Love.

Love was patient, kind, and not jealous. Love was when you didn’t have a reason to be with someone and wanted to make them happy without thinking about your own happiness. Love was when you would do anything for them and protected them from any harm.

In short, Love was the greatest feeling a human ever felt and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever known in my 21 years of life.

He was like a summer breeze in summer days. The moon in the darkest night, and an oasis in the middle of the desert. He was my strength. He was my voice. He was everything a woman ever asked, but he was a human too. He made mistakes, he regretted what he did, he had loved the wrong person numerous times, and I accepted his flaws with open arms, but one think I didn’t know was; how he made me love him today and hated him the next day.

I didn’t know when was this started, but I knew our relationship couldn’t last forever like we always thought.

He was everything I needed as a woman; rich, caring, supportive, handsome, and loved me with every flaws I had in me. He always called me beautiful. He even wrote me a song. What could go wrong when you had this person as your boyfriend, right?

Or so I thought.

Today was the day when my world came crushing down and lost my faith in love. I was going to apologize to him for what I did yesterday when he came to our room –still with his yesterday’s outfit—and said the things I never thought he would ever say to my face. His lips were trembling when he confessed his sin and he had pushed his pride away as the crystal clear started to roll down his handsome face and stained my shirt when he hugged me. I didn’t know what to say, it was too shocking for me to comprehend what he said and I didn’t want to say anything when I knew it would only made my heart ached more.

Yixing didn’t want to let me go and kept saying sorry when he knew it was useless to say sorry. He tightened his grip on my waist, trying to make me stay when my heart was already outside begging me to go. His voice was getting hoarsed as he begged me to stay and promised to never did that again in the future. He wanted to explain what happened last night at the bar and I needed an explanation from him, so I stayed.

He took me to the end of bed, took a seat beside me and didn’t let go of my hands as he looked into my eyes intently.

“I met her in the bar last night. She just broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to escape from reality. I don’t remember how I could be that drunk, but I remember she asked me to kiss her. I refused to do it, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I—“

“You couldn’t stop thinking about me, but you still did it?”

“—Let me explain first,” he tightened his grip on me, “I love you, Chao-xing. I really do. I thought if i kissed her last night, she would leave me alone, but she didn’t. Then we...” he told me the whole story from how he accepted her one night stand offer and how he could escape this morning from her house. I was beyond shock with his confession. I never thought he would ever hurt me in this kind of way, and I hated it! I hate how much I really loved him when he gave me the greatest pain I had ever felt in my three years with him.

Yixing was the best thing that ever happened in my life, and no doubt about that. He was my savior when no one else could help me from the dark days in my teenage years.  He was always there for me when I needed him the most. He always loved me with everything I had and he didn’t leave me when people told him stories about me and what I did in the past. He could pick any girl he wanted, but he chose me. He chose me even though I always pushed him when he tried to get close. He chose me even though he knew it would affect his popularity. He chose me even when his father didn’t approve me to be his girlfriend.

But all the sacrifices we did would be wasted after tonight.

I wriggled my hands away from his and stood up from the bed. “I need a break.” I sighed, “I need a break from you.... Yixing. I can’t look at you the same way again. I can’t look at you without feeling hurt!”

“Don’t do this to me...”

“I don’t know if we could fix this relationship again, Yixing. I...” I took a deep breath, “I’m really hurt to the point I want to leave you and erase you from my life. I don’t know if leaving you could heal my heart, but I need to get away from you.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Yixing went to our wardrobe and pulled his Tumi luggage from the top. He filled his luggage with his clothes, tooth brush, and some documents before walking back to me and smiled. “I’ll leave. You can have this apartment or sell it if you want to. I’m not going to stop you if you really want to break up. I really love you Chao-xing, I would do anything for you.”

“Yixing...”

“I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I never wanted to hurt you in any kinds of way.”

I held back my tears and looked to the ground when he gave me a quick hug. I didn’t dare to look at him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to control my feelings if i looked into his eyes, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy for the both of us if we kept showing our true feelings to each other. He kissed my forehead for the last time and walked to the doorway while taking glances at me.

Before he really went out from our house, he turned his head to me and said, “I will always love you Chao-xing. I promise you.”

We were just ordinary people. We made mistakes in the past and we regretted what we did.

I stared at the groom in admiration and smiled at him. He was very handsome in tuxedo and I couldn’t deny how foolish I was to let the man I loved go and met another woman in our difficult time. I was very frustrated when I knew he was going to married, and I regretted my decision to let him go two years ago.

Yixing stood in front of the mirror while trying to tie his tie. My eyes followed every steps he did and I laughed when he gave me a desperate look and asked me to help him.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” I said as I tied his tie.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I still can’t tie my tie.” He smiled, “How about you? Does Kris treat you well?”

“Kris treats me well, Yixing.”

“Better than me?”

“Yixing!” he chuckled at me and gently took my wrist away from his tie. “I missed you.”

“I miss you too.”

“I will always love you, Chao-xing....”

“I know..” I said faintly and walked to the door to give him some time alone.

He called me, “Chao-xing?”

“Yes?”

“Take care of yourself...” He said.

I smiled. “I will.”

~~~

A/N: too cheesy? 3