CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE:Realize

 

 

“Why did you not go yesterday to your morning schedule, Hyung?”

 

Well, the question was surely sudden. Somehow the direct interrogation didn’t surprise SungGyu as much as he thought it would. He had predicted sooner or later it was going to appear. But it did came a bit too soon for his likes and from the least expected person in the group. Leave it to DongWoo to surprise him at the most awkward moments.

 

“What? I saw Hyung leaving early for that interview. You weren’t even able to grab a thing for breakfast, right?” SungJong was the next one to in, not bothered by the make-up artist that was getting him one last thick layer of powder. Talking as if there was no one pasting something on his face was one of their maknae’s specialities.

 

“Not like we usually have time to grab it either,” WooHyun murmured in an audible voice as he shifted a page from the small document that held their itinerary. His concentrated gaze never left the papers.

 

The cheers and chants from the fans could be heard perfectly from where they were standing behind the scenes. Half of the members’ attention was set on what they were about to do and the other was divided between their conversation and other aimless things. The tingling sensation always present in their  impatient bodies. Performing was always thrilling and nerve-wrecking.   

 

The make-up noona staff wrapped up her job with SungJong but before she left another staff had appeared, reaching for his waist and shirt. He and MyungSoo were the last ones getting the microphone. Just like the maknae, L easily ignored the fact that there was a person really close to his crotch as he was busy using his mobile. In fact, the visual was doing a great job ignoring his surroundings – members included.

 

While they were getting ready, fifteen minutes before the clock reached twelve, JungRyul had gone to remind the group the rules settled for the fansigns. Do not offer hand-shakes. All the gifts are supposed to be handled to the staff and no sweets are meant to be eaten until checked by them – whenever this rule came up, SungJong instantly answered back saying it wasn’t necessary since the staff always checked all the gifts before entering the meeting place. Ignore the impolite comments and don't stop smiling, there’s a staff that’s meant to do the dirty job for you. Those and more were the settled rules including SungGyu's personal favourite to quote, remember you are an Idol.

 

After all those years inside the music industry, there was no need for Infinite to listen to them anymore. They knew them by heart. Hoya even rapped them every now and then just to tease their managers and amuse JungYeop.

 

When DongWoo threw the question at SungGyu, JungRyul discreetly turned his attention to the oldest idol. As dictated by the director, Infinite's leader had left the past morning to get his analysis done. JungRyul, who was mainly in charge of him, took him to the hospital. He was the only person, outside the executives and CEO, that knew about SungGyu’s condition.  

 

Although there was no need for it, an unspoken reminder was released when their gazes crossed. SungGyu faintly nodded before breaking the contact. Even if the question had been thrown by the rapper, SungGyu didn’t bother answering it. He was sure the members were going to drift from the subject real soon. The boys always did that in this kind situations. That was the amusing thing about their behind the scene’s conversations. They never lasted long and as soon as they were said, they were forgotten. That was the silent agreement. Unlike the waiting room's conversations, the behind the scene’s conversations were mainly used by Infinite to quickly finish fights that were actually wished to be forgotten or just to release something from their chests. No need for drama or long attached emotions. No need for alcohol or chicken.

 

“He didn't, SungJong-ah, Tasty went instead.”

 

“How do you know?” SungGyu couldn’t stop himself from curiously asking  DongWoo.

 

There was no need to deny it.

 

“The twins left a tweet this morning. It's a photo with LOENent’s logo behind SoRyong’s head. That schedule was actually yours, right?” DongWoo’s words made JungRyul’s expression change. SungGyu grimaced wondering why were his hyungs so carefree.

 

“They did what?” Their manager asked with a slightly higher voice.

 

While SungJong sighed, WooHyun tried to control the smile from his face that matched perfectly Hoya’s smug one. Amusing was amusing.   

 

“Was that supposed to be kept secret?” DongWoo’s question sounded too cheerful for his own good.

 

Feeling playful, WooHyun even searched for the mentioned tweet just to show it to their manager. It was a pretty colorful picture with a forever-mischievous Little Dragon and LOENent’s bright pink logo behind him.

 

“Damnit. Get ready, kids and don’t forget the rules, okay?”

 

JungRyul didn’t wait for an answer as he immediately placed his smartphone close to his ear. Surely to inform Tasty’s way too naïve manager about what the twins had just done.  

 

SungJong snorted, finally free from people invading his personal space. “Those hyungs always do whatever they want.”

 

“Well, they can afford to do whatever they want,” Hoya mentioned casually although the smug expression was still pasted on his lips. WooHyun rolled his eyes as he pressed to the dancer’s chest their itinerary’s papers.

 

“We should be the ones. We bring Woollim the bacon, for god’s sake!”

 

“Then I would be able to change my hair colour,” DongWoo sighed.

 

SungJong pursued his lips. “Hyung, you did that three weeks ago.”

 

"What about a fluorescent blue this time?"

 

"WooHyun, don't give him ideas."

 

There it goes. Too much courage to try to get an answer and DongWoo himself changed the topic.

 

SungGyu still said nothing as he watched the members talk about Woollim's twins and DongWoo's next hair colour. It wasn’t like his throat was hurting him that much  – he just had that sensation that kept him conscious of the abnormality – to not enter the quick conversation. It’s just that SungGyu didn’t feel like playing around with them. Specially with WooHyun. Although they had somehow started to work things out – or at least that was what SungGyu believed – he still didn’t want to give  completely in and surely he didn’t want WooHyun to think that their talk the other night had been enough, because he still was waiting for the right answer.

 

The feeling of disappointment still lingered in his soul.

 

After almost a week, things between him and the group kept being awkward. It wasn’t that he was angry at them. Not anymore. It’s just that it hurt. It hurt him to see them act usual. They acted just like before, even with all the things that kept coming their way the boys had started to get back on track and instead of feeling good about the blooming normality, SungGyu couldn’t stop from wondering and worrying. The boys were acting like they always did and he couldn’t stop from thinking that at some point, without a warning, they were going to do something again. Now he knew how capable the younger members were to act on their own. They no longer followed him blindly. They were growing up.  

 

Was this good? Or was this bad? Was he needed as their leader or now did he just held that title because of routine?

 

“Stop it,”  it wasn’t the first time SungGyu had to speak to himself to stop his useless thoughts.

 

 

In the signing event, Infinite received lots pretty interesting and some other mainstream things. SungGyu couldn’t stop from laughing every time he got another set of vitamins or another box filled with ginseng tea bags. He couldn’t help it but feel touched to know the fans had noticed his slightly raspy voice and that they were really worried. For their last programmed promotions and music shows, he had stopped from answering most of the questions, giving the voice to WooHyun and Hoya, who did an amazing job entertaining the viewers – when ever they weren’t fighting they managed to amuse the people surrounding them.

 

From all the gifts they got, a notorious part had been given to SungYeol. MyungSoo’s eyes held a undescribable glow every time he received a gift for the missing member. A warm thank you was externed every time followed by excited giggles from the fans.

 

Every now and then, SungGyu found himself searching for a bottle of water or clearing his voice. Just answering to the fans made his throat dry. SungJong, who was sitting next to him, offered him some candy he had already checked by the staff. Soon after, the candy was not only enjoyed by the person that needed it but the six people at the table. The guys from left corner were goofing around with the Skittles, making the fans laugh and smile at their so boys-next-door’s actions. MyungSoo just kept demanding for the candies, being at the end of the right corner left him out of their game.

 

 

“So, Hyung, where did you go yesterday?”

 

SungGyu couldn’t control the side smile that had threatened him to taint his features when he heard SungJong ask him. They were having fifteen minutes of break before starting to sign again. MyungSoo was taking some pictures of the well spirited crowd and Hoya was busy pushing away the Skittles WooHyun kept offering him. Too much sweet for the dancer.

 

“Our CEO gave me another schedule. He thought it was a better opportunity for Tasty.”

 

The grimace on SungJong’s face spoke for himself. “They are supposed to do a comeback in six months. This is our time.”

 

“Well, those were the orders,” SungGyu shrugged it off before turning left  to distract L from taking pictures and demand him to lend the expensive apparatus to him. SungJong didn’t dig further and SungGyu was okay with it, telling the maknae he went to get more analysis wasn’t allowed.

 

 

 

♫

 

 

 

He couldn’t concentrate. Not when two intense orbs kept looking at each and every move he made. Being his fingers opening wide or his neck stretching to release the tension, that gaze kept following him. Feeling a bit judged and a tad self-conscious of his lacking, SungYeol usually stopped after a while.

 

At the beginning, back in their training years, SungYeol would slash at the younger male, telling him that he was staring and that he should back off. But as time passed, SungYeol learned it was in MyungSoo’s nature and that the act was actually unconscious. The boy wasn’t at fault for having that deep stare. L might have used it to intimidate people and to protect himself,  but he had never used it to push SungYeol away. MyungSoo just observed him.

 

In the interviews, the members kept saying that SungYeol was really good when it came to feel comfortable about MyungSoo’s stare, the best out of the six. Yet that was a lie. Another lie that haunted him. He might be good at dissimulating it but him, unlike the other members, was too conscious whenever L posed his eyes on him.

 

As he tried to reach his left toes with his long fingers, SungYeol stole a glance at L and their eyes met for less than a second before SungYeol returned to his warming up. His right foot came next.

 

When the tall young man reached for both legs that were now at the front, he rose his gaze to the mirror where he saw MyungSoo’s reflection. He was still staring at his body but soon it went straight ahead to his eyes on the mirror. This time SungYeol didn’t break their eye contact. The loud and catchy song from Girls Generation kept ringing but they exchanged no words. In all, SungYeol was trying to defy the younger male to give up. Being MyungSoo, it didn’t happen. Not until SungYeol’s knees got tired from stretching the bottom ligament.

 

He didn’t know what to think about all this. Right when he started doing the intense catch up Lee JungYeop had given him, whenever he could, MyungSoo appeared in his practices. Unlike before, the visual didn’t say much. He just looked at SungYeol taking in the image Woollim had created for him. Unknowingly, letting the L side of him appear. The tall man was the one that usually stopped his training to talk or mainly urge the younger idol out of the place. If he didn’t, MyungSoo would stay there saying absolutely nothing.

 

A silent spectator that made the loudest and most deconcentrating noises inside SungYeol’s head.

 

“Tomorrow I’ll go to court again,” SungYeol blurted out as he was moving from left to right, harmlessly stretching his torso.

 

MyungSoo raised his gaze, needing a moment to understand that SungYeol had actually talked to him.  

 

“This one took longer,” he finally answered. His voice soft.

 

“It’s getting slower cuz we’re reaching the end. At least that’s what my defender told me,”  SungYeol shrugged in an unabashed way although he didn’t feel secure about that. The end of the case was around the corner, right. But that didn’t mean things were going smoothly at the court.

 

Even if he was an adult, there were so many things SungYeol wasn’t able to completely understand. He wasn’t at fault for feeling like a hopeless kid whenever he went to the meetings. Feeling judged by those gazes and unworthy by all the terms and cold words that got exchanged. Everyone spoke as if he wasn’t even present in the hall. But most of all, he hated to see the other man’s face. That sour reminder he wished to erase.

 

“Don’t worry. You did nothing wrong.”

 

When SungYeol heard those words, he stopped in the left side of his warm-up. His eyes roamed nervously around the floor.

 

What was this feeling? He had heard the members tell him that exact phrase before, but none of them, not even SungJong’s warmth had created the impact MyungSoo’s words left on him. Not only because of the way the words sounded with his voice but because it was the first time since he came back to the dorms that MyungSoo said something about the matter. The first time after the latest news about his scandal were revealed.

 

Gaining courage, SungYeol settled his gaze on reflection from the mirror. He tried to not back up as he waited nervously for the younger to say something more. After everything he had gone thru, he finally saw an opening.  This was it.

 

Yet it seemed MyungSoo had other plans since nothing else was said. It seemed those words were the only thing he was going to get. The uneasiness was starting to eat him alive.

 

“Aren’t you going to ask?” SungYeol heard his own voice. It carried a light sensation of irritation.

 

The younger male blinked as the other finally stopped stretching to face him properly. Unlike MyungSoo, he was easy to read. That frown and those slightly puffed cheeks proved his annoyance and despair.

 

“I got the idea.”

 

As soon as those words were released, SungYeol’s expression deepened. An aching sensation on his chest made it hard for him to breathe.

 

“The idea?” He repeated feeling the words burn his throat. “Now that I want to tell you, you just decide to take it as if it’s nothing? Again?”

 

The last question softened his expression and it got worse as MyungSoo gently shook his head.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“Then tell me this idea you have because I’m pretty sure its absolute rubbish.”

 

Secrets. SungYeol was surrounded by them and MyungSoo, being his friend, ended up knowing them too. Being part of them and even being the main character of one of them.  

 

The moment SungYeol found out his latest secret, he knew sooner or later MyungSoo was going to know it too. It wasn’t that he wanted to share it, but more like L was bounded to know it. That deep was their friendship. That complex was SungYeol’s mind. MyungSoo had been the creator of  that one secret and the cause of his despair. The reason why he wandered down the underground places of the sleepless Itaewon and the detonator of his slashing to innocent unrelated people. Yet the younger idol wasn’t guilty. MyungSoo just happened to be the one chosen by SungYeol’s heart.

 

“Come on, Soo. If you actually have it, there’s no need for you to act as if you don’t know.”

 

“You were drunk—”

 

“Don’t below my feelings with alcohol, MyungSoo!” SungYeol snapped before groaning.

 

Were they even talking about the same thing?

 

Nothing was said after that. Without announcement Gee popped. None of them noticed. It took him some moments, but after a while SungYeol approached to where the younger idol was. Without care, he let his body fall to the floor so he could be sitting right in front of him but MyungSoo moved his torso backwards to leave more space between them. His actions, though  simple, created a painful smile on SungYeol’s face.  An ironic laugh tried to get away but failed half way through.

 

“I guess it’s not absolute rubbish,” SungYeol murmured as he pulled his legs close to his chest. When he rested his cheek on his interlaced arms, a sigh escaped from his lips. “That day you asked as if you didn’t understand cuz you were actually grossed by it.”

 

He didn’t even bother to make it sound like question. It was a fact.

 

“I…”

 

Again, the tall male waited for the younger to say more but nothing came. Suddenly, SungYeol noticed how tired he felt. It was hard for him to even move his gaze to MyungSoo’s serene façade. It gave nothing away. Defeated by that barrier, SungYeol closed his windows to reality but not too soon he opened them again. Widely. He never saw coming that warm hand that reached his cold one.

 

So different.

 

SungYeol bitted his inner cheek, his attention now on the connected hands. He didn’t want to look up, he just wanted to remember that sensation. To remember the image of those long fingers holding his hand. To remember that atmosphere, so sweet but bitter at the same time.

 

People say it tastes like this, right?

 

“Do you know how hurt I was that day?” SungYeol broke the enchanted spell he was falling into. He waited but again, nothing came. MyungSoo kept silenced. At some point he was the one to blame. “For me to hope that you understood and to end up with such a cold answer? Friends don’t do that, MyungSoo.”

 

Wanting to make lighter the atmosphere, SungYeol pulled the other’s hand. What he got in exchange was full attention from the younger male.

 

“I knew you understood. You knew that I was aware of that and still, you decided to act as if you didn’t.”

 

Even if he didn’t look up, SungYeol could feel perfectly that gaze settled on his shoulders.

 

“Does it matter if I understood or not?” He voiced out. “Will that make a change?”

 

SungYeol didn’t want to answer to that. He couldn’t let himself go so far. To dream of even a possibility, no. He settled for murmuring. “At least it would help me kill this thing I keep inside.”

 

Moments later, the warmth from the other hand disappeared leaving to freeze his slim one.  

 

“You know? After the accident, when I went back to my parents’ place, I really didn’t want to see you,” SungYeol said a bit louder before he went for it, moving forward to kneel. His knees were now between MyungSoo’s feet.  Both hands holding the weight from his chest since he was leaning slightly forward.

 

“I wanted to.”

 

SungYeol squinted his eyes feeling his stomach swirl.

 

“You always do whatever you feel like doing,” he looked to the side. He had to remind himself how naïve MyungSoo actually was. That face of him was just a disguise.  “You even come and bother me during my training.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Your simple stare does bother me.”

 

SungYeol confessed getting a surprised reaction on MyungSoo’s face. The older male moved closer, attracted by the unusual expression staining L’s face. Those usually sharp eyes got softer, and SungYeol could see perfectly every detail from them. So deep and enigmatic.  

 

“You trying to act as usual does bother me. I like your intentions. You still being next to me, I like it,” SungYeol continued with his sincere thoughts. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the young idol. “ But, could you please stop ignoring my feelings?”

 

Now their noses were inches away. L didn’t move away. There was no reaction and SungYeol didn’t know what to make from it. He was so lost when it came to this side of MyungSoo.

 

“Make up your mind.”

 

Said that, SungYeol erased the distance between them, stealing MyungSoo’s breath away.

 

It might not be the first time their lips met, but this time it surely felt different. Those lips he had never stopped from wanting to touch didn’t feel as soft as they did in his imagination, but they felt real. They were real. Nothing extraordinary happened but the warmth from them was enough to make SungYeol weaken. Why was such a delicate contact so overfilling? So overwhelming. Was it because of all the wanting he had done? SungYeol moved closer wanting to feel more but ended up controlling himself, not wanting to scare MyungSoo away. He trembled as he backed away. Two more light kisses were given.

 

When he was at a prudent distance, SungYeol opened his eyes to notice he, once again, had broken that unchangeable façade. The look on MyungSoo’s face, lips barely opened and eyes slightly wider,  proved SungYeol had taken him completely by surprise. Behind that emotion, something was hiding.

 

What is it MyungSoo? Tell me.

 

The hand that had been previously covered by MyungSoo’s warmth one, slowly went up. Before SungYeol could reach the younger’s confused face with his fingers the studio’s door flew open. Only the oldest idol turned to where the noise had come from.

“There you are, idiot! Everyone’s already in the van, MyungSoo.”

 

Hoya had entered the practice room with a slight annoyed expression on his face. Without reading the atmosphere, he walked to where to two youngsters were sitting.

 

“Is he still bothering you in your practice?” Hoya asked playfully as he pulled the youngest idol up. There was no resistance from the other side.  

 

“No,” SungYeol contradicted himself as he eyed MyungSoo. The serene expression came back and surely the boy had gone deep into his own thoughts.

 

“We have to go now,” Hoya gave him an apologetic smile before placing both hands on L’s shoulders and pulling him closer to his body. MyungSoo finally responded to the movement, turning to face the dancer. “Keep up the hard work, Yeol-ah.”

 

SungYeol nodded twice managing a side smile. From his spot, he waved at them as he eyed HoWon push their visual out of the – now big – practice room. Who would’ve thought? His Girls Generation playlist had started again.

 

 

 

 

Ranting Zone,

HAH! No one saw that coming, right?! 

It's been a while guys! Did you like this chapter? Personally, I did! I know I left too many open things and that you have no real clue of what SungYeol and MyungSoo were talking about, but in a way, I know you understood everything! This, my precious readers, is the actual nucleus of this fiction! If you figured it out, it's not SungYeol the one this whole thing is spinning around, but MyungSoo. Yes! The guy that shows nothing and locks himself from everything! Ah! I just feel so happy and.. kekeke, they kissed, kekeke...

I shall stop my rant here since--oops no! Thing number one, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY FANFICTION! Yep, this fic is alreadty a year old! Thank you to all the people that had followed this fic but specially the people that was with me from the very beginning supporting me and showing me their love for my little inmature fic. Thank you for the 443 subscribers and the 61 upvotes. They mean a lot to me. Really! Now, thing number two, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNGYEOL-AH! hehe, I wanted to post this on his day but I wasn't done reviewing it. Moving to number three, tomorrow I have an important audition that might change my life in a good way and on thursday HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Isn't August a lovely month?

Take care my precious readers! I hope to read you soon!

-Vico

Btw, is anyone interested in edit this as in, grammar? XD