This thing which we humans call love.

Isn’t it supposed to make us feel blissful?

So if that is the case..

Why is my love story so agonizing and torturing?

Today was a typical Monday. As usual, I sat at the corner of the cramped bus, deep immersed in my novel until the yellow vehicle passes by this pink coloured ice-cream parlour. Shoving the crisp book into my bag, I looked out of the window and smiled when I found your familiar small framed silhouette, but it was soon replaced with a frown as I noticed your boyfriend walking next to you. You are wiping the sweat off his face like you always did while he is just blatantly checking out some chicks leaning against the school gate. I rolled my eyes when I saw him winking at the bunch of es, and you just pretended you didn’t see it and started fumbling your brown backpack.

My heart aches when I see you walking hand in hand with that good for nothing guy.

Why can't the hand you are lacing with be mine instead?

Both of you split up for your first classes and I strolled behind that fragile body of yours. You trudged your way across the crowded hallway with your shoulders slumped and head lowered. You looked so drained out of energy, the back view of yours is so weak and fragile I had to fight back my urge to run forward and hug you from the back. I did a slight jog and slung my arm around your still slumped shoulders, startling you. You jerked your head to the side with your eyes wide in surprise, but smiled when you realized it was me. We did a light chat on how was the day before and you chuckled, face radiating as you started babbling on how your boyfriend invited you to dine at this posh restaurant last evening.
 

“You paid for the dinner again right?”

“Yeah.. b--ut that’s because Jong In used up all of his monthly allowance to pay for his dance classes! He promised me that he’ll treat me the next time round!”

I sighed and shook my head. You are lying to me and yourself again. You looked down onto the floor in guilt as soon as you finished your sentence and quickened your pace, entering the noisy classroom first and settled down in your seat. I watched you placing your textbooks neatly on the table as I threw my bag on the floor and slouched against the grey plastic table.

I was returning home from my usual weekly trip to the grocery store when I saw your boyfriend ambling down from the other end. The one by his side wasn’t you though; it was one of the chicks from the other day. I stopped in my tracks immediately and glared at him, but he didn’t seem to notice me, obviously too oblivious to his surroundings since he was so too busy flirting with that . The final straw came when I saw his grip on the ’s waist tightened, and on instinct I stuck my foot out in front of him, sending him flying across the concrete pavement. I sniggered and continued my way back home as I heard him scolding a string of profanities and whining how his handsome face is now disfigured from behind.

This kind of jerk doesn’t deserve you.

Why don’t you just come into my embrace instead?

I will treat you like how a clam protects its pearl, how Prince Charming protects his beloved Princess.

So why don’t you just consider leaving this good for nothing guy for good and just come to me?

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in frustration as you talk about how worried you are for that good for nothing boyfriend of yours. How long have you been talking about your boyfriend? I looked up at the round clock hung on the white wall. 30 Minutes has passed.

“And the guy didn’t even apologize to Jong In! How rude and unmannered! I hate people like this! They just pis---”

“Kyung Soo. I am the one who tripped that jerk.”

“Eh..? You mean… Jong In? You are joking right? Why would you even do such a thing…”

“Because he is cheating on you! Come on Kyung Soo, it’s time to face the truth. This boyfriend of yours is just a lazy bummer who does nothing but flirt with every girl he sees. Sorry if I offend you in any way but you are just a money tree to him. That jerk spending all his monthly allowance on his dancing classes? Come on, I know he had long quitted it long ago. Who are just trying to lie to? Definitely not me. Probably yourself?”

You froze. I laughed bitterly.

I just revealed everything that you have been trying to conceal and ignore didn’t I?

“That’s not it! He’s definitely not that kind of guy! Why are you always defaming Jong In? What has he done to you!? I love him, and he loves me. That is more than enough. Why do you always have to create all these lies and rumours and make him look so bad! If you are still holding a grudge because I rejected your feelings then I’m sorry! I’M SORRY OKAY!”

It’s my turn to freeze now. Do you have any idea how much these words hurts? Every single word seems to er punch my face and I took every single one with a direct hit. It hurts Kyung Soo, your words really hurts.

So to you, I am someone who would destroy your relationship because I’m mad that you rejected my feelings? I am! I really am!

Why can’t I have you?! That Kim Jong In or whatever his name is doesn’t even deserve you! But why, why did you choose him instead of me? I am so much better than him in every way! Why won’t you even consider dumping him and reciprocate my feelings?!

I watch you stomp off before breaking into a run. Why must things turn out like this? Why can’t you just believe me? All I said was the truth; it was you who is running away from it!

You have been torturing yourself for the past two years. Isn’t the hurt and disappointment you received from him enough to make you realize that this relationship is not worth fighting for? Why must you be so persistent in sustaining this relationship with nothing but a bleak future? I don’t get it, I really don’t get it.

I followed the path you ran off after collecting my thoughts. I looked down at the dirty white pavement and scoffed; there was a faint line of water droplets. So you cried while you ran away from me? I wonder how many tears have you shed every time the truth hits you right in the face. Probably so much your tears could create a lake.

Love sometimes makes a person stubborn. Too stubborn for one’s good to be honest.

Love made you stubborn, so stubborn you refuse to leave your boyfriend no matter how many times I told you about the things he had done behind your back.

You probably hope that someday, just someday, your boyfriend will realize how important he is to you and love you like how you love him.

You probably hope that by giving him all your attention, your boyfriend will realize how important he is to you and start treating you like how a boyfriend should.

Love made me stubborn too.

Every single day, I pray that my little actions would move you, and maybe you would wake up from your delusional love fantasy and break up with that jerk.

I thought that by staying by your side during your ups or downs, being your listening ear as you pour out everything about your relationship, you would slowly realize my importance in your heart.

You didn’t though. But it’s okay.

Kyung Soo yah, do you still remember I’m a Taurus?

And do you know what Taurus is most famous for? That’s right, being stubborn.

I won’t give up. I will make sure you leave that good for nothing guy, even if you don’t choose me in the end.

You refuse to speak to me after that incident. You would either escape from the classroom the moment the bell rings or sprint in the opposite direction the moment you spot me walking down from the other end. I thought you just need a little more time to digest the truth, and I’m absolutely fine with that. I am willing to wait for you, as long as you break off with that jerk. My hopes were once again dashed as I saw you clinging tightly onto your boyfriend’s arm a week later, your head snuggled against his chest while he is blatantly scanning around for any chicks in sight as usual.

They say love makes a person blind.

You are so blinded by love you can’t even see that he is not the one for you.

I am blinded by love too. As I continue to hope that one day maybe..

Maybe.. you’ll become mine.