Sunggyu felt like crap.  He was alone in his room and the blinds were drawn, giving the whole room a depressed feeling.  His eyes were red from crying and he hadn’t spoken in days.  He was wrapped under layers of blankets and still twisting around because he was cold.  He was sick.  But it wasn’t from an illness. 

           The warm body that used to always lay right next to his was missing.  Sunggyu’s heart wasn’t exactly broken.  Of course, physically his heart was working completely fine.  100% healthy.  But figuratively his heart was gone.  The person he gave it to was gone and he was never going to get it back.

            He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and he flung a fist out, “Stop it!” Sunggyu exclaimed.  He assumed it was probably Woohyun.  It was Woohyun’s responsibility to see if Sunggyu was okay.  Woohyun was also acting as sub leader now because of Sunggyu’s inability to do anything much these days. 

            “Hyung.”

            Sunggyu froze as he heard the familiar voice and he shot up like a bullet. 

            He stared into the wide bright eyes of Dongwoo.

            “Get out of bed you lazy ,” Dongwoo was throwing his multiple layers of blankets onto the floor, “Let’s go out.”

            Sunggyu blinked and looked out of the small window near his and Woohyun’s drawers.  It was dark out.  He could hear heavy breathing on the bunk above.  That meant the sub leader had checked in without telling him.  Sunggyu knew how tired it must be for Woohyun.  Being a leader was hard and all the responsibilities were dumped onto Woohyun at the worst possible time.   

            Dongwoo was holding his banana pillow in his arm and he looked so innocent at that moment that Sunggyu let himself reach out a hand and put it to the blond’s cheek.  Dongwoo smiled as he felt the touch and pulled at Sunggyu’s hand gently.

            “Come on, hyung.  We need to get you out of this house.  It’s too depressing.  You’re depressing,” he nudged Sunggyu in a playful way and Sunggyu’s eyes fogged up from a memory before he fell back into his bed.  He grabbed the remaining cover and flung it over himself. 

            “No.  This isn’t real.”

            Dongwoo grabbed the blanket and tugged at it, but he felt fierce resistance.

            “Hyung.  Come on, we don’t have much time.”

            He heard a sniffle and could tell Sunggyu was probably crying, so he did something that would cheer Sunggyu up.  Or make him laugh.  He tickled him.  Sunggyu exploded into laughter as Dongwoo tickled him.  Dongwoo knew the places where Sunggyu was most ticklish. 

            “Come on!” Dongwoo got up from the bed and grabbed a red backpack that was lying next to the bed.  Without a word, he went out of the bedroom, not even giving a backward glance to see if Sunggyu was following him.  Because he knew Sunggyu would.  He always did. 

            They exited the dorm in silence.  Sunggyu looked at the clock before they’d left.  4 o’clock. 

            “You’re not going to make me watch the stupid sunrise with you, are you? We did that already,” Sunggyu said as he got into Dongwoo’s family car. 

            Dongwoo turned to him and laughed.  Sunggyu always complained.  He complained about everything.  But Dongwoo always understood the underlying meaning to his complaints.  He complained only when he actually liked something…which was a bit ironic. 

            “We can always do something else,” Dongwoo suggested.

            “No…we can watch the sunset…if you really want,” Sunggyu turned to the window. 

            Dongwoo frowned.  For some reason he felt like Sunggyu was purposely avoiding him.  He wouldn’t look him in the eyes when he talked and he hadn’t really smiled since he’d woken up. 

            Dongwoo took out his banana pillow and playfully hit Sunggyu on the head.

            “Yah! I’m your hyung!” Sunggyu exclaimed.  He grabbed the pillow and saw Dongwoo’s eyes crinkle in delight.

            “That’s the hyung I love!” he blew an air kiss which Sunggyu pretended to bat away. 

            “So typical of you,” Sunggyu got out of the car and hugged himself for warmth, “A beach.”

            Dongwoo came to the other side of the car and hugged Sunggyu.  He felt Sunggyu stiffen and he had to tighten the hug before he felt Sunggyu finally relax into it too.  Sunggyu still didn’t hug back though.

            “Come on! It’ll look better from the sand!” Dongwoo laughed and grabbed Sunggyu’s hand.  He tugged so hard that Sunggyu almost tripped but he caught himself and followed behind Dongwoo.

            Dongwoo sat right down in the sand suddenly and then lied down completely in it, trying to leave his body print. 

            Sunggyu sat cautiously beside him, making sure they were two feet apart. The blond frowned and rolled over so he was closer to his hyung.  When Sunggyu didn’t react he put his legs onto Sunggyu’s lap. 

            Sunggyu looked over at Dongwoo and then at the legs that were on his lap and he couldn’t hold it in anymore.  He started crying. 

            “Hey,” Dongwoo sat up, his legs still on Sunggyu’s lap, “Hyung, don’t cry.”  Dongwoo put his hands on Sunggyu’s cheeks and quickly started wiping away at the falling tears.

            “I’m not crying,” Sunggyu said, “Men don’t cry.”

            Dongwoo laughed as he moved forward so their foreheads would touch, “Men aren’t afraid to express their emotions.  You know,” Dongwoo moved Sunggyu’s head so he was looking into his eyes, “I don’t blame you, you know.” 

            Anger flashed in Sunggyu’s eyes and he immediately got up.

            “Well it doesn’t matter what you say!  I still feel guilty!  I should have noticed!  I didn’t know you were sick!” Sunggyu was moving back to the car but Dongwoo grabbed onto him in a back hug.

            “Hyung, stop.  I’m here with you now.  Don’t think about that.  Don’t you know where we are?”

            Sunggyu stopped and looked around, “A beach?”

            “It’s the beach where we filmed the She’s Back music video.”

            And sure enough it was.  Sunggyu noticed the rock at the edge of the shore and he could remember the place where he and the fellow members played in the sand and where they waded into the water.  He could remember running around and having fun while their make-up and stylist noonas yelled at them not to get wet.  Back when they weren’t as famous.  Back when they didn’t have to worry and could just enjoy themselves. 

            “It’s where I first found out I was in love with you,” Dongwoo hugged Sunggyu closer, “You and your stupid picnic.”

            Sunggyu laughed, “Those stupid kids.”

            “Hyung, what is all this?” Dongwoo had walked back to the beach to find his hyung setting up this big picnic blanket piled with plates of food on the sand.

            “I decided to have a picnic!” Sunggyu’s eyes crinkled as he opened up his arms to show his masterpiece, “I made sandwiches and lemonade and even some pie for dessert!  Everyone will love it…where is everyone?” Sunggyu looked behind Dongwoo as if expecting his fellow members to appear.

            “Oh…hyung,” Dongwoo scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, “I was the last one to finish the shoot but..uh…they went back to the hotel already.”

            “Oh,” Sunggyu frowned, “Well I guess I better pack this up then.”  He was obviously crestfallen.  Just a minute ago he was filled with enthusiasm at his little act of kindness that he’d decided to do for his team members.  And now it was a waste.  He bent down to put away some plates but Dongwoo shouted, “Don’t!”

            Sunggyu looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

            “It would be a waste!  Why don’t we just have the picnic? I want to try some of hyung’s cooking!” Dongwoo smiled.  Sunggyu’s face lit up and he immediately ran over to Dongwoo and held a plate out for him. 

            “You’re going to love this pie I made! It’s American Apple!” Sunggyu opened his picnic basket with excitement. 

            Dongwoo laughed as he saw the leader act all childish with excitement.  He was running around the whole picnic blanket laying out more food or picking up some plates just to put them back where they were before.  He grabbed onto Dongwoo’s hand and made him sit down.  His eyes were shining with happiness.  They really were.  And that’s when Dongwoo knew. 

            “You know, we always said we would have another picnic,” Sunggyu smiled and he turned to Dongwoo, “What do you have in that backpack of yours?”

            “Hyung knows me too well!” Dongwoo laughed and excitedly opened his backpack to take out the same picnic blanket Sunggyu had used years ago. 

            Its red color had faded to a very light shade and there were burn marks on it from previous usages but despite all these things, it was still perfect.  Perfect because of all the memories they held. 

            There were memories of ketchup spillings from Sunggyu’s clumsiness or burn marks from Dongwoo accidentally kicking a candle.  It held memories of Dongwoo and Sunggyu. 

            Dongwoo brought out a container and opened it.

            Sunggyu looked into the container, “This is your idea of romance?”

            “Grilled cheese sandwiches are awesome.  And plus it has American cheese!” Dongwoo teased, poking fun of Sunggyu’s American apple. 

            “I used to be scared of you,” Dongwoo said as they munched on their sandwiches, “You looked so mean, so tough.  Even after knowing you I couldn’t speak with you comfortably.  I thought you hated me.”

            Sunggyu turned to him, “Really? But I always liked you.”

            Dongwoo laughed, “Then was it all in my head?”

            “You’ve always been a bit paranoid,” Sunggyu chuckled.  He forced Dongwoo to lay down so he could put his head on the rapper’s stomach.

            “It’s funny how we’re at the place where our relationship started.” Sunggyu’s eyes suddenly widened as a realization hit him.

            “No!” he exclaimed.  He got up, “No!  Is this your plan?”

            Dongwoo got up too.  His face was scared, really scared.  Scared at how Sunggyu was acting but at the same time his eyes had a sadness to them.  They were saying everything he couldn’t say.  They were crying the millions of tears he couldn’t do. 

            “You’re leaving me again!  You can’t do this!” Sunggyu was yelling.

            Dongwoo gave a sad knowing smile, “I’ve had the best years of my life with you, Gyu-ah.  I wish I could’ve spent more time with you.”

            “Then don’t leave! Why can’t you keep visiting me?” Sunggyu had his hands in his hair and he was looking at the picnic on the sand.  The food was gone and the blanket was disappearing.  The beautiful colors of the sunrise was swirling into colors of gray and black.  Everything was turning to black. 

            “I wish I could, Gyu-ah,” Dongwoo walked cautiously over to Sunggyu and hugged him. Sunggyu let the rapper embrace him, letting the warmth envelope him for one last time, “But I’ve fulfilled all of the promises I made to you.  I…won’t be coming back.”

            “Then make me a promise right now!” Sunggyu said desperately, “Promise me you’ll come back for me tomorrow!  You can take me to Paris again or Hongdae!  You’ll teach me another dance!  Sing me another song? Just promise me!”

            Dongwoo shook his head and laid his hands on the leader’s shoulders, “You can’t hold on to me like this.”

            “But I need you!” Sunggyu sobbed, “Don’t you need me too?”

            “Of course I need you,” Dongwoo said, “And I’ll wait for you.  Forever if I have too.”

            Sunggyu could feel Dongwoo’s grasp on him soften and become less solid.  In desperation he grabbed whatever he could of Dongwoo and crashed him into his embrace. 

            Dongwoo just smiled and leaned closer to Sunggyu’s ears.   

            “Don’t ever change, Gyu-ah.  I fell in love with someone who cares about everyone.  You put others needs in front of your own.  You’re selfless, funny, cute, and amazing.  And plus, I think you have the best eye smile,” he leaned back and touched Sunggyu’s face, “You have small eyes, but I love them.  I love how you can express whatever you’re feeling through them…like how much you love me right now.” 

Sunggyu sniffed, “Shut up.”

Dongwoo’s soft hands lifted Sunggyu’s face (which was back to staring at the ground) so they could see each other eye level, “You make me a promise, Gyu ah.  I never want you to change from that person I saw on the beach that day.  You have to be happy!  You shouldn’t let the members down.”

Suddenly Dongwoo pushed Sunggyu’s cheeks together and it felt like he was completely solid, “Promise me, Gyu-ah.  Promise me and never let go!”

            Sunggyu grinned and pushed him away, “You and your stupid Titanic obsession!”

            Dongwoo laughed with his hands on his knees, “That’s the Sunggyu I know.  Are you still jealous I said that Leo is better looking than you?”

            Sunggyu glared, “That guy? Pssshhh yeah right.”

            “You know I was joking, right? Of course you're better!” Dongwoo’s smile suddenly turned into a frown and he started walking backwards, “I have to go now.”

            “I should’ve taken care of you,” Sunggyu said silently, “I should’ve known.”

            “It wouldn’t have mattered,” Dongwoo shook his head. 

            “Please don’t go,” Sunggyu gave one last attempt at making Dongwoo stay.  He clung onto Dongwoo but he could feel him slipping away like water. 

            “I’m not leaving.  I’ll always be with you,” Dongwoo laughed and then he smiled.  A smile that reached his eyes and Sunggyu was helpless to the smile that formed on his own lips.

            Just before Sunggyu opened his eyes he could hear the energetic murmur of “Gyu Gee Gee!”

            The alarm clock went off.  Sunggyu opened his eyes from the vivid dream he had and turned over in his bed.  He was sleeping on Dongwoo’s old banana pillow. 

           But everything was the same as it had been for a month.  The smiling happy dinosaur of INIFNITE was gone.  His laugh would never be heard again except in videos, his powerful raps would never be heard nor his unrecorded songs.  He would never perform on stage.  Dongwoo was gone; he’d passed away a month ago from an incurable illness.  And yet Dongwoo wasn’t really gone.  He remained alive in memories and of course in everyone’s hearts. 

            Sunggyu got up from bed and yanked the blankets off of Woohyun from above him.

            “Get out of bed you lazy !  We have a schedule!  And you’re cooking breakfast.  None of this take-out crap we’ve been eating!”

            Sunggyu tugged on Woohyun’s ear so he could hear and once he finished he exited the room, heading to one of the other member’s rooms.

            Woohyun’s eyes widened as the old leader left. 

            “Sunggyu hyung are you back to being the leader again?  I don’t need to be responsible anymore?  I can just go back to being me?  Thank the Gods!” he threw his hands up in the air. 

            Sunggyu grinned.  It was going to be hard to go back to his old routine without INFINITE’s umma there to help him.  Right now it was taking every ounce of his energy to resist running to his room and closing the door and curtains, but he would try.  And he would try every day until he was the old smiling leader that he once was.  Because he made a promise. 

            A promise that he would keep.      

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Sorry if you guys expected more or something different!  But either way I hope you guys liked it =D          

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