Against the fierce crimson glow of the setting sun was a silhouette of an exhausted man, running endlessly in a horde of moving crowds – the sole exception to what would have otherwise been a mundane Friday evening. His perspiration glimmered under the borrowed shafts of erubescent light. The ends of his jacket flapped wildly, riding on the rhythm of the wind.

The sceneries around him were gradually turning blurry. Streaks of colors were all he could delineate before he found himself passing them all by, the sounds of a busy evening reaching him later than he had anticipated. It was almost like he was moving on a separate stretch of time, separated in a different world, working under another set of clockwork.

An acute pain tore through the muscles of his thighs and his calves. His breathing was starting to become ragged and rushed. He realized he was still needily desperate for air even after gulping a whole mouthful in. All his senses, all his organs were yelling, shrieking out in excruciation, begging him to stop before he crossed his breaking point, but still, he pushed on heedlessly.

“I can tell you where she is.”

He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, losing himself in the pain.

“Go on, tell her everything you want to say.”

In a race against time, he was.

“Paper plane, you were supposed to bring my feelings somewhere far away beyond my reach, not straight into the hands of the person they were meant for!” I chided, sitting on top of a grassy hill that overlooked a stretch of sea. On my lap now was a new paper aeroplane that I had just folded, with the exact same words on the one that I had discarded through the window and the one that is currently left in Luhan's possession.

Su Min always used to bring me here whenever we went home together back in our schooling days. We will opt to take a longer route back home as an excuse to visit this spot. We would stand on top of this grassy hill like now and open the doors to our hearts, talking about everything to anything. Then, once in a while when playfulness struck, we would wander down the hill and stand by the banks of the sea, inhaling a salty scent.

The climb back up would always be gruelling though, so we hardly went down.

It was nostalgic and it brought a smile to my face unconsciously. The thought that my life had been delightful surfaced in my mind, and a surge of happiness shot up from the depths of my heart, forcing the smile to linger.

What do people normally remember when they look back into their lives? Do they only remember the taints, the darkness, just because they cling onto memories easily? Somehow, remembering such tiny details about the good times I got out of this life seemed much more worthwhile.

If that is the case, then why won't you look past your experiences and grasp a better future?

There it was again.

The voice encouraging me to look forward to a spectacular future. It was dangerous.

I erased it from my mind, blocking out the sound and stood to my two feet.

When you have been put through so much torment, you get broken as a person. Positivity isn't always a choice. I can't believe in love, because I have never gotten a good experience out of it before.

I am seeing Luhan's face in my clouded state of mind. I am hearing his pained “I love you”, replaying itself selfishly in my eardrums.

What do I want?

What do I really want?

I have no idea anymore. I don't know anything anymore.

My right hand was raised, clutching onto the paper aeroplane. I wanted to bring it backwards to create enough momentum to hurl it out far enough, but my fingers were shivering. It was like my body understood I was about to lose something precious and it was setting up a final defence.

“Hee Yun.”

I heard a voice and my eyes sprung wide open and I looked, finding my eyes staring fixatedly at an empty space. Then, in the next, I was conjuring up an illusion of Hyun Jong's image, standing beside me, like the day we met again in our secret, shared heaven once upon a time.

“You will find your happiness from now on, won't you, Hee Yun?”

I shut my eyes and drew my hands backwards. My whole body reclined backwards with the motion. With the boost of my entire body, I the paper aeroplane off of my fingers. I felt the crisp texture of the aeroplane slipping from my grasp, brushing against my skin.

The paper aeroplane was gone, flying -

“No!”

I was startled. Wheeling around, I found the space that once held the image of Hyun Jong vanish rapidly, replaced by someone moving, someone breathing, someone alive.

Luhan.

“What are you doing?” I screamed, the voice coming out later than I had desired for it to be. It was subdued by my moment of disbelief and shock. By then, Luhan had already swooped in the direction of the paper aeroplane – straight down the hill.

“LUHAN!” I screamed again after him, as if my voice could save him from the tumble. I chased after him, dragging along my legs as paralysis began to take control from the tingling fear. There was a steely cold grip on my heart followed by an eerie sensation of something creeping on my skin. I could see him, like a nightmare taken shape, as he rolled down the hill, plummeting to the ground below.

Then finally, all the action came to a halt as suddenly as they had all been triggered.

Luhan's body was curled up, still against the ground.

And my heart stopped.

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