Pain. That is all Changmin feel right now. Why do he ended up doing thing that he do now, he also don’t know.

 

Changmin can only grits his teeth seeing how the lovely girl smiling all so genuine to the other ones parents.

 

Who is that ‘other one’? It is Changmin’s freaking BOYFRIEND!

 

So why did he end up following his boyfriend meeting his fiancé for the first time? He also doesn’t know. It had something to do with his boyfriend’s pleading on accompanying him with his big puppy eyes and his pouts. Damn it!

 

“Jaejoong dear” that stupid girl call his boyfriend. Yep, his boyfriend is Kim ing Jaejoong, his own best friend since he can remember. Maybe that is why Jaejoong’s parents didn’t say anything when Jaejoong bring him along in his meeting with their soon-to-be daughter-in-law. Maybe the title ‘best friend’ really helps.

 

But now, Changmin really hate that title. It restricts him from smashing that girl’s face with a baseball bat. Or cut her fingers that flirtingly touch Jaejoong’s hand when he gives her tea.

 

“Can you give me that sauce?” says that girl with oh-so-sweet smile to Jaejoong. Can’t you get it yourself, women? It is not that far from you! Changmin can only grits his teeth.

 

“Sure, here” reply Jaejoong with smile.

 

“Aww… you guys are so cute! I am sure you guys will be a perfect couple!” flail Mrs. Kim. She had been in enthusiast state since they arrive earlier.

 

That girl only smiles shyly to that comment. It makes Changmin wants to puke.

 

Changmin gets up from the dinner table, startling every one there. He doesn’t think he can witness all this... this lie anymore!

 

“I’m full. Thank you for the food. I’ll be in the garden” with that, Changmin storms to the garden. He don’t care if what Jaejoong’s parents will say. He don’t care what Jaejoong will say. He just thinks he needs to get away before he explodes and everything will be ruined.

 

There are no stars tonight. Only clouds that keep moonlights away. Maybe even nature seems to understand his feeling, all down and sad.

 

Why does his boyfriend forced him to follow to this meeting? Doesn’t he know that Changmin will hurt? Or is it a sign that he actually wants to break up. Changmin gasps.

 

Maybe it is. Maybe Jaejoong wants to break up. Changmin can feel his eyes are heavy with tears.

 

Maybe... maybe he should let Jaejoong go and live a normal life.

 

With that conclusion, Changmin go inside and ask permission to go back to THEIR apartment, with headache as an excuse. Jaejoong’s parents seem understand and just let him.

 

All the time he was talking, Changmin doesn’t look Jaejoong in the eye. But he can see from the corner of his eyes how Jaejoong eyebrow creases. How his lips pursed into thin line. How his fingers grips on his forks until the knuckles seems white.

 

But Changmin don’t want to care. Why should he when the actual fault lays on the other one?

 

Changmin hurries to pack his stuffs right after he arrive at the apartment. He feels like he should go away. After this, Jaejoong sure will bring his girlfriend to that apartment and spend the night together on THEIR bed. Not that the other one did it before, but isn’t that what people always do?

 

And Changmin don’t want to witness it. He had enough.

 

Changmin take a careful look around the apartment. He is sure he will never be here again. He plans to sleep in a hotel tonight and fly to Japan tomorrow. He can start afresh there. No Jaejoong and no Jaejoong’s fiancé, which will anytime change into Jaejoong’s wife.

 

Wife. That word brings a pang to Changmin’s heart. That is something Changmin can never be.

 

With a heavy heart and streams of tears that seems don’t know how to stop, Changmin grabs his car key.

 

But when he opens the door, there is Jaejoong on the door, red face and panting. Anger and frustration can be clearly seen.

 

“Where are you going?” ask Jaejoong calmly, despite his angry face.

 

“Somewhere. You don’t need to know” reply Changmin with his poker face. But deep inside, he can feel his heart is going to rip out of his chest.

 

“Why not?” says Jaejoong while pushing Changmin into the house. It will be embarrassing if any of their neighbors see them arguing.

 

“Because you just lost the right”

 

“What are you talking about?” ask Jaejoong with puzzle face.

 

“Let’s break up”

 

Eerie silence comes for a few minutes.

 

“Why?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Why should we break up? Why should I let you go?”

 

“Because you don’t need me anymore”

 

“And how can you reach that conclusion?”

 

“By self-reflecting and some hints you drop along the way”

 

Jaejoong sighs.

 

“I think we had gone through this conversation before” Changmin only keep his mouth shut.

 

“Okay. Maybe I didn’t give enough explanations to you”

 

“You don’t need to say anything. I understand”

 

“And what do you understand?”

 

“That you need that girl in your life. I’m not good enough”

 

“What?!”

 

“I’m not good enough! I can’t give you a freaking baby, damn it!”

 

Jaejoong can feel anger starts to rise. An anger that he afraid will explode and Changmin become the victim.

 

“I don’t need baby” says Jaejoong in his octave voice. Something he always do when he tries to suppress his anger. But it is clearly failing.

 

“But your family does. What will happen if Kim doesn’t have an heir?” argue Changmin.

 

“I have my sister to do that”

 

“It is not the same. Children from a son is always the first”

 

Jaejoong starts to massage his forehead.

 

“Just let me go. It is for everyone’s benefit” says Changmin. He steps to the door with his bags.

 

“Goodbye, Jae” says Changmin when his hand reach the door knob.

 

But a hand halted his action. Suddenly, Changmin can feel his body is being drag to their bedroom. Changmin try to struggle but to vain. Seems like anger had made the other one stronger.

 

Changmin is being thrown on the bed in the middle of the room. He is then covers by the other one above him, with hands gripping on Changmin’s wrist, pinning him above his head, from doing anything.

 

“Let me go, you bastard!”

 

“No! I won’t ever let you go”

 

Changmin struggle more. But Jaejoong doesn’t budge. They stay that way until Changmin is exhausted from all the struggling he did.

 

Changmin just lay there, letting Jaejoong do whatever he wants, with tears streaming from his big eyes.

 

But Jaejoong did nothing. He just stares at Changmin, with deep intensity that slowly changes into more affectionate.

 

“You know, things are very hard for me. I love you. I do. But I also have expectation and responsibility” starts Jaejoong after Changmin stops struggling. He then changes their position and cradle Changmin in his arms.

 

Changmin suddenly feels safe hearing Jaejoong’s heartbeat.

 

“I know I am at fault having girlfriend and even ask you to accompany me in my first meeting with someone that I will have to marry. I’m sorry. Not that I want to. It is an arrange marriage since I was 5” says Jaejoong calmly.

 

“But I thought you can give me the strength that I need to follow my parents will. I guess I’m wrong. I hurt you with my selfishness” Changmin didn’t reply anything to that confession. Not that he don’t want to. He doesn’t know what to say.

 

Seeing Changmin don’t seem to have anything to say, Jaejoong blurts out “I already tell my parents that I don’t want to marry her”

 

Changmin hurried lifts his head and see Jaejoong on his eyes.

 

“And I’m gay”

 

Changmin gasps. The latter is only smiling.

 

“And I also told them I have a boyfriend but I didn’t tell them it is you. I’m afraid that they will do something to you. You know what they can do”

 

“What?! Then, what happen?”

 

“They are furious of course. That girl even cries. Not that I care. She is too clingy for god sake!” frowns Jaejoong.

 

“My parents said not to step into that house again until I accepted her. I guess I’m now disowned by my own family”

 

“Oh Jae!” Changmin burst into cry again. He can’t believe Jaejoong really did that.

 

“Oh well. I guess I have to latch on you now” says Jaejoong with smiles on his face. But despite the hardship he will face, Changmin can see how happiness seems radiates from Jaejoong’s smile. Something people rarely seen. Only Changmin have that privilege.

 

Something that makes Changmin’s heart swells with warmth.

 

 

 

“Let’s run away from here” says Jaejoong after they a while they hug and cuddle each other.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yep. Let’s live in Paris”

 

“Paris? Why?”

 

“Because you once said that you want to live there. Something about how beautiful and romantic that place is. You really sounded gay that time”

 

Changmin smacks Jaejoong.“Like you are not!”

 

Jaejoong chuckles.

 

“Fine, fine. I am”

 

“When will we go?”

 

“How about tomorrow? I will call a friend of mine that lives there and help us to settle down there”

 

“Oh Jae. I love you, you know?” Changmin dive in into Jaejoong’s embrace and hug him tightly.

 

“I know. I love you too”  

 

Changmin is very sure everything will be alright. He feels all safe and sound in jaejoong’s embrace, feeling and hearing jaejoong’s heartbeat that gradually slow indicating his consciousness already leaves him.

 

Tomorrow, they will start a new life.

 

 

 

But the next day, Changmin wakes up in a white room full of sick people. Hospital.

 

Changmin gasps. Junsu that looks like sleeping on his waiting chair is waking up, jerking. The way he looks at Changmin totally screams pity.

 

Yes, he will start a new life. Only it is ‘he’. Not ‘they’.