The air felt suffocating, too still for his liking. It was as if the heavens had anticipated his move tonight and crowded to watch together. Changes like this was enough even to alarm the usually oblivious crown prince, as he shifted in his sleep uneasily. His eyebrows knitted together, no doubt the product of a nightmare.

Chanyeol nearly, very nearly, tried to smoothen out his frowns but stopped short before his face. He would demand an answer from his conscience (what was he doing?) if he wasn’t already accustomed to this. He knew and had already accepted the fact that he cared for his sworn enemy, the crown prince Sehun.

But he would not allow his feelings to hinder his goals, the only thing that had kept him breathing until this very second. He had allowed too much. He had indulged in his secret longing for the prince for far too long. He found himself forgetting about the person in his heart.

Forgetting about the person who had sparked this revenge in the first place, was sinful. Chanyeol was never a person that was strong with denials. He accepted the truth, no matter how painful. Hence, before the fire of hatred consuming his heart–inevitably–died out, he needed to kill him.

The silver knife pressing against Sehun’s throat had been a present from her. Her farewell present before she left to sacrifice herself, in her own words, “for the sake of the country”. The pressure was slight but enough to penetrate the first layer of skin. The prey woke up immediately, holding his throat.

“Chanyeol?” he had to enquire. Of course he recognized him, his bodyguard . . . and his crush. Still, it felt so surreal to him. He heard of stories about star struck lovers, but he had never expected himself to be caught in one. To fall in love with someone who wanted to kill you, it was something beyond comprehension.

Chanyeol smiled at him, a wistful sad smile that caught him off guard. He certainly did not seem like someone out to rob an (debatably) innocent man of his life, but his actions suggested otherwise. For one, the knife was too close to his throat for comfort. Sehun had no way of moving without injuring himself, having pinned down to the bed.

“Shhh. Don't move. You’ll accidentally kill yourself,” he said, with such gentleness that it was easy to mistake the intention behind his words. “This live isn’t yours to begin with. I want you to return it to me.” Sehun frowned, none of the words making sense to him. Of course it was his life, whose would it be if not his?

Chanyeol laughed, well aware of his internal dialogue. It came to his knowledge that Sehun had been told nothing about the incident four years ago. It was understandable. No one had wanted to burden the future king with such responsibility. But ignorance did not equal innocent in his eyes, Sehun was wrong, whether he knew or not.

His guilt was stronger, perhaps, that he did not know. He did not deserve such blissful ignorance, while Chanyeol struggled to move on, revenge becoming his life support. It made him mad that he had it so easy, simply because he was the crown prince. He was the seed of the king, but did that mean she deserve anything less than a life?

Why was he that important that she had to give up her life for him? “Why?” he muttered out loud. He looked straight at Sehun, demanding for an answer. He would care less that he did not even voice out a question, he could be as unreasonable as he wanted to be.

The drastic change–well, even more drastic–surprised Sehun. Chanyeol had always been cool and composed, an epitome of perfection to him. He envied him mostly, he was too emotional for his own good. He wasn’t used to such a mentally weak and hopeless Chanyeol and honestly, it scared him.

He placed a cautious hand on Chanyeol’s face, gently caressing it. His grip on the knife loosened, eventually losing it completely. It fell on the bed with a soft thud. Sehun suppressed a sigh of relief and took it as a green light to go further. But Chanyeol gripped his hand, forcing him to stop.

“Don’t. Don’t do this,” he whispered. A tear escaped, falling onto Sehun’s face. “Shouldn’t I be saying this? Don’t kill me?” he teased. The irony of the situation did not escape him. Nor did he realize how weird he sounded, teasing someone who was going to kill him.

Despite himself, Chanyeol smiled. Sehun was so pure, like an untainted child. Perhaps ignorance had been a good idea after all. He would not want to see him twisted from the knowledge that he had lived on another person’s life, like a parasite.

He pressed a palm on Sehun's chest, searching for his heart. His heart was beating at an inhuman rate, something that would cause for alarm in another case. But his heart was not his. It belonged to her, a phoenix like himself. She had given up her eternal fire in order to revive the king's child.

He often confused himself between the two. He knew there were no traces of her left in this world, but he couldn't help but found them in Sehun. However there were more differences than similarities. They were both different individuals, after all. He didn’t even know when he began to see the real him rather than her.

At first it was just a convenient excuse. He couldn’t harm Sehun in any way because he believed she was in there, somewhere. But as he began to view the crown prince as the wonderful person he was, the lines between right and wrong began to blur.

“Chanyeol, do you really hate me that much?” Yes, he wanted to say, I hate you with all my soul. He leaned in, kissing him on the lips. There was no gentleness, just a fierce desire to vent out his frustrations. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. They parted, both gasping for air. Why did I have to love you?