Myungsoo has always kept Sungjong waiting.

He's always been that type, to wake up late and arrive at the band's van last minute. Sunggyu scolds him for it, saying this and that about being punctual, but he brushes it aside. Because he's always been like this, so why change now?

 

The only member that isn't phased by this is Sungjong. He always shrugs it off with a small laugh, and as far as Myungsoo knows, he isn't bothered by it in the least. The maknaes of the group have to stick together, after all.

 

And this is partially why Myungsoo adores Sungjong. He's so accepting and nonchalant; there's no stick up his like there is Sunggyu.

 

Myungsoo likes spending time with his only dongsaeng. He likes the way Sungjong shares his food with him during meals and the fact that he'll put up with Myungsoo, talking on end about all the dramas he's been in. He likes the way Sungjong wears baggy shirts that practically dwarf his tiny body and the way he calls him, “hyung.”

 

There's so much to like about him.

 

If Myungsoo really thought about it, he could go on and on in his head about all the little things he adores about his dongsaeng. And maybe, he thinks, Sungjong might like him as well.

 

As months pass, Myungsoo can sometimes catch Sungjong peeking at him when he thinks the other isn't looking – like when they're attending fan meets and Myungsoo “accidentally” catches Sungjong's gaze, giving him a small smile in return. The maknae always blushes and looks away, as if he's a little child that's been caught doing something naughty.

 

And then there's the other times – the times that Myungsoo swears Sungjong goes out of his way to be near him in line ups or even just in the van, pressed snuggly against his side for the duration of the ride.

 

It's all so vexing to the visual.

And then he realizes, in one of those numerous moments where he's captivated by Sungjong's gaze, that there's love in his eyes.

 

There's love and adoration there. It's as if Sungjong's looking at something so perfect, he can hardly believe what he's seeing.

 

And Myungsoo has no idea how to react.

 

At first, he thinks it's not right, these feelings Sungjong has for him. Two boys together? What would the others think. Sure, they do skinship. What group doesn't? But what Sungjong wants is far more than holding hands or a simple hug.

 

He wants his hyung to return his feelings.

 

Myungsoo has no idea what to do, because he's unsure of his own feelings himself; and so, his solution is to avoid him.

 

To keep Sungjong waiting for an answer that will never come.

 

He's not cold about it, contrary to what most people would probably think. His actions are all straight forward but never cruel; he subtly brushes off all of Sungjong's attempts at skinship, shaking himself free from any potential hugs or making an excuse to leave if Sungjong ever has a chance to hold his hand.

 

At first, this doesn't deter the maknae. If anything, he tries harder, but after weeks of constantly being pushed aside, he finally understands.

 

He no longer tries.

 

And at first, Myungsoo is relieved. He doesn't have to worry about the others finding out about the ordeal and no longer has to ignore Sungjong. It's great, it's really great, Myungsoo thinks.

 

But he's lying to himself.

 

Because although their relationship isn't strained, it's not like the way it was before. Sungjong no longer comes to him for idle chatter or to spend time with before bed. He acknowledges Myungsoo in the group, but it's really nothing more than that. And if Myungsoo's going to be honest with himself, he misses it.

 

He misses feeling Sungjong's small body pressed against his in a simple embrace. He yearns to see that beautiful smile again, knowing he's the reason behind it. Myungsoo misses their inside jokes and late night conversations, but most of all, he misses Sungjong.

 

When he realizes his feelings, it's too late.

 

Because Sungjong's done waiting, and he's moved on.

 

He's found love with Hoya.

 

Hoya can do without hesitation, the one thing Myungsoo couldn't: love Sungjong freely.

 

The group accepts their relationship (as long as they don't go public). If it keeps the two happy, then why not they reason. Myungsoo constantly beats himself down now, wishing he could reverse time and make it all go back to the way it was.

 

Because it should be him showering Sungjong with kisses, not Hoya. As horrible as it may sound, he hates seeing them together. He hates seeing happiness fill Sungjong's face whenever his boyfriend's around or how Hoya always gushes about how lucky he is to have someone like Sungjong.

 

But most of all, he hates seeing what he could have had but was too much of a coward to go for.

 

And now he's stuck, watching in the sidelines as their love grows each and every day. He's stuck, watching as the two can hardly contain themselves, their love practically bursting at the seams.

 

He watches now as Hoya's got Sungjong in his arms, the maknae bubbling over with giggles and smiles. His smile's so beautiful, Myungsoo thinks. It's bright and warm, like the sun. And just like the sun, after awhile, you have to look away, because it's just too bright and overpowering and its beauty is practically blinding.

 

Myungsoo steels himself and walks up to the two, tugging on Sungjong's sleeve.

 

“Can I talk to you?” he asks, hesitantly.

 

Sungjong turns to him, the ghost of a smile still on his lips as he regards the visual. He's still for a nerve wracking moment but then nods. He turns to Hoya, assuring him he'll be back soon.

 

Myungsoo leads Sungjong into a different room of their dorm, closing the door quietly behind him when he enters.

 

His throat feels closed up, like all the feelings and, 'I love you's' he's been bottling up is stuck there. Sungjong tilts his head and looks at him expectantly.

 

Myungsoo's heart feels like it's about to thump right out of his chest and he opens his mouth, expecting that well-rehearsed speech he had planned to come out, saying that he thinks it would be good if they were to be friends again. But, instead, there's silence.

 

Sungjong gives him an almost baffled look.

 

“Hyung?”

 

And then everything just sort of spills out. Myungsoo can't help himself, because it's been so long since Sungjong's called him, “hyung,” and he misses it so damn much.

 

He tells Sungjong about everything – about how he misses how they used to be, about how stupid he was for not returning Sungjong's feelings, and about how he feels for him now.

 

Through out all this, Sungjong only nods occasionally.

 

“And … and I know you're with Hoya now, but I just wanted to let you know that I … I l-love you.”

 

And then he's finally said it. He's finally said those three little words Sungjong had been waiting for, so many months ago. Maybe, if he had said it then, Sungjong would be able to say it back and embrace him, but now, he can only smile sadly.

 

“I think it's a bit too late for that now, Hyung.”

 

Sungjong's words aren't meant to be cruel, only truthful. Even so, Myungsoo has to hold back the tears that are stinging his eyes and threatening to spill over.

 

He swallows thickly and nods in understanding.

 

Sungjong gives him one last smile – one that doesn't quite reach his eyes – before he leaves.

 

Myungsoo thinks he can hear a some sort of shattering sound in the distance; it's barely audible but it feels like it echoes through out his body.

 

Or maybe, that could have just been his heart.

 

Myungsoo blinks back his tears and decides he needs to be out of the dorm to clear his head.

 

As he's on his way out, he passes Hoya and Sungjong. They're cuddled on the couch, chatting about something that Myungsoo can't hear because their voices are too low and hushed.

 

As Myungsoo opens the door to let himself out, he looks back at them.

 

Hoya's got Sungjong wrapped up in his arms. He smiles down at his lover and tightens his embrace ever so slightly; Sungjong doesn't seem to mind but it seems far too tight to Myungsoo.

 

“Be careful,” Myungsoo whispers as he finally takes his leave.

 

You're holding my whole world in your arms.

---

AN: what am I even doing with my life. Myungjong just recently had some awesome moments that practically sparked an otp war, and I'm here, writing about them not being together. Lol. Osm.