Coagulation.
{ C o a g u l a t i o n } 응결Listen to Coagulation - Super Junior.
"차가운 너의 그 한 마디가 나의 마음에 닿게 됐을 때... 내 눈동자엔 나도 모르는 촉촉한 이슬 방울..."
"When your cold words reach my heart... In my eyes, without me knowing, wet dewdrops..."
"I... I have to go... She's waiting... For me."
These cold words only increased the pain in my heart, which key you held to. The hot sensations from my eyes increased, but I couldn't care. I just didn't want it to fall.
"Go, she's... more important. I'll see you again... I guess."
"Sunyoung, I-"
"Just go!" I blurted out. I desperately wanted him to go, yet I wanted him by my side. These mixed feelings... Even though I knew I was probably never going to see him again, I wanted happy memories with him, it seems like... It'll never happen. Fate wanted us to seperate, and we cannot change fate.
Just go, the last thing I ever wanted to do was for him to see me crying. No, I couldn't let him see my tears.
"Annyeong, Sunyoung-ah."
"어디서어떻게 자꾸만 맺히는지 나도 모르죠... 그냥 내가 많이 아픈 것만 알아요 떠거웠던 가슴이 점점 싸늘 하죠..."
"Where they’re from and how they form over and over again, I don’t even know, the only thing I know is that I just really hurt... My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold..."
How did these started? Highschool sweethearts. After two years, it was only until then I knew - he had a fiancee. For a person like him, it isn't surprising for him to have an arranged marriage. He's a rich family's eldest grandson, I'm just one of the daughters of two musicians whom were probably out most of the time while he has servants serving him - it is a vast difference of status.
I don't know where did these memories come from, I don't remember where did these memories come from, I don't want to know or remember.
"I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!"
Screams of frustration and hopelessness did not help, I did not feel any better. I couldn't feel my own breath, I couldn't feel anything... But the pain in my heart. The happy and enthusiastic Sunyoung is not here anymore.
"뭐라고 말할지 어떻게 붙잡을지 나도 모르겠잖아... 어떻게 난 어떻게 하죠?"
"I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you... What should I do?"
My world of communication is silence - nothing that can be heard. The only sounds and voices I hear are my thoughts in my mind. I lost my hope of you coming back, I had no hope, no confidence, everything was gone. I hated myself for relying on you. I hated myself for changing my life completely just when you left. I hated myself. I hated fate. I hated everything that made this happen, even if it was the whole world. I couldn't care more if the whole world was against me, since I've lost everything.
"유리차에도 내 눈 위에도 이슬 맺혔네 눈물 맺혔네 작은 냇물을 만드네..."
"On the window and on my eyes, dew forms, tears form, a small stream is made..."
I could do nothing, I was in this small room, with everything I had surrounding me. With the little effort I made, I pulled myself up bit by bit, facing the window. Raindrops hit my clear transparent window, it feels like what is happening to me - streams from my eyes, to my cheeks, and plopped down to the ground surface. It was a never ending stream, which may probably not stop these few days.
"어디서 어떻게 자꾸만 맥히는지 나도 오르죠 그냥 내가 많이 아픈 것만 알아요 떠거웠던 가슴이 점점 싸늘 하죠..."
"Where they’re from and how they form over and over again, I don’t even know, the only thing I know is that I just really hurt... My formerly burning heart is slowly becoming cold..."
"뭐라고 말할지, 어떻게 붙잡을지 나도 모르겠잖아... 어떻게 난 어떻게 하죠?"
"I don’t know what to say, or how to hold on to you... What should I do?"
"눈 감으면 흘러 내릴까봐 하늘을 롤려봐도 결국엔 무거워진 눈물 한 방울을 들켜버리고 말았지..."
"I’m afraid that if I close my eyes they will flow even as I look up to the sky.. Of the tears that have ultimately become worse, one drop was finally discovered..."
"Sunyoung-unnie!" a shout came, as my door was burst open. As weakly as I was, I looked at the person who came in. It was Soojung...
Soojung. The first person whom I have seen in days.
"Sunyoung-unnie! What happened to you?! Why didn't you answer my calls and messages?! Did you know I was worried dead?! You..."
Soojung suddenly stopped. "Unnie... You... look so awfully pale... Did you eat?"
I could only stay silent. I couldn't care about filling my stomach - I didn't even remember to.
"Sunyoung-unnie, you can't be like that because of a bastard who just left you in order to be a good son. You have to move on. You're lucky I brought food for you," Soojung had a hand on my shoulder, patting me. I gave her a weak and small assuring smile, I didn't want my best friend to be worried.
Soojung opened a small container, with ramen inside. It took me some time to realise - it was my favourite ramen from Hongdae. Even though I didn't feel like eating anything, I gave in to Soojung who was pratically shoving a spoon of it into my mouth. It was tasteless since I didn't have the mood to eat, but I couldn't care more.
"Unnie! See, you made me so worried that I forgot to tell you a piece of good news!" Soojung exclaimed excitedly. "You remember, I told you I auditioned for SM Entertainment? I passed it! I'm going to start training next month!"
"Thats... good." was only what I could say. I was happy for Soojung, but somehow, it feels like something will be missing from me,
Soojung's going to be training for some time, which means lesser time for us to spend together. It was for Soojung's future anyway, it was her dream to get into SM Entertainment.
"Unnie, you're better than me at singing! You should go and audition for them too!" Soojung added. I was stunned. "Me? SM Entertainment? Audition?
"No... I can't do it." I replied. I lost my confidence already, let alone go for such a big thing.
"Think over it, Sunyoung-unnie," Soojung said, giving me an assuring smile. "I have to go now, I'm meeting Minho oppa in half an hour's time. I'll be back tomorrow, maybe? Sunyoung-unnie, don't be too upset, go outside and have a walk, this isn't the end of your world yet. See you!"
Soojung left and I laid back on my bed, while thinking back on what Soojung said - she's right, this isn't the end of my world. I looked out at the window: it wasn't raining anymore. Suddenly, I felt hyper. I quickly got off my bed, changed into a fresh set of clothes and set out of the house. I was going to have a short walk outside my house.
SM Entertainment... Right, my childhood dream was to be a singer. A singer who actually influences the world with her music. SM Entertainment was probably the place I should be in. If fate wanted me to be in it, I will be in it. I won't be Sunyoung anymore.
I won't be Sunyoung anymore - I'm Luna.
[Five years later]
The night of our first concert, f(x)'s first concert in Seoul. I passed all the auditions and joined Soojung as a trainee one month after she was one. We were placed in the same training group as Jinri, and after a year, Amber, an American-Taiwanese joined us and after another year, a Chinese named Song Qian joined us also. We trained hard, through thick and thin, we debuted in September 2009 as a girl-group who aims to be Asia's Top Pop Dance Group. I was thankful to Soojung who encouraged me to audition for SM Entertainment, if not, I wouldn't know what I would be doing now. Soojung is now Krystal, Jinri is now Sulli, Amber-unnie was still Amber while Song Qian-unnie is now Victoria. I'm still Sunyoung, of course, but I'm known with another name - Luna.
The concert started with our debut song, LA chA TA. We then sang Chu~, then NU ABO and Mr Boogie. We were exhausted, but we still did our ment. The next song was 'Ice Cream', which gave us the time to run around the whole stadium like in Super Junior sunbaenims' Super Show.
As I ran around, I stopped in front of a moshpit. A person captured my eye, someone strangely familiar, till I remember him.
Kim Jonghyun.
The shock on my face could have been easily seen by the fans, but I became happy and jumped together with the audience, while
occasionally looking at Jonghyun. Until when I looked at him again, he gave me the handsign of a telephone - to his ear. Which then, he squeezed himself out of the moshpit. I was stunned, but I decided not to think about it now and continue with the concert.
After Ice Cream, it was Soojung's solo, so the rest of us were backstage. While I sat down, waiting for my turn for the solo performance which was the last of all five members, I remembered Jonghyun's gesture.
"어떻게 다신 널 볼 수 없으면 난 어떻게... 내일 아침 나도 모르게 전화기에 손이 닿으면 그러면 나는 어떻게 웃으며 너에게 좋은 모습 남기고 싶어 너를 봤지 만결국엔 흘러 내렸지..."
"Tomorrow morning when I unknowingly reach for the telephone, what will I do then... I want to smile and leave you with a good image but when I look at you. The tears ultimately fall down..."
I can't sleep at all. My whole mind was just Kim Jonghyun. I picked up my handphone that was lying on my bed. I scrolled through my contact list and Kim Jonghyun was still there. I wonder if he changed his number? He may have...
It is 3am... It would be wrong for me to call him at this time of the night. Maybe... I'll call him later in the morning?
I don't know... If he answers the call, what am I going to say to him? Am I going to get back together with him? No... Luna, you aren't going to go back to him. Luna, Jonghyun didn't deserve the Sunyoung you were, why are you crying? Why?
Abrupt ending! D: This was probably my most fail fanfic but still... It is for Crystal and all the JongNa shippers [Nisyaz! :D] ! D: Fail, yes?
Forgive my grammar mistakes and fail vocabulary use. D:
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