Coming home late at night after a long day at work, I undo my tie and slide of my jacket. Walking into my empty one-roomed apartment, my body lands on the couch with a sigh. It's quiet. Just the way I like it. No noise, no distractions, no craziness. Just me, myself, and my mind. Laying down on the soft green material, I close my eyes and breath. Try to calm myself down a bit. As my mind starts to drift, I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into a memory of myself, my mama, and baba.

---

"Jun, Jun honey come on, let's go! It's time, baby." I hear my mother call out to me. I look at the clock and see that it's 9:50 pm, way past my bedtime. I must have been about 3 or 4 years old at that time. Looking up I see her angelic face and see my angel smiling down at me. She's holding her tummy, and I think she's feeling sick. I look down and see water everywhere.

"Mama, what's happening?"

She looks down at me and smiles, lovingly and sweetly. "Your brother's coming, baby."

Well that certainly woke me up. I wore a face-splitting grin, going from ear to ear.

"Didi? My didi's coming? Yay!"

"That's right honey, now come on. You and baba need to drop mama off at the hosptal, so we can wait for him there, okay?"

I nod and take her hand in mine, walking out to the car, smiling and laughing non-stop as my father straps me into my carseat. On the way to the hospital I think  I fell asleep, because all I remember is a scene of my mama and I running through the fields, just us. No baba...no didi...just us.

Walking into the hospital was like a movie scene going on. People were rushing all over the place as I just stand and stare with wide and amazed eyes. Gazing up at my mother as she kisses the top of my head, some ladies come in with a wheelchair. They sit my mama down and tell baba that she'll be taken into her room.

"Baba I wanna go with Mama!" I whine. I didn't like being without my mommy, especially when she's going to be sore. "I wanna help Mama so she doesn't get too sore, Baba! I wanna help!"

"Jun, sweetie, come here." Her smooth and calming voice insinuates my ear. Somehow, even through all the excrutiating pain that she was going through, she still managed to find the time to comfort both my dad and I. Walking to her with open arms, she picks me up and places me in her lap gently. Making sure not to bump into her belly, I turn around to face her. She's smiling softly with a bright look in her eyes. Taking my hand in hers, she places it on her tummy gently. "You get to see your brother tonight, but only if you be a good boy. Okay?"

"But Mama!" I whine and complain. Squirming in her lap, she winces in pain slightly and I immediately stop. Pouting up at her, I look down at my hands. "Sorry, Mama..I'll be good. I promise."

"I know you will, baby." Kissing my forehead gently, she sets me back down and watches as I run back to my dad. He picks me up in his arms and places me on his shoulders. The ladies turn my mom and wheel her off into her room, as both Baba and I wave at her. She turns and smiles, waving weakly at us.

Yelling out with encouragement in my voice, I tell her, "Mama! Fighting!" as I finish with a soft giggle.

I'll be here for you, Mama. Please make sure my didi is okay..

---

Abruptly I sit straight up and rub my face. I'm sweating, a lot. Groaning and sighing in slight pain and anxiety, I stand and walk towards the kitchen area. Grabbing a glass of cold water, I hum in silent relief as the liquid pours and slides down my throat. Instant gratification.

Walking back to the couch, I sit with a slight grunt. Gazing around the dark and gloomy apartment living room, I shake my head in thought. How did I get here? How did my life end up like this? Why..why..

No one really knows why we make the decisions we do. We just..we just, do. Some without reason, some with specific reasons we all think would be logical at the time. So what is my reason for being here, alone and without my family? Without my friends..without anyone? Well. I think it's about time to find out.