I Love You A Thousand Times ♥
I Love You A Thousand Times
I Love You A Thousand Times
Title : I Love You A Thousand Times
Author : Say J
Rated : PG-15
Length : One Shot
Genre : Sad drama
Cast :
- Ham Seungjin of AJAX (@PA_AJAXSeungjin)
- Lee Ahreum of T-ARA (@TARALeeAhreum)
Song Fic : I Love You a Thousand Times by CO-ED SCHOOL
Disclaimer : I’m only own the plot of this story. The plot just fiction and not real. The characters are belongs to themselves. Please do not copy without permission.
---***---
For Ham Seungjin… I love you… Thanks for these 4 months.
---***---
As long as she’s happy, I’m also happy...
Yeah... just so simple like that...
---***---
The bench in this park is now empty. I’m waiting for someone and I don’t even know, when will she back again. Yeah, I’m so pathetic. I keep staring at the bench, looking at the leaves and flowers which fall off from its trees. Just like the feeling of love in my heart… it’s fall off and now empty.
I still remember the last time I sat on that bench… I was holding your hand, your cold and pale hand… I was… I was trying to keep smile…even it’s hard…
---***---
I open this door slowly and take a peek. And I see a girl in this music room. That girl still playing the piano and sing—but I don’t know what song. And I keep on staring at that girl. Do I ever see this girl before? I’m asking to myself.
And so sudden, the girl stopped playing her piano. She turns back and looks at me.
“Who are you?” She asked while looking at me.
“I…I’m…err… Sorry If I disturb you,” I answered it so awkward. And I just can look down to see that girl comes toward me.
“I’m new student here, my name is Lee Ahreum. Call me Ahreum,” that girl offering her hand and slowly I looked up and I can see that girl smiles to me. A warm smile with a dimple in her left cheek.
“I’m Ham Seungjin…” I’m introducing myself while shaking her hand.
“Ah~ Seungjin-ssi, so… What are you doing? You want to use this room?”
“No… I just… hmm… I was walking around and heard your voice. It was good, Ahreum-ssi.”
“Really? Thanks!” Once again I see her smile. A very nice smile.
And before I talk more with her, the bell is ringing. We should back to our class. It’s bad since we are in different class.
---***---
That’s the first time I met her. I never think she will be one of my precious people in my life…
Yeah… Never… Until I realize, I can’t be with others…
Her smile, her warm smile… Always comes up like an illusion.
Her hand, her eyes, her voice… I can’t forget it. I remember…
I remember that beautiful smile with that dimple
I remember that soft hand that was offered over me
I remember those eyes which always showing the shape of eye smile
I remember that voice, voice that makes me can’t move from my place, voice that makes me amazed
---***---
It’s raining now, and I can’t go home even the classes has been ended. If I decide to go home now, I must be soaked because today I ride my motorcycle. I take a deep sigh, I think I should be patient to wait until the rain stopped.
I put my hands into the pocket of my jacket to make myself feel warm and then I look around. It’s so quiet here. Ahh… Yes of course, it’s too late now. I should help my teacher to put the new coming books in the library, and it’s finished this late. How poor I am.
Then I just can wait. I’m humming a song and I was a little bit shocked, someone still here also. I’m staring at someone in the end of this corridor.
“That girl…” I whispered to myself and walk toward her.
“Ahreum-ssi…?” I call her to make sure it’s her.
“Yes?” She looks at me and frowning.
“Why are you still here?”
“Hmm… I’m… I’m lazy to go home and stayed at the music room. And you?”
“I was helping my teacher and now I can’t go home because it’s raining now.”
“Just wait, then…”
“Wait… Did you say… Lazy to go home? Why?”
“Nothing… Just lazy because nothing to do at home.”
“Ah, I see. And look! The rain is stopped. Let me take you home.”
“No need… I can go home alone.”
“Come on, it’s late for a girl to go home alone.”
“Hmm… Okay.”
---***---
“Stop here, Seungjin-ssi,” she pokes my shoulder and asks me to stop.
“Here?” I stopped my motorcycle.
“Yes. Just stop here. My parents don’t really like if I go home so late and a boy take me home,” she explains.
“Ah… Okay. Be careful.”
“Thank you, Seungjin-ssi.”
---***---
So…
Where is your house? Why did you keep walking?
Don’t you know I still trail after you? And when you stopped to walk…
Are you…?
---***---
I was looking for fresh air at the park this evening and like a fate, I see Ahreum is sitting on the bench of this park.
“Lee Ahreum~!” I call her.
“Seungjin-ssi? Oh, you are here also…”
“Yes, looking for fresh air,” I laugh lightly while answering, “and you?”
“I’m playing with those kids,” she points at some kids, “I love kids… They are lovely,” she continues.
“Eonnie-ya~ come here!” The kids are yelling. And Ahreum walks towards them.
“Eonnie-ya, let’s buy ice cream,” one of them whimper.
“Yup! Let’s buy for all of you,” Ahreum carries one of them and smiles. And I walk closer to them.
“So, can I treat you ice cream?” I smile widely, “let’s buy,” I hold Ahreum’s hand and walk to the ice cream seller with those kids.
---***---
The first time I really hold your hand…
Even it’s just for a while. But, I can feel… It’s warm and makes me comfortable.
I want to hold your hand, stay close, and stand beside you… longer…
I was looking at you carefully. Looking at you eating your ice cream. Looking at your wide smile. Looking at every single thing you do.
And I started to feel, I want to be always stay by your side…
---***---
“Ah~ those kids already back to home. So, I should go home as well.”
“Ahreum-ssi, can I ask?”
“Sure.”
“That day when I took you home… Why did you go to a hospital?”
“What? You followed me?”
“I’m… I’m just worried that’s all… So, I followed you.”
“I must go now. And you… Better don’t follow me.”
“Sorry… I just…”
“Don’t follow me I said.”
I just can take a deep sigh. Looking at her that walking farther.
---***---
1 day…
2 days…
3 days…
It’s already a week now, since the last time I met her at the park. Where is she right now?
Wait… I think I should go to that hospital. I just… I hope she is alright.
---***---
“So, it’s true there’s a patient named Lee Ahreum here?” I was shocked while asking to the nurse.
“Yes.”
“Let me know her room…”
“Wait, who are you?”
“I’m her friend at school. It’s already a week she doesn’t comes to school and the teachers and her friends looking for her.”
“Hmm, I see. But, now, you better go to the garden. She always be there at this time. And let me take you there.”
“Ah okay if you said so.”
I’m walking next to the nurse and go to the hospital’s garden. And yes, I see Ahreum sits on the bench.
“Lee Ahreum…” I called her.
“Y…you? How come you…”
“Why don’t you tell me? The teacher and your classmates are looking for you. It’s already a week.”
“I’m… I don’t know… I just… I don’t want anyone know…”
“So, are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m just always got fever and headache lately. And the doctor asked me to stay here until I’m feeling really well.”
“Ah~ glad to hear that. I’m worried… worried something bad happen.”
“I’m okay… Don’t worry… And I will go to school again soon.”
“Really? That’s good! And well, where’s your parents?”
“Hmm, they aren’t here. They are all busy with their business and never care about me,” and I was about answer but she continues, “I think I should back to my room now,” she stands up and walks.
Just 3 steps and suddenly she falls.
“Ahreum!” I screamed and walk toward her, “Ahreum! Yaa! What happen???” I shake her hands but there is no respond. Then I carry Ahreum to her room and waiting for the doctor.
1 minute…
2 minutes…
3 minutes…
And after 15 minutes, the doctor walks out from her room.
“Doctor, what happen with her actually?” I ask curiously.
“You…?”
“I’m her friend at school.”
“Hmm… Well, let me explain it. So, Ahreum-ssi is our patient since years ago. She has complication diseases with her lungs and liver. It’s bad to say that everyday, her lung doesn’t work properly. There’s constriction because it’s contains much of hydrogen. She often gets hurts when breathing and also really hard to breath. Then because it’s happen continuously, it’s get worst. Everyday she must take her medicines and it’s bad for her liver. It’s getting weak because of the effect of those medicines.”
I keep silent, I can’t say anything because of that. And slowly I ask, “can…it be healed…?”
“We are trying our best. It’s always being like this… When she gets better, someday the illness will come again. And it’s now getting serious.”
---***---
Why…
Why it’s should be you…
I… I want you to stay longer for me…
No…
Not for me…
Stay longer… with me…
Spend the times together…
More happy moments of us…
---***---
I keep waiting in front of Ahreum’s room. I lean against the wall and I slowly turning down. I can’t stand it. I grabbed my chest. I don’t know why, I feel something really hurts. I feel a very heavy burden. I can’t hold it…
I can’t hold my tears. I’m so sad to know everything about her.
I passed out every minute without doing anything. Just keep thinking of her. And I’m shocked because suddenly the door opened. That’s Ahreum opens the door. I’m panic and wipe my tears as fast as I could.
“Seungjin…?” She calls me slowly.
“Yes…Yes Ahreum-ah…”
“Why? It’s tears… Why did you cry?” She sits down in front of me and wipes my tears.
“I’m… I’m not crying,” I look away.
“Hmm… Okay…”
“Ahreum-ah…” I take a deep breath and look at her.
“Yes?”
“Why… you never tell me…?”
“So, you already knew it? Why I’m hospitalized…?”
“Yes. Why? Why you keep it secret?”
“I don’t wanna make people worried… And actually… No one really care about me. So, better to keep it by myself.”
“I care. I do care of you,” and all of sudden, I take her into my embrace.
“I do care… promise to tell me what really happen… I promise you, when you feel bad, when you have any problems, you will never face it alone… face it with me.”
I keep hugged her, and I feel my shoulder started become wet. She’s sobbing.
---***---
Face it with me…
If you have any problems… tell me so we can face it together.
Anytime you need me, I’ll be there for you…
Even I have a sleepless night, I will come to you when you need me
Because your love provides me the most comfortable rest
Even I’m so tired, I will come to you when you are crying
I will come and lend my back for the place of you crying
I will come and lend my shoulder to hold you when you feel down
Because seeing your smile, makes the exhaustion disappear
---***---
Since that day, I always come to the hospital. It’s my promise to always take care of her.
“Seungjin-ah, can I ask?”
“Yes?”
“Why did you always care to me? You always come and take care of me.”
“Hmm…”
“Why…?”
“It’s sounds funny… but… I should be honest…”
“Be honest…?”
“I love you, Ahreum-ah…” I never feel like this before, my heart beat so fast. I look at her eyes deeply and hold her hands, “I love you,” I said that once again. But she keeps silent.
“Ahreum-ah…”
“Y…yes?”
“Answer something…”
“I’m… I’m not deserved to get your love…”
“What?”
“I feel like… I will just burdened you…”
“Who’s saying like that? I never feel like that.”
“But…”
“That’s okay if you don’t love me like I do, but remember that you’ll never burdened me.”
“I’m…”
“Hmm…?”
“I’m happy when I’m with you… And… I’m… I always want you to stay by my side… Can I… Can I say it’s because… I love you too…?”
“I will always stay by your side,” I hugged her and I really feel the biggest happiness of my life.
---***---
“Hhffhh…”
“Why Ahreum-ah?”
“My hands… Because of my medicines, I feel so weak and can’t move it.”
“You better get some rest…”
“But, when I’m trying to sleep or just lay on my bed, my head always be so heavy and my headache comes again…”
“Hmm… So, what do you want to do?”
“Ehm… Seungjin-ah…¬You know I like to play piano right?”
“Yes…”
“Bring me to the music room… I really missed to play piano again…”
“But, you should get rest…”
“Please…” she begged and looked at me with teary eyes. Aigo… I can’t make her sad or disappointed.
---***---
And finally I take her to the music room in our school after I begged to the doctor to bring Ahreum here. At least, she looks so happy now. It makes me really happy to see that smile again.
“I…I can’t play it,” she looks at me with her teary eyes. Ah, no… I hate to see those tears.
“Why?” I come closer and sit beside her.
“I can’t move my hands…” she answered softly with husky voice. And I know she’s now trying to hold her tears.
“Come on…let me help you,” and me…myself… I’m also trying hard to hold myself not to cry to see this girl become this sad.
“You can play it?”
“Yes, although I can’t play as good as you, at least I can play it,” I look at her and smile, try my best to make her sure that I can play it. And I help her to play it.
“What song do you want to play?” I asked.
“Open that white book, the song which titled ‘I Love You a Thousand Times’.”
I open the book and find that song, and I’m trying to help her to play that song. At least, she can play the piano, even I should help her to move her fingers.
And I remember this song, the first time I met her… She played this song…
“Seungjin-ah… Can we back now? It’s…hurts…”
“W…why? What’s hurts?”
“It’s hard to breathe…”
“Okay… Let’s back.”
---***---
“Seungjin-ah… What if someday I should go?”
“Where will you go?”
“I don’t know, maybe go so far and not back…”
“What? No! I’m gonna looking for you.”
“What if you can’t find me?”
“What do you talking about?”
“I’m just asking…”
“I will never let you go anywhere, I will always be your guardian angel,” I hold her hand. It’s so cold. I stare at her hands, it’s pale like usual.
“I love you…” she says that calmly, then lends her head on my shoulder.
“I love you more...”
---***---
Today I woke up so early, since holiday has come I can go to hospital this early morning. It’s so cold outside, winter has started. And I don’t know why, I really want to go to hospital, I feel...
Before go to hospital, I bought one bouquet of lily flowers. She loves this flower, she said that it’s nice and somehow makes her feel peaceful to smell and see this flower.
Garden. I always go to the garden first because she really likes to stay there. But I can’t find her, maybe because it’s so cold outside so she can’t go to the garden. Then I go to her room. I look around but still… I can’t find her…
“Are you looking for the girl in this room?” A nurse asked me.
“Yes, you know where she is?”
“Yesterday, very late night, her parents came and took her. She isn’t here anymore now,” the nurse explains.
“W…why…?”
“To get more intensive treatment so her parents took her.”
“O…okay… Thank you…”
---***---
I walk in to her room and I feel like I can’t stand any longer. I don’t want to lose her. Without I realize it, the flower in my hand has fallen into the floor.
“Where are you…?” I whispered. And I see something on her bed. A piece of paper. I take that, that was a letter from her.
---***---
For Ham Seungjin, my guardian angel.
Seungjin-ah… Can you read this letter? Aigo, I know it was written so badly. I can’t use my hand properly… it’s getting worse.
Yaa! Seungjin-ah, firstly I wanna thanked to you. Thanked for all you have done for me of these months. You know? I counted it, it’s already 4 months since you take care of me. I don’t know how to pay for all of this, I just can say thank you so much…
You know? I’m really happy, my parents come. Finally, it’s the first time they really care of my condition. Even they’re coming when my condition is worst. Well, I don’t know what to say… Should I call it as farewell…? Aigo, I’m crying while writing this letter. My parents want to take me with them. So, I can’t stay any longer…
Seungjin-ah… we may just together for a moment, but I’m really happy that I used to know you, I used to have you…
Seungjin-ah… to be honest, I’m afraid…
No, I’m not afraid of death… I’m afraid that I will never see you anymore…
I’m afraid that I can’t say your name anymore, I’m afraid…
I’m afraid that someday, I can’t say that I love you anymore…
Hmm…
Seungjin-ah…
Someday if everything gets worse, would you help me? If we could meet again…
Everyday, as long as I still can say I love you… I will say it for you…
And someday, when it doesn’t work anymore, I will use my hands to write I love you…
If someday my hand doesn’t work, I will use my foot to write it, or take me to the beach, let me carve the words I love you on the sand…
If someday my foot doesn’t work, look into my eyes, it always says I love you…
If someday you can’t see anything in my eyes, feel my heart because it always be loving you…
And if someday you can’t feel anything… it may… the time for me to leave you…
I love you… I love you…
And the last, once again I’m thanked. Thanked for making these 4 months become unforgettable. Seungjin-ah, you remember that song we played in the music room? I made that song… And because you are a special person for me, I will give that song for you. I recorded it when I still can play piano and sing properly, take that on the table.
I wish… someday… we can meet each other again… don’t forget me, and promise me to keep smile, because your happiness is also mine… o(^~^)o ~ ♥
---***---
I can’t hold it anymore… I feel it again… The feelings of sadness, the feeling of carry a really heavy burden in my back… I feel everything become so blur, my eyes have covered by my tears. Then, with my teary eyes, I’m looking around and find a recorder. I take the recorder and press the play button… and I slowly can hear her voice, playing piano and singing…
Because it’s you, my heart beat
My heart doesn’t beat because of others
Similar to water a flower pot, your love allows me to live
Because it is you, I can smile, there’s no way I can smile because of others
Like the one remaining lamp is a storm, you’re a miracle to me
When I open my eyes, I don’t know if it’s a dream, I’m always anxious
My love, my destiny, I can’t lose you
Though I love u a thousand times, I want to say it again
A word that makes my heart beat
In a way it won’t hurt me, a protective, thankful word
Really thankful for the person who will grab my hand on exhausting day
The person is you
When I was meeting you, I was a really happy person
I’ll protect you, I believe you, I love you
The sad and lonely me probably doesn’t exist now
You’re the only person for me
You, the person directly in front of me, came to me
You did it through our love
---***---
The bench in this park is now empty. I’m waiting for someone and I don’t even know, when will she back again. Yeah, I’m so pathetic. I keep staring at the bench, looking at the leaves and flowers which fall off from its trees. Just like the feeling of love in my heart… it’s fall off and now empty.
I still remember the last time I sat on that bench… I was holding your hand, your cold and pale hand… I was… I was trying to keep smile…even it’s hard…
The seasons has passed, and I’m still waiting for you. I still bring your letter… And bring lily flowers for you…
I’m waiting for you… and I promise you…
When someday you can’t say anything, I can be your lips to uttering what you want to say
When someday your hand doesn’t work, I can be your hand to write anything you want
When someday your foot doesn’t work, I will be your foot to take you whenever you want
When someday I can’t see anything in your eyes, I can be your eyes to guide you
And forever… I can feel your heart…
You don’t need to say I love you for me, because love isn’t words, it’s the action how to show how much you love someone…
And for me, I will do anything for you as long as it makes you feel happy…
Even I must waiting for a long time… I will still waiting for you…
Anything… as long as you are happy…
Because your happiness is also mine… Just so simple like that…
---END---
Whoooooooo~~ o3o it’s done~ don’t be a silent reader kay? o3o
Well, this fanfic made especially for Ham Seungjin (I mean the RP :P) /throw confetti and lily flowers to Seungjin/
(o ^ ^)o o(^ ^ o)
The readers kinda confused with the ending? Kkk~ the ending is, Seungjin still waiting…
._.
AND WAAAAA~~ don’t blame me for the bad English .____.v
PS : Seungjin-ah~ don’t be sad… I must leave but I promise I’ll be back hahaha~ someday LOL. XD
~BaboBabyReum~
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