Idek .

---

Yixing had always built his life surrounded by a layer of strict rules and guidelines that kept him clear of compromising situations and any acts of the heart that left him feeling awkward and uneasy. Living behind his protective encasing was all to easy and Yixing had lived by his rules, for his rules. He refused to break the code engraved in his head, not after watching his family dissipate before his very eyes. The divorce had been finalized, his mother taking a few glances in his direction before she dashed off into the sunset in the arms of another man, leaving Yixing behind, her old life a simple memory. Yixing watched his stoic father, the man that had taught him how to be strong and always chase after his goals, cry against his shoulder. The tears reached deep within his subconscious as well as bleeding through his shirt and pressing against his skin, hearing his father's ragged breathing whisper words only his mind could hear.

Never fall in love.

Yixing sat back against the soft red leather of the booth, a small white cup of coffee in hand and a smooth blank reflection on his pallid face. The coffee shop was empty as it usually was, the only other inhabitants being a couple on the opposite end and the barista behind the counter. Sipping a small portion of black coffee between his lips, Yixing let the taste linger against his taste-buds, soaking them completely int he bland taste, before swallowing fully. His eyes ghosted over the small shop once more, relishing in the emptiness inside, how comforting it felt. Yixing admitted to himself that he was good at being alone. He enjoyed the solitude of his self and no one else, the only breathing in his ears his own; he was content this way, staring across to see air looking back. A few moments passed, before the jingle above the stainless glass door chimed and a large body of people entered, their laughter meeting the rather empty store and ringing across the tiny plane, echoing across the walls and into Yixing's ear. Before he could listen to anymore of the insistent chatter, he stood with his half full cup of black coffee and hastily walked towards the exit, the loud banter of college students on break not to his liking.

"Hey, Yixing!" Yixing flinched as a deep childish voice called to him from the register, all to familiar. He contemplated pretending he had heard nothing and walking out without a care. He thought about possibly turning back and acknowledging the tanned male that had labeled him as a friend, not that Yixing ever thought otherwise. He was still uncomfortable around reckless people, and Kai fit that description fairly well. Sighing with defeat as he remembered his rule of being truthful, Yixing turned to face the register and the line that had formed, all looking back at him as Kai shamelessly waved him over. The Chinese male slowly walked over, taking his time, bringing up his walls to erase the nerves at being stared at so completely. 

"Hi Kai," Yixing spoke with his usual tired, sluggish voice. He gently took another sip of his luke-warm coffee as Kai turned back to one of his friends and introduced him; Yixing only remembered faces, never names. The male was smaller than most, Yixing noticed he was smaller than everyone in line including himself, and he had large, round eyes of honey brown.

"This is Yixing, he's in my dance class. Yixing, Kyungsoo." Yixing nodded his head at Kyungsoo, his mind set on trying to say as little as possible purely out of habit. He was used to saying little seeing as he spent time with almost no one. He watched Kyungsoo smile, the motion brightening his face tenfold, and noticed that Kai had stopped speaking to focus his attention on the sight.

"I have to go," Yixing murmured, absolutely sure that neither would note his departure as he turned and shuffled his way for the door, pushing the weightless steel handle and stepping out into the fresh air. He paid no heed to the male who took the little weight from the door out of his grasp and held it open for him, red strands of hair whipping against his smooth face from the light evanescent breeze. He couldn't feel the gaze against his back, following him up the street and analyzing his every step towards campus. Yixing took no notice to the boy whose eyes he caught, to the love that he would soon be overwhelmed with until it filled his very core to the brim. And there was naught he could do, he could fight it all he wanted, reject as much as he could but his heart would have no option but to accept.

---

Suho shook his head slowly, attempting to dispel his thoughts, but an image of the unknown male holding the plastic white cup had yet to disappear fully. There was something about him, the way he huddled in on himself as if to keep the rest of the world out , it was saddening. Suho entered the coffee shop he and his friends frequented, his mind still caught up with picturing the boy as he walked away, his head lowered to become invisible, a camouflage of flesh and bone. But Suho could see him, the boy kept at a distance. He could see all of the beauty hidden beneath the hood, all of the charm and carefully taken steps, and he could see the want all in that fleeting moment. Suho began to wonder who he was, what was he like, and why was he so sad? The small thud of a caramel latte plopping down against the empty space before him broke Suho out of his brooding thoughts and into reality, where the rest of friends sat all along the only elongated booth, 5 on a single side, 6 on the other.

"Are you finally back to Earth Suho," Suho blinked and looked towards the speaker, a very pretty boy with soft brown hair. His name was Baekhyun, and directly to his left sat his best friend out of all present, Chanyeol. Suho smiled as he processed what Baekhyun had spoken seconds earlier and picked up his cup.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about-" Suho paused as he took in each and every face at the table. All eyes were situated on his face.

"Oh, is there someone special?" The troll, he had many reasons for being dubbed as such, Chen cooed from the far left across the table, effectively stirring up suspicion. Suho, his expressive nature would not help in this situation, flushed noticeably, and the table erupted.

"Who is she!" Kai yelled, bringing attention to the entire table from the other occupants of the shop. Suho sighed, and hung his head; it was always the same.

"You mean he. Suho is such a left fielder," Chanyeol's deep voice added another layer of headache to Suho's throbbing brain.

"Who is it Suho!? Tell me before I faint!" A Chinese male yelped from next to Chanyeol, peering from across the table to get a view at his still flushed face. His name was Luhan, and he was, to put it lightly, absolutely beautiful, sporting honey blonde hair and large adoring eyes.

"You can't faint Luhan, what will I do?" Sehun, Luhan's boyfriend of approximately 1 year and 2 months exclaimed, draping his arms around his lover and squeezing him.

"Sehun, just carry me!" Luhan said among the chatter, giving his boyfriend a large smile

"Oh, okay."

"Just tell them who it is before I kill myself with my tea," Kris hissed, the blonde sitting directly across from Suho and giving the male a rather nasty case of the ' face.'

"He's right," the other small male at the table besides Kyungsoo, Xiumin muttered, sticking his finger into the cream protruding at the top of his open cup. Chen helped himself to dipping his finger in as well, pulling a cream covered finger free and poking at Xiumin's lip teasingly. The older male rolled his eyes at the younger and shook his head, a few lines of cream smearing across his bottom lip. Chen took his finger into his own mouth and glowered at the male who claimed to be his boyfriend, yet never showed him affection out in the open. Jerk.

"Look, I don't know his name. All I know is . . . he was here when everyone was in line, but he was leaving, and . . . he looked really sad," Suho said dejectedly, happy that everyone had calmed down enough that it was quiet.

"Wait, carrying the white cup," Kai asked, and Sehun knew what Suho did not and began to giggle uncontrollably,"Kind of tall, reddish brown hair?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"You have no chance," Sehun called, still trying his best to stifle his laughter. Suho liked to think that he could do anything as long as he tried his best, and maybe, he wanted to do the same thing there, with him.

"Lay doesn't date. Or go out. Or really do anything besides dance," Kai informed Suho all that he knew of the mysterious male.

"His name is Lay?" Suho disregarded all of the negativity spewing from Kai and decided his limitations did not exist.

"That's his stage name. But his real name is Yixing. Trust me Suho, unless your willing to sacrifice a lot of hours, just date a girl." It was laugh worthy, but Suho didn't feel the humor at all. His mind was already conjuring up all of the possibilities. They were endless.

 

And they all included he and Lay.

 

Together.

---

Yixing paused the music thrumming through his ears and stealthily glanced towards the opening door. It was the same male from before, his read hair dazzling in the bright lights of the studio, his skin looking soft and resembling snow. Yixing had noticed his sudden arrival beginning a week ago, and it was becoming unsettling. He didn't know what to perceive or assume, so he opted for simply pretending to be oblivious to the stares, how the male watched him move with hawk like eyes. Stretching with his stomach unintentionally tightening, Yixing strained his ear to hear the other male's movements, the stepping of his white converse against the slippery floor to the opposite side. He took a deep breath and restarted the consistent beat, attempting to become lost in the melody, but finding it hard with being watched. It was different from performing on stage or in front of the class, being alone with the male seemed more intimate, and Yixing felt awkward just thinking it. He had never been alone with someone else present, paying all of their attention into him and him alone. His heart shuddered slightly deep within his chest and his moves faltered, his left leg slipping from under his sheer weight and sending him tumbling to the ground face forward. Before the initial shock of falling could catch him, strong hands pried him off of the floor and into the arms of the redhead who had originally sat across the room. A hand gently went to hold the back of his head while the other touched his face. Soft fingers brushed his bangs out of his eyes to inspect the growing bruise by his temple.

Honey.

Yixing distinctively smelt honey practically radiating off of the male in waves of sweet scent and it left the Chinese boy even more dazed. In his stupor, he had yet to realize that he had never been this close to anyone before, to see the plush pink lips and pale, unblemished skin. It was his first time roving over the sight of thick dark lashes fanning out and pressing against plump cheeks as the male blinked, or the color of chocolate reflected in his eyes. Yixing noted that his eyes were dark, yet light, so deep in depth that he could fall deep within and sink with no regrets-

“Stop,” His defense mechanism rebooted, and Yixing pushed the male away forcefully, sliding back and causing his head to throb with the sudden movement. The boy, could Yixing honestly call him as such when he felt much younger, frowned and the act looked unjust. He crawled forward, reaching his hand out instead of running away as Yixing had hoped. Before he could create a better amount of distance, the male grabbed his hand and tugged him back to sit before him. Yixing felt his insides crumble and burn, a slow ache that soon spread to consume his entire being simply due to their fingers touching. Why did he feel so out of breath all of a sudden, his lips trembling as the redhead used his free hand to caress his jaw and tilt his head to get a better look at the angry bruise.

“What are you-” The male leaned in closer.

“Shh, you hit your head pretty hard, so stop talking.” Yixing swallowed dryly and closed his chapped lips quickly, aware of the decreasing distance between them. He couldn't figure the other out, the look on his face giving no ill will away and Yixing had never been one skilled at reading emotion. The hand still pressing against his cheek ran up the side of his face to pull more of his hair off to the side, it felt oddly unrealistic. Sweet. The gesture was filled with care and Yixing hated that he liked it. It was a rule to cringe away from such close contact, keep his heart safe because if he ever fell in love, he would only be left broken. The redhead leaned in closely, peering directly into Yixing's eyes, before closing his eyes and pressing his lips against the small blemish. He lingered there for a few moments before pulling away and smiling as if he had completed a grueling task.

“Better?” It was strange. Yixing did feel better, and a new feeling bubbling in his gut.

“Y-Yeah.”

“Good. I'm Joonmyeon, but you can call me Suho.”

Suho.

Yixing found it fitting.

---

As sweet as his image deemed him, Suho was aggressive and impatient when it came to things that he wanted. Lay was no exception. The redhead kept Lay close to him, whether the other knew it or not, and never let a chance pass by to reveal his blatantly obvious feelings for him. Suho ignored the lack of response and told himself it would take time and effort if he wanted Lay to give him a chance. He spent his free time inside of the small, badly air-conditioned practice room watching Lay dance to his heart's content, the only moment where the male seemed to show raw emotion.

Suho had noticed his dislike for intimacy and quietly fed it to him in doses, putting his arm around him shoulder, holding his hands a minute longer than necessary after helping the younger up, even boldly flicking his bangs out of his eyes as he had that first day. Lay cringed at the touch, but little by little, he came to anticipate them and brush them off as he did virtually everything else. Suho considered that massive progress whereas Lay used to flinch or cringe or push him away.

They were becoming closer, two separate orbits combining into one single force of energy, neither leading the other, in sync by nature. Suho tugged on Lay's hand as the other sat with his sweat drenched back against the mirrored wall, his chest heaving with exertion at having practiced for over 3 hours.

“Come on, you promised.” Suho pulled a bit harder and smiled when he was rewarded with Lay's hand holding onto his in a tight embrace to help as leverage.

“Look, Suho, I know that you might think of us as-”

“Please,” Suho stashed away his pride and metaphorically speaking went down on his knees,” You promised me you would go with me.” Moments like these, when Suho is looking into Yixing's eyes and all he sees is the frigid undertone to the passive countenance, he really wishes he could give up and find that girl. He wished he could stop hanging on to his promise, a stupid little promise written deep inside his core that made it impossible to end whatever this was. Suho stuck to his word, he always has, but this was overwhelming by far.

“Fine.” And then the doubts erase themselves and Suho is once again the happiest little fool in the entire world. Still clasping hands, Yixing had by far tried his hardest to hold the blood from covering his face and possibly spewing from his nose and mouth, add in ears, Suho led them to the door, shouldering Yixing's bag and shutting off the lights. He led them down the fairly occupied hall and ignored the glances from the student body; he wanted to quickly dispose of the campus so that he could be alone with Yixing, and perhaps today would be the day he stated his intentions loud and clear, knowing full well of the possible recoil.

~

“Can you let go of my hand?” Suho glanced over at the younger male and quirked an eyebrow. They had been holding hands for at least an hour to not get lost in the massive crowd of bodies, and they had finally settled on a grassy plain, a perfect view of the sky and the the eclipse beginning to form. Looking back to the sky, Suho wondered if Yixing was actually as clueless as he made himself seem, if in fact he was just using his walls and boundaries to push everyone one away, including him. He pondered over whether taking Yixing here, to this astronomical wonder, would help to aid him in getting closer.

“Why? Is it making you uncomfortable?” He didn't mean for it to eject so snarkily, but Suho admitted he was curious. Yixing's face smoothed over with emptiness and he tried to regain use of his left hand, but Suho refused to let him go. He was tired of this reaction. Wasn't he good enough to be let in? Was Yixing that frightened, that unwilling?

“Why are you always trying to push me away,” Suho murmured, allowing Yixing to snatch his hand away, “Are you scared?”

“I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me Suho. I'm not sure what you thought this was between us, but I'm not going to just fall into your arms like some girl and spew out some useless confession when later on, you'll just hurt me. I'm sorry if you think I've been sending you signals, because-”

“You didn't have to,” Suho turned to face Yixing fully, and in the ring of the full eclipse he could finally make out an emotion on the Chinese boy's face. Fear.

“Suho, don't. D-Don't make this harder on the both of us then it has to be.” Suho wouldn't be off put so easily, not when he promised himself that he wouldn't give up on Yixing.

“I'm not asking you to fall into my arms Lay. I'm telling you I'll catch you. I don't need a confession because I already know that you feel something for me, no matter how much you don't want to and how much you try to hide it. But I want to know why. Why won't you let me in?”

“And what are you going to do? Love me?” Yixing spat with contempt, his face distorting to something angry and disgusted, “Don't be ridiculous.”

“Why are you so afraid of me loving you Lay? Is it because you know deep down in your heart that you love me too? Can't you-”

“No. I can't. I can't be apart of something that doesn't exist.” Suho closed his parted lips in defeat, glancing up at the leaving eclipse as he heard the rustling of grass signaling Yixing's departure.

Maybe he could try again.

Another time.

Maybe.

---

Yixing had never had to succumb to guilt and regret so harshly; after all, he had always lived with himself, by himself. But now, being alone forced Yixing to face the prospect of loneliness, something new and unforeseen in his vocabulary. Being lonely was new, an empty suction in the pit of his stomach, eating away at his frayed emotions, causing the boy to shed tears the moment he shut the door to his room. His dorm room had never felt so vacant, so inane.

Every turn of his cheek and blink of his eyes left visions of Suho in their wake; Yixing dug his head into his pillow and wished for an escape. He had not the slightest inclination of what he would do next, how he should act for the next day, the words he would have to reverse to even hold the smallest of conversation.

You like him, and you cant keep fighting it. It will only hurt the both of you.

"No. I-I don't. I refused," Yixing whispered to his conscious, "I can't." When had such a word as "like" or "love" ever been included in such a complicated equation? Suho was not supposed to get this far, his very being somewhat of a safety net Yixing had been inadvertently falling into. He wasn't supposed to smile and have Yixing turn away because he's become so flustered. He was never supposed to hold his hand and have Yixing wish for him to hold him tighter, why?

Why couldn't Yixing be stronger?

How could he ever feel these feelings pooling in his chest for the first person that bothered to spend quality time with him? Did it have to be love? Couldn't he simply settle for gratitude or admiration or perhaps respect?

It's not because he's the first person to talk to you, can't you see that? It's him. Kim Joonmyeon. You are in love with him, but you cant bear to give in because you don't want to have it end like your parents. You told yourself to never fall in love because you saw them destroy themselves, you watched your father cry and it broke you. But Suho, when your with him, you want to let yourself go, be free, you want to be with him.

Tears of remorse stained the white pillow, dampening the material and forcing Yixing to turn the pillow on its opposite side. He had been 12 when his parents began fighting, his mother leaving the house each time and staying away for weeks at a time. Yixing had become used to leaning on his father, who portrayed himself as headstrong in all aspects and refused to shed a tear. As a lawyer, he had trained himself not to give in to such throws of emotion, and in a way, that might have caused the end. The fighting escalated to the point of no return around Yixing's 13th birthday, a time where he had wished for them all to be together, no fighting, no hurting, he was so naive. His mother tossed her piece of cake to the side and said with a voice b with hate and pain,

"The papers are on your desk. Sign them so I never have to see you again." At the time, Yixing didn't know, couldn't fathom, what divorce entailed, that it meant he would be left behind to take care of a broken man. His mother left on that day, his Birthday, with a much younger man in a flashy car. She never turned back. He tried to run after her, but his father didn't let him.

Suho is not your mother, besides the obvious reasons, and your not your father. Suho will never leave you. Never hurt you. Never betray you. You made things this way. You left him there, hurt him when all he wants is to love you, betrayed the feelings he has for you. Aren't you tired of being alone? Can't you make an exception for this person that could be the only one you'll ever need?

Yixing had heard that there is always an exception to any and every rule, but never in his wildest dreams did he think there was one to his.

And his name was Kim Joonmyeon- Suho.

---

Suho didn't accompany Lay to the practice room during his free time, even though all of his limbs were screaming for him to go. It had become a habit Suho liked, his favorite compared to his insistent blinking when he's nervous or the cracking of his voice when he sings in front of his friends. Suho drew circles in his smoothie using the bright red straw between his fingers. He usually drank sweet tasting beverages when he was sad or depressed, and in this case, he was heart broken. Yixing hadn't talked to him in 2 days and didn't bother to find him. Suho sighed, the motion slumping his form, and took the straw between his lips, up the cold taste of strawberry lemonade, the cold sensation instantly slipping down his throat. Ignoring the sting of brain-freeze, he repeated the action.

"You've been moping around for two days Suho, what happened on your date with Lay?" Suho felt his throat clench as another person spoke the name and he looked up from his decorated Styrofoam cup to face Luhan, who had managed to escape the clutches of his Sehun to meet him one on one. Suho chose to speak to Luhan for a specific reason, the others would be utterly useless.

Kris would no doubt use him simply to get a free drink and spend the time entire ignoring his very words.

Xiumin wouldn't be as mean, but to the same extent, and he already had enough to deal with since he was dating Chen.

Chen was a troll and Suho decided to leave that for Xiumin to handle.

Kai would rub the failure in his face on purpose then suggest something out of the question.

Kyungsoo would say 'bake him a cake. Everyone likes cake.' Then he might offer to bake the cake himself.

Chanyeol would be too busy texting Baekhyun.

Baekhyun would excuse himself to text Chanyeol.

Sehun would be too into daydreaming about Luhan.

Tao was on vacation and it would cost money for long distance. Plus, when had anything Tao said made any sense?

Therefore, Luhan presented the best choice and he listened well.

 "I wouldn't call it a date Lu, I wouldn't even call it an outing between friends. He's so stubborn." It was true, with Yixing, there was always a fight due to his unyielding will to do things on his own.

"But what happened? Did you tell him your feelings?" It hurt to think back to the rejection, the eclipse disappearing from the sky as Yixing walked back to campus by himself. Suho had never felt so pathetic as he did then, chasing someone he knew would take beyond eons to ever want him back. His pride had already been handed over, his time, he would give it all foolishly, knowing the outcome would be the same. Still, he wanted to try. What an idiot.
"In a way, he already knew. I had always been obvious, and he's not as stupid as people say. But . . . He said he's not going to fall into my arms and confess his feelings for me because he's not a girl and that he can't be apart of something that doesn't exist. I just don't get him, at all. And for a second, I thought that maybe he would take me seriously instead of brushing off everything I do to show him I care.”

“Well, from what I know, he's never been with someone before. Like ever. And neither have you, so maybe he doesn't know how to accept your feelings as much as you have no clue how to give them the right way. What does Lay like?”

“Dancing. Black coffee with honey. Playing the guitar. His favorite color is red. He's never seen titanic. He hates Valentine's Day, holding hands, standing close to someone. He likes-”

“Okay, okay. I didn't ask you for his life story. Yeesh. Just do something you know he would like, not something you want him to like. Your idea of affection might be too much for him right now. But if you really love Lay like I think you do, try again and don't stop until he has to say yes. You may not have noticed it, but when he's with you, he's different.

Happy, even.”

Suho slurped a bit more of his sugary sweet drink and thought over what Luhan had said as advice before the male received a text that his other half nearly burnt down their dorm and he had to depart. Suho believed him because he had seen what Sehun was capable of.

Accidental arson was definitely one of them.

 

Suho tossed his empty cup into the garbage and exited the smoothie place, blinking as the sun splashed into his eye and the sight of his own hair blinded him. He shoved his hands in his crisp, white pants and counted the cracks in the pavement as he walked towards the looming school up ahead, students with afternoon classes rushing before entry was denied. It was a free day for Suho, but he decided he would much rather be alone. He needed more time to think.

“Suho.” Suho looked away from the 57^th crack and up towards the voice he had been missing for two days. Yixing stood by the entrance to his dorm section, his eyes still quite puffy and pink. Only crying could do such a thing.

“Have you been crying?” Suho couldn't help his nature when it came to Yixing. He stalked closer and grabbed his face as gently as he could, worry clouding his better judgment that said 'run as fast as you can' and helping him to forget he was looking into the eyes of the boy who broke his only heart. He saw Yixing close his eyes at the contact, a single tear tricking down his porcelain face, running until it caught against the flesh of his index finger.

“O-One day. One night. I think it's all I can give.” Suho rubbed away the cold trail of the tear until he felt warm skin once again and waited for Yixing to open his eyes. When he did, Suho's lips pulled into a breathtaking smile.

“I'll take it. It's enough for me.”

And it was.

---

“Don't be like me,” Yixing's father's muffled voice rang over the phone, the pain still evident in his tone, “Don't let the greatest thing that ever happened to you slip away. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.” Those words led Yixing out of his dorm and onto campus, looking for Suho among the hoard, the fresh tears still spilling down his cheeks. Suho was- no, is the best thing that ever happened to him. He used to be invisible, passed off as an arrogant prude who cared about nothing and no one. He refused to let people close enough to see all the cracks in his armor and he always ignored the friends that he had, even though people like Kai never leave. Suho saw something in him, be it his yearning for true interaction or how badly he wanted something to drink other than black coffee. He saw something and he had stayed, no matter how rude Yixing could be, he stayed. Yixing turned in a slight circle, rubbing away at his eyes to obtain some of his sight back.

Still, no Suho.

“His dorm is the one next to the library. Just run to your left.” Yixing spun to face a shorter male, his face resembling a baby and the smile that of some sort of mystic. Yixing knew him only by face, and that his voice was in high honor in the singing department. He also knew his boyfriend was Oh Sehun, Kai's right-hand man.

“Uh . . . Thank you . . . ?”

“Luhan. Now go.” Yixing bit his lip and bowed slightly, more thankful than he could put into action or words.

“Thank you Luhan.” Yixing knew where the library was and found him self running passed it, weaving in between people as they exited the building to the left. He had never been to this building and it had already begun to feel so new. The building emptied itself quickly, leaving him standing before the double doors by himself. He hadn't seen Suho anywhere in the crowd, and it was unnerving. Turning to stand with his back to the entrance, Yixing decided Suho had to be out and about somewhere. He usually spent the day with his friends, or with him in the practice room, and the nights at his dorm or with him again.

Yixing was just coming to terms with the fact that he spent a lot of time with Suho and he had never even noticed it. Suho made him feel nauseous and sick and crazy and scared, so so scared, but then he smiles and Yixing can feel that inkling of love growing deep in the depths of his caged heart. He feels happiness at having the practice room. It was where they first officially met, where they conversed and Suho would help him up after each fall. It was the place where Yixing realized he did feel things for Suho, things that were new and frightening and he had wanted to lock them away in a tight little box.

Yixing saw the mop of red locks in the distance before he saw Suho completely, the older boy's head bowed as if he were inspecting his shoes the entire walk.

“Suho,” Yixing called in a scratchy voice, internally wishing to die so that he would never succumb to such embarrassment again. Suho looked up, and it was like a breath of fresh air. Their eyes met, and Yixing felt his entire body quiver and the aching need to cry. He had missed the older, he had missed him with his entire being.

“Have you been crying?” Before he could react, Suho was close to him, holding the side of his face like the first day they met, staring at his eyes by not actually looking at him. Yixing felt as if he were made from glass, and if Suho moved any farther, any closer, he just might shatter. He closed his eyes and focused on Suho's touch, how his soft fingers caressed his cheek and gave him warmth. A tear escaped his right eye and fell against Suho's fingers, but Suho simply brushed it away.

“O-One day,” Yixing couldn't fight anymore, “One night,” He needed to be with him, “I think it's all that I can give.” It was all that he could give, the lock around his heart close to crumbling, yet still intact. He felt Suho reach his thumb up and brush away the cold tear track and he opened his eyes to see the smile, the smile Suho only produced when he was truly happy.

“I'll take it. It's enough for me.”

Yixing felt his arm being tugged and he went with it, walking behind Suho as he was led inside and down the hall to his dorm room. His heart palpitated wildly in his chest, and he smiled.

That feeling was new.

---

Suho's dorm was impeccably clean and neatly organized. Not a CD, piece of paper, or paperclip lay out of place and Suho took pride in this fact. He usually never had people over, besides when his friends barged in uninvited, but he found cleaning to be a stress reliever and he had been stressing over Yixing for months. He pulled the younger behind him and into the main living room, which was small and able to hold a fairly large TV and long couch. He literally pushed him to sit while he went and shut the door, feeling nervous and excited. One day. One night. He would use it to his advantage and make it count.

“Is there anything you want to drink or something?” It was fairly awkward having Yixing, the haunter of his deepest dreams, sitting in his living room and inspecting his house. Sue him for being a bit out of character.

“No,” Yixing quickly sought out Suho's face and shook his head. Suho watched him pat the spot next to him in an inviting manner, “J-Just turn on the TV to something we can both ignore and come and sit next to me.” That was easy. Suho was happy that Yixing was at least trying. He would do his best to earn his heart with this one day and one night. Stalking over to the couch, Suho leaned down and picked up the remote, pressing the power button and turning the TV on and changing it to a random TV Drama. The over-exaggerating voice of the actors made perfect background noise, and Suho eased his way onto the couch, his leg pressing against Yixing's. He felt the male shudder, and inwardly smirked at the action.

“Since your giving me the day and the night only, can I ask you anything and you'll tell me the truth?” Suho looked over at Yixing to find the boy staring blankly at the small coffee table in front of their legs.

“Yes.”

“Then, why don't you believe in love?” Yixing exhaled and looked up from his hand to catch Suho's eyes.

“I watched it die it front of me when I was 13. My mother left my father without so much as a stupid goodbye and she never came back, for me, for anything. My dad cried on my shoulder that day, and I said to myself, is this all that love has to offer? Why would I want to be apart of something that tore a family apart? Why should I put myself through such pain? I don't believe in love, and now I'm being a hypocrite.”

“Because you . . . love me?” Suho sounded hopeful, and Yixing flushed a bright rosy hue.

“Since I have to tell you the truth, yes. I d-do love you, and I don't understand it at all. All you do is make me feel sick and fuzzy and hot and cold and so many different emotions all at once. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, follow my brain telling me to run away right now and never come back or my heart begging me to stay because I don't want to live another day without being with you.” Suho couldn't help the spread of his lips to a wide smile, and he unconsciously reached his hand over to take Yixing's hand in his, interlocking their fingers so that the Chinese boy couldn't escape.

“So you're scared because you think I might up and desert you like what happened to your parents?”

“And that one day, you'll figure out that I'm as much of a prude as everyone says I am. I'm boring. You won't want to stay with me much longer.” Suho inwardly rolled his eyes. He remembered Luhan saying not to do what he wanted, but he couldn't help himself. He easily pulled the smaller polka dot clad boy into his arms and ran his free hand through his auburn locks. He just needed the contact, craved for it. He needed to hold Yixing close to him, tell him he'll always be wanted.

“Listen to me, because I'm going to say it over and over until you believe it,” Suho began, “There is absolutely nothing that will take me away from you, now or ever. I'm in love with you Yixing, I'm so in love with you and I don't care how long it'll take for you to understand that because I'll love telling you every time. I love you. I love you. I love-”

“Okay, I get it.”

“You don't. You don't see what I see when I look at you. I see someone whose never been able to love because they've locked up their heart and lost the key. I see someone whose alone and lonely and he wants someone to look at him and know what he's feeling. He wants someone to hug him, kiss him, tell him he's beautiful and perfect just the way he is. He wants someone that's willing to wait until he's ready to return all of the love given.”

“Suho . . .” Yixing hid his face in Suho's chest, finding he quite enjoyed the thrumming of the older boy's heartbeat through the thin material of his shirt and the warmth from the hug spread throughout his entire body. Suho chuckled lowly, still running his hand through Yixing's cute mess of hair, the vibration rushing through both of their bodies. This new shy side of Yixing was too adorable to place in words, Suho wanted to pinch his cheeks but he was enjoying this position much more.

“Xingie,” Suho tested the new nickname on his tongue and felt Yixing shake against him, a reflex of some sort every time Suho did or said something that sent a jolt shooting straight to his heart, “I think I'll call you that from now on.”

“No! D-Don't, it's e-embarrassing.” Yixing spoke into Suho's chest, his voice muffled but heard.

“But I like it.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

“I'll kiss you.”

“Okay, fine. Call me Xingie all you want.”

Yixing still counted the small peck to his forehead as a kiss.

---

Yixing snuggled into the warmth behind him and away from the edge of the couch, sighing as the arm around his waist tugged him closer. Under the heavy affect of sleep, he thought that whatever was holding him so close had to be more warm, more radiant than the sun. Then the TV, which had been long forgotten and played all throughout the night, produced a loud sound strong enough to wake Yixing completely. He came to with a shiver, and finally noted the arm pressing into his slim waist and the other providing the perfect amount of cushion for his head. What the-

“Oh no,” Yixing whispered, and as slowly as he could he removed Suho's arm from around him, sunlight casting light inside from the window behind the couch, a dusty bookcase to its left. He made a mistake and turned, watching sunlight spray a ray directly onto Suho's delicate features, his hair sticking up in tufts everywhere, his bangs enveloping his face in a fiery halo.

Beautiful.

That is exactly what it was, simply beautiful. Yixing forced his eyes away before he let his heart decide for him, and turned for the neatly stacked paper on the coffee table and the abandoned lead pencil nearby. He scanned through the paper, looking for a blank sheet, and when he found one, the blue lines looking clearer than before, the margin small in comparison to other pieces he had ever seen, he gripped the pencil and nearly broke the pointed tip of lead due to his trembling fingers. In sloppy Hangul, Yixing jotted down two words and lay the note down carefully atop the other papers and placed the pencil back in its rightful place. 'I'm Sorry.' He cast one last look at Suho's sleeping form before pulling on his shoes and slipping out the door. The knob was still held in his grasp when Yixing felt his legs stop. He turned and instead pressed his forehead to the cool wooden material of the door, uncaring if an outsider saw him in such a weird way. He was having a crisis of the heart.

Stay.

Just stay.

Yixing took a deep breath before his fingers moved on their own, slowly opening the door to reveal a sleepy Suho, his eyes barely able to open and his hair in a disarray. The only thing Yixing could make of his face was sheer force of will keeping him standing and confusion as he held the hastily written note between his fingers, so worried his fingers crushed the sheet of paper little by little.

“Xingie, where are you going?” Yixing noted the odd attraction he held for the older's morning voice, the roughness of it was enticing, and he pushed him back inside, following closely and locking the door behind him. He pulled Suho back to the couch, the redhead following him much like a lost puppy in a sleepy stupor. As he settled them both back into the soft fabric of the couch, he wrapped his fingers around the barely illegible Hangul printed across the white paper and took it from Suho's weak grasp, balling the paper in two and shoving it into the deep of his pocket.

Then Yixing bunched up his arms under the pillow beneath his head and closed his eyes. He could feel Suho's movement as he draped half his body over the younger, sneakily leaning his head against the other and pressing a chaste kiss to the back of neck before nuzzling the skin with his nose. I'm not going anywhere.

“Good morning Lay Lay.” Another nickname. Yixing cracked a tiny smile before relaxing against Suho completely.

“Morning Joonie.” Yixing felt it was only fair that he could have a nickname for Suho as well, and Suho didn't seem to mind. He hummed his approval and snuggled closer.

“Love you,” Suho murmured, on the brink of sleep. Yixing was tired and warm and he felt he was right where he needed to be.

“I Love you too Suho.”

He was the exception Yixing was willing to make.

 

 

 

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't

 

Let go of what's in front of me here

 

I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up

 

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

I honestly don't know what that was. 

Please dont kill me. ;;;;_;;;;