while, like turning off a light to save energy until you come back.

            What you're worried about is that you're not just turning off the light, you're closing the door, locking it for good measure.

            Sometimes you wonder how permanent things are. In the beginning, when he was the one you could lean on, the one who protected you when you protected everyone else, it seemed like there wouldn't be an end. Now, you're starting to think differently.

            You would understand if it was the time and distance that was slowly breaking you apart. Space expands, and stars that once orbited each other gradually drift apart.

            What you're really scared of is the possibility that the stars were starting to implode before they even moved a centimeter away from each other.

            Sometimes you wonder if it's hard for him. He's had to endure so much, and it's not fair. You were supposed to protect him, protect all of them, and look how well that turned out. Maybe things would be better if someone replaced you; they could probably do a better job.

           It wouldn't matter much if, while you were away, someone replaced you. Like the saying goes, "Out of sight, out of mind," and someone better could come along.

            What frightens you is the thought that he'll pretend to wait, while really he's playing around with other people. As they say, "While the cat's away, the mice will play."

            Mostly you're worried about the future and what it means for you two. You don't want to fade, not really. You couldn't stand it if the time apart broke you up. You would die if he found someone else. You've never wished for something to last more than this.