I will never fully understand you. You take me in, push me away. Say you despise me,
confess your love. You are different every time I see you. But I'm always the same. A
lovesick fool.

I remember one day I came back to our apartment only to have you latch onto me tightly
in a hug, proclaiming how much you missed me, asking me never to leave, and staying
like that till we fell asleep. But then the dawn came, and you chose to hate me, kicking me
out of our home. I stayed at a friends that night. He was really worried, asking if we had
fallen out or fought with each other. He didn't know how you really are, and I had no right
to tell him so I stayed quiet, it'd be fine by tomorrow. Sure enough, there you were on the
doorstep the next morning, tears threatening to fall from your glassy eyes. You asked why
I left. I kept my silence. It would just be the same tomorrow

Another time you decided you hated me for more than a month, evicting me for good. I
went back to the house I grew up in, evading my parents surprised, yet happy, questions
asking why I was back so soon and 'What happened to that lovely boy?' For the sake of
the long walk up to my musty untouched room. It was exactly how I'd left it prior to leaving
with you, bed made and toys gathering dust. Has it really been that long? __ October
2012... Huh, I guess it has. I wonder if you'll decide to love me again, if you'll think of
coming back here, where we first met. It would mean so much to me if you did, it would
prove our relationship isn't all lies, that you did have genuine feelings for me, whether they
be love or hate.

Days turned into weeks, then months. I guess you weren't going to waste time looking for
me after all. My parents urges me to go back and take up my studies again, a year was far
too much for me to miss, so I did. I went back to the neighborhood I dreaded, yet yearned
for. I went by our old apartment. It was empty. Does that mean you've moved on? You
hate me forever now? I really hope not. I still love you, even though with the time we spent
together you never showed and indication that you reciprocated those feelings. Maybe you
do hate me. I talk with our old landlord, and take back that apartment. It has some good
memories attached with the bad ones and maybe, just maybe, you might come by here
again. If I'm lucky. But I almost never am. If you truly loved me, you'd come back...

...right?