Every footstep taken was translated to an imaginary step he made towards getting to know Hee Yun better in Luhan's mind.

 

He was sick of knowing nothing about Hee Yun. He was here to breach that apparitional wall between him and Hee Yun that kept them to being nothing more than friendly strangers. He was here to do something for and about his love.

 

The rear of the shop was nothing more than a shared, narrow alleyway that seemed to be a far cry from the vivacity and verve present just a few streets up. It felt deserted, effortlessly tucked away at a forgotten corner away from civilisation. The grey brick walls were inked with dozens of mindless primeval graffiti. The dustbins that lined before the walls appeared to be properly cleared of everyday, for they were kept clean and generally neat.

 

Hyun Jong halted in his tracks when he was seemingly satisfied with his surroundings and he then turned to face Luhan squarely in the eyes.

 

“If you are here to inquire about Hee Yun, I'd suppose you'd want to know why she looked like she was in that much pain yesterday.” Hyun Jong exhaled as he slipped both his hands into his pockets again.

 

“Yes. Might you have a clue as to why?”

 

“Well...” Hyun Jong went as he pursed his lips. “I would be lying if I said I had completely no idea why she looked so hurt. I suppose I do have an inkling, because it can only be that. Some years ago, all three of us - me, Hee Yun, and the other girl whom you saw at the shop yesterday, all attended the same school. Everything was going fine until a bunch of pretty nasty rumors started to spread.”

 

Luhan was more attentive now. “What kind of rumors were being spread?”

 

There was a pause in Hyun Jong's speech. “... Stories about how Hee Yun slept with a dozen of guys and how she actually has this other side to her despite how she looks like in school all along. And people started talking about how she maybe used her own body to attain her grades and- Well, hey. You sure you want to hear on? I know it might be a bit hard for you to take since I suppose you have a thing for her.”

 

Indeed, Luhan's face was significantly darker now. It wasn't that he believed that Hee Yun did all those kinds of things, because before he came here, he had already decided on the stand that he was going to take on this issue, regardless of what he was told. And that was to believe in Hee Yun.

 

Instead, he was horrified to realize that those were the kinds of rumors being spread about Hee Yun, back in her student days.

 

“Was it all proven?” Luhan asked.

 

He noticed Hyun Jong's eyes darting to the side when asked that question, almost like he had something to hide. After a moment of stifling silence, Hyun Jong revealed, almost in an incoherent voice, “...No.”

 

When he heard that, Luhan was certain he did not want to see the reflection of his face off any mirror right now, because he knew his face would reveal an expression that even he himself had never seen before. He wished none of his fangirls were secretly following him, because any taken images of him would only reveal a face a little beyond recognition.

 

He was mad. He was sad. He was glad. All at once.

 

All three emotions were not to be mixed together, because the mixture would only turn out to be a hell of a failed Chemistry experiment. Right now, all those three emotions were fluctuating between various levels inside of him, some rising higher above the others, then getting overtaken by another emotion, then another – but Luhan understood himself to be more livid than anything else right now, because of what these guys had just done to Hee Yun.

 

There was a flame searing through his veins; a flame that made him want to ball his fists.

 

They had simply accused her of all those horrible misdeeds and left it at that when all those rumors had no grounds of support from the start. Luhan could only imagine Hee Yun hearing all those mendacious rumors spread about her, and how the evil malice hiding within those rumors got to her. He could not believe nobody bothered to check out the validity of those lies and simply ostracized an innocent girl.

 

Luhan quickly covered the lower half of his face with a hand and did a fake cough to distract his face from beind too contorted.

 

“Well, yeah, we had no proof to anything. But well, everyone was talking about it! Everyone! If there was really nothing to it, then it wouldn't have spread like how it did back then! But because everyone seemed to join in the discussion so I just-” Hyun Jong seemed to have read Luhan's thoughts and immediately said words to his defence.

 

“To be honest, I used to like Hee Yun a lot. I didn't want to believe that she did all those either! But even her closest friend back then said that about her, and surely she knew her best?”

 

To Luhan, it still felt like Hyun Jong was trying to lessen the guilt on him. He seemed to mind what Luhan thought of him, though there was something else that seemed to perturb Luhan after that sentence was said. It was how Hyun Jong appeared increasingly uneasy, almost as if he was afraid Luhan will unearth a secret he wanted to hide.

 

“Her closest friend... Was it the girl you were with yesterday?” he asked.

 

Luhan was still so incensed - almost like he took all of the anger and anguish Hee Yun would have felt and carried it upon himselves, so he was feeling everything twice as bad. He was sure that flame that continued to burn within his blood was the work of a demon's, because he felt increasingly pressured to land a punch on that guy's face to dissipate all the pent up fury within him. However of course, the logical reminder that he was now a public icon restrained him.

 

“... Yeah.”Hyun Jong's voice came out soft and inaudible.

 

Luhan had reached a point beyond rage that he produced a sardonic laugh. Because he felt that the world had been overly cruel with Hee Yun, almost to a stage whereby the torment was redundant.

 

He could feel his eyes wet with tears.

 

How was Hee Yun feeling back then? Was she also this mad, this hurt? Did she cry? Did she scream and wish she was never alive? What were the thoughts going through her mind? Did she also feel this injustice that I am feeling right now for her? About how the world was so unfair towards her?

 

As his mind became increasingly imbued with thoughts of Hee Yun, he knew there was only one thing he wanted to do right now.

 

And that was to find Hee Yun.

 

He didn't know what he was going to say to Hee Yun, but he just wanted to tell her that he understood. That he understood what she felt back then and yesterday, and he wanted to tell her that everything was fine, because he was going to be there for her. He wanted to tell her to pass some of her pain over to him because the ache of seeing her in pain was even more harrowing for him.

 

There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but before that, there was something he wanted to say to him, too.

 

“I really hope...” went Luhan, “That you will at least apologize to her in person.”

 

That was not entirely what he wanted to say, either. He wanted to yell at his face and ask him if it was pleasurable seeing Hee Yun in pain and not try to do anything to make her feel better, but he controlled himselves.

 

Luhan turned around and walked away, convinced he will never want to have a second conversation with that guy again.

 

 

 

Su Min checked her cellphone frantically. She could not even recount the number of times she had done that action in just the past hour alone, because the message that will free her from this growing dread has yet to be sent.

 

“Damn that Hee Yun! Just what is she thinking? Just check your phone already!” she chided under her breath, after opening her cellphone for the umpteeth time and still only seeing a blank screen without a notification of sorts.

 

Su Min swore she could recognize that voice in the background. Even though that background voice was faint, how Hee Yun's own voice seemed to crack as she said her goodbye could not escape her ears. She knew who had showed up for a surprise attack, and it was because she knew that she was getting increasingly overwrought, because Hee Yun is terribly, terribly late.

 

That woman was capable of everything and anything, and Su Min really feared for the worst, though she wanted to believe that Ji Na would not stoop as low as to murder her friend.

 

“Su Min!” The lady boss's voice snapped her out of her reveries. She looked up at the lady boss, who sent her a stern glare and signalled to the side with a motion of her eyeballs. Su Min looked over and realized there was a customer, though not quite the customer she expected at this time. Also, it was a customer she had never served before.

 

“Good afternoon, Luhan.” Su Min went with a smile, though she knew her smile would never be as bright and genuine as Hee Yun's. “What can I do for you? Would you like your usual order?”

 

Luhan's eyes seemed to dart across the shop as he made a cursory scan. “Is Hee Yun in?” he asked.

 

Su Min's shoulders slumped. It wasn't that she was disappointed that Luhan did not want her to serve him, but rather because Hee Yun was not in and she was really terror-stricken.

 

“She's not in. She's late for work. To be honest, we are both quite worried about her.” Su Min wanted to tell him what she knew about the possible meeting between Hee Yun and Ji Na, but it's not like Luhan knew who was Ji Na, anyway.

 

“She's still not in?” This seemed to surprise Luhan who immediately shared their worry. “Did she perhaps give a call of some sort?”

 

Su Min had to try so hard not to giggle. Perhaps she should try to tell Luhan not to make his feelings so obvious, because only the 'I-will-not-love!' and utterly dense Hee Yun will fail to understand his affection for her.

 

“She did, a few hours ago. She said she was on her way here.” Su Min reported to Luhan.

 

Panic was written all over Luhan's countenance now. This has become a struggle for Su Min by now, as she fought hard not to smile when they were clearly discussing about something solemn, though she just could not help herself when she knows that a celebrity like Luhan had actually fallen for Hee Yun.

 

“Let's just give her a bit more time. Hee Yun has always been rather responsible so I am sure she will try to contact us when she can. However, when she shows up for work she will probably have to pay quite dearly for all customers missing due to her absence. After all, Hee Yun can be considered the attraction of our shop.” The lady boss spoke up.

 

“Hey, what do you mean by that, lady boss?” Su Min protested. “Are you saying that I'm not as pretty as Hee Yun? Maybe I am not, but surely I'm cute too? Surely one or two customers are here for my cuteness too!”

 

The lady boss gave Su Min a look. “Well, I wonder where your self-confidence came from?” she said with a chuckle.

 

“Hee Yun's smile is a wonder, really. It's so genuine and really gets you at the heart. It's the kind of smile you don't get sick of seeing, and it infects you, even. At least that's what I-”

 

“Yes!” Luhan burst out in glee. Both the lady boss and Su Min turned to stare at him.

 

“Ah... I-I mean... Yeah...” he scratched his head in embarrassment, breaking into a small, abashed smile.

 

The lady boss broke out into a peal of laughter as she moved over and patted Su Min on the back. Su Min had turned around and was still trying to hide her laughter, though it was not helping that lady boss was bursting out uncontrollably.

 

“I see what you have told me are not lies!” the lady boss went, her laughter yet to cease.

 

“That's what I've been trying to tell you all along! Oh gosh...” Su Min had to catch her breath from giggling too much. “This is getting too adorable.”

 

 

 

 

“Choi Hee Yun! Where are you? Get back to me right now!”

 

“CHOI HEE YUN. GET BACK TO ME.”

 

“HELLO HELLO. ARE YOU THERE, HEE YUN? PLEASE REPLY.”

 

“ARE YOU COMING TO WORK? IT'S ALREADY SO LATE!”

 

I checked my handphone after having neglected it for some time and found it flooded with worried messages from Su Min. I tried typing back a reply, “Sorry, Su Min. Could you and lady boss let me be selfish and irresponsible just for today? There's some place I want to go, somewhere I want to go and lose myself...” but as soon as I finished, I pressed on the backspace and deleted the message.

 

I slumped over in the seat and tossed my phone back into my bag. I felt guilt-ridden for having just skipped work without saying another word. I knew I must be causing both the lady boss and Su Min a lot of inconvenience with my absence. Yet I just could not go back to work pretending nothing had happened to me, not in the state I am in.

 

I need some time alone, so that I can discard away all the encumbrance weighing down on me and return to my normal self.

 

The bus trundled to a stop in an isolated area surrounded by nothing but a maze of forests. The doors flung open and I noticed the bus driver giving me a stealthy peek across his shoulder, one that suggested he was confounded as to what business I would have in such a remote location with barely any human traffic around.

 

“You better be careful around here, young lady. Especially on your own.” He could not help but sound his worry.

 

I smiled and gave a bow. “Thanks for the ride.” I went as I got my wayworn body off the bus.
 

 

 

 

What am I doing here?

 

I wriggled my toes in the fine sand, the soles of my feet registering the sense of a distant, heartwarming warmth radiating from the soft golden grains beneath.

 

How long has it been since I last came here?

 

I turned my head and looked to the sea, at how the sunlight was dappled across the swirling waves and the images from that day started gaining clarity, like fragments of a tattered photo pieced together to reveal its original image.

 

Ultimately, what that photograph reveals is nothing more but another sad memory, but right now, I feel like it's all right to relive that reminiscence – because this beach is what I needed right now, a venue and space away from all the din and disturbances and concentrate on easing my soul.

 

I rarely visited this small beach, hidden behind a lush forest, with nothing more than a pebble path to hint at its possible existence. It was situated in a corner of nowhere, almost akin to an ironic mimicry of how people like me who visit it feels – in the middle of nowhere and just hoping everything will die away and you will be just fine.

 

The reasons why my visits to this sanctuary were a rarity were largely due to its location. It was an arduous task for me to travel here, for it took nearly two hours of switching between transportations and walking on foot before I am finally at my destination. The other reason, was the reason behind the sad memory.

 

Hyun Jong was the one who brought me here.

 

It was a silly day indeed, that day. He told me he had something to show me and we rode on the buses for close to two hours with him not wanting to disclose anything to me. I just sat on the bus like a fool without knowing where the buses were taking me and feeling alienated in an unfamiliar part of Korea. When he led me through the forest I was even more frightened that I would get lost and never get home, but the sight at the end made everything worthwhile.

 

I guess even back then I really liked the tranquility and solitude this place offered that I could never get its magic out of my head, even now. I liked the beckoning sight of an expanse of turquoise sea, glittering and clear as day. I liked the scent of the water in the wind and I liked listening to the canorous rhapsody of the waves as it lapped the shore and ebbed away.

 

Everything about this secluded beach was perfect for me. It felt like I was taking a glimpse at heaven and given access to a wonderful land. My memory of it was so beautiful, but Hyun Jong's existence in these memories made it painful for me to visit this beach, because when I am here, it will be ineluctable for me to remember the joy of having him by my side and every little detail of the face of a boy I used to love.

 

My heart squeezes even more as I think about how my relationship with Hyun Jong, or Ji Na even, suffered a premature end because of a girl's jealousy -

 

“Ah! What am I thinking about? I got here to clear my mind, not to be bothered by them again!” I blurted out, knowing nobody would hear me while I was here, anyway. I went and soaked my now torrid feet into the sea and threaded across the sand, pressing my feet down hard enough to create impressions in the sand where I walked.

 

“So, what do you think of this place?” Hyun Jong's voice. My lighthearted steps in the sand came to a crashing halt.

 

“I know, isn't it? Actually, my grandparents told me about this spot. I don't know, don't old people always know a lot of things that we don't know about?”

 

Make it stop! All these voices... From the past... Why are they coming back to me again, now?

 

“This place is really special. It really calms you down. I guess the place is really quiet, so it in turns quiets you down and makes you feel... really at peace? Either way, I just really wanted to share this place with you!”

 

“And it's a promise, all right? This place will remain a secret that only the two of us know about.”

 

“... Hee Yun?” came a voice.

 

It was like time had rewinded itself, if that was even possible. All the actors and props necessary for the performance have gathered and were perfectly staged like it was back then. That figure standing above a slope of sand – I had to ascertain his identity twice because this simply could not be true. This kind of extemporary coincidence should not even occur; the probability of this should be -

 

“What the hell? You... You actually remember this spot...” Disbelief was stark in Hyun Jong's voice as he then demonstrated his lissom by gliding his feet gracefully down the sand, landing cleanly at the bottom, just a few steps away from me.

 

The pusillanimous self in me urged me to abscond. How I can face Ji Na in the morning and then confront the only remaining thorn of my past in a seriatim - someone must really want me to put an end to everything that has been shadowing over my life already.

 

I wasted several seconds having my eyes trained on him, torn between which choice to make. I had mustered a lot of courage just to talk to Ji Na eye to eye in the morning, and I wasn't sure anything was left in this shell I am carrying right now.

 

However, in those few wasted seconds, all my exits were already blocked and there was nowhere I could run to, except to confrontation.

 

“This place... is nice.” I mumbled a few words under my breath and turned away from him, kicking away at the waves that rolled towards me in an attempt to snuff out the silence.

 

“I see.” Hyun Jong's voice sounded unusually down. “You are here to sort out your thoughts too, aren't you?” He came closer to me, though he still kept a comfortable distance between us.

 

“I was the one who brought you here the other day, wasn't I? I remember that day, you were upset at having failed a class test after all, so I brought you here. Because I come here when I am upset too, to scream into the distance and all.”

 

I faced him, suddenly alarmed. For Hyun Jong to come here, that means something must have happened that upset him enough for him to want to travel that same 2 hours that I took to reach here.

 

“I didn't expect to see you here... really.” whispered Hyun Jong.

 

“You...” he choked out the words. “You... said something to Ji Na today, didn't you?” He flung his head towards me to divulge a face contorted with despair and fury. He clamped a hand over his eyes almost like his last attempt to conceal his face as he cried.

 

“Ah... I really wanted to have a proper conversation with you but I can't hold all these in...” he brought down his hand from his face and used it to grab my shoulder.

 

“Tell me! What did you say to her?” he cried out, his voice singed with umbrage and sorrow.

 

I was unable to grok anything about the current situation at hand and only allowed my body to be whipped about by Hyun Jong as he shook my torso turbelently, as though an answer would come falling right out.

 

What did I do now?

 

I was certain I did nothing but have a face off with Ji Na. Did she start spreading some lies about me again? Was she blaming me for something she did?

 

“Don't act so surprised!” he yelled, his tears all over his face. I stared back at him blankly, my lips quivering to say something. I was hoping he could figure out I truly knew nothing about what he was going on about.

 

“She... Ji Na...” he caught his breath.

 

“She broke up with me!”
 

 

 

Carried along by the seaside breeze were the sounds of Hyun Jong's racked sobs as the words that dispelled the confusion came tumbling out – though the revelation that Ji Na had dumped him did not ameliorate the melee.

 

On my shoulder I could feel his taut fingers sinking painfully deep into my skin. My blouse offered no resistance to his iron grip but neither did I try to break free. I stood, my feet rooted into the sand, my eyes wide and my face blank.

 

Was Ji Na provoked? Provoked by what I had said to her about stringing Hyun Jong into the mess?

 

“Why? I just don't get it! We are engaged!” Hyun Jong yelled out his choler.

 

I stared at his face of chagrin. I wanted to tell it to him. I wanted to tell him that Ji Na had a motive behind getting close to him that time, and it was because she did not want him to end up with me. So it was okay to end it now, because it was not worth his time, betrayed like this. There was a self-protective mechanism in my brain that geared up and wanted me to spew out those words, but it pained me enough to see Hun Jong in his woebegone state that the words hung in my exhaled air.

 

“Please! Hee Yun! Surely you have to know something! Just what did you say to her?”

 

Hyun Jong continued to look at me with eyes that suggested of enmity. His irises were muddy with tears, but a particular flare still seemed to spark as our eyes met. Yet I struggled to get the words out, still secretly concerned about hurting Hyun Jong more than this, still unwilling to simply dump all the blame on Ji Na and pretend I am guilt-free.

 

“Hee Yun!” Hyun Jong's voice had finally turned gruff from his rounds of waiting and my perplexing silence.

 

“I... She...!” Finally, I was pressured to speak. “I don't know! I really don't know! This morning, Ji Na came over to my house to look for me and we had a talk, about those times. And she... basically mentioned that she only got close to you because back then, you liked me. And then I told her that she should not have-” I was still trying to phrase everything nicely, but it seemed all my efforts were for naught.

 

Hyun Jong took a step back. Disbelief crept into his voice. “Y-You are kidding me... You have got to be kidding me! For something stupid like that, can she really have stayed all these years with me, with no feelings attached?”

 

“That's why I said I don't know!” I was geting increasingly vexed that I screamed back, infected by his irritation and fury. Then, I felt it. The dampness on my cheeks. Almost caught by surprise I looked down, my fingers crawling across my face to wipe away the tears that I had not expected to be there.

 

“Ah... What am I doing now again?” I forced a laugh, wiping away at my tears and wringing my hands. “I just keep crying, such a loser.”

 

Hyun Jong watched me, much calmer all of a sudden than he was just a couple of seconds ago. He sighed, then turned to the tides.

 

“It's okay, Hee Yun. I'm sorry- I was too caught up with my emotions that I forgot the fact that you are the most affected out of us three by all these that were happening. Yeah, all three of us... The three of us...” he paused, “Are still trapped in that year. Our time stopped.”

 

Hyun Jong bit onto his lower lip then hunched over and screamed into the distance. He did it once, then twice, then a third time. With silence returned after his third try, he started taking in erratic breaths before he shut his eyes and spat out, “Damn it! Screw all this!”

 

“So till the end, it was still about those times? Damn it, destiny's cruel. They just keep getting out your unfinished business from the past, and let them come out and haunt you in the present till you settle it once and for all.” said Hyun Jong.

 

I looked at him, comprehending what he meant fully. It was because I decided not to leave the ends loose that I have mustered the courage to keep facing my past.

 

“Ji Na... She probably said it in the heat of the moment. She used to be my best friend, I know she would have given up on you long ago if she really didn't feel anything about you, if you were nothing more but a fling-”

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