My heart… it felt like bursting.

As the single plume glided across the white sheet, the ink painting colorful words on its bare confines, I let myself be swayed by the waves of emotions. Have I not longed for this time to come? A time when I closed my eyes and be able to envision the world I'd always coveted. The chains of depression finally breaking down, I felt my life's wings spread wide as I looked up at the sky and smile, ready to fly away.

I was free...

With adrenalin rushing through my veins, my heart throbbing with a familiar thrill, I picked up the pieces of my dreams. The distant light played the mirage of my youthful yearning, the phantasmagoria enticing me to pen down fleeting memories, giving them shape and emotions, making them real, making them happen.

This is it!

“I could see…visions.

The myriad of broken glass of dreams, the kaleidoscope of memories, the chaotic fusion of the past, present and future, I could see them all…and it scared me. How it scared me…

At night I lay awake, hearing distant cries. They were not mine, and yet – and yet they could have been just that. I could see through their eyes, watch the horrors and envisage their fate. I could smell the tantalizing scent of danger and fear through their noses, taste the piquant flavor of mixed sin and blood, and feel their rampant heartbeats like they were all my own.

I prayed for the chaos in my mind to cease and yet I feared the silence. Peace was an unfamiliar and unattainable flavor in my life. No matter how much I yearned for it, it would never come.

The raging waves of darkness had long since engulfed me, and I had been lost in those fathomless pools since…”

Since? Since… what?

The pen I was holding stopped moving, an ink blot forming on the pristine paper as my eyes widened in epiphany.  Since what? What? WHAT?

I couldn’t understand. I was okay earlier. I thought that I was finally regaining my balance in writing. Why was it that my mind suddenly went blank again?

Damn it!

Like a spurned little child on the verge of a tantrum, I unceremoniously threw my pen aside in frustration and slumped on the cold, hard floor. My head began to hurt as I haven’t given up trying to draw something from the emptiness in my mind. Try as I might however, there wasn’t really anything there.

Great!

I just came out of a slump.

Yeah right. I only came out of a slump for 5 freakin’ minutes – and then BANG!

Seeing no good in contemplating more of this disappointment, I lay on my back on the carpet and stared up at the ceiling. The sudden inactivity made me more aware of my surroundings; the ticking of the clock, the serenading cicadas outside, the piquant smell of dew and fresh grass, and the cool breeze coming out of the open window caressing my skin.

The wind made me shiver a little and I turned my body to the right as I bent into a tight ball and hugged myself. To be honest, I wasn’t as clueless as to why I was acting like this. I was very much aware of the reason why for weeks now, all my creative juices seemed to be dry. It was because of him.

I closed my almond shaped eyes which just a few days ago he said looked good, and pictured him in my mind. Longish raven hair, huge doe eyes which always seemed to sparkle with mischief along with the mischievous tilt of his pair of soft rosy lips, tall nose, and stubborn chin completed what I thought the most beautiful face ever – those plus his alabaster skin which was smooth to the touch.

Damn…Even to myself, I sounded like a pathetic, besotted fool. Thinking about him, I wondered if I’d ever get over my feelings. After all, to him, I was nothing more than a friend, nothing more than someone he had to take care of. Remembering this tiny weeny bit of information, all my frustrations came rushing back and once again, I drowned in this desolate pool people called unrequited love.

“Damn…”

~

The spicy concoction in the pot bubbled as it boiled. The slender built, alabaster-skinned man standing next to the stove stirred the pot and dipped a spoon to taste his cooking and smiled.

Delicious!

His longish raven hair flipping as he turned, he grabbed a bowl and scooped food in it and held it close to his nose to smell its mouthwatering aroma. With a proud smile on his face, he walked towards the room next to the kitchen. The door made a cricking sound when he pushed it with his knee and the sound of the computer keyboard welcomed him.

There, on the far side of the room, his best friend crouched over his laptop, serious at work. For a moment, Jaejoong paused by the doorway, admiring the sight before him.

Jung Yunho, handsome in his crinkled, old, light pink shirt and white shorts was currently slaving over his new novel. Yes, Jung Yunho was a famous author of popular novels as well as a renowned lyricist, and he, Kim Jaejoong, ordinary salary man was proud to be the man’s best friend. 

In the public’s prying eyes, Yunho was a charmer. His set of pearly white teeth flashed in contrast to his tanned complexion, all the while looking smart in his impeccable suit. Unbeknownst to everyone however, at home he was just the opposite. If Jae was just a stranger, he’d think Yunho was a bum.

As if to prove it, Yunho suddenly stretched as he closed his eyes, scratched his tummy, and Jae took it as a cue to approach him. With an indulgent smile on his face, he placed the steaming bowl in front of him and Yunho quickly opened his eyes.

“Jae?” he asked as he turned towards his best friend. “You’re here!” he exclaimed as he immediately sat up straight, taking the bowl in his hands.

Jae watched as Yunho stared at his food like an eager little boy and he laughed. “I’ve been here for hours dummy,” he teased as he sat on the chair next to his friend. The two of them had a copy of each other’s keys so they were both free to come and go in each other’s houses. “You looked very busy earlier so I didn’t disturb you,” he continued as he leaned over, his elbow supporting his chin on the armrest. “Eat it while it’s hot.”

Yunho pushed his laptop away to make room for the bowl and he placed his food on the table. Jae didn’t bother giving him utensils because Yuno kept his personal utensils in his drawer which he now opened to get his chopsticks. Jaejoong had served him his favorite ramen and he dug in as soon as he was able to.

The slurping sound filled the room as he ate his noodle and his stomach grumbled in anticipation as soon as the delicious flavor filled his mouth. “Hmmmmnnn…” he muttered appreciatively as he turned to his friend who was watching him eat with gusto. “Your ramen’s really good,” he crooned. “You’re not gonna have some?”

“No. I already ate,” Jaejoong said as he shook his head. Yunho nodded in answer as he ate another mouthful and flinched, his eyes turning watery. A piece of food went down the wrong pipe and he hit his chest as he choked. 

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