“Hae Ri dear, how are you? How is it down there? I hope you’ll be fine wherever you are…”

Kyungsoo lets out a sigh and little chuckle.

“I’m sorry dear, I hope you know that I’m not laughing at you. It’s just I feel funny… funny how time flies by so fast. Before we know, it’s been 5 years since our last encounter. 5 years since the last time I see you and your smile. But it’s funny how in 5 years, all the memories of you still linger in my mind. I keep replaying all those memories in my head up until now.”

“It’s funny right, my dear. I still remember the first time we met. You were the new student at the school and you don’t have a lot of friends because you can’t speak Korean well since you spend all your live in States before went back to Korea. You are lucky to find me, because I can speak English and willing to help you and befriend with you, haha…. But you must also know that I was lucky to meet you at that fateful day. Because with that, I can get to know someone so beautiful inside and out like you. Someone’s so bright, smart, charming, and kind.  A pure and innocent girl who never likes horror and action movie. Someone who’s always cry whenever she read or watch romantic movie. Someone like you.”

“I also still remember your cute face when I ask you to be my girlfriend. Your teary eyes and your big smile. And how we hugged after that. It was precious, you know. I don’t what will happened with me if you rejected me that day. When you said yes, it feels like my life was filled with rainbow. I feel like the happiest man on earth. But then I realized that the journey in our relationship is even more beautiful. I never felt that much of happiness like when I’m with you.”

“It was a never easy journey though. We sometimes fight over small and big things. But thank God we still manage to find the way our, right? It was never easy for us, especially when I was in preparation for EXO’s debut. We can meet as much as we wanted to; moreover we had to hide our relationship to public. Gosh, that was the hard for both of us. And I’m thank you, although we often fight because our lack of meeting, you still stayed by my side, supported me and be my biggest fangirl. That’s why I never hesitate to announce our relationship to public, 5 years after my debut. Although I lost a lot of fangirl, people mock me and scold me, I’ve never afraid of that, because I know I have you.”

“Because I know I will always have you, that’s why I propose you. Right after I finish my military service. And the journey of our marriage preparation until our marriage live takes me to another level of happiness. See your face every time I open my eyes in the morning, feeling your body close to mine, living as a husband and wife, it was a blessing for me. You know I can’t thank you enough for giving me so much happiness. For giving me the honor to be your husband, thank you, dear.”

“Geez now I feel stupid what did I tell you all that? I know you know all that since I always told you the same thing every year right? Haha……”

“Anyway, Hae Ri dear, my beautiful wife…… I just want to tell you that I miss you. Hell I miss you every day, every night, since you’ve been gone. My life is never being the same when you left me. You left me an empty space in my heart that no one can ever replace. You said that I can forget you and live with another woman as time goes by right? But you were wrong. I can never forget you…”

“How can I forget you when every time I come into our empty apartment, all I can see is you. I can still picture you, cooking for our dinner. I can still seeing you watching your favorite drama, crying silently. I can still smell your perfume in our bedroom. Heck I can still feel as if you’re with me every time I sleep. Call me delusional, but that’s the reality babe. I can never forget you. Ever.”

“I miss you babe, so much……..”

“I don’t know why you have to leave me that soon. Why God take you away from me? Why does it have to be you the one who’s suffering from that cancer. Why? I can still remember how you winced in pain every time you finish your chemotherapy. I wish I can replace you and be the one in pain instead of you. I can’t understand that……”

“And I can’t understand why despite suffered from so much pain you can still smile in front of me and told me that every thing is going to be alright. When we both know that we’re not alright. When we both know that we’re afraid to lose each other… Do you know how afraid I am when you told me to let you go? It feels like thunder strikes right in my head. But I did that anyway… because I don’t want to burden you and give you sadness at the last time of your live…… and then you left me, and I’ve become lifeless as well.”

“But I remember you told me that I have to live and that life must goes on. So I do what you told me. You want me to become a great singer right? I am now. Here, I bring my year end trophy. EXO once again win the Daesang award, just like my dream, just like yours. I try my best to fulfill my promise to always work hard and be a great singer. Now you must be proud because I can do what I promise to do right?”

“I miss you so much… And I won’t lie to say that I live today in the memory of you. Because I have you in my memory I can keep going strong, because I don’t want you to be sad down there. Because I know you watch me from a far that I know everything is going to be okay for me. Because I know that even death will not erase and tear our love apart, I still have faith and live normally. Because you’re always inside of me, in my heart, in my mind, in every breath I take, in every move I make, I have the power to continue living my life.”

“I miss you so much, dear…….. That’s why I always pray for you, for God to keep you save, for the angel to always accompany you… And I’m not gonna cry this time. I know you’ll hate me if I cry again, am I right? So today, I will leave you with me singing. I know how much you love to hear me sing…”

“Even if I tell myself that right now, its not like before 
Even if you forget me completely, 
Even if I am just a person that just went by 
Tonight is just one night 
Just like before I lost you 

My heart wants to find you again 
Why is it lingering like this? 
I cant accept myself without you 
Tonight is just one night 
Just like before I lost you 

Please listen to my heart just once 
Everyday every night I am missing you 
Even if you are not by my side, 
Even if I can’t see you now, 
In my heart, you are always the same 

I don’t expect you to come back again 
My heart is always trapped inside of yours 

Please listen to my heart just once 
(To me who can’t see you) 
Everyday every night I am missing you 
Even if you are not by my side 
Even if I can’t see you now, 
My heart is always.. 
because I’m loving you and missing you"
 

“I miss you, my beautiful wife……..”

With that, Kyungsoo put a bouquet of white lilies, his wife’s favorite at the grave in front of her, and leave to his car….

PS. This one is a fail angst. I'm sorry. i just really have the high urge to write angst fic ever since i watch Ryeowook and Kyungsoo duet at SM Town Seoul, 18 August 2012. I literally cried while watching the fancam because OMG Ryeowook and Kyungsoo's voice just blend perfectly. And Kyungsoo's high note really lafhasfha;lshfaH. Just by watching their performance can make me cry, and turns out that the lyric was sad as well. So yeah, it makes want to write angst more and more. But the realization was like this... not as good as i want to, but at least i can finally write something :) Although it's not that good and far from my and maybe your expectation, i hope all of you can enjoy it :D

oh, If you haven't watch the fancam, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvNB6RdaFYk&feature=youtu.be&a