Clown Mask

NeonCaterpillars

Part One

Jongin

It was when they made it illegal for you to take off the Mask. That was when I broke free. I was the kind of guy who didn’t follow the rules. So that was the excuse that I thought of in my head whenever I considered how crazy and illogical I was.

In order to not be discovered, I wore contacts. The only way you could tell if someone was wearing their Mask or not was looking at their eyes. There’s an extra glint that represents the Mask. Without it, people would know you weren’t wearing it. Another part was necessary to have in order to not be discovered.

An overflowing amount of never ending confidence, which was the building block for an ego.

That was something I did not lack and it was a reason why I went by undiscovered. However, human error was very hard to avoid. People wearing their Masks, 99.9% of the population, hardly made mistakes. They were, arguably, perfect. But they lacked something.

Compassion. It wasn’t entirely gone, however it diminishes greatly the moment the Mask goes over your face. Impurity

Now, the Mask itself, not only gives the host a boost of intelligence but also physical skills. And on top of the physical skills, you acquire beauty beyond imagination, essentially creating the perfect human.

This close to perfect image creates confidence, which is why if you were not to wear the Mask, you would need it. And all of the above mentioned.

So, it would seem like an all-around perfect deal, wouldn’t it? Compassion was what made humans humans. Concern and consideration were also what made humans humans. And human error was what made the world work. Not the other way around.

With these, Masks…people were losing themselves. But it was harder to say no. You still look like yourself. You still retain some characteristics. But you aren’t you. It took me years to figure this out.

I had just turned twelve when the experimenting began and I was a junior in high school when everything went wrong. When I was twelve, everyone was afraid of the Mask but now it was the law to wear one. The government thought that it produced more productivity. They thought society was better that way. It was a law in Korea and other countries had it also. The Mask was everywhere.

There was a major flaw though, that I recently discovered and it wasn’t about the lack of compassion the user of the Mask possessed. At the young age of 17, with only a mom to look after me and school work piled high, I was stressed. But not as stressed as my mother. I thought she was going insane with work. She had always been crazy over work but now I really thought she was.

She thought everything would be great when she bought her Mask but it was not. She worked as a social worker for disabled students, a job that would require compassion. However, like I said, that part wasn’t necessarily the problem. While the Mask was hindering her ability to work, it made her weaker and by the time I was halfway through my junior year, she looked like a goddess that was ready to collapse.

The major flaw…was that it fed off of weak people. In a very bad way.

I remembered coming home from school, falling over on the couch and reaching my arm up to my forehead to check my temperature. My skin had been cool ever since I started to wear the Mask so I wasn’t very surprised that I wasn’t getting a fever even though I felt like it.

People who wear Masks usually don’t get sick.

That was when my beautiful mother walked. Correction, she waltzed into the room and asked me why I was being so lazy and not doing my homework.

I eyed her suspiciously. Normally she would ask me if I wanted anything to eat. I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door, explaining I would study at the library.

I thought that her behavior was just weird because she had a hard day at work. But then I saw her get off the bus that came from her work.

In my tracks, I froze and then ran over to her.

“Mom!” I called, panting as I reached to her. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t tired. It was out of old habit.

“What hun?” She wondered, her face tired and fallen.

She did not look like a beautiful goddess.

“B-But you were just home!” I protested before she even explained.

“I haven’t been home yet,” She responded, the crisp winter air blowing her hair into her unperfect, flawed face.

An uninvited tear slid down the left side of my face. I started to cry before I even knew what was happening.

“Then who’s at home?” I began, stopping myself before I continued.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” She answered tiredly and put an arm around my shoulders. “Are you stressed over school again?”

I shook my head, eyes still in shock, staring at her, unable to breathe.

We walked across the snowy, January, street towards the house. The sky was a cold color of blue that seemed to bore into my dark colored hair.

“Jongin? Where were you heading before this?” My mom halted and pointed to my backpack.

“The library…” I slowly remarked, watching her wrinkled face smile.

“Why don’t you go and I’ll have dinner ready for you when you come back,” She compromised, patting my shoulder and urging me to go study.

My eyes were focused on my feet and I could barely form a response.

“But mom, you can’t!” I finally argued, looking up.

“Don’t be silly!” She laughed. “I don’t want you getting more stressed over these tests! Just study more and the stress will eventually go away!”

And she sent me off.

The next morning was the first day she was gone. And yesterday was the last day that I would ever see her again.

Once I got used to the idea that the Mask fed off of weak people and was able to detach itself from them and create an identical body, I began looking at myself in the mirror differently.

I sat in my room for hours at a time, staring at my reflection beginning to hate it. I suddenly realized that I wanted a pimple. I wanted to sweat. I wanted dark circles under my eyes when I didn’t sleep. I wanted to get scars from falls and be able to show them off when I was older.

So I got rid of my Mask…forever.                                     

*

I was peacefully sitting in a café the moment I saw him. A boy with large eyes, short cropped hair and plump lips strutted through the door, confidence dripping from his body.

There was something about his innocent appearance adjoined with his arrogant glow that drew me towards him. The contrast of characteristics caused an eyebrow of mine to rise.

I glanced around, to make sure that no one noticed my change in façade. We were supposed to remain calm no matter what change in environment. Perfect people were calm.

I continued to watch him order a coffee and a scone. He then proceeded to sit in a corner and begin to read the newspaper that had already been lying on the table, remnants of the previous person who had occupied the table.

Maybe the reason I was so intrigued was possibly the fact that he looked like he could’ve been weak but the Mask was giving him strength. My eyes narrowed, watching him calmly read.

I knew he had it on because there was the mysterious glint in his eyes that normal humans did not have. This reminded me of the pain in my eyes. My contacts were getting old.

But as I continued to watch him, I realized how perfect he was. I imagined his personality, his real personality to already be neat and calm. The Mask didn’t seem like it would need to refine much. I was pretty good at reading people behind it anyway.

I averted my eyes, knowing if I stared too long it would be too suspicious. People don’t stare and when people do, everyone else picks up on it and gets suspicious. When people get suspicious, they report you. If you get caught not wearing your mask…you don’t want to know what happens.

Finally, I managed to stand and stalk over to wear the strange boy was sitting. I tried to make it look casual, so I walked with a natural looking, cocky swagger.

The boy looked up from his seat, sensing my presence before I even took the seat in front of him.

“Can I help you?” He wondered, eyes way too freaking wide for normal.

“Yes,” I responded, smiling in a friendly manner. “I was wondering if I could briefly borrow your paper when you’re done.”

The boy stared at me for a little while, then finally nodded, satisfied with my perfectly logical answer. If I had come over, saying I just wanted to chat he definitely would’ve glared at me.

“Sure,” he answered, smirking. “I’m Do Kyungsoo.”

He extended a perfectly pale, small hand.

I took my hands from my pockets that contained mini freezer packs and shook his hand. He also seemed satisfied with the fact my hands were cold as ice. I knew that I had him fooled.

“Kim Jongin,” I greeted, shaking his hand, surprised at how tiny his fingers were.

When our hands untangled, I retracted my arm and avoided Kyungsoo’s large eyes. I felt that, even though I knew I had the boy fooled, that he could see right through me.

“Not enough money?” Kyungsoo curiously inquired, though his voice had a tone of disinterest.

I smirked, still amused by Kyungsoo’s contrasting appearance.

“No,” I replied. “I just feel like if I bought another paper, it would be bad for the environment.”

Kyungsoo’s smirk returned and it seemed like this was the Mask’s version of a “beaming” expression.

“Such logic,” Kyungsoo remarked.

I managed a smile but it quickly faded. It seemed like it was too friendly and, again, I wanted the least amount of suspicion possible.

After about a half hour of talking with Kyungsoo, we decided to take a walk around the park discussing environmental issues. His point of view was interesting and, at some times, close to human but I still sensed the Mask’s power taking over.

The way he talked…it was almost too perfect. Like the person originally had a perfect self and the Mask was just adding to it. But it was typically those people who fought against the Mask.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo finally said. “I have some work to attend to at my office. Here’s my number any time you want to discuss the problems of using those chemicals.”

He scribbled something down on a piece of paper and properly handed to me, bowing and leaving.

I doubted I would ever call it as I crumbled it and put it in my pocket. While Kyungsoo was one of the …better Masked people he’d met, he decided not to associate himself with them anymore.

I had two friends that didn’t wear Masks and every day I feared that one of them would get caught. Sehun and Luhan. The problem with them was they were dating and they were guys. If anyone caught them displaying too much affection, they’d immediately be taken. People who wear Masks are always straight.

There was no time for me to ever think of a relationship. Not when I was a kid because that’s when I thought it was stupid and not now because our society was taken over by the worst invention. There was no way I could date someone who had a Mask. So I never thought about my uality, nor did I care.

I couldn’t be attracted to anyone because everyone was perfect. I wanted to find someone imperfect.

*

“I’m serious,” I moaned, getting back to my old personality as I sat in the apartment that Sehun, Luhan and I shared. “You guys need to be careful.”

Sehun situated Luhan’s legs because the position on his lap was starting to get slightly uncomfortable.

“What? Just because you feel like a third wheel?” Luhan joked with a giggle, leaning back into Sehun’s chest on the couch.

I rolled my eyes.

“You guys know that I don’t understand or care for this ,” I remarked coolly, mentally reminding myself I could not be myself in public.

Luhan shrugged.

“There’s nothing else that I care about anymore other than him…and you,” He quickly added. “What else do we have to live for in this ed up society?”

I sighed and opened a bag of veggie chips, because they were the healthy and logical thing to buy. The logical people in charge of the potato chip industry decided that chips made people fat.

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “But I met an interesting person today.”

“An interesting Masked person?” Sehun spoke up with amusement, laughing at the ridiculous idea.

“Yeah,” I responded, chuckling. “He had the look of a frightened kid but still shot off the confidence of the Mask. It was just weird.”

“At work?” Luhan asked.

“Nah,” I responded, looking around my apartment in which the walls were like white bricks, trapping us, the only warmth being the rug. “The studio gave me a break.”

“All that hardcore dancing,” Sehun teased.

“Yah!” I scolded. “Don’t underestimate it Oh Sehun! They work me to the bone because they’re convinced I’m Masked, remember?”

Sehun nodded and his eyes closed to half crescents.

We settled on the couch, me awkwardly on the end because the two lovebirds wanted a seat by each other, which actually meant in each other’s laps.

I played an old movie, Man From Nowhere and while we watched we looked at it longingly. Us three were just out of high school, the Mask had only taken over our lives for five years. We missed the old ways. We missed imperfection.

*

I didn’t know what the point of being a dance teacher was if your students had a photographic memory. And once their muscles did it once, they got it immediately.

“Like this?” The girl asked me for the fifth time.

“Yes,” I repeated. “Minah, you have it.”

I kept my tone calm but it was getting dangerously close to a growl. This job was tiring because I didn’t have the boost of stamina everyone else had. There were a few moments where I was even tempted to put a Mask on but I refused.

My class was so flawless it was annoying.

I wiped the sweat off my brow quickly in the bathroom and made sure that my face remained pale and no longer red from effort. After I finished making myself look as presentable as possible, I returned to the dance floor where all my students were leaving.

“Annyeong!” They called as they left, leaving me alone to stare at my reflection in the giant mirror that lined the whole room.

I took a breath, remembering that imperfection was the path that I chose.

*

I really was an uncaring, . It was hard to show this side in public. I liked being a smartass. I liked mouthing off and I liked to be as annoying as possible. However, once I got out of high school months ago, I realized it was best to hide your personality.

The more time I spent in the real world, the Masked world, the more serious I got. It was unintentional but I was more focused on hiding myself, in order to remain unmasked than having fun, the original purpose for refusing to wear it in the first place.

Thinking about this hurt. My old self was still there, but there was no one to show it to. Sehun and Luhan maybe, but most of the time they were in their own world and they couldn’t hear me screaming for attention.

I the crumpled piece of paper that almost went through the wash, Kyungsoo’s number. Inside, I wished desperately he was normal but I knew it was far from true. I sat, pondering. I then suddenly wondered if I could convert him.

It was worth a try, but then again, if I failed to convince him that the Mask was bad, I would get reported immediately. Or maybe I could try to rip it off Kyungsoo’s face…

The Mask was a thin layer of invisible plastic that adapted to a person’s face. They don’t like to tell you this when the government sends them to you, but overnight it eventually crawls all over your body until your totally covered in it.

And then it soaks in.

Once you manage to remove all of it though, it eventually leaves your system within a few days. I still didn’t understand it totally, which was one of the reasons not to use the Masks. How, exactly, were they made anyway? All that I knew was the government sent them to every household the moment a baby was old enough to go to school.

“Yah! Jongin! You listening?” Luhan cried, waving his hands in front of me.

I suddenly broke out of my daze.

“Huh? What?” I wondered, looking up as I put the pants in my hand into the washer and pocketed the paper in my back pocket.

“Could you please got out and buy some beef?” He wondered.

“Oh god,” I muttered standing up. “Please don’t ing tell me you’re going to try and cook again?”

Luhan slapped my arm, annoyed.

“Hey, at least I’m trying to cook.” He growled. “And not eating Veggie chips every night.”

I rolled my eyes. Hell broke loose when Luhan cooked.

“Fine,” I grabbed my jacket. “I’m picking out whatever looks best!”

I heard Luhan call goodbye as I exited out the door and began walking down the steps of our apartment building.

The smell of spring hit me as I left out the door into the darkness. It was almost 8 PM and Luhan wanted me to go get him food to cook. A little late.

Grocery stores were never my friend. I hadn’t been in them enough to know where everything was and I aimlessly walked around, trying to somehow discover the meats section.

“You said you wanted Kimchi spaghetti!” A small voice hissed.

I turned around and walked backwards a few paces, peeking my head around another corner to find the familiar voice.

A tiny boy stood, picking up a few boxes of pasta, a hood covering his head. He was so petite and fragile looking that I raised an eyebrow…such a familiar figure but his face was hidden and I’d never heard such a gentle voice.

“Hey…” I walked closer, forgetting how I was supposed to act. “Do I know you?”

The boy looked up, terribly frightened. He was still mostly hidden under his hood and I managed to spot some ing wide eyes.

“Wait…” I murmured as he stepped back and I yanked down his head.

He stumbled away, frightened.

“Sorry, don’t know you…” But as he turned away, I grabbed his collar smiling.

“Kyungsoo!” I called happily, and then remembered we were in a store so I had to keep my voice down.

“Who are you?” Kyungsoo demanded, his voice shaky.

I looked at him in confusion. Where was all that confident swag? Where was that smile? He stood in front of me shaking and-

Suddenly I caught sight of his eyes. They definitely did not have a glint in them. He wasn’t wearing a Mask. But he didn’t remember me. If he had disposed of the Mask recently, he would’ve remembered me…that meant that there was a problem.

“You don’t remember me…” I trailed off, watching him with curiosity.

He straightened glaring at me, still, with those eyes.

“No,” He responded more firmly. “I don’t. So get the hell out of the way.”

I saw that he was panicking but this time he looked more mad than scared.

“Kyungsoo…” I began, my voice barely audible, hardly a whisper.

He stopped, waiting for me to continue.

“Where’s your Mask?” I asked.

Honestly, I thought he would’ve been more frightened that someone knew, but he fell back so he could look at me, not quite as confident as when I had first met him but not scared anymore.

We both glared at each other, eyes darting.

“Oh yeah?" He challenged. "Where’s yours?”

.

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A/N: Kinda...just...wanted...to write...this. Don't know why this messed up stuff comes out of my mind...I'm a little psycho -_- Sooo comment and tell me what you think. Sorry for any grammatical errors etc.