TAEYEON'S P.O.V

Today, I went to take care of Hyo's Tteokbukki Bank (note: Hyoyeon is her sister). She went to a dance conference, I don't know why did she even open a Tteokbukki Bank. Oh well. I was taking care of it. Then, a blondie and short girl arrived. I was too depressed to look to her face. I tried my best smile.

"Annyeonghaseyo, welcome to Hyo's Tteokbukki Bank! What will you ask?" I asked with that silly fake tone of voice.

"Hum, a normal dose of tteokbukki, please" the girl said, gigling.

What's wrong with her? I gave her the stuff she asked and she ate it. Then, I tried to smile again.

"Thank you for eating here, have a nice day" I smiled.

SHe bursted into laughs. Seriously, what's so funny in me? My height? My hair? My face? Shoot, she's depressing me! I had a hard day in work and now people are laughing at my figure. I just want to shout at her, but Hyo would kill me, for sure. That girl only likes to dance and now is worried with a tteokbukki bank! Tch!

"Taeng, Taetae ahjumma! Don't you recognize me? Your Sica-chu?" the girl asked.

What? Sica-chu? Wait... I rubbed my eyes and I saw better! It was...

"Sica?" I asked.

"Neh, unnie why don't you recognize me? I didn't changed too much and... wait, Hyo gave you the tteokbukki bank again?" she asked.

Wow, Sica didn't miss anything.

"Neh, she went to a dance conference. Anyways, why did you came here?" I asked.

"To see you. Why? Didn't you liked the surprise?" she asked, pouting.

Aigoo, of course that I liked! You make my day shine always, Sica! Yes, I have a crush on her since we became bestfriends. I always did trusted in her, I don't want our friendship to end. Anyways, she seems to like someone else already.

"Aigoo! Of course I liked to see you, Sica!" I said and pinched her cheeks.

"Unnie!" she pouted, embaressed.

I laughed and patted her. My crush got bigger and bigger everytime I talk to her. It's sad when we like someone, but then we're stuck as its friend, right? Oh well... I don't want Sica to go away, but I have work to do.

"Sica, I have to work. See you later!" I waved.

She waved and smiled. Then, she walked away. I was waiting for my next costumer. This time was a guy. I rolled my eyes and smiled. It's my best guy friend of course.

"What are you going to ask?" I said.

"What about your heart?" he asked.

"Yah!" I said and hitted him.

Such a flirty as always...

"Ouch, it hurts! I was just kidding" he said, pretending that it hurted.

"Come on! I know that you're not hurt, Onew" I smiled.

He poked me and I poked him back and we both laughed. People looked at us and started whispering. I know they're saying some thing about we being a cute couple. We're just good friends, Onew was everytime my best guy friend.

"Now seriously, what are you going to ask?" I said.

"Actually, I went here to see you, noona" Onew said.

"Awwww, so sweet!" I said, sarcastically.

Onew pouted and I laughed. He's really clumsy and dorky.

"Come on, Onew. I have to work" I said.

"Ok! See you, noona!" Onew waved and walked away.

You must be wondering if we like each other. No, we don't. Onew was everytime my best friend after Sica, but it was never compared to liking. Oh well. I might continue to bear the pain of sticking as her best friend. I think...

After the hard work, I came back home. Sunyoung umma (Luna) was waiting for me at the door. She smiled for me.

"So, Taengoo, how was your day?" she asked.

"It was awesome, Sun!" I smiled.

Yep, I call Sunyoung umma Sun and she calls me Taengoo. We're like friends, not really like mother and daughter. But I like the way it goes on. She has an amazing voice and Jongwoon appa (Yesung) also does. I also love singing. I don't know how did Hyo borned in this family, her talent is on dancing. But I love her anyways...

"Taetae ahjumma, what do you want to eat?" Sun asked.

"IDK... How about pizza?" I asked, eyes sparkling.

"Good idea. We don't eat pizza for so long" Sun smiled.

Then I remembered something. Why isn't Woon home? (Yep, me and appa are the same).

"Sun, why isn't Woonie home?" I asked.

"Woonie had work to do... Maybe he's going in a singing conference, AGAIN" she said, rolling her eyes.

I also did. In that part, Hyo and Woonie are the same.

"Then, it's our night!" I announced.

"Yes it is!" she said.

I can explain. Sun had me when she was really young. She had, what, 18? Yeah, it's weird right? She's really young and she's still pretty. I had a 20 year olded mother... She's like 35 years old now, she's REALLY young for a mother. That's why we call each other nicknames and we're like friends. Sun asked the pizza. After they deliver it, we ate well and chatted happily. Then, she looked at me with a weird smile.

"Soooo, how's it going?" she asked.

"What?" I asked.

Why is Sunnie so weird?

"Your love life! How's Onew?" she asked.

I splitted the drink.

"WHAT?" I asked.

Is she crazy? Please tell me that she doesn't think that we like each other!

"You heard well. ON-EW" she said.

I bursted into laughs.

"Wait, Sunnie unnie, don't you think that we would like each other!" I said, while laughing.

"Well, he told me so... And he told me to don't tell Taeyeo... Oops!" she covered .

Yep, Sunnie and Onew are friends also. I turned my head.

"She must heard bad" I mumbled.

Sunnie looked to me with a teasing look.

"Taeng, he's handsome! And he's really nice too" she teased me.

"Unnie! It doesn't matter, because I already like Jessica" I said and I covered my mouth imediately.

Shoot! Now, she's trying to help me! Yep, Jessica and her are already friends.

"Taengoo! I thought we hadn't secrets!" she pouted.

"Unnie, even thought I like her, I want her to be my FRIEND, not my LOVER" I said.

She made the 'O' face and nodded. AFter the chat, we went to our beds. I layed there and I looked to the picture of Jessica on my desk:

Cute right? I smiled for her.

"Good night, Sica" I mumbled.

I hugged my Ddukong plush and I fell asleep.

NEXT DAY

I woke up. Today's the day when Hyo's bank is not open, Friday. I prepared myself and I said goodbye to Sunnie unnie. I was walking on the streets, when I received a text. I read it:

From: Sica-chu <3

Dear Taetae

Could we meet in the park? I've got an important announcement to do.

OMG! Sica wants to meet me? Do I look good? I imediately took out my emergency mirror and looked to my face and my hair style. Oh well, I've got a decent look. I ran towards the park and I saw Sica, sitting on the bench. I fxed my hair and tried my best smile and I sat on the bench.

"Annyeong, Sica. What did you wanted to tell me?" I asked.

"Taeyeon-ah. We've been friends for a long time. I feel like I can trust you every ways" she said.

My heart started to beat so fast... Is she going to tell...

"So, I wanted to tell you that... I've got a boyfriend" she said.

I was frozen. No more sun was shinning on my world. Everything stopped, while I could feel my heart, crashing into pieces. I could feel my eyes hot of tears.

"Are you ok?" Sica asked, concerned.

"Neh... I'm happy for you" I said, while wipping my tears and sniffing.

I look like a babo.

"Glad you are. See you" she smiled and walked away.

When I see her smile, I get even more hurt. I look like a fool. I can't even tell her that I love her and I'm here sniffing and tears are rolling down my cheeks. When she left, more tears rolled from my eyes.

"Because I'm a fool
I can only watch you from afair
Maybe your heart would turn away
And so like that, we'll become distant again

Because I'm a fool
I can't say 'I love you'
Maybe waiting for meeting again would be painful
And I'm afraid my days would become sad" I sang, while tears rolled down my cheeks.

 

1 year later

I never saw Sica again, after that painful meeting. I hope she's happy with her boyfriend. Now, I'm dating Onew. Sunnie unnie was right about Onew liking me. He was a great friend and he consoled me after what happened with Sica. He was the only one who knew about that. He was really nice. But I still loving Onew as a friend, nothing more. I wish happiness for Sica, wherever she is, whatever is happening to her now. Saranghae, Sicachu.

Today, I went to the park to have some fresh air. I sat on the bench and then, I noticed... That park.. Was where I met Sica... And where she broke my heart... And the bench where I sat, was exactly the bench... Tears started forming on my eyes again. Why, Sica? Why did you do this to me?

"Hum... gwenchanayo?" a thin voice asked.

"Oh? Neh" I said, and I quickly wipped my tears, while I sniffed.

The person smiled and giggled.

"It has been a long time, Taetae" she said.

Taetae? Sica was the one who gave me that nickname... And her voice is thin like... Sica's voice! I quickly turned.

"Sica?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. She put her hand on my shoulder.

"How had you been?" she asked.

My first reaction could be hug her. I missed her... alot. She was my light, my sunshine. She left me, 1 year ago. I looked coldly to her.

"I'd been good. Friends took care of me, my parents, my family, my..." I wanted to say boyfriend, but I was cutten off.

"I know" she smiled.

I felt my heart beating again. Watching her smile, hearing her voice, feeling her hand, my eyes are hot of tears.

"How's your boyfriend?" I asked.

Sica smiled.

"We broke up" she simply said.

I was shocked. All the suffer I had, all the tears I cried, then it was supposed to disappear. But, why not? Sica smiled, warmly, and made my heart beat like everytime when we were bestfriends.

"It was because, I love you a lot Taetae" she smiled.

What? I was now REALLY shocked. Sica did loved me? She-she did? But that 3 words can never out from my mouth. I glared her coldly.

"And then? I've got a boyfriend already! He's really nice, he treated me well, when my heart was broken into a billion of pieces because of YOU" I said.

Sica was shocked. I could see her eyes watery.

"Sorry, Taeng, I didn't knew-"

"Oh yeah. I cried tears, I couldn't sleep or eat for so many time while you were there with a great boyfriend, huh? Then you're sorry?" I said, louder and louder.

I could feel tears forming on my eyes. I can't even look straightly to her.

"Taetae, I'm really sorry" she said, while tears were also forming on her eyes.

"Don't call me that! I don't want to see your face again" I said and I walked away.

I was walking and crying, harder and harder. I feel horrible to treat Sica like that. I love her a lot, my feelings didn't changed, I still need her. But why can't I say that 3 words? Never?

 

2 MONTHS LATER

I was in my room, wondering why my life was so miserable. Then, I heard a knock. It must to be Sunnie unnie. I opened the door.

"Taeng, you've got mail" she smiled.

"Gomawo, unnie!" I smiled.

Sunnie unnie outed to make dinner. Sometimes, I feel weird to call my own mother unnie. I read the letter, it was pink and perfumed. Pink and perfumed... This made me remember someone... It was 'From Sicachu'. Oh yeah, pink and perfumed made me remember of Sica. I opened the envelope and I read the letter.

Dear Taetae

I know you don't want me to treat you like that, so sorry. Sorry if I hurted you, sorry if I made you cry. I got a boyfriend, because Jjong oppa was so nice to me, I thought I loved him. But I didn't. I couldn't sleep or eat, because I felt like I didn't. I tried to find out what was happening. Then, I looked to our picture on my desk and I noticed that it was you. I loved you and not him. I broke up with him next day. I earned a hard slap from his best friend who was hearing everything, but he did protected me. I was only thinking about you. It was only you who I loved.

So, I decided to confess to you. I didn't knew that you loved me and that i hurted you, when I got a new boyfriend. I didn't knew what you suffered, so I'm sorry. Really sorry. Taetaeyeon, I hope you'll ever forgive me. If you don't, I hope you'll be happy with your boyfriend that he'll take care of you. That he'll love you as I did, that he'll care of you, like I did. Tell him that I wish the best for you both and tell him that I want him to take care of you, love you, console you, make you smiled. Whenever you smile, I smile too.

I'm going to die soon. I didn't ate and I didn't slept while my body was in a vunerable situation and I needed to treat it well, so everything would be fine. Sorry if I'm worrying you, if I have to say goodbye, but it's all my fault. I'm a fool for hurting you and never notice my feelings until the time, the wrong time. I'm sorry for everything I did bad to you. This is a goodbye.

But I'll be watching you from heaven, watching you everytime. I know that your boyfriend would treat your right. And that you'll be a great girlfriend to him. I hope so. I wished I could share laughter, play, smile, love and share more friendship with you, but I can't. I don't have any longer time of life. Everything I can say now is that I love you. And that I'm sorry. You'll always be my Taetae and I'll always be your Sicachu. Saranghae, Taetae.

Your forever and always, Sicachu

Tears were rolling down my cheeks. Sica... She's going to die. I couldn't even say what I feel for her. Hearing that Sica is going to die only breaks my heart more and more. Deep inside, I want her, I need her, I love her. It's all my fault. I'm just a selfish babo. I always did thought about myself and my feelings, while Sica told her what I wished my whole life that she told me. It's all my fault. I'm the one who deserved to die. Oh wait. There's something else written in the letter...

P.S: Please check your MP4. I put there a music that I wrote and it's dedicated to you.

I took my MP4 and I saw a song called 'Because Tears Are Overflowing'. I took my headphones and heard it. And I cried more. This was what Sica felt. I feel the same right now. I lost her. I lost Sica. I lost my precious sunshine. What am I now? I want to die. I don't deserve to live. I walked towards the park. I want to throw myself to the lake now. I saw Onew there.

"Annyeong, Taeng!" he greeted me and smiled.

I ignored him and continued to walk towards the lake. I don't deserve to live. I'll hurt Onew more also. I wasted his love. He wasted his love with a selfish babo, who doesn't even love him the way he does. I feel bad for him. If I disappear, all problems would disappear.

"Taeyeon-ah! Where are you going! Stop!" he yelled.

I didn't heard him. I don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve to suffer like this. He'll only carry my broken heart and hear about Sica everyday. His heart would be broken. I don't want him to be hurt. He's my bestfriend. I was going to throw myself to the lake, when I felt a back-hug. Onew... He was stopping me.

"Let me go! Let me die!" I yelled.

"No! Taeyeon! Think about this! You'll regret your decision! Why are you doing this?" he asked.

I tried to go from his arms, but he was too strong for me.

"Let me go! Sica is going to die! Why am I living if she's going to die because of me?" I cried and stopped.

Onew hugged me and tried to calm me down.

"Ssssh, Taeyeon, everything is alright" he said.

"No, it's not. Onew, you're a great friend and I'm glad to have you by my side. I love Sica so much, and it's all my fault. She's going to die because of me. I only was a selfish babo" I cried.

"Taeyeon. Sica loves you, but she definitely doesn't want you to do this" Onew tried to calm me down.

I cried more.

"I'm... pleased. I'm glad you're such a good friend. Even thought you loved me, you chose carry on my broken heart, even if it would hurt you or not. I'm sorry. I can't love you that way. I never loved anyone but Sica. You don't deserve to suffer like this" I cried.

Onew, you were so nice. I only was selfish and fool. I hope someone would love you like you loved me. I'm not that someone. I'm sorry, Onew. I'm sorry, Sica. I only did hurted you both. 

 

1 YEAR LATER

Today is Sica's birthday. I dressed Sica's favorite dress of my closet, I prepared myself and I went to her grave. When I arrived there, I took a bounch of white crysanthemun and I placed it on her grave. Tears were forming on my eyes.

"Annyeong Sica-ah" I said, while wipping my tears.

"I'm your Taetae here" I tried to smile, but tears continued to form on my eyes.

Sica's grave was something that I never expected to see in front of my eyes. It was too sad. I remembered the good times we passed together. I wanted to come back to them. I felt so well, when I was with her.

"I never expected to see your grave before you see mine" I said, chuckling slightly but wipping tears.

I don't know what to say her. I feel embarassed by being in front of her own grave.

"I'm really sorry. Don't feel bad, please. It's all my fault. I remember the time we passed together. While you were playing with dolls I was playing with cars, while you catched flowers, I played with the birds. It was great. I'm sorry if we ended this because I was a fool and couldn't confess you what I felt, then we broke apart. You're my sunshine, when you smiled I felt so warm. We were bestfriends. But I started having a crush on you. A stupid and silly crush. I should prevent it. I should deny it. I should only accept you as my friend, that was why everything started going down. And when you got a boyfriend, I felt like I hated you, but I didn't. It was all my fault. And I also did hurt Onew, he loved me so much, but I only could love you, like a blind girl. I love Onew, as a brother. Sorry for everything. If I made you worried, if you stopped eating and sleeping, which made your condition worse and caused you to die. There are 3 words that I never came to tell you. 3 words that my mouth never could speak. You spoke them to me, but I couldn't, even thought they were describing my feelings, I couldn't. I was afraid my days would become sad and that we would become distant. I'll tell the now. I love you, Sicachu" I said, while I was wipping my tears and my eyes became more watery.

This is all I feel and that I'll always feel for you, Jessica Jung. I know that you love me, the selfish babo that loved you. I hope so. I took a picture of us from my wallet. I looked at it and smiled, while tears started coming to my eyes.

I placed it on her grave, while tears rolled down my cheeks. I wipped my tears and tried to smile.

"Since you dedicated me a song, I think you should hear the song I dedicated to you. I called it If" I announced.

I coughed.

"If i were to go
If i were to get close to you
What would you think?
I don’t have the courage.
If you were to go,
If you were to leave.
I don’t know how to send you away
It keeps hanging on my mind

I know i am a fool and can only watch you from afar
Your heart may look away from me…
And so we could even become strangers
Just like a fool i can’t even say that i love you because …
We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us
After we meet will be painful and sad.

If you were to come
To come near me.
What would i do ?
I really don’t know
Because im like a fool.
Even though i know looking is all i can do
Your heart may look away from me
And so we could even become strangers

Just like a fool i can’t even say that i love you because….
We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us
After we meet will be painful and sad

Because i’m like a fool
Even though i can’t say i love you
We’re afraid the wait that comes upon us
After we meet will be painful and sad" I sang while my eyes became more watery.
 

When I finished, I tried to contain the tears on my eyes.

"Sicachu, saranghae"