I still remember.

5 years ago.

I thought our relationship was perfect; no one could ever split us. They were against us, but we did not listen. It was us two against the world. And every touch, kiss and love making only made us stronger. You were my everything. More than I ever dared to dream about. So perfect and caring, caring more about other than you did about yourself. You never spoke of your problems before I busted you for holding more than you need inside, and then you would cry on my shoulders, and beg for me to not think of you as a pathetic cry-baby.

My dear Wookie…I never thought of you like that…I never thought anything bad of you…you were such a good human being. An angel sent from heaven to me…but still…I hurt you. After 1 year I started to get busy with work, never taking time to you, listen to you or just having a time for you and me…I wasn’t there when you cried, having an hard time…But still you were always there when I needed you. Encouraging me, and holding my hopes up with a precious smile on your face that hid a lot of tears that I didn’t see…or didn’t want to see…I only thought of myself.

Then our 2years anniversary came…This is…I really hate myself for forgetting it. This moment…I will forever hate this memory, but I can only thank myself. You knew my day was hard, so you didn’t make a big deal out of the anniversary.  I came home late; you greeted me happy as always and were so proud of the dinner you had made. My favourite food and candle lits, and you waited for my smile when I sat down to eat…but I didn’t do any of that…this is really hard to write…but yeah…I just wanted to sleep, and said no thanks, but you told me to eat to get energy, but what you actually meant was ‘please eat with me, I miss you, I even made this just for you’…but I was an , I got really angry and shouted to you…yelled at you before I shoved one of the plates that got crushed on the floor…then I left you and went to my room…

Did you cry that moment? You don’t know how much I regret it now…I remember that I woke up, you weren’t beside me in the bed as usual. I stood up and found the table uncleaned…the food still stood there and the plate was still broken on the floor…You weren’t in the livingroom either, but I found a note there...Where it stood that you couldn’t take it anymore, you were sorry for all the wrongs you had done that made me angry.  Someone would come and get your stuff later. And this was good bye…

I didn’t feel sorry…not at all…I got angry at you…especially when I saw that my best friend Yesung was the one that came for your stuff. I found out that he was the one who had been standing up for you every time I wasn’t there, which was…always…Later he even asked me if it was ok that he went out with you, he was in love with you…I answered in anger and jealousy that he could do whatever he wanted, I hadn’t seen you since the breakup…I think that was Yesungs plan as well…asking we when he knew I would say yes…but later as I saw you with him…I saw how much I had lost, but I refused to say so…

Then…I found out you guys were a couple one year later…I told both of you that I was happy for you guys, but on the inside I was heartbroken. Everything about our breakup seemed forgotten, we never talked out, we only were around each other because of Yesung, but he never left us alone.  So it just faded away and we became friends.

But I guess in our heart it didn’t fade that fast, I felt like I had lost everything. Later as you two became happy and only more happy, I tried to get over you by dating someone. But everyone broke up or stopped because they noticed that my eyes were on only you and not them at all…That smile that used to smile because of me…now smiled because of my best friend that deserved you so much more. So I kept watching you from distance. Then the big news…you two were gonna get married you have no idea how much that was to swallow, but I still smiled.

Now I know how painful you must have had it when you hid your sorrow and only smile when you were with me. I don’t know how you were able to survive when it hurt so much that you feel like your heart is gonna stop. I’m so sorry…

And the big day was the worst…but of course I was there…You smiled like you were the happiest man on earth. You and Yesung, you looked perfect together, everyone could see that. I met you alone one time, you were beautiful in that tuxedo…I said congratulation…but mean enough asked if you were sure about this decision…and even at that moment you didn’t see what I felt, not before I tried to kiss you out of nowhere and you lucky enough pushed me away before our lips met. You were shocked and I said shameless ‘I love you’.

What an I was…on my best friend’s wedding I tell his partner that I love him. But you looked for the first time strict at me. You had become stronger…you told me that you loved Yesung, and us two would never work and that I was not gonna ruin this day with that nonsense…So I guess you didn’t believe me when I said it…but it was true…I love you and I still do…

When I saw the priest stand in front of you…you looked so happy, and so did Yesung…But I sat there with my heart beating faster by every word…the final words came, Yesung had said yes…the priest turned to you ‘Do you take this man by your side to be your husband, and promise to love him until the day you die’…I felt my breath stop and all I could think was ‘SAY NO!!’

And the worst part was…or maybe it was just my imagination…but it seemed like you thought everything over againwondering if this really was right…but my heart got cut when I heard you ‘YES, I DO’

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That was that…and the reason I wrote this to you…was because I want to apologize…I’ve been an and damn bastard to you…I’m sorry for everything, everything I’ve ever done.I know it’s shameless, but…I still love you if you didn’t know…and because of that…I am saying good bye, I have moved…I have ran away like a coward…and now I send this…I will not come back before I’m over you…not before I finally can face you two and tell you guys for real that I’m happy for you…

Must Yesung give you everything I couldn’t…Must he give you all the love you deserve, and prove that he deserve you while I didn’t …and I bet he reads this with you, so I’m telling you Yesung…

Thank you for healing Ryeowooks angel wings that I broke.  Thanks for making him fly again.
And if you hurt him…you’re doing a BIG mistake…Promise me that you’ll take care of Ryeowook, and please don’t hate and forget your best friend.

-Kyuhyun

While Ryeowook read this, Yesungs arms were around him, backhugging him while they read. Ryeowooks tears were not able to hold in. All tears that were created by Kyuhyun came out in one go. Yesung hugged Ryeowook closer and did all he could to comfort the small man while he thought

“I PROMISE KYUHYUn”