It was Christmas morning, three years since you left me. I miss you so much; I miss your laugh and your touch. No matter how many times we may have fought. You always forgave me. I gathered my things near me and pulled on my shoes and headed for the door; I grabbed an umbrella and pulled it over my head before leaving. It was snowing for the first time since you left. Remember when we would lay on the ground and look up at the sky just watching the snow fall onto us? I miss those times.

            "Hyung! C'mon it's about to snow; I want to go watch it fall." I looked at you like you were crazy, and I guess in your own way you were. We bundled up in our winter gear and headed out into the light fall of the first year snow.

            "You know hyung, they say, if you're with someone you love during the first snow fall of the year, that you and them will always be together." How wrong we were, we both believed it. We walked more till we reached the top of a hill, no one had come out to sled seeing as it was late night, the only light we had was a small streetlamp. I looked at you as you plopped yourself down into the fresh snow and laid back, I remember panicking.

            "W-what are you doing? You're going to get buried alive!" you laughed light heartedly and tugged on my sleeve, signaling for me to lie down as well. I sighed and gave in, lying down beside you in the snow. You brought my hand up to your cheek and smiled at me while tilting your head. I smiled back and leaned over to give you a soft kiss on your lips. We had been together since we were kids. Always running around the house and park together, then somewhere along the line; we fell in love. It was weird, our confession. You think it wouldn't be right? That being best friends since we were able to walk that we'd be able to tell everything to each other.

            "hyung...I....I need to tell you something." I looked at you and tilted my head, you had paused our video game for the fourth time already since we started to tell me something. Each time you would shake your head and start the game again. This time it seemed that you would really tell me. You looked at me, your eyes were full of worry and I think I even recall seeing fear in them; Then those four words left your mouth. "H-hyung," you paused again. "I....I love you...." you looked down quickly pressing your sleeve to your eyes to keep your tears from falling. I continued to look at you for the longest time, had you really just confessed to me. I had been in love with you for three years, and you had just confessed. You got up quickly about to leave, mumbling something about having to leave and clean your room, when I grabbed your wrist.  "Don't go. I love you too...." I swear your eyes would pop out of your skull with how wide they became. I smiled and pressed my lips to yours for the first time. We both moved back and you touched your lips. "What is it?" I asked you, you smiled at me and shook your head then wrapped your arms around my neck to kiss me again.

            We had our first time that night as well. It was slow and passionate; we didn't want to rush ourselves, making it more obvious in the morning that we were together. You slept over that night of course, it being a normal thing. However, it wasn't normal when my mother walked in on us sleeping together. The night before was the best of my life, and the morning after was one of the worse. They kicked me out, I went to live with you, but when your parents found out they kicked us both out. Giving us the money to get our own home. We lived alone for about two years, happily, might I add. We even exchanged our own vows, having our own wedding ceremony seeing as we were not allowed to marry. I gave you a small ring with forever engraved inside it. I remember someone once telling me, they had never seen a couple in as much love as we were. I continued to walk in the snow, occasionally stopping to look at the snow like we used to. I haven't been back to the hill since, hell I haven't even been the same since. I lost my best friend and lover. I remember when we were told.

            "You don't think it's anything serious do you?" I continued to sit on the bed with you shaking my head.

            "No, I doubt it is, they would keep you longer if it was." I paused to think and then look at you. "Right?" You shrugged not knowing the answer yourself. We both heard the door click and looked up to see the doctor. I stared at him, his eyes were downcast at the paper but I could see a hint of something sad.

            "Well....what" I gulped and looked back at you then at the doctor again. "What is it?" The doctor looked up at us and frowned. That couldn't be good, I remember thinking that. The doctor opened up your file to another page and looked at us. He took a deep breath and started to tell us what was wrong.

            "I'm afraid you have leukemia. It's already in the stage where we can't stop it." I stood up from the bed angry.

            "What do you mean you can't stop it?! You're a doctor! Can't you do something?!" We ended up finding out you had four months to live -- if that -- we tried to continue the normal routine we had, but eventually, we had to stop. You started to get too weak, I couldn't stand to see you like this but we had nowhere else to go. Your time with me was disappearing quickly, your symptoms started to show more. You were weaker and you continuously got headaches, your once shining skin had started to dull. You were not yourself anymore, and I couldn't stand it. I stayed by you though, helping you to the bathroom, dressing you, everything in our daily lives I helped you with. We still tried to make love, on your good days when you wanted it. We'd still eat out but far too soon, you became bed ridden. I remember you telling me to go to class even though you had to stay home and in bed. I went, you wrote me a letter, and told me I couldn't open it till you passed. On that day, I remember it as if it had happened yesterday.

            I had just gotten home from class and was sitting down removing my shoes, when I heard you knock something over in the bedroom. I got up quickly and ran in to you; you were gripping at your throat. You looked at me in fear as I ran up to you and helped you to sit up to try to get air into your lungs. I grabbed our phone and dialed 119 as quickly as I could, shouting at them to hurry up. I continued to hold you until your breathing returned to normal; you were crying and gripping my shirt.

            "Hyung what if its time?" you stuttered out and looked at me with scared eyes. I shook my head.

            "No, it's not...." the ambulance arrived and we went to the hospital just to make sure. They had you hooked up to the monitors and IVs when your next attack happened. Your airway began to contract and close, the doctors brought in the breathing tubes to help you but by then you had started to breathe on your own again. They left and you looked at me, your once lively and bright eyes filled with tears and fear. I moved over to your bed and held your hands in mine.

            "I love you, remember that okay?" I shook my head with tears in my eyes.

            "No, you're fine. Got that? You're fine!" I raised my voice, scared of losing you, of never hearing your voice or laugh again. I swore to myself, that I would return to you shortly after. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to yours and we both put all our love into our last and final kiss. You gave me a sad smile and reminded me of your letter. I nodded and promised I would read it. You nodded and held my hand as you leaned back on the hospital bed. I hugged you carefully and kissed your temple, whispering that I loved you as well as your heart monitor went to a steady line. I let my tears flow, I cried against your shirt, asking you to come back. To come back to me and never leave. It didn't work, the nurses came in shortly after and removed everything from you, and I continued to cry against your chest. The doctor came back after a few more minutes and informed me that they would make the arrangements for a burial. I nodded and he apologized that he couldn't have helped then left. I stayed longer till they told me that I had to leave. I walked home, alone, still crying. When I got home, I looked around at the photos that we had come to accumulate of our selves. I sadly smiled at the ones I took of you when you weren't looking. Those were always my favorite ones, the sudden look you'd get when you'd hear me call your name; even the ones where you didn't know I had taken them till I showed you the photo. I wiped my eyes and walked to our bedroom; I dropped to our bed and hugged your pillow. It smelled like you still, I needed to keep that smell, but I knew that one day the scent would be gone. I looked over to our night stand and saw the letter you left there. I grabbed it and opened it, feeling my tears run down the sides of my face as I read the words you wrote out.

            "Yeobo. I want to thank you, you've always been there for me, and I wish I could be there for you forever, but we both know that I can't. I love you. I never said it that often, and now I wish I had. You gave me everything I could have asked for and more. I knew even before we got together, you were the one I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. I got to, and it was the best nineteen years of my life. Never forget me, but do not do anything rash. Okay? Continue living for me, live all the years that I couldn't. Come to my grave and tell me stories, but never forget to look for someone to love you as much as I did. I will always be with you. Even when you think I'm not. Live well, and happily." I cried harder than I ever had in my life reading it. It reminded me that I wouldn't suddenly wake up and that it wouldn't be a horrible dream.

            I walked up to your grave crying, I stopped trying to control my tears on this day. I didn't care about the looks I got from the strangers on the street. I sat down in the snow in front of your grave and ran my fingers over the engraving. Hwang Minhyun; Aug. 9, 1995 - Dec. 25th 2013; Taken away too early and will never be forgotten. I moved closer and rested my head on the marble stone.

            "Minhyun, I can't do this anymore. I miss you, your laugh, and your smile. Everything, I need you." I looked up to the sky and closed my eyes as the snow began to fall, and knew that soon, I would be with him again. 

T^T I'm sorry....I didn't think it would turn out this horrible....I know I cried while writing it, and had to stop a few times, not to mention the millions of tissues that are now on the floor beside my desk. 

I hope you enjoyed it though. I'm sorry again....*hands you tissues and a cookie*

also I realize, Minhyun and JR are the same age....but I thought Hyung would work better since I wanted to to be a "surprise" as to who died...

**edit: this was a story by itself, but only cause i forgot i had this collection....i hope you 31 subbies will like this one. im very very sorry... ; ;