Jieun had lost track of time.

All she knew was that it was a new day - Luhan had left for school, and an empty bed next to hers a silent and painful reminder of how inconsiderate and selfish she had unknowingly been. For someone who had limited time, it seemed like an irony, but she had been in the hospital too long to remember when she last walked around her neighbourhood freely, when she last went to school, and when she last went home. 

The familiar face of the nurse who always delivered her meals and checked on her popped in, and Jieun gave a wistful smile. She probably saw the nurse more often than she saw her own family, or even Luhan. 

"Jonghwan...might be transferred back here. Soon. I thought you might want to know this as soon as possible."

"Really?"

A mixture of relief and anxiety washed over her at the same time. Jieun was glad that Jonghwan was probably recovering fast enough to be transferred back to her ward, but at the same time, she didn't know how they were going to face each other again. 

"He wants me to pass the message to you, that he's sorry."

"Why should he be sorry? If anyone should apologize, it's me." Jieun crumpled the blanket in her hand and avoided the nurse's gaze. 

"That's all he told me. Talk more to him when he comes back." The nurse gave Jieun an encouraging squeeze on her shoulder. "Jonghwan's been through a lot, but he's not strong enough to fight this disease on his own. He just needs a good friend to help him along the way, and that's what you can help him with. Think of how Luhan has been a moral support for you, and do the same for Jonghwan. Let him know that you're there, and that he's not fighting a solo, lonely battle."

"I will." Jieun took another look at the empty bed next to hers, her heart resolved to do what it takes to recreate Luhan's rainbow in someone's life.

Luhan entered the ward quietly as he saw Jieun resting after her lunch. She looked a lot better than she did the day before, and he gave a soft sigh as he watched her sleep. She would eventually know of the bad news to come, that her father wasn't in as good health as expected, and that bone marrow transplant might not be the most plausible option for her right now, and he didn't have the heart to see her crumple further with all these emotional setbacks. 

"You're...her boyfriend, Lu..Luhan, right?"

"Y-yes."

He eyed a tired-looking Jonghwan who was sitting on a wheelchair and being wheeled in by a nurse, not knowing what to say without sounding pretentious nor unnecessary.

"I know. She thought she was responsible, didn't she?" 

Jonghwan gazed at Jieun who was still sleeping fitfully, as the nurse helped him onto his bed, and Luhan nodded hesistantly.

"Silly girl. My actions are my own to be responsible for."

"She's been through the same things, Jonghwan. I can understand why she felt that she, or rather we, are responsible." Luhan let his mind wander back to the beginning when he first met her. 

"She looks fine now, right? Happy, not so healthy, but satisfied with just being able to live. But that's not what she was before you met her. I remember, how she doubted volunteers who came just for the sake of doing community service, not for the true intentions of helping others. The world through her eyes was bleak and dull, her future practically a brick wall that stopped her from going any further. Jieun watched as people close to her started distancing themselves after they found her less than perfect, as they pitied her and waited for her life to come to a close, yet at the same time begging for her to fight on. It was all so contradicting and superificial, and she didn't want that - all she wanted was for someone to be there for her, to lessen the pain she feels from chemotherapy, to make the journey less frightening, less threatening."

Luhan paused and saw moisture in Jonghwan's eyes, which the latter tried to rub away, causing the scars on his wrists to be visible. 

"Jieun's lucky all right, to get a boyfriend like you who understands her better than she understands herself." Jonghwan traced the scars on his wrists. "Patients like us who don't ever know when we might die, it's really tough to live like that, knowing that you're a ticking time bomb - basically, a burden."

"Well for you all know, healthy people might just die the next day too, say from a car accident or a sudden heart attack. Life's unpredictable for everyone, but we can't let our fear control us, or we'll never live life to the fullest. And don't call yourself a burden, no one's a burden. The fact that you're in this world, right now, means that you're never a mistake nor a burden, because you are the one living your own life, not others." 

"I can tell why you're a volunteer here." Jonghwan smiled. "If only more people could do the same for others, maybe the world would be a better place for all..."

"What can I say? I'm one of a kind." Luhan shrugged.

"Say, maybe I should try and look for more volunteers around the hospital, I might find one as good as you. Or do you have a friend whom you could call over and be the Luhan to my Jieun?" Jonghwan asked in an amused tone, and Luhan instantly sensed that he got the message already.

"All my friends are guys...unless you are..."

"Okay no thanks, I'm perfectly straight. Like an uncooked strand of spaghetti." 

The two teenage boys burst into miffled laughter as they tried to control their urge to laugh loudly so that they wouldn't wake Jieun up, but little did they know that she was, in fact, wide awake, and smiling to herself as the laughter made everything feel a lot better for all three of them.

“Maybe everyone can live beyond what they're capable of.” ― Markus Zusak, I Am The Messenger

A/N: I know suicide is a very sensitive topic, but I hoped that I've been able to show both perspectives in a way such that readers don't condemn those who might have committed suicide, nor dismiss suicide as a very light-hearted issue, and that if any of you contemplate the idea of suicide, Luhan's words to Jonghwan might help you see life in a different way. Suicide is not something to laugh nor joke about, and I apologize in advance if the way I've written about suicide may offend anyone to whom suicide is an issue close to heart.