“You guys didn’t have to come all the way here!” you exclaimed as the rest of EXO-M entered the house. Yixing, your husband, greeted everyone with a big smile as he finally saw his brothers again. The EXO boys seldom hang-out with each other, being busy with their own activities and family. They still perform together as one, but not as frequent like it was; after all, they had their time and right now, they are enjoying their title and position as one of the most respected musicians, ever.

EXO became one of the best musicians of their generation, having their talents, abilities, especially their music recognized all over the world. EXO has become a group which their juniors and younger people are looking up to as an inspiration and as a model.

A long time has passed since everyone stood for the first time on stage, since the first time they performed together, greeted and being cheered by their fans, who over the years never failed to support them. Their fan’s love still strong, even when they marry and started a family of their own.

“Oh come on, as if we’d let you go and travel! Look how big you are! You’re due soon, right?” Kris said as he gently pulled you into a hug. Everyone shouted their agreement, and assured you that coming over was okay. “You should worry about yourself and the baby, not us!”

“Alright, sheesh. I’ve missed you guys!” you exclaimed, feeling really happy in seeing them, and having someone else to talk to aside from Yixing. Since you are near your due date, Yixing has been extra careful, not allowing you to go out too much. He says he doesn’t want his baby inhaling polluted air, and that it would be safer if you’re always near him. Which means, not having human interaction aside from him and from your friends who drops by sometimes.

Yixing is happily married for three years now; he’s the third one in EXO to do so, spearheaded by Luhan, followed by Suho and then him. Luhan already has a three year old son, while Suho doesn’t have a plan to have one soon.

Yixing gazed at his wife with eyes full of love, his heart overflowing with happiness. There’s the woman who loved everything about him, the woman who supported him and did her best to understand him. The one, whose love never faltered, never stopped. Seeing her carrying his child in her womb made his life a piece of heaven, filled with bliss.

After teasing you on how big you are, you ushered everyone out, wanting to start preparing for lunch. The boys protested, saying that you could just order take out. They don’t want you to move too much because of your condition. But then you told them that take-out food isn’t really healthy, and so they surrendered and let you cook. Though you had to assure every single one of them that you won’t be harmed or anything just by cooking.

The boys piled out of the kitchen and headed to the garden, while Yixing lingered by the doorway. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can help.” He offered. You gently smiled at him and planted a soft kiss on his cheeks. “I will be. Promise, I will be careful. Really careful. So just go. You guys have a lot to talk about.” You gave Yixing a big smile, trying to assure him. He sighed and reluctantly walked out.

Yixing kept glancing at the kitchen’s door, his ears listening as he walked in a very slow pace towards the garden where everyone was waiting and already talking. “How are you feeling, ge?” Tao asked as he reached the garden, taking the empty lawn chair besides Chen.  Yixing beamed so widely that his dimples are making holes on his cheek.

“Anxious, excited, happy. A mix of everything.” Yixing answered as he looked back inside the house. “I’ll be a father real soon. I’m just waiting for days until the moment I can see and hold my child for the first time. Everything actually feels surreal; I’m going to be a dad Tao. I will be a father.  I will be raising a kid of my own, while making sure to protect my wife. I’m building a family of my own.” Yixing explained. He was definitely happy, but he was worried too.

Yixing knows that many things will happen; he knows that he will face many challenges and hardships as he walk the path of fatherhood. He still has a lot of things to learn, and he knows that he will surely make mistakes, but he’s determined to be the best father for his child, and the best husband to his wife.

“It will be hard, yes. But I’m telling you guys, everything is worth it. Hearing your kid calling you ‘daddy’ and placing kisses on your cheeks, and feeling their small arms wrapping around you is the best feeling you can experience as a father. All the fatigue will wash away because you know; there are two people waiting and eager for you to come home.” Luhan said with a smile on his lips, his head definitely filled with thoughts about his wife and three year old son.

Everyone looked at Luhan, feeling proud about him. Luhan’s marriage did not start as smoothly like Suho’s and Yixing’s: Luhan actually got her girlfriend pregnant at the height of their career; at the crucial time that one small mistake can bring huge disaster to their group. But in the end, Luhan managed to hold on and have both—his wife and child, and the career he has nurtured.

 “And that, is only few of the many joys having a child will give you.” Luhan added and looked at each one of his friends. Xiumin chuckled and placed a hand on Luhan’s shoulder. “Talking from experience, huh?” he teased. “But you know what, I’m proud of you. Who would’ve thought that you would make a good father?” Everyone laughed while Luhan landed a punch on Xiumin’s arm.

==

Lunch was noisy. Everyone missed each other so much that lunch was spent on talking and catching up on each other’s lives. Everyone, except you were talking excitedly; you’re already contented and comfortable just watching your husband and his friends, which became big brother figures to you talk and laugh. You talked a bit, but you preferred just being silent.

“Ah!” Chen exclaimed. Everyone stopped and looked at him, looking at you and Yixing. “Do you guys know the gender of the baby?” Chen asked, having noticed that Yixing and you has said nothing about the of the baby. You smiled as Yixing held your hand and gave it a squeeze.

“No. We told her doctor that we wanted it to be a surprise. We’ll find out together when she gives birth.” Yixing said excitedly as everyone gave their guesses, even placing a bet. You felt your heart ache, hearing Yixing’s words.  Kris saw your face fell, looking sad and pained. He was about to call on you about it, but then you quickly smiled and acted normal, making him think that maybe you felt contractions.

Night fell but still, everyone had loads of things to tell and share. With a bit of reluctance, everyone prepared on going home, with Luhan hurrying everyone up. “Aish. What’s so great of going home this early?” Tao complained. Luhan flicked his forehead and ‘tsked’ at him. “One day Tao, you’ll understand me when you have your own wife and kid waiting for you.”

You smiled, seeing Luhan as a caring and loving father. His wife and son are really lucky and must be really happy.

“We’ll see you soon. Give us a call if you’re going into labor, alright? We want to see your baby.” Xiumin said as you and Yixing walked everyone towards the elevator. The happy day has come to an end, but Yixing’s certain that more happy days will come, especially when his child is born.

Everyone was still talking, trying to talk as much as they can when you feel your heart squeeze painfully, making you gasp for air. “Jiejie?” you heard Tao’s alarmed voice. Everyone felt silent after seeing you clenching your chest, having hard time breathing.

Not now…not now…just for a few more days…

You pleaded and prayed as their worried voices calling your name, asking if you’re alright started fading, your vision slowly darkening. The last thing you heard was Yixing’s frantic voice, his worried face the last thing you see before you slipped to unconsciousness.

==

Slowly, you opened your eyes, blinking a few times as you tried to adjust on the brightness of the room. You were greeted by dirty-white painted ceiling, a beeping of some machine which is the only noise in the room you were in. You tried recalling what happened, and realized that you’re lying in a hospital bed, wearing a very unflattering hospital gown.

You inhaled deeply, noticing for the first time the oxygen masked on your mouth and nose, helping you breath.

You had an attack. A mild case of heart attack.

Suddenly, you thought of Yixing. Your heart squeezed which hurts, but you paid no attention to it. You turned your head to the right and saw Yixing looking at you with unreadable eyes, his face expressionless. You swallowed a non-existent lump on your throat, scared.

You looked at Yixing’s empty eyes for a while, before you croaked out his name. Your voice was barely audible through the mask you’re wearing, though you know that Yixing has heard you. You waited for him to say something, anything.

“Yixing…” you called in a faint voice as your hand try to move and reached out to him. He looked at you then at your hand. “Are you thirsty?” he asked, averting his eyes from you. You shook your head no. “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?” Yixing busied himself to nothing, avoiding looking at you. It pains you seeing him acting like this towards you, but you know that you deserve it the least.

“Yixing…” you called again, but still, he didn’t look at you. “What do you want to eat? Porridge?”

“Yixing…”

“How about egg soup? Or do you prefer beef?”

“Yixing…”

“I’ll go buy you some—”

“Yixing look at me.” You said, finding your voice. He stopped on whatever he was doing and slowly turned to look at you. His face was no longer expressionless, his eyes no longer empty. His jaw was rigid as tears started b. His eyes were filled with pain and betrayal as he looked at you straight in the eyes.

“Did the doctor tell you already?” you asked in a quivering voice as you feel your tears coming. Yixing swallowed and looked down, trying to control his emotions. Everything hurts. So much. Yixing thought to himself. He took deep but shaky breathes as he wills himself to look at you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” his voice broke as he asked you. You started crying, seeing him hurting so much. You thought and phrased your words carefully so he could understand. You have to make him understand. He has to understand.

“Baobei, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you hide everything from me?” he asked again, his body shaking. “Why didn’t you tell me about your heart condition, about your transplant? Why didn’t you tell me about the risk of having a baby?”

You bit your shaking lip and answered, “Because I know you would have stopped me.”

“OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE! IF I HAD KNOWN, I WILL TELL YOU TO GET RID OF THE BABY!” Yixing screamed at you, tears coming out from both his eyes. He was a crying mess, his cries filled with agony, piercing and breaking your heart as you listen to it.

You badly wanted to get off the bed and go to him, but you were so weak all you can do is look at him and cry. “Yixing…I want this child.” You cried. He glared at you, mad.

“You wanted that child so much that you’re willing to die and leave me? What happened to the forever by your side? What happened to the promise of not leaving me?!” he demanded. Yixing was jabbing the wall with his fist repeatedly. Yixing felt so hurt; he felt like dying knowing that he could lose you.

You are his world, his everything.

“Yixing, I’ll die anyway.” You reasoned. “Yixing I can’t be cured. I already went through heart transplant. My heart is new but my body didn’t really welcome it. I got weaker after that, but I thought I would be okay. Actually, I felt really good when I learned about the child. I told myself that maybe; god was giving me, giving us this child so that I would try to make my heart and body stronger for the baby’s sake and for your sake.”

Yixing scoffed. “Make you stronger? Keeping the baby might kill you!” he screamed and threw a punch on the wall with so much force that the paint chipped and made his knuckles bleed. You kept silent and didn’t say anything as tears continued falling, though you cried silently. You waited for Yixing to calm down before trying to talk to him. He was hurting too much.

You have hurt him too much.

After a while, Yixing managed to stop crying. He looked at you for a while, and then slowly walked up to you and kneeled on your bedside. He reached for your hand and gently held on to it with his own. “Don’t you love me? Why are you doing this to me?” he asked in a very pained voice that made you sobbed loudly. “Baobei, why did you choose and take this risk? Why did you choose the possibility of dying and leaving me alone?”

You squeezed his hands with all the strength you could muster. “Yixing I’m dying. Did you know? My cardiologist told me that my heart would stop beating soon; maybe in a year or two, it would stop beating. I don’t want to leave you alone Yixing…that’s why I hid this from you. That’s why I wanted to keep the baby. So that even if I’m gone, there’s a living and breathing part of me to be left behind who will accompany you. My life is getting shorter, but this child…Yixing our child has a long way to live. Our child has many years to see and live through, together with you.” 

Yixing rested his forehead on top of your clamped hands, crying again. He was crying loudly, like that of a child who was left by his parents. Yixing looked so hurt, so vulnerable because of you, but you know you did the right thing. You promised not to leave him alone, and even though it is not you who will be by his side, at least a part of you will.

“But I need you. You are my world. You’re my strength, you are my life.”He said slowly.

“I’m sorry Yixing, but please understand that I had to do this. I love you. Please believe on that. I really do love you.” You pleaded.

Yixing did not say anything after that. He just continued crying, not letting go of your hand.

The rest of EXO-M has heard about your condition and visited you in turns as frequent as they can; they saw how much you’re hurting even though you tried to smile. Yixing kept a straight face, not really as cheerful as he used to be. Your contractions came almost every hour, knowing that you would be giving birth real soon. You were happy despite of everything, while Yixing dreaded that day to come.

As much as he loved the child, he loves you more.

Every single member of EXO-M visited you that day, filling your hospital room with life and laughter. Tao was cracking a joke when you felt pain on your stomach. You were having contractions, this time more painful compared the previous ones.

Chen immediately ran and called the doctor while Luhan and Xiumin stood by your bedside, coaxing you to calm down and take deep breaths. Tao and Kris though panicking a little gave words of encouragement, telling you that you can do this.

Yixing just stood on the other side of the room, looking at you struggling. Instead of excitement, dread was washing over him as his mind conjures up all the horrible possibilities that may happen. Then all of a sudden, your water broke, followed by another wave of painful contractions.

Xiumin held your hand as you cried because of the pain. The doctor finally came and lifted your hospital gown and looked at that private spot while the rest of the boys closed their eyes and looked away. You were looking at Yixing, your eyes pleading for him to come and hold your hand instead of Xiumin.

“Agh!”you screamed throatily, the pain escalating. The doctor, seeing that your opening is wide enough for the baby, rushed you to the delivery room with Tao, Luhan, Kris and Chen rushing after you. Yixing was still rooted, unable to move. “Yixing, she needs you.” Xiumin said gently as he gripped Yixing’s shoulders, trying to snap him out to reality.

“I don’t mean to be pessimistic or anything, but Yixing, you might lose her now.”

With that, Yixing ran out of the room and headed to where you were. Yixing pleaded with the nurse and the doctor to let him in so he could be with you and hold your hand. Your doctor, understanding your situation let Yixing in and stayed by your side.

“Can’t she just give birth through caesarean procedure?” Yixing demanded as he looked at you writhing in pain. “No. I can do this.” You gasped stubbornly. “I want this normal. Please.”

Yixing shook his head furiously. “Caesarean, please. I’m begging you.”

The doctor looked at Yixing gravely, looking sorry. “We don’t have a doctor on duty tonight to perform that kind of procedure. We can call him but it will take time and will cause more complications if we delay your wife giving birth. If we wait more, you can lose both of them.”

Yixing’s world shattered; he couldn’t believe his ears. Why does the world so against him? He just wanted his wife and his child safe, but why is life so cruel to him? “We will proceed now. She’ll be giving birth normally.” He gave up and just put all his hope that fate and life will be kind to him.

“Push!” the doctor shouted and you answered with a loud grunt as you gave all your best to push your child out of you.

“Push harder! Come on now!” you continued pushing harder and harder as you held onto Yixing’s hand, gripping it tightly. His hand became numb, but didn’t pay attention to it. He was just looking at you, trying to take in every single thing about you: your brows, your nose, your cheeks, and your lips that he loved kissing. He tried memorizing every single thing, etching it on his mind.

You were breathing heavily, feeling tremendous pain; it was so painful that you can’t even feel numb. You could feel your baby inside you, waiting to be relieved from inside your body. You looked at Yixing as you catch your breath before going again. He kissed your hand and gave you a pained smile.

“You have to give me one hard push. You’re baby is going to suffocate if we make this last longer.” The doctor warned.  Fear filled both your and Yixing’s eyes after hearing the doctor. You took a deep breath, readying yourself for that final push.

“I love you.” You both said at each other.

The boys were waiting anxiously outside. Two hours, no, maybe more than that had passed since you were rushed inside the delivery room. They could do nothing but wait, wait to the unknown. After waiting for who knows how long, a children’s song started playing and red strawberries lit up the screen above the doors of the delivery room, signalling the birth of a child.

Finally, you gave birth to your and Yixing’s child.

You gave Yixing a baby girl.

How was it? Was it angst-y enough? Please tell me what you think at the comments section. I know I said this is angst, but did I manage to deliver in this first chapter? XD 

Looking forward to your comments! :)